Rtomlinson4

Hi there!! My name is Rachael I am currently waiting to have the surgery. I asked my family Doc. to send a referral to the Bariatric Clinic in Hamilton ON. I finally-after waiting 8 months-completed my first orientation...so the process has just become "real" to me! I am 100% certain that I want to go through with the procedure and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I am successful not only in my weight loss but my entire lifestyle change :) Growing up -although felt I was overweight- I wasn't, in fact I maintained a healthy weight all through childhood, adolescent, and even up until my mid 20's. To be honest there was one point in my life where I was dangerously underweight weighing in at 91 lbs while i am only 5 feet tall! Since I was 14 years of age I have suffered from severe depression and anxiety disorders. I was finally diagnosed with Bi Polar 1 disorder and more than one Anxiety Disorder. Back in 2005 I gave birth to my Son he was 7lbs3ounces a full-term healthy baby. I felt like I was one of the "lucky" moms for during my pregnancy I only put on minimal weight and even at full term I was "all baby" there were no stretch marks or anything that made me feel self-conscience, in fact I felt good for being pregnant and good for just giving birth-HOWEVER THAT WAS SHORT LIVED!-A few months later I found out I was pregnant again when I had a sudden miscarriage :( I began putting on weight and lots of it too every week I was finding myself unable to fit into any of my clothes and found myself wearing maternity clothes because I had nothing else to wear! A month later I couldn’t pull up my maternity jeans passed my hips. This sent me into a panicked depression, I was feeling disgusted with my-self. My sons father didn’t help he called me names, cheated, yelled, the list goes on but that’s another story. By Nov 2006 I was weighing in at 200lbs to 210lbs (It would change every week). I went on various EXPENSIVE fad diets LA weight loss, nutria System, Herbal magic, etc. and I would lose some weight but put it right back on. Then in 2008 my life was forever changed when I found my brother David-WE WERE BEST FRIENDS HE WAS MY ROCK-passed away in his bed at the age of 23. This is where things really spiraled out of control one of those things being my WEIGHT :( I still have not come back from that place. This surgery is a first step for me to make the changes in my live necessary to move forward, learn to love myself again to be a good role model to him by living a healthy life and taking care of myself. It’s not all about the physical appearance as much as it is the emotional toll the weight is taking on myself and the people around me. I’m so ashamed of the person I have become I am seeking a turning point to change all of these things and for me that’s what this surgery represents, things are already looking up for me just knowing I have begun the process. I feel like this is an opportunity to regain control over my life emotionally and physically ;)....

I am here on this site to learn more about what to expect pre-op and post-op. I am a really easy going and friendly person so I am hoping to meet and chat with pal going through the same stuff and to possibly form friendships or acquaintances. I find it very difficult to talk to some of my friends about these things because they are not in the same boat in fact, I have literally lost friendships-cut all ties- because I was to embarrassed to be seen in such bad mental and physical shape :( I have a tremendous fear of being judged or talked negatively about which again is why I have become reclusive it’s not far off to categorize myself as agoraphobic!