I totally sympathize with your situation! I've dated a few men since being banded and every time I start dating someone new I feel the same uneasiness about how to "disclose" my surgery. I've come to realize that the way I approach it depends a lot on how the relationship is going, how the guy has reacted to other things I've told him, and how open he is about his own life and past.
I have been pleasantly surprised by the reactions I've received from the men I've dated. The majority of them have been very supportive and understanding. In fact only one guy was negative about it and didn't understand why I wanted/needed to have it done. We had dated before the surgery and he didn't think that I was overweight enough to get it done. One out of five isn't too bad, though. Ironically enough he had a sister who ended up getting it done as well - secretly, I think he was jealous because he could have used it too...
Actually, I've found it really relieving when the guy I'm dating knows about it because when we go to dinner or go somewhere where there is food they are able to help draw attention away from the fact that I don't eat a lot, and they understand a lot more why I don't eat all the food that the restaurant serves. Along those lines, I think its key to help them understand exactly how it does affect your eating habits. One guy I dated thought it meant I only ate one meal a day - when we would hang out for the day he wouldn't stop for anything to eat and it was uncomfortable to help him readjust his thinking. It would have been better if I'd explained it better in the beginning. Other guys have thought that it meant that I wouldn't be able to have children, even though the main reason I had it done was because I WANTED to have children.
I totally agree with Megan, when you do tell them it is better to be matter-of-fact about it. If you don't make it a big deal, they won't. They will mirror your own reaction. Don't act embarrassed or ashamed, but be confident, happy, and strong about your decision. If you are positive he will be too. Allow him the opportunity to ask questions, and when you respond keep it light and positive.
I'll soon be doing the same thing with the guy I'm currently dating. So you'll have to let me know how it goes, and I'll keep you posted as well! :-)
