Folly

Wow, being mean to people who acknowledge it isn't all sunshine and lollipops for them is a little f***ed up! It's a daily struggle to get to a place of comfort with the changes. Please reach out to people who will give you some understanding and ignore those who are being hateful or self-righteous. Your choices maybe could improve but it seems your a little lost with it right now. If I can help in any way please let me know.
Peace

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is real. Try looking at photos. This was what helped a couple people I know immensely. For some reason the photos look as they should. The interpretation of the mirror image is the distortion. This may be an issue to work out in therapy with someone well versed in eating disorders.
:-)

It's called food addiction, why don't you talk to a therapist about learning different ways to cope with your hunger. Mine told me it's like any other type of addiction but worse because you HAVE to eat. Just be patient, take your time and find something else to keep your mind off of food. And no I haven't had surgery, just been working with my therapist on my food addiction.

It's nice to have a post like this and see the thought processes that we work out along the way. We're working it out and I like that we can admit that our false ego can roar it's head but that's natural. It's bringing it back home is where it counts.
Great thread and thoughts! I love when I find a thread that has some good substance! Thanks for sharing it I think we're better people for having read and participated! How often can you say that from a social media forum!! ???? keepin on keepin on everyone!! Blessings! ❤️

Thank you so much for bringing this up, Folly, as I have been wondering how to approach this very topic of conversation myself. It has been playing on my mind.
I was banded 2/2008 and it was a STRUGGLE to lose the 80 pounds that I did. It took 2.5 years. I worked out like a dog 6 days a week, sometimes more then 2 hours a day. In retrospect I don't know how I managed this but I was obsessed. I became that person who said "If I can do it you can too" (my ego). I forgot that at one point when I was pregnant with my daughter (and very obese) I was trying to walk down the street and a little boy pointed at me from across the road saying "Wow lady you sure are FAT!!". I FORGOT that I was that person. When I was close to goal I was no longer an obese person, in my mind. I was only at my lowest for 2 months.
The weight came back on. I will be revising from the band to the RNY on October 5. I don't want to be that person who loses their empathy for those in the same boat. I see thing so much differently now and I think that is because I have gained my weight back. I will not ever, EVER forget the struggles of how it is like living as an obese person (I am making videos to remind myself). In my mind I will forever have to remind myself that, just as in AA, we can be recovering but we are always obese. (I do realize I have 2 different issues going on here - that you for reading!). Seeing others going through their struggles with obesity should, I hope, always remind me of what I have been through.
I think it is very bold of you to bring this up in post. Thank you!

@@Babbs
You just gave a medical explanation for what I have been describing. I tell people it feels like my body is storing up energy and nutrients, when "the tank gets full it dumps more weight". (Which is why I think it's incorrect to consider yourself in a stall just because the scale doesn't report weight loss every time you step on it).
AWESOME! Thank you for knowing this and sharing it with others!!!

That's what I'm hoping that someone here has done it yet. ???? Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

Interesting , this is also the first ive heard of this .. I would like to hear info on this as well.

I know it's hard, but PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE.
You didn't gain all the weight overnight, and you certainly aren't going to lose it overnight. These things take time. Yes, even with WLS. Put your nose to the grindstone, keep working your program, and it will come off. I promise.
Our bodies are weird. You would think barely eating would cause the weight to fall off, but it just isn't as simple as that sometimes. With the surgery comes trauma, hormones going crazy, etc...it's not all about "calories in, calories out" right after surgery. It's so much more complicated than that. Here's why you either don't lose a lot or stall so early out:
A "stall" a few weeks after surgery is not uncommon, and here's why.
Our bodies use glycogen for short term energy storage. Glycogen is not very soluble, but it is stored in our muscles for quick energy -- one pound of glycogen requires 4 lbs. of Water to keep it soluble, and the average glycogen storage capacity is about 2 lbs. So, when a patient is not getting in enough food, the body turns first to stored glycogen, which is easy to break down for energy. Then when 2 lbs. of glycogen is used a patient will also lose 8 lbs. of Water that was used to store it -- voila -- the "easy" 10 lbs. that most people lose in the first week of a diet.
However, when the body stays in a caloric deficit state the body starts to realize that this is not a short-term problem. Then the body starts mobilizing fat from adipose tissue and burning fat for energy. But the body also realizes that fat can't be used for short bursts of energy. So, it starts converting some of the fat into glycogen, and rebuilding the glycogen stores. As it puts back the 2 lbs. of glycogen into the muscle, 8 lbs. of water has to be stored with it to keep it soluble. So, even though the patient might still be losing energy content to their body, the weight will not go down or it might even gain for a while as the retention of water dissolves the glycogen that is being reformed and stored.

I am scheduled for 9/17 and I am feeling like chickening out too. I am so concerned about GERD and esophogeal dilation and nausea and Vitamin deficiencies. Losing my beautiful hair which is so healthy and also, looking gaunt- sickly- and not well- after this is all said and done. It's easy to say- hey you're on a death march - if you've got over 100 lbs to lose. I don't, I have about 65 lbs to lose. Still not a small number- and I have never been successful at it. But going through this with a 35BMI and sleep apnea- it can get crazy anxiety weighing the postives and negatives. Postives, should it work, are really encouraging. I just need to hear from other people- who haven't had complications. It looks like when I read the internet, that EVERYBODY has complications. GERD can lead to another surgery. OR a doctor might want to convert to a gastric bypass to fix it. I am only 65lbs overweight what if that becomes my only option? These thoughts are insidious- and are filling my head and my stomach- which has been feeling really bad over the last 2 days as I am inside of the 2 week window.

I think it's definitely normal to have these "what if" thoughts before surgery, especially as the date nears and it becomes more "real". Early on in the pre-op process I wrote a "surgery bucket list" on my blog. It was basically a list of things I wanted to do (most of them with and for my kids) after surgery and basically reasons I wanted to have it. Whenever I had these "what if" feelings pop up, I would go back to that blog post/list and remind myself of why I wanted to do it. For me, it was ultimately about increasing the possibility of living a long, long life with my husband and kids. So about 2 weeks out from surgery when I had a total freak out and meltdown about the surgery, losing my emotional-eating coping mechanism, etc I went back to the list one last time and reminded myself of all the reasons why I made the decision to have surgery. Since the first couple weeks post op I have never once regretted it. Not one time. The first couple weeks were hard....I"m not gonna lie....but it was more emotional than anything for me. Since I got through that, there have been no regrets. Good luck to you on your journey!

Hey there Buddy! I think it's pretty normal to have all the thoughts that you're having as this is a major surgery and change for our lives. You should really search around on this board and try and read as much stuff as you can. I was having the same thoughts as you as I've been in my process for about 3 years trying to decide if I really want to have this surgery. Let me tell you my friend- This will probably be the biggest and best thing we all will ever do. I have other issues that started that made my decision a no-brainer. I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and I'm borderline type II diabetic. I don't know about you but all of those are things that can kill you. I'm not trying to go out like that. I'm getting this surgery mainly due to my health issues. Being smaller would be great although that's not my main goal. I'm bigger than you at this point. I'm 5'8 and I'm now at 325 but I started out at 342. Trust me when I say this, rid yourself of all the things that hold you back because of your weight. Yes, there are risks but try and focus on the reward! We're all here to help. Stay on the site and let us all help you get to where you wanna be!

My husband had a similar experience with his former wife. 12 years into the marriage she "came out" to him. I'm sure a case could be made by an outsider for being angry and punishing toward someone if they're self-righteous enough but honestly, this is such a painful and devastating thing to happen. I just can't see any sense in making it worse with ugliness. I truly hope you both get through this unscathed and intact. *hugs*

I was checked for leaks before discharge from the hospital. I believe this is S.O.P. so you won't have to worry unless you overeat until you hurt yourself - you have total control over this happening or not happening.
If you develop GERD then you might have to take an antacid, maybe even daily. GERD is extremely manageable so how big a deal is adding a capsule or tablet to deal with it going to impact your life?
Statistically, at your weight, the chances of not making it out are so low that I couldn't find stats on it. (The procedure overall yes - but it seems most of the *VERY FEW* overall fatalities during surgery were among those with a BMI over 75.)
WLS doesn't cure obesity or food issues. You can choose healthier ways to manage your stress than putting more or the wrong food in your mouth. Before you have surgery you can start putting a plan in place to help you learn alternate ways of dealing with life.
Hope that helps.*HUGS*

Points I should have made, strongly, in my previous reply are:
1. Post op your tummy is probably having swelling, paralysis and NERVE DAMAGE from the procedure. You may not be "feeling" a lot for several weeks or even a few months.
2. Weight loss can get a slow start in the first few weeks because you aren't getting enough and your body is conserving. It's temporary and not a big deal, your tummy needs to heal so be gentle with it.
3. WLS doesn't magically cure obesity or the emotional/psychological issues that make destructive eating an acceptable way of dealing with life. You still have to make choices and own the consequences.
4. Obsessing and freaking out over every single pound, eating what you know isn't good for you, judging yourself and feeling like a failure before you even got off the bench, wash, rinse, repeat (ad nauseam!) set you up for that "ALL or NOTHING!!!!!" thinking and self-sabotaging that can totally derail you.
If I find myself doing this, ever, I hope someone will have the balls to tell me my head is up my butt so far it's making everything I see look like crap. You're doing great and trying to rationalize hurting yourself FOR NO REASON! Stop it already, sweetheart. It doesn't have to be that way.
I urge you to get some therapy with someone who is well versed in addiction and or eating disorders. It might give you some perspective.
HUGS

@
It's been an interesting evolution of thought for me. I started out feeling camaraderie with those who carry 200 or more extra pounds. Over time, as I figured out what worked for me, I sort of felt a little smug and self-righteous. A lot of time in therapy has helped me work out a lot of that negativity and false ego. Now I want to see everyone who struggles as human beings in need of compassion and empathy. I worry about the "Forgetter" starting to malfunction and making me forget the wrong things. I've been trying to teach it to forget things like other people's flaws, what I wanted to complain about, gossip... I worry instead it might make me forget what's waiting for me if I ever act on the desire to hide my feelings in food. I can see that happening when I lose the recognition that a human being should be treated like a human being, period.

I posted a thread a few days ago about grocery shopping but things other than food are on my mind. I had a response to a couple in the store that surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for a moment.
I saw a couple shopping. She was in a motorized cart while he was pushing a regular grocery cart. Both were sweating profusely. The woman looked like she might be close to 400lbs and the man was much larger. (Keep in mind I used to weigh almost 450lbs myself.) He was the one I reacted to. I passed him in the aisle, he was struggling to walk. He was clearly in pain and he smelled bad. The smell took over that whole section of the store. I noted people recoiling and walking in the opposite direction when they got close enough to smell - which wasn't very close. Most showed no outward reaction but a few were muttering. One shopper called him an "Obeast".
I found myself agreeing with the people who were acting a little rude. I mean, their carts were FULL of every high fat, high calorie, high carb, deep fried or frosted thing you can think of. I started to recoil and thought to take another route through the store before I realized this was hypocritical and just ugly of me.
I don't think I ever let myself smell bad but other than that, I WAS one of them for a long time and it wasn't very long ago. I understand this addiction. I understand having given up on yourself. I understand being taken over by something you need help taking yourself back from.
I believe this is what happens to pain that can't be processed in some people (it's too big maybe, or it doesn't stop). Addiction always looks to me like pain filling the place where love was meant to go. It hurts, can't be tolerated and whatever we're using hurts less or becomes so necessary that we're just lost and can't find our way out. (Not everyone who needs WLS is going to relate to this but I hope many will.)
Coming from where I started and also having a degree that should sensitize me to human behavior, prejudices, etc. didn't help. Most people in my life describe me as the consummate mommy. I don't treat people in ways that make them feel bad about themselves, ever. With my history, with my education, my usual treatment of everyone I cross paths with; my first reaction was still disgust and judgment. It didn't last and I most certainly didn't act on it but I'm still a little upset with myself - not even sure why. Maybe they scared me. I know I can return to that path any time I start letting myself think the wrong thoughts or lose sight of how powerfully I was held in the grip of an addiction that called the shots in my life for many years.
I feel bad because my reasoned response was understanding, compassion, well-wishing, kind thoughts. My initial reaction was the same ugliness as everyone else around them.
I suppose I'm starting this thread because I hope we can just talk about it. I'm curious how other people who've had struggles with weight feel and react to such things.

I posted a thread a few days ago about grocery shopping but things other than food are on my mind. I had a response to a couple in the store that surprised me and made me feel bad about myself for a moment.
I saw a couple shopping. She was in a motorized cart while he was pushing a regular grocery cart. Both were sweating profusely. The woman looked like she might be close to 400lbs and the man was much larger. (Keep in mind I used to weigh almost 450lbs myself.) He was the one I reacted to. I passed him in the aisle, he was struggling to walk. He was clearly in pain and he smelled bad. The smell took over that whole section of the store. I noted people recoiling and walking in the opposite direction when they got close enough to smell - which wasn't very close. Most showed no outward reaction but a few were muttering. One shopper called him an "Obeast".
I found myself agreeing with the people who were acting a little rude. I mean, their carts were FULL of every high fat, high calorie, high carb, deep fried or frosted thing you can think of. I started to recoil and thought to take another route through the store before I realized this was hypocritical and just ugly of me.
I don't think I ever let myself smell bad but other than that, I WAS one of them for a long time and it wasn't very long ago. I understand this addiction. I understand having given up on yourself. I understand being taken over by something you need help taking yourself back from.
I believe this is what happens to pain that can't be processed in some people (it's too big maybe, or it doesn't stop). Addiction always looks to me like pain filling the place where love was meant to go. It hurts, can't be tolerated and whatever we're using hurts less or becomes so necessary that we're just lost and can't find our way out. (Not everyone who needs WLS is going to relate to this but I hope many will.)
Coming from where I started and also having a degree that should sensitize me to human behavior, prejudices, etc. didn't help. Most people in my life describe me as the consummate mommy. I don't treat people in ways that make them feel bad about themselves, ever. With my history, with my education, my usual treatment of everyone I cross paths with; my first reaction was still disgust and judgment. It didn't last and I most certainly didn't act on it but I'm still a little upset with myself - not even sure why. Maybe they scared me. I know I can return to that path any time I start letting myself think the wrong thoughts or lose sight of how powerfully I was held in the grip of an addiction that called the shots in my life for many years.
I feel bad because my reasoned response was understanding, compassion, well-wishing, kind thoughts. My initial reaction was the same ugliness as everyone else around them.
I suppose I'm starting this thread because I hope we can just talk about it. I'm curious how other people who've had struggles with weight feel and react to such things.

Thanks for the replies folks...
I am scheduled for the 11 or the 12 of September. I will find out today evening as to when it will really happen.
I really appreciate your support and hope that all goes well on the day.
I guess I just have to keep focusing on the positives and speaking to my Doctor as I get closer to the surgery.

Nerves are natural for all of us I think. I had all those same questions/concerns. Just remember this is your journey and you need to be comfortable with your decision. I just needed to talk to a few friends who had the surgery and they helped ease my fears. Good luck with your journey. .

I was checked for leaks before discharge from the hospital. I believe this is S.O.P. so you won't have to worry unless you overeat until you hurt yourself - you have total control over this happening or not happening.
If you develop GERD then you might have to take an antacid, maybe even daily. GERD is extremely manageable so how big a deal is adding a capsule or tablet to deal with it going to impact your life?
Statistically, at your weight, the chances of not making it out are so low that I couldn't find stats on it. (The procedure overall yes - but it seems most of the *VERY FEW* overall fatalities during surgery were among those with a BMI over 75.)
WLS doesn't cure obesity or food issues. You can choose healthier ways to manage your stress than putting more or the wrong food in your mouth. Before you have surgery you can start putting a plan in place to help you learn alternate ways of dealing with life.
Hope that helps.*HUGS*

HELLO!!!!!!!!
You're adjusting. It gets better. I ended up needing some therapy. Support groups help a lot. People on this site are very supportive. This is not uncommon.

Hi everyone,
I am on my liquid pre op diet and keep thinking about the gastric sleeve. I think and read a lot about it and love the positive sides that i will be a fitter person but then get stuck up on the negatives like -
1. What if I have complications like leaks
2. What happens if I develop issues like acidity, GERD, infections, clots etc.
3. What if i don't make it out of the procedure and it becomes a fatality.
4. What if i can't handle the pressures and stress of working in a high stress environment (I am a consultant working in a top accounting firm)
I am a 34 year old Indian guy with a young infant at home & am 290 lbs. I want to be fit to enjoy life, see my son grow and play with him in the yard without huffing and puffing and most of all fit into smaller size clothes.
My nervousness is causing me to have a weird feeling around my tummy or maybe its the pre op liquid diet. Eitherways i need help and support from you all....please advice and encourage me to take my first step in the right direction instead of chickening out

Do the positives out way the negatives? That's what I keep asking myself. Stress can cause corresponding pains / aches.
I'm nervous too, but to remain the same unable to run, and keep up with the little ones, in my case my nieces ( I suffer from infertility, from PCOS) and you could potentially get diabetes, suffer a heart art k or worse.
The odds of death or complications are minimal. The odds of the other comorbidities are greater.
Maybe you can also talk to your surgeon to help you decide.
Do you have a date yet? Mine is September 14, next Monday. I'm nervous too. I thinks it's natural.

I had Tomato Soup my first week out. I mixed it with unflavored Protein powder. I didn't have a clear liquid stage. I was discharged on full liquids.
Check with your nutritionist as to what allowed. Don't skip stages without talking it over first.