Comfy_Blue

I was wearing a size 20/22W (and squeezing into a tight sz 18). I'm not sure of my dress size but I am currently in a sz 10 jeans and for elastic skirts a medium and for regular button skirts, a sz 10/12.
In a perfect world where I don't have tons of loose skin (which may happen if i get any smaller) i would want to be a sz 6 or at the very smallest a sz 4. I have never been a size 6 or 4. Even in middle and high school I was an 8 or 10.
I am 5'7 but not very toned, so I still have a belly and curves.

I was wearing a size 20/22W (and squeezing into a tight sz 18). I'm not sure of my dress size but I am currently in a sz 10 jeans and for elastic skirts a medium and for regular button skirts, a sz 10/12.
In a perfect world where I don't have tons of loose skin (which may happen if i get any smaller) i would want to be a sz 6 or at the very smallest a sz 4. I have never been a size 6 or 4. Even in middle and high school I was an 8 or 10.
I am 5'7 but not very toned, so I still have a belly and curves.

After my wedding to an abusive man was cancelled three days before it was set to happen, I spent the next five years desperate for love. I tried meeting guys in person, plus I did speed dating,Yahoo Personals, EHarmony, and Match.com (twice). I met my husband on Match two years ago.
My experience with online dating is yes, full of rejection. Of all the sites, eHarmony was the worse because there were 5 phases you had to go through before you could do open communication (email back and forth freely) and I used to get to phase 3,4 and sometimes 5 with a guy, then I'd never hear from the guy again or he'd close communication without an explanation.
I was 190lbs at the time (not skinny, but not fat either) but it made me feel so ugly and unwanted. I got really sad and stopped using the site.
It was the same with Match that first time, but think my lack of success there was because eHarmony gave me a complex and i was bitter. I can't remember what all it said, but I was pretty bitter, sarcastic and EXTREMELY specific of the guy I wanted and not open minded. My heart was broken from my last break up and being rejected from eHarmony.
I gave up online dating for two years, during which time i got in a relationship with a nice enough guy (but not the right guy), tried to get back with my ex, broke up with nice enough guy, and speed dated and went to bars with my single, bitter friend.
Then I decided to give Match one more try. I went in not expecting to meet anyone special, but to get more practice interacting with men since I'm so shy.
I think because I went into Match the second time with a positive attitude and not much expectation to meet "the One" I had a lot more success. My profile was short and light hearted and even though I was between 220 - 225lbs, i got a lot of winks and maybe 5 - 7 messages a week.
There were still quite a few duds and about 3 weeks in, I got a message from a guy who kind of pissed me off because i had stated in my criteria that I was looking for a man between the ages of 27 - 40 and this guy was only 25 (i was 28 and didn't want an immature young guy or some guy to think because I was older than him I should be Godly thankful for his time and be his sugar mama)
The old me would've written him off, but i decided to at least look at his profile. I liked what I saw, so I messaged him back.
He said he was turning 26 in a month, which, still felt too young, but he was interesting to talk to, so we kept chatting.
That guy became my best friend and then husband.
EDIT: maybe we can start a single and looking section on here. Even though i love my husband, if we weren't together i think i would have liked to date another WLS guy because they'd be Ble to understand what i'm going through.

I was wearing a size 20/22W (and squeezing into a tight sz 18). I'm not sure of my dress size but I am currently in a sz 10 jeans and for elastic skirts a medium and for regular button skirts, a sz 10/12.
In a perfect world where I don't have tons of loose skin (which may happen if i get any smaller) i would want to be a sz 6 or at the very smallest a sz 4. I have never been a size 6 or 4. Even in middle and high school I was an 8 or 10.
I am 5'7 but not very toned, so I still have a belly and curves.

Oh wow, you're lucky to be able to have bubbly in two years. I was told never again I don't miss sodas as much as I thought I would except when i see an ice cold can of one of my favorites and there is no bottle of Water available (ie: they had a staff luncheon and a cooler full of sodas including ginger ale. They were ice cold (the way i love) so i felt a little sad.
Aside from that, not having bubbly hasn't been that bad. If this bubble maniac can survive it you can too! Plus you may find you love other drinks that you weren't into before because the bubbly was an option. Fr instance, i absolutely love milk and (diluted) cranberry juice. I used to hate both.
Anyhow, kudos to you for telling your friends! This is a hard process to go through alonee.

If it was as easy as "just dieting" and "eat less, exercise more" t there would be no fat people. Telling an overweight person to just exercise more and eat less is like telling an alcoholic to "just drink less" or a drug addict to "just dope up less".
With drugs and alcohol, you can abstain from them to help keep your addiction in check. food isn't like that. With food you have to eat it in order to live.
So life as a food addict (which is why/how I gained so much weight) is like being an alcoholic or drug addict who has to drink/take drugs 3 times a day to sustain life.
Anyway don't listen to people like that. You do what works for you. For some people, dieting/eating better works well. For others, it doesn't.
Take my friend and I. She went to college, became a Vegan and lost 60lbs and has kept most of it off for the last 10 years. I went to the same college and tried every diet there was (weight watchers, slim fast, starving myself, Lemonade Diet, working out 3 hrs a day while taking Phentermine, etc) and I ended up packing on 100 lbs in the last 10 years.
Based off my own experience, I feel most overweight/obese people are that size due in part to genetics, but a lot of it is unresolved issues and we're using food to help us cope.
Also overeating is as American as apple pie. Most of our holidays, milestones and comfort are food-centered (Christmas, birthdays, funerals, family get together, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, etc) so many of us come to equate food with love and community.

So far, I've only had the "pleasure" of having one more tell me that I needed to stay at the same weight. She's much older and while not obese, she's on the heavier side. When she asked me how much more weight did I plan to lose, I shrugged and said "I dunno, maybe 10 - 20 more lbs" and she looked disgusted and goes, "WHY? No you're fine like you are".
Um...yeah, I'm 5'6, 172 lbs and my BMI is still in the obese range. Plus, it's MY body and I want to get down to 150 lbs so I can be in the normal range, plus I used to weigh 150 lbs in high school and I was far from emaciated looking.

I only told my husband, parents and best frienD (who has a lapband). As for my coworkers, I initially said weightwatchers, then I said I started working with a nutritionist to make sure I wasn't getting deficiencies. Closer friends I tell them I have GERD (acid reflux) that makes it hard for my body to handle lots of spicy, fried and other processed foods. I tell them that I follow a low calorie diet(true), eat a lotof Protein (also true) and try to cook my own food to avoid the fat and salt in fast food.
It's dishonest but it's also not their business. When I was pre-opt I made a point to eat smaller portion publically and I talked about dieting with coworkers. So far no one was said anything to me about surgery. I guess someday I may be honest, but this is so deeply personal to me that I don't want to hear naysayers ''oh she took the easy way out'' The ''easy''w ay would be a surgery that destroys headr hunger and a body where I could eat as much crap as I want and not gain. I have neither.

Oh, ha ha! I had people telling me that PRE-OP. You're too skinny to have surgery (Really? I'm 5'6" topped out at around 260 and was 254 when I joined the Kaiser Bariatric Program). I started hearing "don't lose any more" around 180 lbs, but I just kept going till I got to MY goal of 135.
There's lots of possibilities. One, I think we do look gaunt in the face as the weight drops rapidly, esp. if your hair thins too, which mine did. Two, people are used to seeing you supersized, so approaching normal looks really thin to them. Three, some people just don't want you to get thinner than they are.
Whatever, do what's best for you and keep smiling.
Lynda

So far, I've only had the "pleasure" of having one more tell me that I needed to stay at the same weight. She's much older and while not obese, she's on the heavier side. When she asked me how much more weight did I plan to lose, I shrugged and said "I dunno, maybe 10 - 20 more lbs" and she looked disgusted and goes, "WHY? No you're fine like you are".
Um...yeah, I'm 5'6, 172 lbs and my BMI is still in the obese range. Plus, it's MY body and I want to get down to 150 lbs so I can be in the normal range, plus I used to weigh 150 lbs in high school and I was far from emaciated looking.

As long as you and your dr agree that you are healthy..... F em.

I was standing in a room the other day and someone, who hasn't seen me for a while, walked in, looked at me and said, "you are scary skinny".
My only response to that is "J and E babe, J and E".
(jealousy and envy)

Had my 5 week check-up this afternoon and I'm no longer morbidly obese! I'm just plain old obese! That was the best news ever! I have lost 40.4 pounds total and feel great! Best decision I have made in a long time.

I had lots of dates in college and I did get married too. The divorce was my choice and not weight related. I lost interest in men for a while and it seemed by the time I was interested again I was fat and no one was interested in me. I was 300lbs and invisible. Imagine. Now a lot of years have passed and I know I can do fine alone. I cannot WAIT to tell someone "if you didn't WANT the butter bean, you can't HAVE the string bean".

OMG..I thought I was the only invisible over-weight (fat) person. When ever I walk around with my sister (and best friend), everyone makes eye contact with her and ignores me. It always makes me feel so ugly. Even worse...people always think I'm my sister's mother! She's only 4 years younger than me. This is one of my driving forces for my weight loss. I want people to think I'm the younger sister!

I only told my husband, parents and best frienD (who has a lapband). As for my coworkers, I initially said weightwatchers, then I said I started working with a nutritionist to make sure I wasn't getting deficiencies. Closer friends I tell them I have GERD (acid reflux) that makes it hard for my body to handle lots of spicy, fried and other processed foods. I tell them that I follow a low calorie diet(true), eat a lotof Protein (also true) and try to cook my own food to avoid the fat and salt in fast food.
It's dishonest but it's also not their business. When I was pre-opt I made a point to eat smaller portion publically and I talked about dieting with coworkers. So far no one was said anything to me about surgery. I guess someday I may be honest, but this is so deeply personal to me that I don't want to hear naysayers ''oh she took the easy way out'' The ''easy''w ay would be a surgery that destroys headr hunger and a body where I could eat as much crap as I want and not gain. I have neither.

I know exactly what you mean. The best way to describe it is like I'm going through a second adolescence. All these wonderful, new changes are happening to my body, but it's taking my mind awhile to adjust and catch up
When I was fat, I HATED my body with a passion, but it also felt like armor. No one paid much attention to me, men didn't flirt with me, I wasn't a threat to other women and there was a whole community of people I could connect with over our shared fatness.
Now I feel like a fat woman in a thin woman's body. The way people treat me now is so different. Co workers listen to me. Men flirt with me. People are nicer to me at the store. More people try to make conversation and are generally friendlier. Other people who used to be comfortable with me are now standoffish.
I also feel a bit vulnerable because my body used to be all warm and snug with lots of padding to keep me cushy and safe. Now I'm cold/cool more often than not and I can see/feel bones emerging that I had forgotten I had like the bone in my wrist, or when I lean to one side, I can feel my rib cage.

I only told my husband, parents and best frienD (who has a lapband). As for my coworkers, I initially said weightwatchers, then I said I started working with a nutritionist to make sure I wasn't getting deficiencies. Closer friends I tell them I have GERD (acid reflux) that makes it hard for my body to handle lots of spicy, fried and other processed foods. I tell them that I follow a low calorie diet(true), eat a lotof Protein (also true) and try to cook my own food to avoid the fat and salt in fast food.
It's dishonest but it's also not their business. When I was pre-opt I made a point to eat smaller portion publically and I talked about dieting with coworkers. So far no one was said anything to me about surgery. I guess someday I may be honest, but this is so deeply personal to me that I don't want to hear naysayers ''oh she took the easy way out'' The ''easy''w ay would be a surgery that destroys headr hunger and a body where I could eat as much crap as I want and not gain. I have neither.

I'm only four months out, but I understand where you're coming from. You know that it's not that you can't have a lot of your favorite things, you'll just have to have them in moderation, HOWEVER even though we know that, it's still scary and it sucks.
What has helped me is that I have been cooking more at home and experimenting with different recipes that are exciting to my taste buds, but lower in calories than my staples (McDonalds, Chipotle, Red Lobster, Applebee's, chinese carryout, Papa John's, etc).
My homecooked chicken terriyaki over quinoa is amazing and gives me the sensation and taste of Chinese food without the "I'm hungry 30 minutes later) sensation or headache from the MSG/salt overload. pizza doesn't appeal to me as much because bread swells inside me, so I have to either eat it very slowly and only a little, so it isn't worth it.
Also not eating as much junk food makes me feel and look better. Two years ago (when my weight was at it's highest of b/t 245 - 250lbs) I suddenly developed severe, adult acne. I would have 8 - 10 pimples erupting each week on my face and they'd be really sore to the touch and when they finally burst they'd leave dark scars. Then I started having irregular periods (sometimes I'd go 2 - 3 months without one. I'd have all the PMS symptoms, but not bleed.)
I also was always sick. I've taught 1st grade for almost seven years, and every month I'd have at least 1 - 2 colds. Once I had a cold that lasted two months. (I think it was really just as soon as I got over one cold, another took it's place). My hair also never grew much longer than to my chin.
Now, my face is completely clear and I get maybe 1 pimple close to my period. My periods are monthly and I've only caught 1 cold in the last 4 months. (last week I felt my throat starting to get a little sore, so I went to bed early 2 nights in a row and was completely fine. I never developed a stuffy nose, cough, sneezing, fever, etc)
Feeling stronger and looking better are stronger urges in me than to gobble the Utz White Cheddar popcorn, grande lattes, an entire tray of lemon bars, half a pizza, an entire burritio bowl at chipotle, two double cheeseburgers w/bacon and mac sauce, a full sized Crab Alfredo from Reb Lobster and 5 - 8 cheddar biscuits, etc.
It wasn't until I was on this side (post opt) that I am able to understand it. My husband (who hasn't had WLS) is still trying to wrap his head around it.

150 lbs still seems so far seems so far away! Anyhow, I'm planning to do something big, maybe dye my hair with light red or blonde streaks. I also want to take some sexy, boudair pictures to surprise my husband (who loved me, cherished and cared for me as much as when I was 250 lbs as he does now). I'd like to buy a few cute sundresses to wear on my family's annual 4th of July beach trip.
Just for fun, three "vanity" goals I've already accomplished:
1. Hit ONEderland
2. Get into a sz 16, sz 14, sz 12, then sz 10 jeans
3. Wearing a medium shirt

I know exactly what you mean. The best way to describe it is like I'm going through a second adolescence. All these wonderful, new changes are happening to my body, but it's taking my mind awhile to adjust and catch up
When I was fat, I HATED my body with a passion, but it also felt like armor. No one paid much attention to me, men didn't flirt with me, I wasn't a threat to other women and there was a whole community of people I could connect with over our shared fatness.
Now I feel like a fat woman in a thin woman's body. The way people treat me now is so different. Co workers listen to me. Men flirt with me. People are nicer to me at the store. More people try to make conversation and are generally friendlier. Other people who used to be comfortable with me are now standoffish.
I also feel a bit vulnerable because my body used to be all warm and snug with lots of padding to keep me cushy and safe. Now I'm cold/cool more often than not and I can see/feel bones emerging that I had forgotten I had like the bone in my wrist, or when I lean to one side, I can feel my rib cage.

"The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes.
The first part which goes, "Just waking up in the B-Well, to be honest with you I didn't really sleep well" I see myself wide awake the morning of my surgery staring at the ceiling, tears streaming down my face and my thoughts racing as I think about "what if I survived an abusive relationship, two car accidents, pneumonia in both lungs, etc, only to die on the operating table? What if I suffocate during the surgery because they can't get to my apnea machine on time? Why did I let myself get this fat that I need surgery? Is it too late to cancel? If I cancel, will I be able to reschedule or will they forever ban me and think I am mentally unstable? What if it doesn't even work?"
The chorus, when it goes, "Until the referee rings the bell, until both your eyes start to swell, until the crowd goes home, what we gonna do ya'll? Give 'em Hell. Turn their heads. Gonna live life till we're dead. Give me scars, give me pain, then they'll say to me, then they'll say to me, there goes the Fighter!" I see myself recovering after the surgery.
My husband helping me walk to the bathroom and letting me grasp his arms to lower myself to the seat, then again to pull me back up to my feet. I see laying in bed in pain, my tight sleeve causing severe chest pains every 2 -3 minutes, forcing myself to sip out of 1oz medicine cups when all I want is to sleep, etc.
Finally I see me looking in the mirror at my paper stitches, then tears in my eyes as the scale goes from 222, to 210, to 205, to 198lbs and eventually 173 lbs.
The next part of the song which goes, "And if I can last thirty rounds, there's no reason you should ever have your head down" I see myself in my new body providing encouragement to my students, family members and friends about various aspects of their lives they feel as down and out about as I did about my weight

I'm only four months out, but I understand where you're coming from. You know that it's not that you can't have a lot of your favorite things, you'll just have to have them in moderation, HOWEVER even though we know that, it's still scary and it sucks.
What has helped me is that I have been cooking more at home and experimenting with different recipes that are exciting to my taste buds, but lower in calories than my staples (McDonalds, Chipotle, Red Lobster, Applebee's, chinese carryout, Papa John's, etc).
My homecooked chicken terriyaki over quinoa is amazing and gives me the sensation and taste of Chinese food without the "I'm hungry 30 minutes later) sensation or headache from the MSG/salt overload. pizza doesn't appeal to me as much because bread swells inside me, so I have to either eat it very slowly and only a little, so it isn't worth it.
Also not eating as much junk food makes me feel and look better. Two years ago (when my weight was at it's highest of b/t 245 - 250lbs) I suddenly developed severe, adult acne. I would have 8 - 10 pimples erupting each week on my face and they'd be really sore to the touch and when they finally burst they'd leave dark scars. Then I started having irregular periods (sometimes I'd go 2 - 3 months without one. I'd have all the PMS symptoms, but not bleed.)
I also was always sick. I've taught 1st grade for almost seven years, and every month I'd have at least 1 - 2 colds. Once I had a cold that lasted two months. (I think it was really just as soon as I got over one cold, another took it's place). My hair also never grew much longer than to my chin.
Now, my face is completely clear and I get maybe 1 pimple close to my period. My periods are monthly and I've only caught 1 cold in the last 4 months. (last week I felt my throat starting to get a little sore, so I went to bed early 2 nights in a row and was completely fine. I never developed a stuffy nose, cough, sneezing, fever, etc)
Feeling stronger and looking better are stronger urges in me than to gobble the Utz White Cheddar popcorn, grande lattes, an entire tray of lemon bars, half a pizza, an entire burritio bowl at chipotle, two double cheeseburgers w/bacon and mac sauce, a full sized Crab Alfredo from Reb Lobster and 5 - 8 cheddar biscuits, etc.
It wasn't until I was on this side (post opt) that I am able to understand it. My husband (who hasn't had WLS) is still trying to wrap his head around it.

I'm going to go to the Water park in Vegas in a cute bathing suit! I can't wait to be able to walk around in a suit in public and not feel the way I do now! A shopping spree is also in the plans. New clothes that I'd never wear today!

You sound like every other newbie. The fear of the unknown is overwhelming. Can I ease your mind some? I eat a little of my favorite foods. I admit that I am disciplined but success helps you get that way.
I'll tell you right now that there isn't a food in the world that tastes as good as being normal sized feels.
If you go ahead with any of the WLS out there, you will look at this post a year from now, or two years...whatever..and wonder why you were so worried.
I live by the words of my dad who didn't even realize how profound he was when he said, 'why overeat? It's just more of the same'. Words to live by my friend. Good luck! Oh, and here's a visual for you...not this this has anything to do with looks...this change was solely to get my mobility back but I know it helps for people to see me before and after. Keep us posted.