EEsMom

Well the sleep Center call me today and told me that I tested positive for sleep apnea and is severe. So they schedule me appointment to go try the CPAP mask and machine and I have to stay overnight again. In part this will definitely get me approve as a medical necessity however, it's sad that I'm in this predicament. My mother and brother both suffer from this disease, and they let it get horribly bad. But I am going to do everything in my power to not end up with a trachea tube and in a position that I can't barely move. I met my surgeon already I'm in a supervised diet, I'm walking, I'm potion controlling. I'm doing this.

OK.. It was interesting. It was a little odd. It was an open forum where you could come and go between a three hour window. I was told to be there at 4 PM and not sure really why. Anyway, they gave me a 1400 calorie diet and told me to exercise more. I briefly met with a nutritionist and he was very nice! Had my first weigh in. UGH 275! My highest was 298 last year when my dad passed. I got down to 231 around August and now back up to 275. Sigh... Well, this is why I am here.

I am still a bit confused. When I spoke with my insurance (Aetna), they told me a three month monitoring period instead of the six. The information the hospital (UPMC PGH) provided me was only for a 6 month program. I will find out more when I have my appointment on Sept. 4 with the Dr. **fingers crossed for 3 month program**

There were so many new people. There had to be 20+ attending their first meeting. However, I can say I didn't know if I should be happy so many people were there to get healthy and have a better life or sad that there were so many of us at this point in our lives. We all know how hard the struggles are and the agony we go through, especially in private. I hope those people there know where to get support. This board is a great place and I am so far ahead of some of the folks there as far as knowledge. So keep sharing. Even if there are not a lot of responses, people are READING what you say. THANK YOU!! I plan on sharing this site to my new 'friends'. :-)

Hi, I'm Jenn



I figured I'd start a blog to document my journey - the good, the great, the not-so-great, and the downright ugly side of things



without an ounce of sugar coating.


 
Background:
 
I'm 27, from Long Island, NY, and a Social Work graduate student going to school in the city. I'm set to graduate in May of 2013. I work primarily with clients struggling with substance abuse disorders and mental illness. This is an incredibly exciting time in my life. I've worked so hard to get to where I am, mentally, yet physically...well, I've kind of disregarded that area of my life for awhile now. I've been through some very difficult times growing up, and have put my body through some damage. After all the work I've spent on recovering mentally from all that's happened, I completely neglected to take care of myself physically. This has become a problem now, because although I'm finally happy with where my life is heading, I feel like I'm carrying a huge weight on my shoulders at all. I guess I kind of am!
 
My BMI is 46. I struggle on a daily basis with 0 energy and horrible leg/knee pains. I have sleep apnea. I can't walk up a flight of stairs without breathing heavily. I hate being seen in public because of my weight. I'm 27, and I'm killing myself with food. I'm not going to wait around for it to destroy me. I'm ready to fight back.
 
I am in the process of doing the (horrible) extensive pre-op testing. I am also doing 6 months of a supervised weigh-in/diet with my PCP. When completed, I will be set to have surgery in December.
 
I am ready to feel 27. I'm ready to BE 27.
And I won't take a "no" from anyone,
nor will I tolerate any negative comments from people,

I'm doing this for me

Yup! You heard right! Weight loss surgery. Gastric Bypass to be exact! Am I excited? More than ever. Am I ashamed? Not in the least.
 
If there's anything you should know about me, you should know I can't keep a secret. I can't keep things to myself, especially exciting things. Everyone in my life knows not to tell me anything, because I always end up spilling the beans sooner or later. It always starts out this way. I'll tell one person one thing and then think to myself, well, I already told one person, so why not tell another? One person becomes two, two becomes three, and so on and so forth. This is how it happened over the weekend while traveling by bus to NYC for my first day of graduate classes with my long time classmates. These are girls I've been in the same intense undergrad program with for two years. We're also potential social workers, so they're used to hearing about life transitions and making big decisions, etc. so I kind of felt comfortable with them knowing my "secret". Plus, I figure they're going to be wondering why I'm absent from classes for a week, and wtf is going on with me when I start shedding the weight.
 
So, I told them! I told them all! It kind of just slipped out. I finally got to the NYC campus for my first day of grad classes, and noticed the desks were unbearably tiny (despite paying $30k a year, guys) and decided why panic? This will all be over soon!
I'm proud of my decision to get the surgery. I have nothing to hide. I *have* tried every diet, been successful, unsuccessful, gained, lost, gained, etc. I know myself well enough to know this is something I want and need. Plus, I think by telling people rather than keeping it a secret, it helps to reduce the stigma attached to weight loss surgery and being obese in general.
 
Typical bullshit responses I've gotten so far:

Oh, well, my father's friend's mother's aunt got the surgery, lost a TON of weight, but regained everything back after like...3 years!
Oh, gastric bypass? So you'll never eat again and be on a strict diet for the rest of your life? Oh, I see.
They do WHAT to your stomach??
I hear you're going to spend the rest of your life throwing up...you don't want that
One of my co-workers gained all the weight back and more. She eats McDonalds every day on her lunch break...and gained all the weight back...you don't want that, do you?
You'll never be able to eat pizza again and all that good stuff.
Maybe you should try another diet? I hear the FDA is approving a new weight loss pill this fall!
You know..maybe if you just try exercising you may be able to lose some of the weight
You're going to be needing iron infusions for the REST of your life

 
So I have a few answers for this people...
 
I'm NOT your father's friend's mother's aunt's sister's boyfriend's uncle...I'm ME
Yes, I know what I'm doing
No, you can't change my mind
Yes, I've researched
And YES, I'm ready to begin a new life!

I need to express concern and frustration. I rescheduled an appointment a month ago but I misplaced my organizer so I put the new appointment into my phone then added it later to my organizer. Only I forgot to cross out the original appointment scheduled today Friday the 20th. I tried to call the office before I went at 851am but the phone rolled over To the message : office hours are 9-5. So I go and the receptionist says I indeed do Not have an appointment my appointment is the 24 th at 930 am. I mention I tried to call. She says" oh no I opened the phones at 830". I looked at my phone it shows I made the call at 851am she says "no no no the phone was ringing and being answered then". Ok wtf is the point of saying that to me? It came off so rude and she did it over and over. I left disgruntled not because I wasted my time but because of her attitude. This is making me nervous about the office staff. It's not the first time I have had an issue. When trying to schedule my counseling appointments which I have to pay out of pocket for the receptionist interrupted our scheduling to say she had to do something else and someone else would have to help me. She then answered the phone and scheduled someone else. I got upset because it was complicated confusing and she dumps me for another call. I walked out.
This process is anxiety producing enough with out this crap from the staff. I thought everyone would be more encouraging and supportive and not nasty and confrontational. I might mention that I was not blaming them in anyway for the issue today that was all me. simply why in the world did she keep negating or denying that I had got their machine that morning. Seriously sigh
 
 
Today started off well traffic wasn't to bad since my fiasco last week (see previous post) I "knew" my appointment was at 930am I got there at 915 went to the bathroom first signed in at 930 and sat until called when I di my day went down hill fast. The very nice scheduler said my appointment was at 900 am and the nutritionist had a 930 already. She said she was confused about which visit this was for me since she was on maternity leave when I started and my 3 month program was not set up right. I stood there and and started saying but I was here Friday and she told me my appointment was for 930. Then I did something I haven't done in literally years I burst into tears. The sweet receptionist took me into a private room and straighten out my "program" the scheduler Pam set up my surgery appointment , I got to see not only the nutritionist but the nurse practitioner for my " second" appointment ( the pre op exam and review). While the end result is I have my date I got some questions answered and reassurance from the staff I cried a lot and melted down completely which for me is not a comfortable feeling. When I was a new RN I cried when faced with any confrontation and I hated it. I trained my self not to cry in front of people of authority and to stand up for myself. I became a strong voice in my career so this breakdown brings back bad memories of a weaker self. I felt better when I left went to work and remained a little fragile all day. I cried a few times ( in private) but I made it through the day. I work tmr but have the rest of the week off for my birthday.
Oh I forgot I freaking gained 2 lbs so they are pressuring me big time to lose 45 lbs before surgery.
I have started my fitness pal and data entering all I eat it is working to curb my binging as I don't like entering to much lol I am being brutally honest and entering everything I eat. My plan is to begin low carb in earnest Monday kind of a modified Atkins because that the only diet I have ever tried that helps me resist sweets and that I feel strong and healthy while I do it.
 

The golden rules of eating post op
 
*30/30 don’t drink within 30 minutes of starting or ending a meal.
*Protein first veggies and fruits second and carbs if there is room
*Avoid “white” or simple carbs  eat only complex carbs
* Drink!!! At least 64 ounces, 2 standard quarts Each day caffeinated beverages don’t count replace 1:1 with water
*Protein at least 60 grams per day-vital to maintain strength
*Vitamins and supplements for the rest of your life (get blood test periodically to check)
*Medical Follow-up keep in touch with your Doctor keep your weight off
*Support groups promotes accountability and sense of community
*CHEW CHEW CHEW!!!!!!!!!!

My sister and I are bestfriends. We get asked all the time if we're twins, and we always tell the person asking that we are. They also reply with "wow, you're identical"! It's always been fun because we'd share eachother's clothes, make jokes about our weight, fight over leftovers, cry over clothes shopping and embarresment of more weight gain, binge together, and confide in each other about how much it hurts to always be "the big girl" and never the pretty girl. Misery loves company, right? We did everything together, and understood each other in terms of the low self-esteem that comes with being a young adult...a fat young adult, at that.
 
But this all changed 3 weeks ago and 38 pounds later. My sister just had vertical sleeve surgery. I watched her struggle with her approval. I even bothered her about it when I was jealous when I had no insurance and mentioned often to her it was the "easy way out". I was excited for her, but her journey seemed exhausting with all the hoops insurance threw at her, that I honestly never thought we'd see the day come. She (was) before the surgery 38 pounds heavier than me. I found a sort of consolation in that, as hard as that is for me to admit. Why? I'm not sure. I think I felt and do feel so lousy about myself that I tried to believe that it was okay, and that I'd always be smaller than her, and that I wouldn't be the biggest one on the family. Selfish and mean of me considering how much she means to me. And now the weight is flying off of her, and now we're the same exact weight, and I suddenly feel...alone.
 
I'm ecstatic for her. Thrilled that she is happy. So excited to see her daily progress, and so excited to see her confidence already begin to blossom. She's showered in compliments and oohs and ahhs. I'm scared. I admit to myself that I'm alone in this right now. The comfort of having a "binging partner" the comfort of knowing we'd always be big and miserable TOGETHER and never alone, and now it's changed. Now she gets full off of two bites, and I stare at her in disbelief, in both happiness, and bitterness.
 
Jealousy is such a horrible trait to carry around...especially when it comes to jealousy over loved ones. It's such a evil, sinnister, disgusting little tyrant that continues to drain. I hate that. I just know that I've now become the biggest one. She, as well as food, was our security blanket...and I'm sure I was hers as well. Food provides consolation and comfort and solace. Our relationship consisted of a shared common interest in junk food and a shared understanding of what it felt like to be fat and miserable.
My sister is the happiest she's ever been.
 
So where does that leave me? Well, I decided in late May early June once I got insurance, that I would join in on her journey and take "the easy way out". This journey has been anything but easy. I want to rekindle a relationship with her not based on food, but based on making health a priority and positive changes for us both.
 
I want us both to feel good. I want to transition to a new life with her. Most of all, I'd like to bond over real interests...not just what type of fast food joint we hope to eat at next.
 
I want the rest of this year to focus on transitioning and good, healthy, positive changes. For everyone.

So ok. I started having feet problems back in 2004. was working on concrete all day and figured I needed some sort of orthotic. my weight was around 400. over the course of the next year, started having chest pains which the Heart Doc said was caused by stress, weight steady climbing. in 2005 weight is almost 500 lbs, feet and knees killing me, drinking tons of energy drinks to make it thru the work day, seeing a podiatrist who says I have heels spurs and degenerative bone disease. makes me take LOA from work to wear special foot supports (boots) to try and ease the plantars fasciatis. off work for 1 month, weight stable around 500 at this time. september of 2005, the podiatrist again makes me take medical loa and am off my feet for next three months. weight starts climbing. can't sleep at night, chest hurts all the bloody time, usually because I am angry and blood pressure now a major issue. go in to visit with HR and they tell me that my only option is to report for work or be terminated. doctor says I can't work. lose my job, lose my benefits, watch my 401k get eaten alive, go into bankruptcy. I go in for a sleep study and find out I have sleep apnea, the sleep doctor tells me that I have apparently not gotten a good nights sleep in almost 25 years. cause for depression, suicidal thoughts, weight gain, I get put on a cpap. laying flat on my back now, can't move around, weight going up, chest hurts, legs hurt all the way into my hips. get a chest x ray and my heart is the size of a small football. no wonder it hurts...skip forward as all I am doing in 2006, 2007, 2008 is lying in bed dying. finally get aproved for medicare and go see a doctor. after a few visits, he suggest I see Doctor Lee Schmitt from alabama surgical weight loss center. I go to a seminar at St Vincents east in birmingham alabama and weigh myself. 590 lbs.gained almost 2oo lbs in 4 years. speak with Doctor Schmitt. he tells me to get my weight down below 500 lbs and he will do a gastric bypass. I start drinking protein shakes and eating salads. my weight starts inching down a lb or so a month, I start trying to walk and can make it from 1 telephone pole to the next and back again. I start trying to extend my walks every week until I can walk a quarter mile, and go back to a bypass support group meeting st st vincents east, I weigh in at 550. I have lost 40 lbs. I continue doing the protein shakes and salads and start going to the support group meeting every month. I have an interview with Doctor Schmitt and my weight is at 525. NOW I have to start jumping thru some hoops, visiting with a Psychologist and a nutritionist and getting evaluated and poked and prodded. I get a surgical date for december of 2008 and 1 week before my surgery, when I am doing a liquid diet to shrink my liver prior to surgery, the bloody shrink puts a the breaks on my surgery. she insist I speak with a therapist and take a test, the test cost me out of pocket over 400 dollars and told me what I already knew, I am depressed and suicidal and bi polar and just suffering from PTSD. I go in for a sleep study (also required) still need the cpap. I hate that thing. hurts my face, if I roll over I drool and the bloody thing fills up with drool, ever wake up drowning in your own spit? GROSS!
february 15th 2009. report to ST V's at 5:30 am. I weigh in at 490 lbs. they lay me down on a bed, a nurse injects something into my IV and off to sleep I go. wake up time, my wife and daughter are trying to wake me up in recovery. jessica tells me that cloee my cat wants me to wake up I think, kinda foggy on that memory, but I wake up. within the next hour Sandra, My Wife, gets me up and walking short distances in the hallway. 2 days later I go home. will continue this story later.

Whew! Day 12 of 17 on my liquid diet. Surgury date is one week from today. It's almost surreal to think I'll be parked in a hospital bed one week from tonight. It's been a rough week but I've done pretty well. Total of 13.5 pounds lost on liquid diet. Not as much as I anticipated in the last couple of days, but I think I might not be getting enough water. Tried to up that intake today and hope that will help the numbers drop again tomorrow. I would love to hear from anyone who is post-op about what you recommend taking to the hospital. That is, besides a healthy dose of optimism and patience. LOL!

As I stated in my last entry, I am not much of a reader. However, that has recently changed. I cannot stop reading about the surgery, pre-op, post-op, the diet, amount of weight lose, etc. It's become a mini obsession. The more I read, the more I learn it is for me. I bought WLS for Dummies and it has been really great. Kind of a one stop shop for all phases of the process. Also bought Skinny Jeans. This is more of a psyche type book. The mental state you need to be in and why we look for this as an option. So far so good and both are on Amazon pretty cheap too. Also found some great videos on the subject: http://www.muschealth.com/video/Default.aspx?videoId=10693&cId=46&type=rel and http://www.upmc.com/Video/Pages/default.aspx?vcat=511%3b%230cc24f80-e320-4764-933f-2379e134e347%7cWeight+Loss. They are both hospital centers of bariatric excellence. Great info!
 
http://www.obeseinfo.com/default.htm Is another great website. I have found the more I learn the less nervous I become. It is also reinforcing I have made the right decision. I cannot wait for my first nutrition appointment on 8/14.
 
 
Happy Reading!!

My journey toward slimming down and a healthier me begins tomorrow with the liquid pre-op diet. I'm excited and praying for strength to get through all that awaits me on this journey. It won't be easy, I know; yet I am confident it will be the best thing that I've ever done for myself. Actually, when I think about it, my journey really began in February when I went for my first doctor visit and made the decision to do this. I've lost weight before, but every pound returns and brings a few friends. Now it's time to do something different and permanent. So, here goes!