McButterpants

I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. There have been times, even newly post-op, where I thought, "What did I do to myself?" Those feelings subsided after the first 6 months or so and at 2.5 years out, I don't have them any more.
You can always get support here. Your local hospital may have a support group (even if you didn't get surgery there). You are not alone.
Here's what I know 2.5 years out - my life is so much better. I do not regret this decision at all - there were times when I was having an emotional moment that I wished I could sit down to a big bowl of Pasta and go to town. There were times I wanted to eat an entire baguette of bread. There were times I wanted chocolate cake. But my sleeve was there for me - it didn't allow me to sabotage myself.
My new normal is splitting a meal with my husband. Eating a hamburger without the bun. I still drink Protein shakes. But, I also allow some treats - a small bowl of ice cream, a cookie, a muffin, etc. But I don't crave them like I used to. I'm OK with my new normal.
Hang in there, kid. You're going to be on an emotional roller coaster for the foreseeable future. It's going to be hard. Keep your eye on the prize, though. It will be so worth it!

I took it years before surgery - I didn't take it for long because I felt like I was zoning out a lot.

I'm over 2 years out…Just had a couple of appointments with my doc. I have gained back 17 pounds and needed to get back on track.
She prescribed appetite suppressants - I lost 4 pounds quickly and now that I'm mostly recovered from gall bladder surgery, I've lost another 2 pounds.
She wants 80 grams of Protein - I realized, after tracking for a couple of days, I have been slacking on the Protein. In order to get to that number, I have 2 shakes. I didn't want to go back to shakes, but I had to.
Lastly, "exercise is not an optional activity" - you have to move your body.
Basically, it's back to basics.
Best of luck to you!

@@VSGAnn2014,
Thanks for checking on me. It's been an interesting few weeks…Had my tests and they found a hernia in my tummy and gall stones.
I had surgery 2 weeks ago to remove the gall bladder - doc wouldn't repair the hernia. I had one repaired at the time of my VSG and he said it's recurring and there isn't enough stomach available to fix it. So, we'll live with the hernia and manage symptoms. Gall bladder was very infected by the time I had surgery and he said that once recovered I should feel much, much better. Recovery is much more painful and difficult than I expected. LOL. I overdid it on Sunday by walking 4 miles - it felt so good to walk and I had so much energy…My husband tried to get me to stop, but I told him,"I'm OK, I'm not pushing it." Uhm…yesterday I felt like I had been hit by a truck and today is only marginally better - I actually feel like I did about 3 days post-op.
So, for the appetite suppressants…I had a follow up visit last Friday. I lost 4 pounds very quickly when I started taking them, but nothing since then - well, I did have surgery, so I'll cut myself some slack. We talked about my concerns, specifically with the Phentermine. Here's what we decided to do. I will take the phentermine in the morning on days where I feel like things could get out of control - I usually know by 10:00 am if the day is heading in the direction where I could stress eat. The afternoon pill helps me out a lot with those afternoon cravings and snacking. I foresee taking that more often. I have another follow up with her in 2 months to see how things are going.
Another thing she said - "get 80 grams of protein"…yeah, yeah, yeah. My mind knows this - "get your Protein in". I'm horrible at tracking on paper or my phone - I've never been good at it. So I started monitoring it and I realized quickly, I'm not getting in anywhere close to 80 grams a day. So, I'm back on 2 shakes a day which gets me an easy 40 grams. I'll get the balance from food. She also said to make sure I'm taking my vitamins…another thing I'm not wonderful at!
So that's the McButterpants update! Thanks again for all the great feedback and for checking in with me!

@bayougirlmrsc,
Many yoga studios have a "community day" one day a week - in my town, almost all of them do a $5 drop in. It's a great way to try a class and it's cheap. I love hot yoga - it's funny how I hate the heat, but doing yoga in a 102 degree room doesn't bother me. I just got back from a practice with a teacher I've never had before - WOW, I feel amazing. For me, yoga is good for my brain. It's a full hour where no one is trying to get a hold of me, my phone isn't ringing and there aren't multiple people asking me for something. It's an hour all for me. Top that off with some amazing stretching and toning exercises and it's a great way to start the day.
I'm going into 2016 motivated and feeling good again - exercise is the best medicine for me, I know that, but sometimes forget it.
Have an awesome 2016!

@@bayougirlmrsc,
Thanks for the post! You are correct on a couple of points - I allowed snacking, grazing, bad foods and sitting on my butt back into my life. They came in slowly, but they came back. Taking the appetite suppressants has helped - it helped me realize how much snacking and unintentional eating I was doing. I was making excuses for not exercising - again, an old habit.
So enough with the "I should have"s…Here's what I've been doing since my original post...
I am taking the suppressants and they have helped. I'm hopeful this is a short-term solution and will talk to the dock at the end of January when I go back for my follow up.
I'm back on the exercise wagon - I joined a new yoga studio and I'm having a great time. My old studio did the same hot yoga routine every practice. While it was good at the beginning, it was time for a change. My new studio offers 5 different classes - I've taken three "shape" classes that incorporate yoga and strength in a 102 degree room. It kicks my butt every class and I love it. I can now do the entire routine with a 1 pound weight in each arm - something I couldn't do 3 practices ago. I'm also doing a challenge with my best friend and we've promised to hold each other accountable - we're doing the Run The Year challenge - we will do 2016 miles (combined), so I have to do 1008 miles in 2016. I did almost 900 this year. I also have a goal of 130 yoga practices in 2016 and 210 days of 10K steps or more. This should keep me on track. (I'm very goal oriented, so having a long-term goal that I can break up, keeps me motivated.)
I also had a really long talk with my best friend - we've been friends out whole life. She could sense something was wrong with me and she helped me talk thru what was going on. She said she doesn't want me to go back to those dark days where I didn't leave the house. She showed me a picture I sent her of my old drivers license and my new one - it's like they aren't the same person. I cried and it really hit home how well I've done. It's awesome to have support and a little attitude adjustment.
So, I'm feeling much better than I was a couple of weeks ago. I can see a change in my body with starting back at yoga. I'm down about 4 pounds, but I'm trying to stay off the scale for the next week while my body adjusts to the new exercise routine.
Thanks again for all the support - you guys are amazing!

@@VSGAnn2014,
Thanks for checking on me. It's been an interesting few weeks…Had my tests and they found a hernia in my tummy and gall stones.
I had surgery 2 weeks ago to remove the gall bladder - doc wouldn't repair the hernia. I had one repaired at the time of my VSG and he said it's recurring and there isn't enough stomach available to fix it. So, we'll live with the hernia and manage symptoms. Gall bladder was very infected by the time I had surgery and he said that once recovered I should feel much, much better. Recovery is much more painful and difficult than I expected. LOL. I overdid it on Sunday by walking 4 miles - it felt so good to walk and I had so much energy…My husband tried to get me to stop, but I told him,"I'm OK, I'm not pushing it." Uhm…yesterday I felt like I had been hit by a truck and today is only marginally better - I actually feel like I did about 3 days post-op.
So, for the appetite suppressants…I had a follow up visit last Friday. I lost 4 pounds very quickly when I started taking them, but nothing since then - well, I did have surgery, so I'll cut myself some slack. We talked about my concerns, specifically with the Phentermine. Here's what we decided to do. I will take the phentermine in the morning on days where I feel like things could get out of control - I usually know by 10:00 am if the day is heading in the direction where I could stress eat. The afternoon pill helps me out a lot with those afternoon cravings and snacking. I foresee taking that more often. I have another follow up with her in 2 months to see how things are going.
Another thing she said - "get 80 grams of protein"…yeah, yeah, yeah. My mind knows this - "get your Protein in". I'm horrible at tracking on paper or my phone - I've never been good at it. So I started monitoring it and I realized quickly, I'm not getting in anywhere close to 80 grams a day. So, I'm back on 2 shakes a day which gets me an easy 40 grams. I'll get the balance from food. She also said to make sure I'm taking my vitamins…another thing I'm not wonderful at!
So that's the McButterpants update! Thanks again for all the great feedback and for checking in with me!

Many thanks to all that replied…Here's an update on me.
The first thing I did was have an attitude adjustment with myself - I was feeling sorry for myself and discouraged. So, I pulled on my big girl panties and marched on…I changed my mindset from "this sucks", "the weight gain sucks", etc. to looking at this as an opportunity. There are people that have things much worse than I do - I have a great life, full support of family, a great job and a husband, son and dog that love me. I am blessed.
I did well yesterday with the two appetite suppressants - I didn't feel weird, maybe a little jacked up (I also woke up this morning at 4:00 am wide awake). I had very little food yesterday compared to a normal day lately - I quickly realized how much I have been grazing.
Today - same story. Very little interest in food. I feel like I'm feeling my restriction better - I'm probably more alert and I am going back to mindful eating. I almost feel like I'm at the 6 month post-op mark - remember those days?
So, I'm going to keep on keeping' on for the next 6 weeks with the appetite suppressants until I see my doc for follow up. By that time, I will have had my upper GI and ultra sound on the gall bladder and we will see where the road takes me.
Thanks again for the advice, kind words, and suggestions. This is an awesome forum with awesome people - I'm glad I came back.

@@Oregondaisy have you had a conversation with your doc? I agree with your and how you plan to use them. I do the exact same thing. No problem all week long, and then the weekend hits. I gain, lose it the next week, and rinse/repeat.
I stopped taking mine because I was having a surgery and didn't want any interference with anesthesia, but plan to start them in the next few days. I'm going to be home recovering and that is when I do the worst. A couple of cashews now, a cheese stick later, coffee with cream....and I just consumed an additional150 calories, minimum. And meanwhile, I feel tortured trying NOT to do that. What I just described is me succeeding against the demon that is my appetite some days. Other days, I have NO problem. Unfortunately for me, I gain a lot, and quickly.

Wow! That is a lot of stuff happening in your life. Good to hear you're getting all of it addressed. Check, check, check!

@@VSGAnn2014,
Thanks for checking on me. It's been an interesting few weeks…Had my tests and they found a hernia in my tummy and gall stones.
I had surgery 2 weeks ago to remove the gall bladder - doc wouldn't repair the hernia. I had one repaired at the time of my VSG and he said it's recurring and there isn't enough stomach available to fix it. So, we'll live with the hernia and manage symptoms. Gall bladder was very infected by the time I had surgery and he said that once recovered I should feel much, much better. Recovery is much more painful and difficult than I expected. LOL. I overdid it on Sunday by walking 4 miles - it felt so good to walk and I had so much energy…My husband tried to get me to stop, but I told him,"I'm OK, I'm not pushing it." Uhm…yesterday I felt like I had been hit by a truck and today is only marginally better - I actually feel like I did about 3 days post-op.
So, for the appetite suppressants…I had a follow up visit last Friday. I lost 4 pounds very quickly when I started taking them, but nothing since then - well, I did have surgery, so I'll cut myself some slack. We talked about my concerns, specifically with the Phentermine. Here's what we decided to do. I will take the phentermine in the morning on days where I feel like things could get out of control - I usually know by 10:00 am if the day is heading in the direction where I could stress eat. The afternoon pill helps me out a lot with those afternoon cravings and snacking. I foresee taking that more often. I have another follow up with her in 2 months to see how things are going.
Another thing she said - "get 80 grams of protein"…yeah, yeah, yeah. My mind knows this - "get your Protein in". I'm horrible at tracking on paper or my phone - I've never been good at it. So I started monitoring it and I realized quickly, I'm not getting in anywhere close to 80 grams a day. So, I'm back on 2 shakes a day which gets me an easy 40 grams. I'll get the balance from food. She also said to make sure I'm taking my vitamins…another thing I'm not wonderful at!
So that's the McButterpants update! Thanks again for all the great feedback and for checking in with me!

@@bayougirlmrsc,
Thanks for the post! You are correct on a couple of points - I allowed snacking, grazing, bad foods and sitting on my butt back into my life. They came in slowly, but they came back. Taking the appetite suppressants has helped - it helped me realize how much snacking and unintentional eating I was doing. I was making excuses for not exercising - again, an old habit.
So enough with the "I should have"s…Here's what I've been doing since my original post...
I am taking the suppressants and they have helped. I'm hopeful this is a short-term solution and will talk to the dock at the end of January when I go back for my follow up.
I'm back on the exercise wagon - I joined a new yoga studio and I'm having a great time. My old studio did the same hot yoga routine every practice. While it was good at the beginning, it was time for a change. My new studio offers 5 different classes - I've taken three "shape" classes that incorporate yoga and strength in a 102 degree room. It kicks my butt every class and I love it. I can now do the entire routine with a 1 pound weight in each arm - something I couldn't do 3 practices ago. I'm also doing a challenge with my best friend and we've promised to hold each other accountable - we're doing the Run The Year challenge - we will do 2016 miles (combined), so I have to do 1008 miles in 2016. I did almost 900 this year. I also have a goal of 130 yoga practices in 2016 and 210 days of 10K steps or more. This should keep me on track. (I'm very goal oriented, so having a long-term goal that I can break up, keeps me motivated.)
I also had a really long talk with my best friend - we've been friends out whole life. She could sense something was wrong with me and she helped me talk thru what was going on. She said she doesn't want me to go back to those dark days where I didn't leave the house. She showed me a picture I sent her of my old drivers license and my new one - it's like they aren't the same person. I cried and it really hit home how well I've done. It's awesome to have support and a little attitude adjustment.
So, I'm feeling much better than I was a couple of weeks ago. I can see a change in my body with starting back at yoga. I'm down about 4 pounds, but I'm trying to stay off the scale for the next week while my body adjusts to the new exercise routine.
Thanks again for all the support - you guys are amazing!

I'm taking Phentermine (10 am) and Diethylpropion (4 pm). I am down 2-3 pounds in a week.
At first the Phentermine jacked me up, but that is getting better.
I don't think about food like I did a week ago and the urge to snack is gone.
Now to get back on the exercise train!!!!!!!!

Get back to basics. Agree with @@Bufflehead above…Go back to eating your dense Proteins first - measure out 3-4 ounces and chew, chew, chew. If you have room, have a couple of bites of veggies. I found as I was able to introduce more foods, I was losing the "Protein first" rule. I fill up very quickly on dense Proteins like chicken, steak, turkey. They also keep me satisfied longer.
Also remember - the goal is to not eat until your full. Your goal is to eat until your physical hunger is satisfied.
Best of luck to you!

All doctor's are different. You can talk to 10 people and all will have different pre-op diets as well as different post-op diets.
My instructions pre-op - be caffeine free and 2 weeks prior to surgery, have 3 Protein shakes and 1 meal (4 ounces of Protein and a veggie). The night before surgery, the surgeon told my husband and me to go out and have whatever we wanted for dinner. I thought he was joking - he wasn't. He told me I had done great on the pre-op and that the only restriction was "don't go overboard on the red meat and no all you can eat buffets" (we were in Vegas).
Post op - my surgeon was very progressive in introducing foods…I could have a couple of tablespoons of "slip and slide" food the day after surgery (scrambled egg, yogurt, anything that would slip off a plate). When I got home from Vegas and had my 2 week follow up with my local doc, I actually regressed to an all liquid diet.
You'll do fine - be happy your doc said only 2 days…pre-op diets are very difficult! :-)

I'm a little over two years out - one slider and some fries would be about it for me. It's a treat, not a normal meal for me.
If we are having hamburgers at home, I eat it without the bun topped with cheese.

How many people read the original post and said, "That sounds like me?" I did...
Weight loss surgery is a huge decision. I got to the point in my life where I started to not care…about anything. It was horrible. I didn't like my life, I didn't like myself, I was starting to check out. What a horrible thing when you have an awesome husband and teenage son. One day I walked into the living room and said to my husband, "I want to have weight loss surgery." He looked at me like I had grown a second head. He didn't understand. The following week I went in for my surgery consult and decided that day to have surgery. Next to marrying my husband and having my son, this was the best decision I have every made.
My life today is awesome - I'm active and I try to move my body every day. I actually don't feel good when I don't move. I feel awesome - I'm more confident, I smile a lot, I am happier. I no longer have to take a nap every day. I am finally living the life I was meant to live. I walked down one of the Teton Mountains last summer - a 4 mile hike downhill. I wandered around San Francisco last year - 17 miles in one day. Last summer I went zip-lining and white Water rafting - something I wouldn't have thought to do 70 pounds ago. I can do 90 minutes of hot yoga at 5:30 am and feel great the rest of the day. food no longer rules my universe - I use food to fuel my body for the day.
All of the above is really great, but the biggest change and improvement in my life…my relationship with my husband and son. One day after running with my son, we got in the car and I said, "Wow, I couldn't have done that a few years ago, huh?" My son asked me some questions about the surgery - some really thoughtful questions about why I decided to do it and what exactly they did. He eventually said, "I'm really happy you had the surgery, mom." That was a great day.
My only regret? That I didn't do it sooner...

I traveled out of my area for surgery - my local hospital was $30K at the time.
If you do travel to have your surgery, my suggestion is to find a local doctor to support you after surgery. The local surgeon in my hometown was willing to take me on as a patient after I got home - I did follow up visits once I got home. 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and yearly. There was a cost for this as my insurance doesn't cover anything weight loss related - I paid $175 per visit. This support was invaluable - I followed her plan with regard to introducing food and got much more information and support than just coming home and "winging it" with the information I got from the surgeon's office.
Best of luck!

I've never been a fan of gofundme.
There are places in the US you can get cheaper than $21K - I paid $11K for a great doctor in Las Vegas (flights are cheap, hotels are cheap and he's a well respected doctor with lots of experience). I think he's actually cheaper now.
If you go to the self-pay forum on this site you may be able to find something more reasonable.
Best of luck to you.

Happy birthday to you and congrats on your awesome success!!!!!! You rock!

I traveled out of my area for surgery - my local hospital was $30K at the time.
If you do travel to have your surgery, my suggestion is to find a local doctor to support you after surgery. The local surgeon in my hometown was willing to take me on as a patient after I got home - I did follow up visits once I got home. 2 weeks, 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months and yearly. There was a cost for this as my insurance doesn't cover anything weight loss related - I paid $175 per visit. This support was invaluable - I followed her plan with regard to introducing food and got much more information and support than just coming home and "winging it" with the information I got from the surgeon's office.
Best of luck!

How many people read the original post and said, "That sounds like me?" I did...
Weight loss surgery is a huge decision. I got to the point in my life where I started to not care…about anything. It was horrible. I didn't like my life, I didn't like myself, I was starting to check out. What a horrible thing when you have an awesome husband and teenage son. One day I walked into the living room and said to my husband, "I want to have weight loss surgery." He looked at me like I had grown a second head. He didn't understand. The following week I went in for my surgery consult and decided that day to have surgery. Next to marrying my husband and having my son, this was the best decision I have every made.
My life today is awesome - I'm active and I try to move my body every day. I actually don't feel good when I don't move. I feel awesome - I'm more confident, I smile a lot, I am happier. I no longer have to take a nap every day. I am finally living the life I was meant to live. I walked down one of the Teton Mountains last summer - a 4 mile hike downhill. I wandered around San Francisco last year - 17 miles in one day. Last summer I went zip-lining and white Water rafting - something I wouldn't have thought to do 70 pounds ago. I can do 90 minutes of hot yoga at 5:30 am and feel great the rest of the day. food no longer rules my universe - I use food to fuel my body for the day.
All of the above is really great, but the biggest change and improvement in my life…my relationship with my husband and son. One day after running with my son, we got in the car and I said, "Wow, I couldn't have done that a few years ago, huh?" My son asked me some questions about the surgery - some really thoughtful questions about why I decided to do it and what exactly they did. He eventually said, "I'm really happy you had the surgery, mom." That was a great day.
My only regret? That I didn't do it sooner...

Get back to basics. Agree with @@Bufflehead above…Go back to eating your dense Proteins first - measure out 3-4 ounces and chew, chew, chew. If you have room, have a couple of bites of veggies. I found as I was able to introduce more foods, I was losing the "Protein first" rule. I fill up very quickly on dense Proteins like chicken, steak, turkey. They also keep me satisfied longer.
Also remember - the goal is to not eat until your full. Your goal is to eat until your physical hunger is satisfied.
Best of luck to you!

Get back to basics. Agree with @@Bufflehead above…Go back to eating your dense Proteins first - measure out 3-4 ounces and chew, chew, chew. If you have room, have a couple of bites of veggies. I found as I was able to introduce more foods, I was losing the "Protein first" rule. I fill up very quickly on dense Proteins like chicken, steak, turkey. They also keep me satisfied longer.
Also remember - the goal is to not eat until your full. Your goal is to eat until your physical hunger is satisfied.
Best of luck to you!

Get back to basics. Agree with @@Bufflehead above…Go back to eating your dense Proteins first - measure out 3-4 ounces and chew, chew, chew. If you have room, have a couple of bites of veggies. I found as I was able to introduce more foods, I was losing the "Protein first" rule. I fill up very quickly on dense Proteins like chicken, steak, turkey. They also keep me satisfied longer.
Also remember - the goal is to not eat until your full. Your goal is to eat until your physical hunger is satisfied.
Best of luck to you!