Roo101769

My bariatric team was pretty informative, but honestly I did a lot of research on my own. I read the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought I knew it all. As for the actual surgery, post op diet / lifestyle , and general surgery related things I was informed. Where I have struggled has been mentally and emotionally. I was more addicted to food than I realized. I sailed through my one and only psych evaluation, but I think I could have use some counseling. I did not realize how emotional this would be for me. My weight loss has been slower than many you read about. I am a year out and still have 75 lbs to lose. ( 101lbs gone) I struggle all the time with what I put in my mouth. I have lost much of my early excitement. While I am happy as can be about losing over 100 lbs, I still focus on the 75lbs I need to lose. My life is no easier than it was before the surgery. Yes, my physical being is better. I can do so much more than I ever could at 316lbs. But I still have the exact same issues I had before. I work a sometimes stressful job, money is always tight, I am raising a six year old by myself. And my social life is no better now than it was before. I always blamed my lack of companionship ( ie: having a man) on being fat. Now I realize it is much more than that. Yes, I get more attention. But I don't get asked out anymore now than I did before. ( I don't think I am a big social pariah, I have many male and female friends. For some reason I just don't seem to attract romantic intentions.) I do know I look better than I did. I absolutely know I feel better. But I never imagined how hard emotionally the journey would be at times. I always blamed my fat for being unhappy, but once the fat is gone and I am still unhappy....now what?

My bariatric team was pretty informative, but honestly I did a lot of research on my own. I read the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought I knew it all. As for the actual surgery, post op diet / lifestyle , and general surgery related things I was informed. Where I have struggled has been mentally and emotionally. I was more addicted to food than I realized. I sailed through my one and only psych evaluation, but I think I could have use some counseling. I did not realize how emotional this would be for me. My weight loss has been slower than many you read about. I am a year out and still have 75 lbs to lose. ( 101lbs gone) I struggle all the time with what I put in my mouth. I have lost much of my early excitement. While I am happy as can be about losing over 100 lbs, I still focus on the 75lbs I need to lose. My life is no easier than it was before the surgery. Yes, my physical being is better. I can do so much more than I ever could at 316lbs. But I still have the exact same issues I had before. I work a sometimes stressful job, money is always tight, I am raising a six year old by myself. And my social life is no better now than it was before. I always blamed my lack of companionship ( ie: having a man) on being fat. Now I realize it is much more than that. Yes, I get more attention. But I don't get asked out anymore now than I did before. ( I don't think I am a big social pariah, I have many male and female friends. For some reason I just don't seem to attract romantic intentions.) I do know I look better than I did. I absolutely know I feel better. But I never imagined how hard emotionally the journey would be at times. I always blamed my fat for being unhappy, but once the fat is gone and I am still unhappy....now what?

My bariatric team was pretty informative, but honestly I did a lot of research on my own. I read the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought I knew it all. As for the actual surgery, post op diet / lifestyle , and general surgery related things I was informed. Where I have struggled has been mentally and emotionally. I was more addicted to food than I realized. I sailed through my one and only psych evaluation, but I think I could have use some counseling. I did not realize how emotional this would be for me. My weight loss has been slower than many you read about. I am a year out and still have 75 lbs to lose. ( 101lbs gone) I struggle all the time with what I put in my mouth. I have lost much of my early excitement. While I am happy as can be about losing over 100 lbs, I still focus on the 75lbs I need to lose. My life is no easier than it was before the surgery. Yes, my physical being is better. I can do so much more than I ever could at 316lbs. But I still have the exact same issues I had before. I work a sometimes stressful job, money is always tight, I am raising a six year old by myself. And my social life is no better now than it was before. I always blamed my lack of companionship ( ie: having a man) on being fat. Now I realize it is much more than that. Yes, I get more attention. But I don't get asked out anymore now than I did before. ( I don't think I am a big social pariah, I have many male and female friends. For some reason I just don't seem to attract romantic intentions.) I do know I look better than I did. I absolutely know I feel better. But I never imagined how hard emotionally the journey would be at times. I always blamed my fat for being unhappy, but once the fat is gone and I am still unhappy....now what?

My bariatric team was pretty informative, but honestly I did a lot of research on my own. I read the good, the bad and the ugly. I thought I knew it all. As for the actual surgery, post op diet / lifestyle , and general surgery related things I was informed. Where I have struggled has been mentally and emotionally. I was more addicted to food than I realized. I sailed through my one and only psych evaluation, but I think I could have use some counseling. I did not realize how emotional this would be for me. My weight loss has been slower than many you read about. I am a year out and still have 75 lbs to lose. ( 101lbs gone) I struggle all the time with what I put in my mouth. I have lost much of my early excitement. While I am happy as can be about losing over 100 lbs, I still focus on the 75lbs I need to lose. My life is no easier than it was before the surgery. Yes, my physical being is better. I can do so much more than I ever could at 316lbs. But I still have the exact same issues I had before. I work a sometimes stressful job, money is always tight, I am raising a six year old by myself. And my social life is no better now than it was before. I always blamed my lack of companionship ( ie: having a man) on being fat. Now I realize it is much more than that. Yes, I get more attention. But I don't get asked out anymore now than I did before. ( I don't think I am a big social pariah, I have many male and female friends. For some reason I just don't seem to attract romantic intentions.) I do know I look better than I did. I absolutely know I feel better. But I never imagined how hard emotionally the journey would be at times. I always blamed my fat for being unhappy, but once the fat is gone and I am still unhappy....now what?

Jealousy is a petty emotion, yet a human one. Sounds to me your siblings are jealous that you chose to change your life and improve your health. You decided for a real change, not a fly by night lose 20lbs, gain back 30lbs solution. It is possible they are even scared. Scared that you will somehow change and not be the sister they are "used to" and you know what? They are probably right. As people who have spent years obese or morbidly obese lose the weight attitudes do change. A LOT of us spent our heavy lives doing all we could to get along, not rock the boat. When you have weight issues and the associated self image problems ( not to mention health problems) you tend to be more accommodating of others. As you lose the weight and start to discover yourself, find out who was hiding under all the fat, a lot of times we become less accommodating as we become more self assured. People who have taken advantage of our "giving" nature suddenly see we won't take the abuse or neglect we once did. It does change a lot of interpersonal relationships. Those who truly love us, who want the best for us, will change along with us.
Your family may also struggle with their own self images. It is always easier to be around someone bigger so you aren't the biggest person. For YEARS this was a dynamic with my own sister. ( although we have MUCH more going on to cause issue than comparing BMI) I did this for me, no one else. Same goes for you. They will eventually give up their lost cause. In fact, your decision may motivate them to make changes in their own lives. Until that day comes though you just do what you do for YOU. You are on a path to better yourself and be healthy. Don't let their negativity divert you from your goals.

Natalie,
Trust me, you are far from alone. I do not have any degrees in psychology or social work but I have always been the knowledgeable person. People have often come to me for advice because I pride myself on being informed, non judgmental and fair. I believed going into this I would have absolutely have no issues. I researched and studied and found every bit of information I possibly could, both positive and negative. I sailed through my psych evaluation with no problems at all. I had the tiger by the tail going in and KNEW I would succeed. Yet during the past year I have struggled more than I ever imagined. Of course there is the "honeymoon" period when you have tons of restriction post op, where you want to eat but the urge is not that intense yet. Then you heal. Your body adapts to the new stomach. Your urges increase while the restriction isn't quite as limiting as it once was. I found myself slipping back. What I swore I would never eat again I started taking a bite of here and there. My will power started to dwindle. Yes, I lost weight. At first I lost well, was thrilled. Then the weight loss started to slow down. I hit a wall in June that absolutely killed me. I was within ten pounds of my first 100 lb lost, yet I could not manage to get over that hurdle. I finally started to work out and did drop enough to get down a few pounds. During this year I had a friend who also had the sleeve. He had his two months after me, yet he is now very close to goal, maybe 20lbs to go. I realize everyone is different. I know in my head I should never compare myself to anyone else, especially a male. Yet seeing how well he has done, seeing how close he is to his ideal weight, it has been hard. It messes with your mind. That is something I have struggled with more than any other in this process. I never imagined going in just how much of a mental battle this would be. I did not realize just how messed up I truly was in my relationship with food and my self image. I fooled myself in thinking I had this. I know now, looking back, I would have benefitted greatly with some counseling. ( not an option financially) I have used this site as a lifeline at times, it truly has been a saving grace.
So a year out and a hundred pounds down I have learned these things...1) I am slow at losing weight. While many lose what they want or need to within the first year, I have not. I will have to work harder and keep going to reach my goals. 2) I am in this for the long haul. While I accepted this was a "forever" deal going in, I had assumed I would lose weight quickly then maintain it with the sleeve forever. That is not my reality. My long haul will be my weight loss journey. I know losing 100 lbs is nothing to sneeze at. But I still have quite a ways to go before I am "normal" weight. 3) I only fail if I quit. Each day I get up with the intent of doing my absolute best for my health and weight loss. Some days I am more successful than others. Long as I keep trying then I keep succeeding. 4) I have a life to live. For a few months post op life seemed "surreal". I felt I had shaken the very core of my existence and nothing would ever be the same. I was right and I was wrong. While changing myself through surgery and the resulting weight loss has dramatically changed many aspects of my life, it hasn't changed my life. I still have the same responsibilities as before. I have my daughter to raise, a job, bills to pay etc. I didn't suddenly become the most desirable creature on planet Earth so my love life hasn't really changed. ( Ok, I do get more attention paid to me but that hasn't lead me to finding a soulmate....yet.) I am still pretty much living the life I lived before. Granted it is more active. Not as much sitting on my butt doing nothing, I do get out much more. But overall I am still me and my life is still mine. And finally 5)..I thank God I had the surgery. While it has not been the perfect miracle I had dreamed or hoped for, it has saved me. Today I am better than I was last year. Next year I hope to be better than I am today. Because of this surgery I can have that hope. Before I had lost all hope of being healthy, having a body I could actively live in. I was drowning in a sea of despair. With each passing pound I went up I saw my future fading away. I have that future back now. I can see living a long life. I get to do so much more now with my daughter than I had, and I look forward to many more years spent with her. I thank God for being given the opportunity to lose 100 lbs and for the chance to go even further. I still need to work on my head and will power, to regain some of the early excitement I had for the sleeve. But I can say without shadow of doubt I am truly happy I decided to do this, the struggle has been more than worth it. (and continues to be)
If you want to talk more I would be happy to do so in the messenger. It does help to have someone in your corner who KNOWS. Support is huge in this journey in my opinion.

Natalie,
Trust me, you are far from alone. I do not have any degrees in psychology or social work but I have always been the knowledgeable person. People have often come to me for advice because I pride myself on being informed, non judgmental and fair. I believed going into this I would have absolutely have no issues. I researched and studied and found every bit of information I possibly could, both positive and negative. I sailed through my psych evaluation with no problems at all. I had the tiger by the tail going in and KNEW I would succeed. Yet during the past year I have struggled more than I ever imagined. Of course there is the "honeymoon" period when you have tons of restriction post op, where you want to eat but the urge is not that intense yet. Then you heal. Your body adapts to the new stomach. Your urges increase while the restriction isn't quite as limiting as it once was. I found myself slipping back. What I swore I would never eat again I started taking a bite of here and there. My will power started to dwindle. Yes, I lost weight. At first I lost well, was thrilled. Then the weight loss started to slow down. I hit a wall in June that absolutely killed me. I was within ten pounds of my first 100 lb lost, yet I could not manage to get over that hurdle. I finally started to work out and did drop enough to get down a few pounds. During this year I had a friend who also had the sleeve. He had his two months after me, yet he is now very close to goal, maybe 20lbs to go. I realize everyone is different. I know in my head I should never compare myself to anyone else, especially a male. Yet seeing how well he has done, seeing how close he is to his ideal weight, it has been hard. It messes with your mind. That is something I have struggled with more than any other in this process. I never imagined going in just how much of a mental battle this would be. I did not realize just how messed up I truly was in my relationship with food and my self image. I fooled myself in thinking I had this. I know now, looking back, I would have benefitted greatly with some counseling. ( not an option financially) I have used this site as a lifeline at times, it truly has been a saving grace.
So a year out and a hundred pounds down I have learned these things...1) I am slow at losing weight. While many lose what they want or need to within the first year, I have not. I will have to work harder and keep going to reach my goals. 2) I am in this for the long haul. While I accepted this was a "forever" deal going in, I had assumed I would lose weight quickly then maintain it with the sleeve forever. That is not my reality. My long haul will be my weight loss journey. I know losing 100 lbs is nothing to sneeze at. But I still have quite a ways to go before I am "normal" weight. 3) I only fail if I quit. Each day I get up with the intent of doing my absolute best for my health and weight loss. Some days I am more successful than others. Long as I keep trying then I keep succeeding. 4) I have a life to live. For a few months post op life seemed "surreal". I felt I had shaken the very core of my existence and nothing would ever be the same. I was right and I was wrong. While changing myself through surgery and the resulting weight loss has dramatically changed many aspects of my life, it hasn't changed my life. I still have the same responsibilities as before. I have my daughter to raise, a job, bills to pay etc. I didn't suddenly become the most desirable creature on planet Earth so my love life hasn't really changed. ( Ok, I do get more attention paid to me but that hasn't lead me to finding a soulmate....yet.) I am still pretty much living the life I lived before. Granted it is more active. Not as much sitting on my butt doing nothing, I do get out much more. But overall I am still me and my life is still mine. And finally 5)..I thank God I had the surgery. While it has not been the perfect miracle I had dreamed or hoped for, it has saved me. Today I am better than I was last year. Next year I hope to be better than I am today. Because of this surgery I can have that hope. Before I had lost all hope of being healthy, having a body I could actively live in. I was drowning in a sea of despair. With each passing pound I went up I saw my future fading away. I have that future back now. I can see living a long life. I get to do so much more now with my daughter than I had, and I look forward to many more years spent with her. I thank God for being given the opportunity to lose 100 lbs and for the chance to go even further. I still need to work on my head and will power, to regain some of the early excitement I had for the sleeve. But I can say without shadow of doubt I am truly happy I decided to do this, the struggle has been more than worth it. (and continues to be)
If you want to talk more I would be happy to do so in the messenger. It does help to have someone in your corner who KNOWS. Support is huge in this journey in my opinion.

Congratulations on your aniversary, but even more for your 100+ pound loss! That's just fantastic!!!!

Natalie,
Let me start by saying congratulations on losing 100lbs! That is seriously an accomplishment. As I read your story I noticed how similar part of our stories are. I was sleeved just about a year ago. ( 10/21/13) I lost weight pretty steadily until this past June. Since then I have fluctuated in a 5lb zone, really only dropping maybe 3-4lbs total. I did not exercise early out either. I had some things that made it hard to exercise at a higher weight. ( BAD knees, vascular damage in my right leg) I started going to the YMCA gym back in August. It was very hard and painful at first, but with time has become "easier". ( not as much pain from my bad issues, just the usual sore muscles) I am by no means a gym rat but I am doing what I can. Every little bit counts. I have not started losing yet because I struggle with my eating. I have a 5 year old daughter ( almost 6) and now my 24yr old niece living at home. Buying food and preparing things that we will ALL eat is a HUGE challenge. ( not to mention my gym time is after I work all day, so I really have no time to cook ) I could prepare and freeze things on the weekend, but that is time I spend with my daughter. It is hard, no doubt. I eat chicken a lot myself. I also eat a lot of turkey. I will make spaghetti with ground turkey, high Fiber spaghetti noodles and "light" sauce. This is something everyone is happy with ( I flavor mine with lots of garlic and spices) and pretty easy to make. I also like turkey burgers. ( plain, no bun and fat free cheese) I know there are recipes out there I could find, it is just about managing my time to do it all.
I echo an above poster who said to pick one thing. I realize you are in a hard space emotionally due to the recent divorce and health issues. Try to remember what it was that motivated you to have the surgery. Hold on to that because it was a time you cared enough to put yourself first. Find little ways to add to your day. I have no doubt you will struggle and possibly not wish to do it. But the feeling of accomplishment after you do will more than make up for the discomfort. Just push, even a little. As I said, every little bit counts. Look for exercises for people who are disabled. These will help your muscles and you will actually burn some calories. And hopefully taking these small steps will help you obtain some of your physical and emotional goals. I wish you well and the best of luck!

Today is my one year "surgi-versary". I did not buy Halloween candy last year because I was just a bit out from surgery, but I remember well the years of eating the candy. I did buy two bags of candy for Trick or Treat, but they are remaining closed until Beggar's night. Whatever is left over ( if any) will make it into my work for my co-workers to feast on. I am not at goal yet, still have a way to go. But...I do not ever want to regain the 100+ pounds I have lost. This surgery has changed my life. Maybe not in the dramatic ways I once thought it would, but in so many meaningful ways. I am blessed I was able to find my way to this, it is an amazing thing.

Today is my one year "surgi-versary". I did not buy Halloween candy last year because I was just a bit out from surgery, but I remember well the years of eating the candy. I did buy two bags of candy for Trick or Treat, but they are remaining closed until Beggar's night. Whatever is left over ( if any) will make it into my work for my co-workers to feast on. I am not at goal yet, still have a way to go. But...I do not ever want to regain the 100+ pounds I have lost. This surgery has changed my life. Maybe not in the dramatic ways I once thought it would, but in so many meaningful ways. I am blessed I was able to find my way to this, it is an amazing thing.

Jealousy is a petty emotion, yet a human one. Sounds to me your siblings are jealous that you chose to change your life and improve your health. You decided for a real change, not a fly by night lose 20lbs, gain back 30lbs solution. It is possible they are even scared. Scared that you will somehow change and not be the sister they are "used to" and you know what? They are probably right. As people who have spent years obese or morbidly obese lose the weight attitudes do change. A LOT of us spent our heavy lives doing all we could to get along, not rock the boat. When you have weight issues and the associated self image problems ( not to mention health problems) you tend to be more accommodating of others. As you lose the weight and start to discover yourself, find out who was hiding under all the fat, a lot of times we become less accommodating as we become more self assured. People who have taken advantage of our "giving" nature suddenly see we won't take the abuse or neglect we once did. It does change a lot of interpersonal relationships. Those who truly love us, who want the best for us, will change along with us.
Your family may also struggle with their own self images. It is always easier to be around someone bigger so you aren't the biggest person. For YEARS this was a dynamic with my own sister. ( although we have MUCH more going on to cause issue than comparing BMI) I did this for me, no one else. Same goes for you. They will eventually give up their lost cause. In fact, your decision may motivate them to make changes in their own lives. Until that day comes though you just do what you do for YOU. You are on a path to better yourself and be healthy. Don't let their negativity divert you from your goals.

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

I had to go and renew driver's license today. Good thing because I really didn't look like my old picture at all anymore. LOL So my weight is my ACTUAL weight, not my "lie" weight. I was always too embarrassed to give my true weight for the past three licenses, so I lied. First time I said 250 and stuck to it, even when I ballooned up to 300 lbs and higher. Well not this time, I gave my real weight, 215lbs. Granted, that is still a big number and I really hope in four years I can give a lower real weight. But it feels pretty darn good to not feel such shame and take a pretty good picture!!!! LOL

No, I have not yet obtained "one-derland". No, I am not at goal. But today is still a special and important day to me none the less. Today I hit the 100 lbs lost mark. It is a deeply profound number to me. I have lost 100 lbs. It feels wonderful to say...( although it is tinged with some guilt to admit I had that much to lose to start with) I still have 76 lbs to lose to hit my ideal goal weight. It has taken me just shy of a year post op to make it down to my current weight, so as you can see I am NOT a fast loser. But here is what I am...I am a loser. I am a winner for being that loser. I have lost the equivalent of a small human being. ( not that darn small either!) I am 100 lbs thinner than I was when I started. Today I am celebrating this positive and not focusing on negative. ( That it has taken me almost a year, that I still have 76 lbs more to lose) I have a renewed sense of hope. While goal still seems so far away, a year ago 100lbs seemed like an insurmountable amount to lose. Not everyone who has spent most of their adult life morbidly obese gets to utter the words " I have lost 100lbs". I feel such joy. I feel that reaching my goal weight could be possible. I know my body is healthier today than just one year ago. My aches and pains have lessoned or disappeared. I can do more than I have in years. I fit places I only dreamed of, and can wear sizes I longed to see again.
To anyone just starting this process please know it is not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. To anyone struggling with eating right, or not losing as fast as others please know it will happen. Have faith, give it time. This past year seems like a blink of the eye now that it has passed, yet during the year it has been hard. No, it has been more than hard. It is a constant emotional battle. I thought I was ready to go, as prepared as any one person could be for the surgery. But I fooled myself. I was ready for the physical, but certainly not the mental. I am just here to say I would not trade one day of it to get where I am now. I have lost 100 lbs. I have tears welling up, it makes me that emotional. I truly hated what had become of me physically, but now I am slowly learning to love myself again. It is dawning on me I am fairly close to "normal". Ok, I am still heavy. ( obese technically) But I am closer to normal now than I have been in 18+ years. I am still adjusting to being in social settings and not having that overwhelming feeling of shame for being the largest person in the room. I can walk through a mall ( or even recently through an airport) and I am just another person in the crowd. My size is no longer what I am instantly recognized or defined as. Trust me, that too is part of the mental battle. But it is becoming a part I am growing more and more comfortable with. I hated the fat lady, but she was I and I was her. Now I am just Rhonda.... minus 100 lbs!

No, I have not yet obtained "one-derland". No, I am not at goal. But today is still a special and important day to me none the less. Today I hit the 100 lbs lost mark. It is a deeply profound number to me. I have lost 100 lbs. It feels wonderful to say...( although it is tinged with some guilt to admit I had that much to lose to start with) I still have 76 lbs to lose to hit my ideal goal weight. It has taken me just shy of a year post op to make it down to my current weight, so as you can see I am NOT a fast loser. But here is what I am...I am a loser. I am a winner for being that loser. I have lost the equivalent of a small human being. ( not that darn small either!) I am 100 lbs thinner than I was when I started. Today I am celebrating this positive and not focusing on negative. ( That it has taken me almost a year, that I still have 76 lbs more to lose) I have a renewed sense of hope. While goal still seems so far away, a year ago 100lbs seemed like an insurmountable amount to lose. Not everyone who has spent most of their adult life morbidly obese gets to utter the words " I have lost 100lbs". I feel such joy. I feel that reaching my goal weight could be possible. I know my body is healthier today than just one year ago. My aches and pains have lessoned or disappeared. I can do more than I have in years. I fit places I only dreamed of, and can wear sizes I longed to see again.
To anyone just starting this process please know it is not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. To anyone struggling with eating right, or not losing as fast as others please know it will happen. Have faith, give it time. This past year seems like a blink of the eye now that it has passed, yet during the year it has been hard. No, it has been more than hard. It is a constant emotional battle. I thought I was ready to go, as prepared as any one person could be for the surgery. But I fooled myself. I was ready for the physical, but certainly not the mental. I am just here to say I would not trade one day of it to get where I am now. I have lost 100 lbs. I have tears welling up, it makes me that emotional. I truly hated what had become of me physically, but now I am slowly learning to love myself again. It is dawning on me I am fairly close to "normal". Ok, I am still heavy. ( obese technically) But I am closer to normal now than I have been in 18+ years. I am still adjusting to being in social settings and not having that overwhelming feeling of shame for being the largest person in the room. I can walk through a mall ( or even recently through an airport) and I am just another person in the crowd. My size is no longer what I am instantly recognized or defined as. Trust me, that too is part of the mental battle. But it is becoming a part I am growing more and more comfortable with. I hated the fat lady, but she was I and I was her. Now I am just Rhonda.... minus 100 lbs!

No, I have not yet obtained "one-derland". No, I am not at goal. But today is still a special and important day to me none the less. Today I hit the 100 lbs lost mark. It is a deeply profound number to me. I have lost 100 lbs. It feels wonderful to say...( although it is tinged with some guilt to admit I had that much to lose to start with) I still have 76 lbs to lose to hit my ideal goal weight. It has taken me just shy of a year post op to make it down to my current weight, so as you can see I am NOT a fast loser. But here is what I am...I am a loser. I am a winner for being that loser. I have lost the equivalent of a small human being. ( not that darn small either!) I am 100 lbs thinner than I was when I started. Today I am celebrating this positive and not focusing on negative. ( That it has taken me almost a year, that I still have 76 lbs more to lose) I have a renewed sense of hope. While goal still seems so far away, a year ago 100lbs seemed like an insurmountable amount to lose. Not everyone who has spent most of their adult life morbidly obese gets to utter the words " I have lost 100lbs". I feel such joy. I feel that reaching my goal weight could be possible. I know my body is healthier today than just one year ago. My aches and pains have lessoned or disappeared. I can do more than I have in years. I fit places I only dreamed of, and can wear sizes I longed to see again.
To anyone just starting this process please know it is not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. To anyone struggling with eating right, or not losing as fast as others please know it will happen. Have faith, give it time. This past year seems like a blink of the eye now that it has passed, yet during the year it has been hard. No, it has been more than hard. It is a constant emotional battle. I thought I was ready to go, as prepared as any one person could be for the surgery. But I fooled myself. I was ready for the physical, but certainly not the mental. I am just here to say I would not trade one day of it to get where I am now. I have lost 100 lbs. I have tears welling up, it makes me that emotional. I truly hated what had become of me physically, but now I am slowly learning to love myself again. It is dawning on me I am fairly close to "normal". Ok, I am still heavy. ( obese technically) But I am closer to normal now than I have been in 18+ years. I am still adjusting to being in social settings and not having that overwhelming feeling of shame for being the largest person in the room. I can walk through a mall ( or even recently through an airport) and I am just another person in the crowd. My size is no longer what I am instantly recognized or defined as. Trust me, that too is part of the mental battle. But it is becoming a part I am growing more and more comfortable with. I hated the fat lady, but she was I and I was her. Now I am just Rhonda.... minus 100 lbs!

No, I have not yet obtained "one-derland". No, I am not at goal. But today is still a special and important day to me none the less. Today I hit the 100 lbs lost mark. It is a deeply profound number to me. I have lost 100 lbs. It feels wonderful to say...( although it is tinged with some guilt to admit I had that much to lose to start with) I still have 76 lbs to lose to hit my ideal goal weight. It has taken me just shy of a year post op to make it down to my current weight, so as you can see I am NOT a fast loser. But here is what I am...I am a loser. I am a winner for being that loser. I have lost the equivalent of a small human being. ( not that darn small either!) I am 100 lbs thinner than I was when I started. Today I am celebrating this positive and not focusing on negative. ( That it has taken me almost a year, that I still have 76 lbs more to lose) I have a renewed sense of hope. While goal still seems so far away, a year ago 100lbs seemed like an insurmountable amount to lose. Not everyone who has spent most of their adult life morbidly obese gets to utter the words " I have lost 100lbs". I feel such joy. I feel that reaching my goal weight could be possible. I know my body is healthier today than just one year ago. My aches and pains have lessoned or disappeared. I can do more than I have in years. I fit places I only dreamed of, and can wear sizes I longed to see again.
To anyone just starting this process please know it is not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. To anyone struggling with eating right, or not losing as fast as others please know it will happen. Have faith, give it time. This past year seems like a blink of the eye now that it has passed, yet during the year it has been hard. No, it has been more than hard. It is a constant emotional battle. I thought I was ready to go, as prepared as any one person could be for the surgery. But I fooled myself. I was ready for the physical, but certainly not the mental. I am just here to say I would not trade one day of it to get where I am now. I have lost 100 lbs. I have tears welling up, it makes me that emotional. I truly hated what had become of me physically, but now I am slowly learning to love myself again. It is dawning on me I am fairly close to "normal". Ok, I am still heavy. ( obese technically) But I am closer to normal now than I have been in 18+ years. I am still adjusting to being in social settings and not having that overwhelming feeling of shame for being the largest person in the room. I can walk through a mall ( or even recently through an airport) and I am just another person in the crowd. My size is no longer what I am instantly recognized or defined as. Trust me, that too is part of the mental battle. But it is becoming a part I am growing more and more comfortable with. I hated the fat lady, but she was I and I was her. Now I am just Rhonda.... minus 100 lbs!

No, I have not yet obtained "one-derland". No, I am not at goal. But today is still a special and important day to me none the less. Today I hit the 100 lbs lost mark. It is a deeply profound number to me. I have lost 100 lbs. It feels wonderful to say...( although it is tinged with some guilt to admit I had that much to lose to start with) I still have 76 lbs to lose to hit my ideal goal weight. It has taken me just shy of a year post op to make it down to my current weight, so as you can see I am NOT a fast loser. But here is what I am...I am a loser. I am a winner for being that loser. I have lost the equivalent of a small human being. ( not that darn small either!) I am 100 lbs thinner than I was when I started. Today I am celebrating this positive and not focusing on negative. ( That it has taken me almost a year, that I still have 76 lbs more to lose) I have a renewed sense of hope. While goal still seems so far away, a year ago 100lbs seemed like an insurmountable amount to lose. Not everyone who has spent most of their adult life morbidly obese gets to utter the words " I have lost 100lbs". I feel such joy. I feel that reaching my goal weight could be possible. I know my body is healthier today than just one year ago. My aches and pains have lessoned or disappeared. I can do more than I have in years. I fit places I only dreamed of, and can wear sizes I longed to see again.
To anyone just starting this process please know it is not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. To anyone struggling with eating right, or not losing as fast as others please know it will happen. Have faith, give it time. This past year seems like a blink of the eye now that it has passed, yet during the year it has been hard. No, it has been more than hard. It is a constant emotional battle. I thought I was ready to go, as prepared as any one person could be for the surgery. But I fooled myself. I was ready for the physical, but certainly not the mental. I am just here to say I would not trade one day of it to get where I am now. I have lost 100 lbs. I have tears welling up, it makes me that emotional. I truly hated what had become of me physically, but now I am slowly learning to love myself again. It is dawning on me I am fairly close to "normal". Ok, I am still heavy. ( obese technically) But I am closer to normal now than I have been in 18+ years. I am still adjusting to being in social settings and not having that overwhelming feeling of shame for being the largest person in the room. I can walk through a mall ( or even recently through an airport) and I am just another person in the crowd. My size is no longer what I am instantly recognized or defined as. Trust me, that too is part of the mental battle. But it is becoming a part I am growing more and more comfortable with. I hated the fat lady, but she was I and I was her. Now I am just Rhonda.... minus 100 lbs!