I finally hit a "magic" number
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No, I have not yet obtained "one-derland". No, I am not at goal. But today is still a special and important day to me none the less. Today I hit the 100 lbs lost mark. It is a deeply profound number to me. I have lost 100 lbs. It feels wonderful to say...( although it is tinged with some guilt to admit I had that much to lose to start with) I still have 76 lbs to lose to hit my ideal goal weight. It has taken me just shy of a year post op to make it down to my current weight, so as you can see I am NOT a fast loser. But here is what I am...I am a loser. I am a winner for being that loser. I have lost the equivalent of a small human being. ( not that darn small either!) I am 100 lbs thinner than I was when I started. Today I am celebrating this positive and not focusing on negative. ( That it has taken me almost a year, that I still have 76 lbs more to lose) I have a renewed sense of hope. While goal still seems so far away, a year ago 100lbs seemed like an insurmountable amount to lose. Not everyone who has spent most of their adult life morbidly obese gets to utter the words " I have lost 100lbs". I feel such joy. I feel that reaching my goal weight could be possible. I know my body is healthier today than just one year ago. My aches and pains have lessoned or disappeared. I can do more than I have in years. I fit places I only dreamed of, and can wear sizes I longed to see again.
To anyone just starting this process please know it is not easy, but it is absolutely worth it. To anyone struggling with eating right, or not losing as fast as others please know it will happen. Have faith, give it time. This past year seems like a blink of the eye now that it has passed, yet during the year it has been hard. No, it has been more than hard. It is a constant emotional battle. I thought I was ready to go, as prepared as any one person could be for the surgery. But I fooled myself. I was ready for the physical, but certainly not the mental. I am just here to say I would not trade one day of it to get where I am now. I have lost 100 lbs. I have tears welling up, it makes me that emotional. I truly hated what had become of me physically, but now I am slowly learning to love myself again. It is dawning on me I am fairly close to "normal". Ok, I am still heavy. ( obese technically) But I am closer to normal now than I have been in 18+ years. I am still adjusting to being in social settings and not having that overwhelming feeling of shame for being the largest person in the room. I can walk through a mall ( or even recently through an airport) and I am just another person in the crowd. My size is no longer what I am instantly recognized or defined as. Trust me, that too is part of the mental battle. But it is becoming a part I am growing more and more comfortable with. I hated the fat lady, but she was I and I was her. Now I am just Rhonda.... minus 100 lbs!