Firëfly

Look up The Cycle of Abuse. I am a survivor of domestic violence and escaped from a psyco-sociopath in the middle of the night with the help of workmates and the angels from the local womens' shelter (who had been advising me to not leave when he was home.)
Verbal and emotional abuse never go away. They ALWAYS escalate into physical violence. So even if he hasn't hit you (yet) abuse is abuse is abuse. One thing I learned in counseling at the shelter is that we get so used to abuse, that we begin to abuse ourselves.....not taking care of ourselves, perpetuating his isolation by isolating ourselves from family and friends...he follows you to work, or insists on driving you and picking you up even though you can drive yourself.
The thing that makes me hurt for you the most is that humiliating you at home has become humiliating you in public. My mean old rotten 2nd ex husband, told me one time in a crowded Subway restaurant, "I am sick and tired of looking at your ugly face." When I cried, he said I embarrassed him in public.
Another example is that one time after I had lost 50 pounds, he told me, "Every time you lose weight, you get jowls." He insisted that he pick out my clothes, even shoes and socks, from the mens' department because they were cheaper. Any time he did buy me something, I would not use it, because in a few days he would take it back so that he could buy cigarettes. He told me I would be more fun if I drank more.
Nothing EVER was his fault. He said I always made him mad, when in reality he chose to be mad at everything. He thrived on conflict.
So, if he has never hit you, think about this.....has he thrown things at you or near you....an ashtray, a telephone, a camping lantern (cracked my ankle). Has he tried to prevent you from getting medical help or minimized your symptoms, feelings, or opinions????
One day one of his 27 cats got up on a high kitchen cabinet and I climbed up on a ladder to get her down. He started yelling at me and I asked him calmly to please not raise his voice at me. He said, "I wish I could beat the Goddam
s>>t out of you." This was coming from a man who kept five loaded guns in the house. One time he even shot at a car who passed him on the highway late at night (when he was driving me home from work).
Oh, it gets worse...the last straw....we were in the car and I was talking to his daughter on the cell phone. He did not like something in the conversation and smacked me hard in the harm with his elbow. I asked him to stop the car and let me get out. So he started driving more aggressively and would not let me out of the car. The bruise on my upper arm was a big as a 7 ounce steak,
Fast forward to the restraint hearing. The county paid for the divorce because it was domestic violence. The judge put him in his place and told him that if he did not shut up he would be charged with domestic battery, terroristic threats of a specific nature, kidnapping, and unlawful restraint.
There clearly is much more than I can share here, but I am saying all that to say this: If any of this sounds familiar, you need to decide how to leave. And I am guessing that if you tell him you want a divorce, he will be all sorry, and make you prove to him that you still love him. If nothing else, get some input from the angels at the women's shelter who deal with this all the time.
If I had fallen for that tactic and gone back, all the advantage would have been to him. He would have had his cook and laundry wench and second income, and I would have had my beautiful prison ten miles out in the country 1/2 mile down a gravel road, in-between the corn and Beans.
The situation as you described is not healthy for you in any way. NO ONE deserves to be abused. You have come a long way, so keep on going and don't look back.

I feel full also and just know that there is no way I can take another bite -- no matter how good something tastes. When I was first starting to eat solid foods, I was horrible about measuring how much I could/couldn't eat and it got easier when I bought some tasting plates (small squared ones about 2 inches by 2 inches I think). If the food fit in the bottom of that plate and didn't rise too high, I could eat it without getting too full and feeling bloated/yucky because I overate.

"I appreciate your concern. I am working closely with my doctor and dietitian and they have given me clear guidelines. These guidelines are not like any diet I have ever been on and may seem strange to you, but if I don't follow them I could end up really sick. So please trust that I am being Very careful and taking care of myself. "

HW and SW: 325
CW: 235
GW: 145

Mine will involve taking some professional pictures with my horses, sportscar and some stuff that I love but have never wanted to be in the picture before with because I looked so bad. I may also buy myself a piece of jewelry or even get a tattoo (have had one picked out for years). If all else fails, I'll probably buy myself a new driver to golf with since I hope to be at goal by the start of the summer.

I do that all the time -- have a stall on the scale but lose inches. Keep up the good work -- that's awesome!

SD 5/23 and I'm down 90 pounds today. My hair started falling out in September and the only thing that has worked to slow it down for me was cutting it off. Hormones seem to play the biggest role in when it will start a massive spiral of coming out (I'm on the Depo shot and when I get close to the next shot it starts falling out badly). I'm just taking it as it comes because there's not much else that seems to help. I fit into a size 14 the other day in jeans so I'm pretty happy overall. I may not have hair but I'm starting to get a rocking body.

So I was shopping for new jeans this weekend and started in the Women's section of the store. Took a bunch of clothes into the dressing room (I think I have a shopping problem!) and realized as I tried on each item ... THEY WERE ALL TOO BIG!!! So I ventured over to the MISSES department (haven't shopped there in 10 years) and I fit into the L/XL shirts and a size 16 in Levi's. OMG - I am no longer in Plus sizes!! I was jumping up and down and giggling - I'm sure the other shoppers thought I was insane. But I was sooooo happy, I can't even begin to expain it Unfortunately the Levi's didn't fit me quite right, but I proceeded to New York & Co. and got my first ever pair of skinny jeans in a size ... wait for it... 14!!!! I started this journey at a size 22 so I'm just a little flippin excited

I am going to learn to surf! Hopefully I won't die!!!

I just reached my ultimate goal weight this week of 165 pounds; it still seems so surreal I step on the scale and still can't believe it. I am turning 50 next year so I have a beach vacation planned for January. I have always loved to shop and even more so wearing a size 6/8 and S/M tops.

I love getting the "Hey Skinny" comments and it's also fun to have people say, "Wow! You really look good," and have them keep staring at you doing double takes as if they can't believe what they see and it really is you.
One of the oddest ones I've gotten now twice is "I bet you're more confident now" and I'm sure it's just me but I kind of hate that one. It makes we want to say that no I'm not because it took a lot of confidence to put my 325 pound body out there like nothing was wrong with it and to like me for me at that weight. I don't feel more confident in that aspect -- it's just that they are seeing the real me that I've known I was all along.
I don't know -- maybe it is confidence. I know that I'm much more comfortable wearing sexy clothes now in the sense that I know people won't be talking behind my back and saying, "Look at that fat girl. Omg, I can't believe she is wearing that!" but it wasn't like I didn't want to wear those things earlier or feel like I was beautiful even when some people didn't see me like that. I guess it's the curse of being the fat girl with the pretty face that got away with some stuff.

C'mon. You titled your thread, "This may start a riot"...
That just screams provocation. I'm not throwing the book or getting mad... Just keeping it real.
You were poking the lion(s) with a stick and now you're shocked some of the lion(s) swiped at you? I think that is kind of silly.

Someone once told me...."only take advice from someone who is where you want to be." So what cowgirljane said is true....I see so many newly sleeved and even presleeved people here telling folks how to do things...and how it's going to go for them forever. Really? How do they know?
The surgeons all have many different opinions on what works and what doesn't work. The truth is, there is more than one way to skin a cat. The best way is the way that works....and that you can stick with forever.
And btw....it's not the Protein bars and shakes that bind you up...it's the lack of Fiber. When you're newly sleeved it's very difficult to get in enough Fiber. Most don't because they're too busy getting in their Protein and simply don't have the room for much else.

Ok so I was an avid follower and reader of this sight for months... but now I find it hard to get on here and believe everything I read.
I have went to my drs and asked alk the questions that were brought up on here and a lot of them my dr just laughed at and explained it for a sleeve patient vs a bypass patient.
He told me I can drink as I eat the valve will not just open and wash out food that is a bypass thing. Nothing with the valve has been changed. He said it will just make you full faster so instead you should eat your food but if you feel the need to drink do so.
The constipation/diarhea is most likely caused by your Protein Drinks and bars because other than your stomach being smaller there is no difference in how your body works.
The only thing he says is watchbout for a lot of bad carbs like candy, cakes and such but good carbs are ok. Eat until your full.
My nutritionist says the same. I track roughly 3-5 days a week and she says that's fine and to stay between 1000/1200 calories a day. If you feel the need for a hersheys kiss track it. And to always get your 80 gms of Protein in and your 64oz of Fluid.
I keep seeing so many other things and stories on here about things that I look up and those are the rules of bypass patients..
Just somethings drs disagree on I suppose and they all do things different. Usually I don't drink while eating but I can right after. It doesn't make me any hungrier any earlier I eat about every 3 to 4 hours and seem fine. My demons are haunting me.. candy crackers and chips and I am trying to fight those demons. I just don't know how. I need to get them out of my house... I don't like halloween bevause my boys bring home so much candy and I always have found myself eating more than they do. ..
Trying to eat cleaner and stay away from carbs.. I have 3 months of my honeymoin phase and have noticed a dramatic slow down of my weight loss. So here's to me getting back on the wagon...

Okay, I did read the whole post. I have to say that I am proud that you are reaching out because a part of you knows that you are making some seriously bad decisions. You apparently have some issues in your personal life that need to be addressed with a therapist and I wish you the best of success with that. You have been given some very good advice on here and everything is up to you. There are some things you can do to make your new life a success irregardless of where you live or how well you can cook. If you are in a college setting I am sure there are plenty of people around you that can help you with the cooking tips. If not, we are here for you. Just ask there is enough good cooks and supportive people on here that will walk you through your cooking. You have heard this enough times but I am going to say it again. Stay away from the sliders! They are mentally anguishing you and probably stalling your weight loss. On top of that they make you crave them more to the point of driving a sleever crazy.........me included!! I am going to give you some easy quick foods that can be purchased to fill you up and I am inviting everyone else to add to that list.
Beef Jerky
cheese Stick
Hard boiled eggs (You can buy these preboiled at the grocery store)
Summer sausage
tuna
chicken salad
almonds
Premier Protein shakes
SF Jello (not in the shot form )
rotisserie chicken,
fish from the deli
Subway chopped salad
greek yogurt
fruit melons and berries
These are just a few but I hope others will add to this list. My heart goes out to you and I truly do hope you get the help you need. Remember your therapist by law can not share your information with your mother and if they do then get a new one! Be kind to yourself and you can start with changing your name on here. You are worth something and we all think so!!

I didn't read your whole post but I'm pretty sure you shouldn't have posted anything if you weren't going to read all the information previously posted.

Have you tried shellfish (shrimp, lobster etc) or chicken? More dense than eggs for sure.
I have read about something called mushy foods syndrome. Sounds like you are eating too much mushys and not enough dense.
ETA: Get a george forman grill. You can make just about anything on it and it requires almost zero cooking skill.

I, too, would like to understand your post better. As the 545th posting on a thread that stretches 28 pages on a web browser (mobile devices will be different), how can you say this is not representative of VSG patients? Albeit, I believe there are varying degrees of quality in the postings as I don't believe the original intention of the OP intended people who are only a few weeks post-op to report their gains as I am confident they were able to lose that weight shortly after. But, I think everybody's contribution here is very relevant to someone who is researching. That is why it is pinned.
These are real, dyed in the wool VSG folk ... real world stuff. If someone researching wants additional information on someone's experience, I can think of nobody better to contact them then through this thread or VST ...

I haven't figured out how I will Celebrate goal get, but I did buy myself a pretty Bracelet when I lost 100 pounds. I wanted to have something that I would see often, to remind me of what I had accomplished.

Thanks he is one of my favorite people on the planet.. My other 5 nieces and nephews are too but this kid is a gem I tell ya!

You totally win.

The cute guy in my local shop said 'Wow! You look amazing!' as I walked in. The man in the queue next to me said 'He didn't say that to me when I came in!'

Aha! Finally someone with a filter on their mouth! And you could even hear it working. Lol