NewSetOfCurves

Lol! I enjoyed reading that! Too funny...I have to agree with Arts127, you write really well. Good luck with your libido and buy yourself some fun toys until you find someone to satisfy your turbo charged cravings

Thanks everyone! Yes our stories are similar reenalee. My brother passed away in 2011 and I think my mom has given up after that. She just recently had her 5th heart attack 2nd massive. It breaks my heart! I can't change her outcome but I can fight like hell to change mine!

this is a great beginning to your story! Keep coming back and sharing whenever you find time for you. I can relate in so many ways to your story (as I am sure many of us here can) the main focus your story gave me was what also started me on my journey... my mom! my mom will be 60 this summer, she was totally awesome when I was really young (toddler up to around age 15 or 16) REALLY active, always doing something. Our roof was to repaired on our house and she was the first one up there! Then my sister passed away, 4 yrs later my mom had breast cancer, a year later, cancer is back, 2 yrs after she went through another major health problem.. next thing you know shes in a motorized scooter! 5'2" 325#! she cant walk because she spent so much time down and out now her weight wasn't letting her get up and around... in Feb 2012 she had a gastric bypass. She has lost 120#!!! she is out walking, goes shopping now, she takes walks with her little dog... I LOVE the change it has made. I started this journey because I started feeling lazier because of my weight, I was less likely to take the kids to the pool, less likely to go out to the playground... and I realized it wont be long before I am out shopping for my own motorized scooter! I do NOT think so!! Although its sad we cant always change the paths to where we are, we sure as heck can change direction to where we are going!

Nice blog thanks for sharing, this is a very emotional journey in so many ways...best of luck...I feel sorry for ur mom, I'm 53 and feeling that I'm just beginning a new chapter in my life. I wish things were different for her, too...

Curvy,
Thank you so much. I appreciate your advice and your insight.
My husband has probably told me many times the exact same things you have written to me. I don't understand, if it's true, why can't I see it like he does, like other people have told me too. Why do I tend to focus on what's lacking, or where I've failed, or where things could be better. But I know I WANT to be beautiful and there are things I truly love about myself.
You're so right - I am and I know many big women that are beautiful inside and out. When I was younger and skinny, I still struggled with things I didn't like about my looks. So I know I have to deal with this and learn to accept and appreciate everything about myself no matter what size or shape my body is.
Thank you again for the encouragement and push I definitely need to settle into my beauty and love myself now. Perhaps my choice to get healthy is part of learning to love me, too. I'm worth it, because I AM beautiful. Whew, that's hard to say out loud... makes me feel conceited or deluded. I'm definitely a work in process.
editing - 5/2/13 - by the way, Curvy - You're a beautiful woman too. I was glancing through my comments and posts and friends and general reading and realized I hadn't told you that.

Flutterby, I want you to know that the first time I spied your profile, I thought, "What a beautiful woman." You are very beautiful, and based on other posts and entries you are of seemingly really good character. Part of this journey is having the confidence in yourself and believing in how beautiful you are. Big women are beautiful too. You don't have to be thin to be beautiful. I used to be skinny and felt disgusting about myself. I have more confidence in myself as a size 20 woman, than I did as a size 4 misses. My students always compliment me on how they love how sure of myself I am; how I dress; my hair. Big girls can and ARE fabulous. I think my ability to LOVE myself, to believe that I am beautiful and fabulous...no matter what... made me realize that I was ready to take this step; ready to be a healthy, fabulous me. LOVE who you are now, because the woman you are now is beautiful; you don't have to be 150ish to share part of that beauty that is inside and all around you.

I'm a singer, too. Funny that I worry that I won't be able to sing as powerfully without my weight backing me up. I've read about opera singers who can't perform the same way after losing weight... and I was classically trained in opera, so even singing popular music, I use the same techniques! I'm hoping for more confidence to get out there and share my gifts with others as well! I wanna re-do all my youtube vids and actually SHARE them with people!

You know that is the problem with the mentality of adolescence. At the time we are so naive and gullible to society’s unrealistic expectations and perceptions of beauty, that we fall into its grasp and let it alter any realistic notion of beauty that the people who love us instill into us (or SHOULD instill into us). I too am 5’ 7” and yielded a weight of 134, yet I felt like I was fat and disgusting. I was bulimic for so many years, OBSESSED with working out and eating the right foods. However, I often fell into these bouts where my love of food would take over and I would binge eat junk…only to throw it up later and feel utter disgust and repulsion. At one time my-then-boyfriend-now-husband wasn’t allowed to touch my stomach—even though it was flat!!!
I was an idiot. BIG TIME! The irony of the whole situation is that I feel more confident and sexy now as a big girl, than I ever did when I was thin. My perception of myself now, my need to be healthy for the sake of longevity and health reasons, and for the sake of my overall family’s health is why I too think I am ready to take this step.
Thank you for sharing Flutterby. I loved your story and I totally, completely, 100% relate.

You know that is the problem with the mentality of adolescence. At the time we are so naive and gullible to society’s unrealistic expectations and perceptions of beauty, that we fall into its grasp and let it alter any realistic notion of beauty that the people who love us instill into us (or SHOULD instill into us). I too am 5’ 7” and yielded a weight of 134, yet I felt like I was fat and disgusting. I was bulimic for so many years, OBSESSED with working out and eating the right foods. However, I often fell into these bouts where my love of food would take over and I would binge eat junk…only to throw it up later and feel utter disgust and repulsion. At one time my-then-boyfriend-now-husband wasn’t allowed to touch my stomach—even though it was flat!!!
I was an idiot. BIG TIME! The irony of the whole situation is that I feel more confident and sexy now as a big girl, than I ever did when I was thin. My perception of myself now, my need to be healthy for the sake of longevity and health reasons, and for the sake of my overall family’s health is why I too think I am ready to take this step.
Thank you for sharing Flutterby. I loved your story and I totally, completely, 100% relate.