Flutterby

Beginning weight 296. Surgery weight 286 (lost 10 lbs on pre-op diet), 3 days post op weight 273. (13 lbs since surgery - total 23 lbs lost)
 
Recovery and healing is going good. Liquids...liquids... and more clear liquids. I can actually take regular size drinks now instead of baby sips. I don't gulp and do take one or two swallows at a time.. but it's feeling wonderful. I'm having less and less pain at my incision sites and can walk around and do light (very light) housework for 10 to 15 minute stretches at a time.
 
I'm able to get in 50g of protein (unsweetened and unflavored powder in 12 oz. water each time). I'm drinking 80 oz of water, around 30 oz. of beef, chicken or vegetable broth, 100% juice jello, gelled broth, and an occasional zero vitamin water.
 
I'm not a fan of sweet protein shakes. I don't mind them, and I'll drink one occasionally and they taste great, it's just that I'd rather have something not sweet. I like fruit and fruit juice okay, but prefer savory, salty, creamy, sour and sometimes spicy tastes. Anyway, that's why I got the plain protein powder to mix in water. I found it on Amazon - Now Sports brand of Whey Protein Isolate.
 
I'm glad I only have two days left of clear liquids. I'm craving something more "full". I look forward to fruit smoothies, creamed cottage cheese, yogurt, and creamed soups. I can use my protein powder in any and all of my "full liquids" so I'll be sure to get my 80 grams per day goal met that way.
 
I'm keeping my food journal and going to make it a habit. I'm still feeling very optimistic and positive and happy every day. I'm so glad I did this!!!
 
When it comes time in my sleeve diet progression that I can add all of the ingredients, I plan to use my morning smoothies to get a great nutritional boost every day. I may have one for a snack each afternoon too. I have a magic bullet so I can make a small powerful blast of nutrition. I'll put in fresh frozen spinach cubes (using fresh spinach blended with a small amt of water then put into ice cube trays to freeze), with a couple frozen strawberries or blueberries, banana chunks, peaches, pineapple, etc. (usually I pick two fruits, sometimes three) Then I'll add barley grass powder and veggie/fruit concentrate powder, chia seeds, protein powder and epa oil. Occasionally I may put in a tbsp of fresh peanut butter, almond butter, avacado, coconut oil, or cocoa powder. Yum.. I can't wait.
 
I've got several soups frozen in individual serving size all ready for when I start my pureed stage... plus frozen cooked chicken left from when I made all my broth... and I'm going to get my crock pot going when it's time to make more mushy veggies and things to puree.
 
Awww.. now just to be patient with myself as I walk day by day in the moment and do what I need to do to get to each new goal. That's the hard part.
 
I love the planning, list making, preparing, etc. The fulfilling part of reaching goals is so motivating. Every time I get to mark something off my "to-do" list, or write down a goal accomplished or realize I need to begin working on the next phase - I just smile and remind myself that YES, I can do this... I AM doing this...and I am going to keep moving forward.
 
The challenges, set-backs, revising, unexpected interruptions, changes and knock downs are there to make me stronger. I usually don't see it that way in the midst of the "problem" or "issue" or "failure" and can get downright depressed and feel sorry for myself. But that's only temporary. Failure is NOT final. Success is mine because I keep getting back up and shaking off the bad stuff - I'm stronger and more focused than ever.

Beginning weight 296. Surgery weight 286 (lost 10 lbs on pre-op diet), 3 days post op weight 273. (13 lbs since surgery - total 23 lbs lost)
 
Recovery and healing is going good. Liquids...liquids... and more clear liquids. I can actually take regular size drinks now instead of baby sips. I don't gulp and do take one or two swallows at a time.. but it's feeling wonderful. I'm having less and less pain at my incision sites and can walk around and do light (very light) housework for 10 to 15 minute stretches at a time.
 
I'm able to get in 50g of protein (unsweetened and unflavored powder in 12 oz. water each time). I'm drinking 80 oz of water, around 30 oz. of beef, chicken or vegetable broth, 100% juice jello, gelled broth, and an occasional zero vitamin water.
 
I'm not a fan of sweet protein shakes. I don't mind them, and I'll drink one occasionally and they taste great, it's just that I'd rather have something not sweet. I like fruit and fruit juice okay, but prefer savory, salty, creamy, sour and sometimes spicy tastes. Anyway, that's why I got the plain protein powder to mix in water. I found it on Amazon - Now Sports brand of Whey Protein Isolate.
 
I'm glad I only have two days left of clear liquids. I'm craving something more "full". I look forward to fruit smoothies, creamed cottage cheese, yogurt, and creamed soups. I can use my protein powder in any and all of my "full liquids" so I'll be sure to get my 80 grams per day goal met that way.
 
I'm keeping my food journal and going to make it a habit. I'm still feeling very optimistic and positive and happy every day. I'm so glad I did this!!!
 
When it comes time in my sleeve diet progression that I can add all of the ingredients, I plan to use my morning smoothies to get a great nutritional boost every day. I may have one for a snack each afternoon too. I have a magic bullet so I can make a small powerful blast of nutrition. I'll put in fresh frozen spinach cubes (using fresh spinach blended with a small amt of water then put into ice cube trays to freeze), with a couple frozen strawberries or blueberries, banana chunks, peaches, pineapple, etc. (usually I pick two fruits, sometimes three) Then I'll add barley grass powder and veggie/fruit concentrate powder, chia seeds, protein powder and epa oil. Occasionally I may put in a tbsp of fresh peanut butter, almond butter, avacado, coconut oil, or cocoa powder. Yum.. I can't wait.
 
I've got several soups frozen in individual serving size all ready for when I start my pureed stage... plus frozen cooked chicken left from when I made all my broth... and I'm going to get my crock pot going when it's time to make more mushy veggies and things to puree.
 
Awww.. now just to be patient with myself as I walk day by day in the moment and do what I need to do to get to each new goal. That's the hard part.
 
I love the planning, list making, preparing, etc. The fulfilling part of reaching goals is so motivating. Every time I get to mark something off my "to-do" list, or write down a goal accomplished or realize I need to begin working on the next phase - I just smile and remind myself that YES, I can do this... I AM doing this...and I am going to keep moving forward.
 
The challenges, set-backs, revising, unexpected interruptions, changes and knock downs are there to make me stronger. I usually don't see it that way in the midst of the "problem" or "issue" or "failure" and can get downright depressed and feel sorry for myself. But that's only temporary. Failure is NOT final. Success is mine because I keep getting back up and shaking off the bad stuff - I'm stronger and more focused than ever.

SURGERY Friday, JULY 12TH at 1:15 p.m. Home Saturday 5 p.m.
 
It was frustrating to have to change surgeons and clinics, but now that I'm home recovering from my surgery, I couldn't be more pleased that it worked out like it did.
 
Dr Smith and his staff and all the people involved in my care were excellent. I was at peace the whole time and felt protected and pampered and informed.
 
My pre-op diet was not a big deal. I mean, I've been dieting for what feels like my whole life anyway. This time, it felt like a privilege. I feel like I'm getting a do-over. I'm getting a giant helping hand to get myself healthy and finally lose weight. Anyway, I drank two protein shakes a day then had a bowl of soup for one meal. I could have yogurt or popsicles for snacks but I only had yogurt once. There were a couple of days I had two bowls of soup instead of a snack.
 
On Wednesday I went and got pre-admitted and had bloodwork done. That day and Thursday were my clear liquid days. I did better than I thought, except for dealing with bad heartburn. The time for surgery was set. My husband was home and ready to take me. He works in the oilfield so he had to get time off to come home for the surgery. He's been amazing. But I knew he would be. He's my biggest support.
 
Friday we loaded up and headed to the hospital around 9 a.m. It's a two-hour drive from our house. We got there, I was pre-admitted, so they just checked me in. It took about 5 minutes till they were calling me back to pre-op. The nurse gave me what I needed to change into. I got on my gown, booties and hair cap. A few minutes later the nurse was putting in my IV. A little after that the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. My daughters and husband came back then to give me hugs and support and visit a few minutes before they took me to surgery. Within no time, they were wheeling me out to the operating room.
 
Last thing I remember is the nurses that were guiding the bed and saying they were bad drivers. Then, I was out of it. I was told it took about and hour and fifteen minutes. I remember being semi-conscious and coughing (that was painful). But then I was out again for a little while, then started coming to. The pain wasn't bad at all when I regained consciousness. They said I coughed up a little blood when they took out the breathing tube. That's what I had remembered. My throat was a little sore, but not too bad. I had dry mouth but was told I'd just have to deal with that because I couldn't have anything at all in my mouth until after the swallow test the next morning.
 
It was done. Everything went well. My hernia was just a small repair, taking one stitch. So after being in recovery about 30 minutes, I got to go to my room. There was my husband, daughters and parents waiting to see me. The nurses, techs, RT all introduced themselves. They made sure I was comfortable. I texted my other kids and some friends that everything went well. It was nice and relaxing.
 
After a little visiting and making sure I was okay, everyone but my husband left. So about two hours after surgery it was time to get up. That wasn't too fun, but I made it. I was able to go urinate and then walked one lap around the floor of the hospital. The nausea was difficult at times but I never vomited. I was very thankful for the quick acting pain meds when I needed them. I was able to do the deep breathing with no trouble at all too. Every two hours or so I'd get up and walk and use the bathroom. Hubby and I just visited, napped, watched TV, as the nurses would come in and check vitals, give meds, change IV, etc. all through the night. I had to call and ask for pain and nausea meds only twice. My incisions aren't huge, but a little bigger than I thought they would be. I have five scars healing nicely across my abdomen.
 
Saturday morning was restful and just tried to walk occasionally and stay comfortable. Around 9 am I got to do my swallow test. It went just fine. I was afraid to drink the barium, but there was no problem. It wasn't the best taste, but not too bad really. NO LEAKS!
 
Then, I got my water. One ounce at a time, every fifteen minutes for four hours. If I drank too fast, I got nauseous, so I had to slow down. The doctor came in around 1 pm to see how I was doing. All good reports. So it was time to get checked out. Before I knew it, I was getting dressed, signing release papers, and walking out of the hospital.
 
Now, the ride home was the worst part of my whole experience with surgery. I hadn't had a dose of pain meds since about 11 am. It's a two hour ride without traffic home, but, let me tell you, after abdominal surgery, you feel every single bump in the road!!! Plus, I had forgotten to pick up all my prescriptions before surgery so we had to make a side-trip to the pharmacy which took another hour. By the time we got home at 5 p.m. I was in pain, big time. I got to my recliner and that's where I've been most of the time. Our bed it tall, so I'm not going to try that till my belly isn't so sore.
 
I took the pain medicine (liquid, thankfully), but didn't look at the measurement right and only took a third of a dose. Because of that it didn't help much with my pain. I was suffering and concerned, so I called my doctor to ask if it was okay to take a dose sooner than 6 hours apart. He okayed a dose four hours from the first. That's when I realized that I had not taken enough the first time and after the correct dosage, I was getting relief. I kept drinking, but only tiny sips. I took a dose of nausea medication with the next pain med dose, but haven't needed any more of it since. I'm taking the pain meds to help my body heal without stress. I got my cpap hooked up beside my recliner and then was able to get some pretty great sleep.
 
Today, Sunday, has been really good. My sweet mother made my husband and daughter yummy meatloaf, veggies, banana pudding and cantaloupe and brought it over on their way to church. I am blessed!
 
I'm more relaxed, walking around the house a bit, still feeling pain in the incisions but less than it was. I was able to take my liquid vitamins and opened my iron capsule, omeprazole capsule and vitamin D3 cap into the multi vitamins and took them together. I just put my b-12 sublingual under my tongue as I normally do, and chewed up my biotin dots. Then took my liquid antibiotic and a dose of pain meds. I was feeling pretty good and mixed up a unflavored, unsweetened protein powder in water. No problem at all. I just drank it an ounce at a time and gauged my tummy reaction. It was all good. About an hour later I had some beef broth. I think it gave me some gas. I took some gas X.
 
I've ordered a bathroom scale and it should be delivered tomorrow. I think I've lost about 15 pounds since starting my pre-op diet. My belly already looks like it is deflating, Yeah!
 
I'm so glad to be on to the next goal. That goal is to make it through the week of clear liquids and get some energy back and the surgery pain over with.

SURGERY Friday, JULY 12TH at 1:15 p.m. Home Saturday 5 p.m.
 
It was frustrating to have to change surgeons and clinics, but now that I'm home recovering from my surgery, I couldn't be more pleased that it worked out like it did.
 
Dr Smith and his staff and all the people involved in my care were excellent. I was at peace the whole time and felt protected and pampered and informed.
 
My pre-op diet was not a big deal. I mean, I've been dieting for what feels like my whole life anyway. This time, it felt like a privilege. I feel like I'm getting a do-over. I'm getting a giant helping hand to get myself healthy and finally lose weight. Anyway, I drank two protein shakes a day then had a bowl of soup for one meal. I could have yogurt or popsicles for snacks but I only had yogurt once. There were a couple of days I had two bowls of soup instead of a snack.
 
On Wednesday I went and got pre-admitted and had bloodwork done. That day and Thursday were my clear liquid days. I did better than I thought, except for dealing with bad heartburn. The time for surgery was set. My husband was home and ready to take me. He works in the oilfield so he had to get time off to come home for the surgery. He's been amazing. But I knew he would be. He's my biggest support.
 
Friday we loaded up and headed to the hospital around 9 a.m. It's a two-hour drive from our house. We got there, I was pre-admitted, so they just checked me in. It took about 5 minutes till they were calling me back to pre-op. The nurse gave me what I needed to change into. I got on my gown, booties and hair cap. A few minutes later the nurse was putting in my IV. A little after that the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. My daughters and husband came back then to give me hugs and support and visit a few minutes before they took me to surgery. Within no time, they were wheeling me out to the operating room.
 
Last thing I remember is the nurses that were guiding the bed and saying they were bad drivers. Then, I was out of it. I was told it took about and hour and fifteen minutes. I remember being semi-conscious and coughing (that was painful). But then I was out again for a little while, then started coming to. The pain wasn't bad at all when I regained consciousness. They said I coughed up a little blood when they took out the breathing tube. That's what I had remembered. My throat was a little sore, but not too bad. I had dry mouth but was told I'd just have to deal with that because I couldn't have anything at all in my mouth until after the swallow test the next morning.
 
It was done. Everything went well. My hernia was just a small repair, taking one stitch. So after being in recovery about 30 minutes, I got to go to my room. There was my husband, daughters and parents waiting to see me. The nurses, techs, RT all introduced themselves. They made sure I was comfortable. I texted my other kids and some friends that everything went well. It was nice and relaxing.
 
After a little visiting and making sure I was okay, everyone but my husband left. So about two hours after surgery it was time to get up. That wasn't too fun, but I made it. I was able to go urinate and then walked one lap around the floor of the hospital. The nausea was difficult at times but I never vomited. I was very thankful for the quick acting pain meds when I needed them. I was able to do the deep breathing with no trouble at all too. Every two hours or so I'd get up and walk and use the bathroom. Hubby and I just visited, napped, watched TV, as the nurses would come in and check vitals, give meds, change IV, etc. all through the night. I had to call and ask for pain and nausea meds only twice. My incisions aren't huge, but a little bigger than I thought they would be. I have five scars healing nicely across my abdomen.
 
Saturday morning was restful and just tried to walk occasionally and stay comfortable. Around 9 am I got to do my swallow test. It went just fine. I was afraid to drink the barium, but there was no problem. It wasn't the best taste, but not too bad really. NO LEAKS!
 
Then, I got my water. One ounce at a time, every fifteen minutes for four hours. If I drank too fast, I got nauseous, so I had to slow down. The doctor came in around 1 pm to see how I was doing. All good reports. So it was time to get checked out. Before I knew it, I was getting dressed, signing release papers, and walking out of the hospital.
 
Now, the ride home was the worst part of my whole experience with surgery. I hadn't had a dose of pain meds since about 11 am. It's a two hour ride without traffic home, but, let me tell you, after abdominal surgery, you feel every single bump in the road!!! Plus, I had forgotten to pick up all my prescriptions before surgery so we had to make a side-trip to the pharmacy which took another hour. By the time we got home at 5 p.m. I was in pain, big time. I got to my recliner and that's where I've been most of the time. Our bed it tall, so I'm not going to try that till my belly isn't so sore.
 
I took the pain medicine (liquid, thankfully), but didn't look at the measurement right and only took a third of a dose. Because of that it didn't help much with my pain. I was suffering and concerned, so I called my doctor to ask if it was okay to take a dose sooner than 6 hours apart. He okayed a dose four hours from the first. That's when I realized that I had not taken enough the first time and after the correct dosage, I was getting relief. I kept drinking, but only tiny sips. I took a dose of nausea medication with the next pain med dose, but haven't needed any more of it since. I'm taking the pain meds to help my body heal without stress. I got my cpap hooked up beside my recliner and then was able to get some pretty great sleep.
 
Today, Sunday, has been really good. My sweet mother made my husband and daughter yummy meatloaf, veggies, banana pudding and cantaloupe and brought it over on their way to church. I am blessed!
 
I'm more relaxed, walking around the house a bit, still feeling pain in the incisions but less than it was. I was able to take my liquid vitamins and opened my iron capsule, omeprazole capsule and vitamin D3 cap into the multi vitamins and took them together. I just put my b-12 sublingual under my tongue as I normally do, and chewed up my biotin dots. Then took my liquid antibiotic and a dose of pain meds. I was feeling pretty good and mixed up a unflavored, unsweetened protein powder in water. No problem at all. I just drank it an ounce at a time and gauged my tummy reaction. It was all good. About an hour later I had some beef broth. I think it gave me some gas. I took some gas X.
 
I've ordered a bathroom scale and it should be delivered tomorrow. I think I've lost about 15 pounds since starting my pre-op diet. My belly already looks like it is deflating, Yeah!
 
I'm so glad to be on to the next goal. That goal is to make it through the week of clear liquids and get some energy back and the surgery pain over with.

SURGERY Friday, JULY 12TH at 1:15 p.m. Home Saturday 5 p.m.
 
It was frustrating to have to change surgeons and clinics, but now that I'm home recovering from my surgery, I couldn't be more pleased that it worked out like it did.
 
Dr Smith and his staff and all the people involved in my care were excellent. I was at peace the whole time and felt protected and pampered and informed.
 
My pre-op diet was not a big deal. I mean, I've been dieting for what feels like my whole life anyway. This time, it felt like a privilege. I feel like I'm getting a do-over. I'm getting a giant helping hand to get myself healthy and finally lose weight. Anyway, I drank two protein shakes a day then had a bowl of soup for one meal. I could have yogurt or popsicles for snacks but I only had yogurt once. There were a couple of days I had two bowls of soup instead of a snack.
 
On Wednesday I went and got pre-admitted and had bloodwork done. That day and Thursday were my clear liquid days. I did better than I thought, except for dealing with bad heartburn. The time for surgery was set. My husband was home and ready to take me. He works in the oilfield so he had to get time off to come home for the surgery. He's been amazing. But I knew he would be. He's my biggest support.
 
Friday we loaded up and headed to the hospital around 9 a.m. It's a two-hour drive from our house. We got there, I was pre-admitted, so they just checked me in. It took about 5 minutes till they were calling me back to pre-op. The nurse gave me what I needed to change into. I got on my gown, booties and hair cap. A few minutes later the nurse was putting in my IV. A little after that the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. My daughters and husband came back then to give me hugs and support and visit a few minutes before they took me to surgery. Within no time, they were wheeling me out to the operating room.
 
Last thing I remember is the nurses that were guiding the bed and saying they were bad drivers. Then, I was out of it. I was told it took about and hour and fifteen minutes. I remember being semi-conscious and coughing (that was painful). But then I was out again for a little while, then started coming to. The pain wasn't bad at all when I regained consciousness. They said I coughed up a little blood when they took out the breathing tube. That's what I had remembered. My throat was a little sore, but not too bad. I had dry mouth but was told I'd just have to deal with that because I couldn't have anything at all in my mouth until after the swallow test the next morning.
 
It was done. Everything went well. My hernia was just a small repair, taking one stitch. So after being in recovery about 30 minutes, I got to go to my room. There was my husband, daughters and parents waiting to see me. The nurses, techs, RT all introduced themselves. They made sure I was comfortable. I texted my other kids and some friends that everything went well. It was nice and relaxing.
 
After a little visiting and making sure I was okay, everyone but my husband left. So about two hours after surgery it was time to get up. That wasn't too fun, but I made it. I was able to go urinate and then walked one lap around the floor of the hospital. The nausea was difficult at times but I never vomited. I was very thankful for the quick acting pain meds when I needed them. I was able to do the deep breathing with no trouble at all too. Every two hours or so I'd get up and walk and use the bathroom. Hubby and I just visited, napped, watched TV, as the nurses would come in and check vitals, give meds, change IV, etc. all through the night. I had to call and ask for pain and nausea meds only twice. My incisions aren't huge, but a little bigger than I thought they would be. I have five scars healing nicely across my abdomen.
 
Saturday morning was restful and just tried to walk occasionally and stay comfortable. Around 9 am I got to do my swallow test. It went just fine. I was afraid to drink the barium, but there was no problem. It wasn't the best taste, but not too bad really. NO LEAKS!
 
Then, I got my water. One ounce at a time, every fifteen minutes for four hours. If I drank too fast, I got nauseous, so I had to slow down. The doctor came in around 1 pm to see how I was doing. All good reports. So it was time to get checked out. Before I knew it, I was getting dressed, signing release papers, and walking out of the hospital.
 
Now, the ride home was the worst part of my whole experience with surgery. I hadn't had a dose of pain meds since about 11 am. It's a two hour ride without traffic home, but, let me tell you, after abdominal surgery, you feel every single bump in the road!!! Plus, I had forgotten to pick up all my prescriptions before surgery so we had to make a side-trip to the pharmacy which took another hour. By the time we got home at 5 p.m. I was in pain, big time. I got to my recliner and that's where I've been most of the time. Our bed it tall, so I'm not going to try that till my belly isn't so sore.
 
I took the pain medicine (liquid, thankfully), but didn't look at the measurement right and only took a third of a dose. Because of that it didn't help much with my pain. I was suffering and concerned, so I called my doctor to ask if it was okay to take a dose sooner than 6 hours apart. He okayed a dose four hours from the first. That's when I realized that I had not taken enough the first time and after the correct dosage, I was getting relief. I kept drinking, but only tiny sips. I took a dose of nausea medication with the next pain med dose, but haven't needed any more of it since. I'm taking the pain meds to help my body heal without stress. I got my cpap hooked up beside my recliner and then was able to get some pretty great sleep.
 
Today, Sunday, has been really good. My sweet mother made my husband and daughter yummy meatloaf, veggies, banana pudding and cantaloupe and brought it over on their way to church. I am blessed!
 
I'm more relaxed, walking around the house a bit, still feeling pain in the incisions but less than it was. I was able to take my liquid vitamins and opened my iron capsule, omeprazole capsule and vitamin D3 cap into the multi vitamins and took them together. I just put my b-12 sublingual under my tongue as I normally do, and chewed up my biotin dots. Then took my liquid antibiotic and a dose of pain meds. I was feeling pretty good and mixed up a unflavored, unsweetened protein powder in water. No problem at all. I just drank it an ounce at a time and gauged my tummy reaction. It was all good. About an hour later I had some beef broth. I think it gave me some gas. I took some gas X.
 
I've ordered a bathroom scale and it should be delivered tomorrow. I think I've lost about 15 pounds since starting my pre-op diet. My belly already looks like it is deflating, Yeah!
 
I'm so glad to be on to the next goal. That goal is to make it through the week of clear liquids and get some energy back and the surgery pain over with.

SURGERY Friday, JULY 12TH at 1:15 p.m. Home Saturday 5 p.m.
 
It was frustrating to have to change surgeons and clinics, but now that I'm home recovering from my surgery, I couldn't be more pleased that it worked out like it did.
 
Dr Smith and his staff and all the people involved in my care were excellent. I was at peace the whole time and felt protected and pampered and informed.
 
My pre-op diet was not a big deal. I mean, I've been dieting for what feels like my whole life anyway. This time, it felt like a privilege. I feel like I'm getting a do-over. I'm getting a giant helping hand to get myself healthy and finally lose weight. Anyway, I drank two protein shakes a day then had a bowl of soup for one meal. I could have yogurt or popsicles for snacks but I only had yogurt once. There were a couple of days I had two bowls of soup instead of a snack.
 
On Wednesday I went and got pre-admitted and had bloodwork done. That day and Thursday were my clear liquid days. I did better than I thought, except for dealing with bad heartburn. The time for surgery was set. My husband was home and ready to take me. He works in the oilfield so he had to get time off to come home for the surgery. He's been amazing. But I knew he would be. He's my biggest support.
 
Friday we loaded up and headed to the hospital around 9 a.m. It's a two-hour drive from our house. We got there, I was pre-admitted, so they just checked me in. It took about 5 minutes till they were calling me back to pre-op. The nurse gave me what I needed to change into. I got on my gown, booties and hair cap. A few minutes later the nurse was putting in my IV. A little after that the anesthesiologist came in and introduced himself. My daughters and husband came back then to give me hugs and support and visit a few minutes before they took me to surgery. Within no time, they were wheeling me out to the operating room.
 
Last thing I remember is the nurses that were guiding the bed and saying they were bad drivers. Then, I was out of it. I was told it took about and hour and fifteen minutes. I remember being semi-conscious and coughing (that was painful). But then I was out again for a little while, then started coming to. The pain wasn't bad at all when I regained consciousness. They said I coughed up a little blood when they took out the breathing tube. That's what I had remembered. My throat was a little sore, but not too bad. I had dry mouth but was told I'd just have to deal with that because I couldn't have anything at all in my mouth until after the swallow test the next morning.
 
It was done. Everything went well. My hernia was just a small repair, taking one stitch. So after being in recovery about 30 minutes, I got to go to my room. There was my husband, daughters and parents waiting to see me. The nurses, techs, RT all introduced themselves. They made sure I was comfortable. I texted my other kids and some friends that everything went well. It was nice and relaxing.
 
After a little visiting and making sure I was okay, everyone but my husband left. So about two hours after surgery it was time to get up. That wasn't too fun, but I made it. I was able to go urinate and then walked one lap around the floor of the hospital. The nausea was difficult at times but I never vomited. I was very thankful for the quick acting pain meds when I needed them. I was able to do the deep breathing with no trouble at all too. Every two hours or so I'd get up and walk and use the bathroom. Hubby and I just visited, napped, watched TV, as the nurses would come in and check vitals, give meds, change IV, etc. all through the night. I had to call and ask for pain and nausea meds only twice. My incisions aren't huge, but a little bigger than I thought they would be. I have five scars healing nicely across my abdomen.
 
Saturday morning was restful and just tried to walk occasionally and stay comfortable. Around 9 am I got to do my swallow test. It went just fine. I was afraid to drink the barium, but there was no problem. It wasn't the best taste, but not too bad really. NO LEAKS!
 
Then, I got my water. One ounce at a time, every fifteen minutes for four hours. If I drank too fast, I got nauseous, so I had to slow down. The doctor came in around 1 pm to see how I was doing. All good reports. So it was time to get checked out. Before I knew it, I was getting dressed, signing release papers, and walking out of the hospital.
 
Now, the ride home was the worst part of my whole experience with surgery. I hadn't had a dose of pain meds since about 11 am. It's a two hour ride without traffic home, but, let me tell you, after abdominal surgery, you feel every single bump in the road!!! Plus, I had forgotten to pick up all my prescriptions before surgery so we had to make a side-trip to the pharmacy which took another hour. By the time we got home at 5 p.m. I was in pain, big time. I got to my recliner and that's where I've been most of the time. Our bed it tall, so I'm not going to try that till my belly isn't so sore.
 
I took the pain medicine (liquid, thankfully), but didn't look at the measurement right and only took a third of a dose. Because of that it didn't help much with my pain. I was suffering and concerned, so I called my doctor to ask if it was okay to take a dose sooner than 6 hours apart. He okayed a dose four hours from the first. That's when I realized that I had not taken enough the first time and after the correct dosage, I was getting relief. I kept drinking, but only tiny sips. I took a dose of nausea medication with the next pain med dose, but haven't needed any more of it since. I'm taking the pain meds to help my body heal without stress. I got my cpap hooked up beside my recliner and then was able to get some pretty great sleep.
 
Today, Sunday, has been really good. My sweet mother made my husband and daughter yummy meatloaf, veggies, banana pudding and cantaloupe and brought it over on their way to church. I am blessed!
 
I'm more relaxed, walking around the house a bit, still feeling pain in the incisions but less than it was. I was able to take my liquid vitamins and opened my iron capsule, omeprazole capsule and vitamin D3 cap into the multi vitamins and took them together. I just put my b-12 sublingual under my tongue as I normally do, and chewed up my biotin dots. Then took my liquid antibiotic and a dose of pain meds. I was feeling pretty good and mixed up a unflavored, unsweetened protein powder in water. No problem at all. I just drank it an ounce at a time and gauged my tummy reaction. It was all good. About an hour later I had some beef broth. I think it gave me some gas. I took some gas X.
 
I've ordered a bathroom scale and it should be delivered tomorrow. I think I've lost about 15 pounds since starting my pre-op diet. My belly already looks like it is deflating, Yeah!
 
I'm so glad to be on to the next goal. That goal is to make it through the week of clear liquids and get some energy back and the surgery pain over with.

I am feeling great!! Here are the stats:
 

Highest: 298
Pre-op 277
Surgery: 261 (I did 4 weeks pre-op voluntarily)
Home: 271 (Fluid I guess?)
Today: 252  
25 since the start of my pre-op! 46 over all from my highest! WHOOP WHOOP! I can’t believe I am a scant 3 lbs away from my 240s… which I haven’t seen since 2005!! Then when I reach 230-235, I am going to try on my wedding dress from my second wedding – I am greedily hoping that day will be June 19 – the same day I take my Motorcycle drivers test. Two victories in one day will be quite fitting I think! 17 lbs in 26 days? It’s possible… but the journey is amazing.
 
My clothes are fitting better, I see a difference in my face and I can feel the difference in my tummy – and my incisions are ITCHY!!! (Which means they are healing nicely!)
 
The first week of clear liquids got to me a little bit… I was missing the comfort feeling of food, although I must say I wasn’t feeling hungry in the traditional sense. I have read that quite a few people have had trouble getting their protein in, so I am glad that I tried a few products before surgery, because the one I have, Alpine Punch by Isopure, is super easy to get in and digest. It mixes just like Crystal Light, and the consistency is nice and thin. I also opted for G2 Gatorade over the last two weeks instead of water, to ensure my electrolytes stay exactly where they need to be. I have been taking a chewable multivitamin, B12 and Caltrate every day 2x, along with finishing my prescriptions. I am down to one left (my acid blocker), twice a day for 45 more days… so that will just be daily routine with vitamins for some time to come.
 
Needless to say by the time day 8 came, I could not wait to eat some low fat cottage cheese and thicker soups!! I made two recipes that are absolutely delicious!! Celery Root soup, and Curried Sweet Potato. On their own they do not offer much in the way of protein but they have proven to be great low cal, healthy tummy trainers and have helped me experiment with how fast or slow and how much to eat. I’ll post the recipes below. I have also had a zero fat yogurt here and there, and decaf coffee with cream from Tim Hortons. That’s pretty exciting stuff, although I have noticed that the added fat in the cream tends to travel at the speed of light (sorry TMI) however, at this point I am using that as a tool!
 
Monday starts the mushy foods “Things I could eat if I had no teeth” phase and I am pretty darn excited about that! Mmmmm…. Baked fish, Scrambled eggs, hummus! I can’t wait!!
 
I don’t think there is much more to say at this point. Doing really well, feeling great. Oh, and last week I contacted my surgeon; Dr. Rodriguez via email because I had a question and he responded within 30 minutes. I will never be able to express how amazing he and his surgical team are.
 
Highly recommended!!
 
 
Celery Root Soup
Ingredients:
Small Chopped Onion
1 tbsp of butter / margarine
4 cups of chicken broth (low sodium is best)
2 tsp of thyme
1 large celery root

Preparation:
Peel and chop celery root into small cubes, set aside
Place onion and butter over medium heat in a pot and simmer until onion is soft
Pour chicken broth into pot with onions/butter and add in chopped up celery root (there should be enough broth to cover all vegetable)
Add thyme
Add broth and bring to boil; reduce heat, cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until celery root is tender.
With immersion blender or in blender, puree soup.

Curried Sweet Potato Soup
Ingredients
2 sweet potatoes (2-1/4 lb)
1 tbsp vegetable oil
1 small onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tbsp minced gingerroot, (or 1 tsp/5 mL ground ginger)
2 tsp mild curry paste (or curry powder with a touch of water to make a paste)
4 cups vegetable or chicken broth

Preparation
Peel and cut sweet potatoes into 1/2-inch (1 cm) cubes; set aside.
In large saucepan, heat oil over medium heat; cook onion, garlic, gingerroot and curry paste, stirring occasionally, for 3 minutes or until softened.
Add sweet potatoes; stir for 1 minute or until coated.
Add broth and bring to boil; reduce heat, cover and simmer for 10 minutes or until potatoes are tender.
With immersion blender or in blender, puree soup.

CHEERS!

I've finally completed all of my insurance req's and am now awaiting approval. Since I've completed my requirements I guess this entire process has become really 'real' to me and it scared me. I kept asking myself if I really NEEDED this surgery...why couldn't I lose wieght on my own? Am I being lazy and taking the easy way out? Is it worth putting myself under the knife and having major surgery when I'm already too lazy to eat right and exercise? Am I wasting my family's money by having surgery? etc, etc, etc.
Well tonight my sweet 5 year old ittle girl innocently made a statement that first broke my heart and then made me realize without a doubt this surgery is the right thing for me.
We were driving home and she asked what would happen if I started to drown (We have a pool and swim a lot. I used to teach swim lessons and water safety, so water safety is REALLY important to me). I said, "Well, if I was truly drowning and couldn't get out, hopefully someone would help me out of the water." She replied (Here's where my heart broke...) "But Mommy, you're so big. How would they be able to pull you out? You're too heavy." And THEN she tried to backtrack...that broke my heart even more. She shouldn't have to worry about what she says to me and if it hurts my feelings. She shouldn't have to try to change what she said to make me feel better - - she's FIVE!
AND THAT DID IT FOLKS. I almost broke down in tears right there in my car. I can hide from cameras, I can hide from the mirror. I can ignore the fact that my clothes are too tight I can hardly zip my pants. I can look past my double chin. I can choose to not look at my stretch marks. I can ignore being breathless just from walking from my car to my house. I can not pay attention to the fact that I now have to undo my top button to my jeans when sitting at my desk because it is digging in to my stomach. I can pop another blood pressure pill and ignore my high blood pressure...
But I cannot ignore the fact that my kids notice I'm overweight and that kills me. I guess up until then I knew I was wayyyyy too heavy but since no one else would address it I could go on my merry-way and ignore it. But there's no ignoring it anymore. I have to do something more powerful than myself so that I can stop living a hollow life and stop living in the shadows, hoping no one addresses the fact that I am unhealthy. The heck with the fact that I am so unattractive anymore, I am unhealthy and am not the role model that my kids deserve.
So I'm having this surgery.
I don't care how it happens, I need this surgery. I need to lose weight. I need to get healthy. I need to start caring about myself. I need to start caring about my family and their future - - with ME in it.

I'm Tammy (or Flutterby - the original name for a butterfly... )
 
I'm 45 yrs old, 5'8" tall. I weigh 295 lbs. My BMI is at 44.8. My first goal is 170 lbs. Ultimate goal is 137 lbs.
 
I've struggled with my weight since my second child was born about 23 years ago. I tend to gain weight all over. Well, except my bust area (strange). However, in the last several years I have gained more in my belly. I look like I'm about eight months pregnant... Uggghh! Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved being pregnant and I adore being a mother, but I’m not having any more children and I’m ready to be able to lose all MY baby fat. The baby fat may have stayed with me, but I added a whole person’s weight to it. I need to lose half of my weight – a whole person’s worth. Only those who have been here understand how much that realization can hurt and disgust me.
 
I have tried to lose weight by diet, exercise, supplements and programs just like so many others here. From Slim Fast, Cabbage Soup Diet, Herbal Life, fasting up to two weeks at a time,, Atkins, Low Calorie, Juicing Diets, Wheat Belly Diet, Gluten Free Diet, Gaps Diet, Hallelujah Diet, Mediterranean diet, Paleo Diet, HydroxiCut, Green Tea, many herbal supplements, OTC aids, a short span on prescription diet meds and thyroid medication and using vinegar as a diet aid. As I think about it, losing weight been a driving desire/force in my life since I turned 23. The endless weight loss/exercise and health-related books and internet ideas and “snake oil” type cures, well I’ve researched and attempted many of those as well.
 
I've tried exercise alone, or in combination with diet plans. I've used 10 to 12 different exercise videos both aerobic and weight lifting combined with aerobics, walking, swimming, biking, stationary machines, free weights, machines like elliptical, treadmill, stationary bikes, etc.
 
My results were sporadic and frustrating. I could stay with a weight loss or "get healthy" plan for months, sometimes even three years at a time but when I failed to lose weight at all or stalled with 10 or 15 pounds loss with hard work and high cost to sustain, I would slowly go back to eating my "normal diet". “Going back to my old ways” basically meant 70% healthy choices and still incorporating something new I learned, but I would stop resisting the dessert, the chips and dip, the popcorn with butter. I think the "extras" and "snacks" are one of my biggest weaknesses. I’ve also noticed in the last few months that I really do eat big portions especially when alone. I keep cooking for a big family and it’s only me and my teenage daughter at home to eat right now.
 
No matter what, my weight has continued to climb the last 23 years. I get so sick of my failure to be able to control it or change it. Several times I have resigned myself to being fat. But as I got bigger and older, other things started happening to my health and I realized how much it affected my family and my ability to actually live life like I longed to.
 
I kept thinking there had to be a "key" or a certain combination of things that would magically get my health back under control and I'd start losing weight. I had a sleep study done and found out I had severe obstructive sleep apnea. I was full of hope that using a CPAP would solve my problems because obviously I wasn't sleeping well with meant I wasn't getting proper rest. This in turn, I thought, surely meant it affected my metabolism and maybe perpetuated the problems with my weight.
 
 
I considered that since I started gaining excess weight when my first marriage got emotionally and mentally and sexually abusive I might have been trying to be less desirable to protect myself from my husband at the time. I just wanted to be safe. I could write out that long story here, but suffice to say I got out of the marriage finally, after 16 years.
 
What is frustrating is that even the strength and self esteem and “new lease on life” I gained by getting out of that marriage didn’t translate into the weight loss I should have or wanted to have and continued to try to have.
 
So, was my weight gain or inability to lose it initially due to the stress of the bad marriage that involved sexual abuses? Maybe, maybe not. More likely it was also genetics and environmental (how I was raised nutritionally). Both my parents are obese and have struggled most of their adult lives trying to lose weight and now dealing with health problems related to being overweight.
 
However I got here, I’m here. And I am so thankful and grateful that things have worked out for me to have this surgery. It’s such an answer to prayer and a dream come true. Honestly, I want this personally, but doing it for my family is a super-close second!
 
One thing I am appreciative of is that I’ve probably learned enough about nutrition, vitamins, food, feeding a body, metabolism, weight gain concepts, healthy living and very interesting discoveries about foods like kefir, kombucha, barley green, apple cider vinegar, good water, food supplements, and the benefits of grass fed beef, range fed chickens & their eggs, and home grown vegetables to write my own book. However, since I’m having weight loss surgery – I doubt it would be deemed worthy of contributing to my health. It’s sad, but true. True because all these things didn’t “work” to help me lose weight. However, I do believe with all my heart that all I have learned will continue to be super valuable to feed my body right after I’m sleeved!
 
 
My mantra has been, “If I don’t put myself first for once and lose the weight and get healthy, how can I be what my family needs me to be?” How can I truly give and serve and support and enjoy in my marriage and our children’s lives unless I first take care of me? Initially weight loss surgery can seem selfish and irresponsible. Only initially! In all truth, it is smart and right for me because it is what lines up with my vision of my future.

I'm Tammy (or Flutterby - the original name for a butterfly... )
 
I'm 45 yrs old, 5'8" tall. I weigh 295 lbs. My BMI is at 44.8. My first goal is 170 lbs. Ultimate goal is 137 lbs.
 
I've struggled with my weight since my second child was born about 23 years ago. I tend to gain weight all over. Well, except my bust area (strange). However, in the last several years I have gained more in my belly. I look like I'm about eight months pregnant... Uggghh! Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved being pregnant and I adore being a mother, but I’m not having any more children and I’m ready to be able to lose all MY baby fat. The baby fat may have stayed with me, but I added a whole person’s weight to it. I need to lose half of my weight – a whole person’s worth. Only those who have been here understand how much that realization can hurt and disgust me.
 
I have tried to lose weight by diet, exercise, supplements and programs just like so many others here. From Slim Fast, Cabbage Soup Diet, Herbal Life, fasting up to two weeks at a time,, Atkins, Low Calorie, Juicing Diets, Wheat Belly Diet, Gluten Free Diet, Gaps Diet, Hallelujah Diet, Mediterranean diet, Paleo Diet, HydroxiCut, Green Tea, many herbal supplements, OTC aids, a short span on prescription diet meds and thyroid medication and using vinegar as a diet aid. As I think about it, losing weight been a driving desire/force in my life since I turned 23. The endless weight loss/exercise and health-related books and internet ideas and “snake oil” type cures, well I’ve researched and attempted many of those as well.
 
I've tried exercise alone, or in combination with diet plans. I've used 10 to 12 different exercise videos both aerobic and weight lifting combined with aerobics, walking, swimming, biking, stationary machines, free weights, machines like elliptical, treadmill, stationary bikes, etc.
 
My results were sporadic and frustrating. I could stay with a weight loss or "get healthy" plan for months, sometimes even three years at a time but when I failed to lose weight at all or stalled with 10 or 15 pounds loss with hard work and high cost to sustain, I would slowly go back to eating my "normal diet". “Going back to my old ways” basically meant 70% healthy choices and still incorporating something new I learned, but I would stop resisting the dessert, the chips and dip, the popcorn with butter. I think the "extras" and "snacks" are one of my biggest weaknesses. I’ve also noticed in the last few months that I really do eat big portions especially when alone. I keep cooking for a big family and it’s only me and my teenage daughter at home to eat right now.
 
No matter what, my weight has continued to climb the last 23 years. I get so sick of my failure to be able to control it or change it. Several times I have resigned myself to being fat. But as I got bigger and older, other things started happening to my health and I realized how much it affected my family and my ability to actually live life like I longed to.
 
I kept thinking there had to be a "key" or a certain combination of things that would magically get my health back under control and I'd start losing weight. I had a sleep study done and found out I had severe obstructive sleep apnea. I was full of hope that using a CPAP would solve my problems because obviously I wasn't sleeping well with meant I wasn't getting proper rest. This in turn, I thought, surely meant it affected my metabolism and maybe perpetuated the problems with my weight.
 
 
I considered that since I started gaining excess weight when my first marriage got emotionally and mentally and sexually abusive I might have been trying to be less desirable to protect myself from my husband at the time. I just wanted to be safe. I could write out that long story here, but suffice to say I got out of the marriage finally, after 16 years.
 
What is frustrating is that even the strength and self esteem and “new lease on life” I gained by getting out of that marriage didn’t translate into the weight loss I should have or wanted to have and continued to try to have.
 
So, was my weight gain or inability to lose it initially due to the stress of the bad marriage that involved sexual abuses? Maybe, maybe not. More likely it was also genetics and environmental (how I was raised nutritionally). Both my parents are obese and have struggled most of their adult lives trying to lose weight and now dealing with health problems related to being overweight.
 
However I got here, I’m here. And I am so thankful and grateful that things have worked out for me to have this surgery. It’s such an answer to prayer and a dream come true. Honestly, I want this personally, but doing it for my family is a super-close second!
 
One thing I am appreciative of is that I’ve probably learned enough about nutrition, vitamins, food, feeding a body, metabolism, weight gain concepts, healthy living and very interesting discoveries about foods like kefir, kombucha, barley green, apple cider vinegar, good water, food supplements, and the benefits of grass fed beef, range fed chickens & their eggs, and home grown vegetables to write my own book. However, since I’m having weight loss surgery – I doubt it would be deemed worthy of contributing to my health. It’s sad, but true. True because all these things didn’t “work” to help me lose weight. However, I do believe with all my heart that all I have learned will continue to be super valuable to feed my body right after I’m sleeved!
 
 
My mantra has been, “If I don’t put myself first for once and lose the weight and get healthy, how can I be what my family needs me to be?” How can I truly give and serve and support and enjoy in my marriage and our children’s lives unless I first take care of me? Initially weight loss surgery can seem selfish and irresponsible. Only initially! In all truth, it is smart and right for me because it is what lines up with my vision of my future.

I'm Tammy (or Flutterby - the original name for a butterfly... )
 
I'm 45 yrs old, 5'8" tall. I weigh 295 lbs. My BMI is at 44.8. My first goal is 170 lbs. Ultimate goal is 137 lbs.
 
I've struggled with my weight since my second child was born about 23 years ago. I tend to gain weight all over. Well, except my bust area (strange). However, in the last several years I have gained more in my belly. I look like I'm about eight months pregnant... Uggghh! Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved being pregnant and I adore being a mother, but I’m not having any more children and I’m ready to be able to lose all MY baby fat. The baby fat may have stayed with me, but I added a whole person’s weight to it. I need to lose half of my weight – a whole person’s worth. Only those who have been here understand how much that realization can hurt and disgust me.
 
I have tried to lose weight by diet, exercise, supplements and programs just like so many others here. From Slim Fast, Cabbage Soup Diet, Herbal Life, fasting up to two weeks at a time,, Atkins, Low Calorie, Juicing Diets, Wheat Belly Diet, Gluten Free Diet, Gaps Diet, Hallelujah Diet, Mediterranean diet, Paleo Diet, HydroxiCut, Green Tea, many herbal supplements, OTC aids, a short span on prescription diet meds and thyroid medication and using vinegar as a diet aid. As I think about it, losing weight been a driving desire/force in my life since I turned 23. The endless weight loss/exercise and health-related books and internet ideas and “snake oil” type cures, well I’ve researched and attempted many of those as well.
 
I've tried exercise alone, or in combination with diet plans. I've used 10 to 12 different exercise videos both aerobic and weight lifting combined with aerobics, walking, swimming, biking, stationary machines, free weights, machines like elliptical, treadmill, stationary bikes, etc.
 
My results were sporadic and frustrating. I could stay with a weight loss or "get healthy" plan for months, sometimes even three years at a time but when I failed to lose weight at all or stalled with 10 or 15 pounds loss with hard work and high cost to sustain, I would slowly go back to eating my "normal diet". “Going back to my old ways” basically meant 70% healthy choices and still incorporating something new I learned, but I would stop resisting the dessert, the chips and dip, the popcorn with butter. I think the "extras" and "snacks" are one of my biggest weaknesses. I’ve also noticed in the last few months that I really do eat big portions especially when alone. I keep cooking for a big family and it’s only me and my teenage daughter at home to eat right now.
 
No matter what, my weight has continued to climb the last 23 years. I get so sick of my failure to be able to control it or change it. Several times I have resigned myself to being fat. But as I got bigger and older, other things started happening to my health and I realized how much it affected my family and my ability to actually live life like I longed to.
 
I kept thinking there had to be a "key" or a certain combination of things that would magically get my health back under control and I'd start losing weight. I had a sleep study done and found out I had severe obstructive sleep apnea. I was full of hope that using a CPAP would solve my problems because obviously I wasn't sleeping well with meant I wasn't getting proper rest. This in turn, I thought, surely meant it affected my metabolism and maybe perpetuated the problems with my weight.
 
 
I considered that since I started gaining excess weight when my first marriage got emotionally and mentally and sexually abusive I might have been trying to be less desirable to protect myself from my husband at the time. I just wanted to be safe. I could write out that long story here, but suffice to say I got out of the marriage finally, after 16 years.
 
What is frustrating is that even the strength and self esteem and “new lease on life” I gained by getting out of that marriage didn’t translate into the weight loss I should have or wanted to have and continued to try to have.
 
So, was my weight gain or inability to lose it initially due to the stress of the bad marriage that involved sexual abuses? Maybe, maybe not. More likely it was also genetics and environmental (how I was raised nutritionally). Both my parents are obese and have struggled most of their adult lives trying to lose weight and now dealing with health problems related to being overweight.
 
However I got here, I’m here. And I am so thankful and grateful that things have worked out for me to have this surgery. It’s such an answer to prayer and a dream come true. Honestly, I want this personally, but doing it for my family is a super-close second!
 
One thing I am appreciative of is that I’ve probably learned enough about nutrition, vitamins, food, feeding a body, metabolism, weight gain concepts, healthy living and very interesting discoveries about foods like kefir, kombucha, barley green, apple cider vinegar, good water, food supplements, and the benefits of grass fed beef, range fed chickens & their eggs, and home grown vegetables to write my own book. However, since I’m having weight loss surgery – I doubt it would be deemed worthy of contributing to my health. It’s sad, but true. True because all these things didn’t “work” to help me lose weight. However, I do believe with all my heart that all I have learned will continue to be super valuable to feed my body right after I’m sleeved!
 
 
My mantra has been, “If I don’t put myself first for once and lose the weight and get healthy, how can I be what my family needs me to be?” How can I truly give and serve and support and enjoy in my marriage and our children’s lives unless I first take care of me? Initially weight loss surgery can seem selfish and irresponsible. Only initially! In all truth, it is smart and right for me because it is what lines up with my vision of my future.

So this is my first blog ever.
I am blogging like most to keep a journal of my journey and maybe help someone along the way but I am sure I will need alot of that myself. Like most people here I have always been above average in the weight department. I ALWAYS needed to lose 10 vanity lbs in high school. Then when I hit my 20's the weight crept up. I always hated my body! I developed at an early age and look like a grown woman when I was 13. I had the boobs butt hips. Looking back I realized that this is when my problems with food began. It was my comfort. So I got married at 24 and got pregnant a year later. As soon as I saw that postive test it was my ticket to eat whatever I wanted for 9 months. For the first time since I could remember I was not feeling guilty for eating. I packed a whopping 90lbs. on. I was out of control! I had my beautiful baby and then realized I was huge and my body was forever ruined! I exercerised ate low fat low carb and lost 50lbs. Go me! Then life happened and things got stressful and I gained/lost it back, had another beautiful baby, over the next 6 years. I have been on every diet weight watchers atkins all the crazy fads only to go right back to where I started. That yoyoing can really play games on your emotions! So here I am I have 2 beautiful kids, a husband who loves me no matter what, and I am fat and I love myself least of all. I can give all the excuses like I am too busy or this happened and that happened but it all boils down to I put myself last on my list and now I have got to the point that I need help to get me back. The main reason I am doing this surgery is my health. I have a strong family history of early heart disease and type 2 diabetes. I have high total cholesterol high trigs and borderline high insulin levels. I am headed up the same hill many other overweight family members have taken. All of them are in poor health in their 40s and 50s or didn't make much past 50. I cannot end up like them and slowly kill myself. I have lived with my mother for 6 years suffering from heart failure and I know my days are numbered with her. She is only 52 and has given up hope. She has accepted that this is her fate. I can't let me children go through what I am going through with her. I know none of us are promised tomorrow but all my mom's serious health problem are directly related to her poor lifestyle choices. So while I need to get my head right and my emotions in check before surgery I am so glad I have made the choice to have WLS and hopefully be a happy healthy mother and wife for many many many years to come.

Ok so I am nearly done with my pre-op stuff. I hate that my surgeon will not schedule until all things have been done. Oh well. I was getting so worked up over all this stuff I nearly quit so many times ( I mean I have been on this journey for over a year). You can see my frustration in past blogs. Well this random quote came across and I love it and needed to hear it. "Stress makes you believe that everything has to happen now! ( that is me, me, me, to a T) Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God's time." It is so true. I am not a super Christian by any means but my faith has always been with God. Everything always works out the way it should for good or bad and I need to let go of things that I cannot control. Funny how one little saying can snap us back to reality and clear things up! By this time next week I will be waiting (well if that crazy psy doc doesn't derail me. hehehe...but for real he is one egg short of sanity) for my very last appointment with my surgeon to schedule my surgery. After all this and I get my date I am sure the reality that I am about get my guts ripped out for the sake of weight loss will hit me. I still can't believe that I am really going to do this! I mean that mostly in a excited good way!
One last random thought...I think I may break out the kiddie pool and get some sun this weekend. It is going to be in the 90s! Perfect pool weather. Tan fat looks better than white fat. Well atleast mine does!

My surgery was April 17th. I took all my measurements the night before my surgery. I took them again tonight. I've lost a total of 14 inches! That's A LOT in one month! Here's how it looks.
 
I'm 5' 7".
 
Forehead 23 5/8 23 5/8
Neck 17 1/4 16 1/2
Chest 46 1/8 44
Breasts 48 1/4 47 1/2
Waist 46 45 1/2
Hips 52 1/4 51 5/8
Bicep-L 16 3/8 14 1/4
Bicep-R 16 15 1/4
Forearm-L 12 11 1/2
Forearm-R 11 1/2 11 5/8
Wrist-L 6 3/4 6 3/4
Wrist-R 6 3/4 6 3/4
Thigh-L 29 1/2 27 1/8
Thigh-R 29 3/4 28 1/8
Calf-L 17 3/4 17 3/8
Calf-R 18 17 5/8
Ankle-L 9 5/8 9 1/4
Ankle-R 9 3/4 9 3/8
 
I'm going to measure monthly. The results from inches lost will be a bigger victory than the pounds.
 
 

Ok sorry I havent written in a while we have been running like crazy for baseball and other
 
school things! I am back and I am back on track! That being said, normally when we are in
 
such rushes I have poor choices of foods and such. I have been doing such a great job in
 
this are and with little to no effort! Could this be because I am finally telling my story?
 
There has been a lot of things I have told here that I have never spoken about, still more -
 
but progress is progress! That being said lets get back to my story shall we? You would
 
think once he moved out and was no longer in my home things would ease up, not always the
 
case.
 
 
So Steve moved in with his mother and step father, he had gotten a part time job working for
 
wal mart. His first pay check he came right to my house with $125 for me. I was honestly
 
shocked! I in turn told him in order for us to make this as easy on the kids as possible
 
that I think it would be good for him to stop by several times a week, the door was always
 
open before their bedtime all he had to do was call. This worked out for about 2 weeks. It
 
had to become more restricted once he showed up at my house and thought it was still alright
 
for him to yell at me while Don was not there, in front of my kids! So we limited visits to
 
times that Don was home (with the exception of the times he came to get the kids). When we
 
finally went to court I made sure the judge put some things in the order such as it was his
 
responsibility to have car seats for the younger children and to provide transportation. He
 
was not "allowed" to argue with me in front of the children.
 
 
Everything went alright for about a month he showed up to get the kids and I had some things
 
that he had every right to if he wanted them, one of these items was a push mower for the
 
lawn so I offered it to him, he said he would take it. When he showed up he stayed in the
 
yard for a few minutes with the kids playing, then asked one of them to come ask me if he
 
could borrow my car seats! Mind you, they were 3 and a half at the time! When that failed
 
him he then went to Don. Don laughed and said to him I think the court order said for you to
 
have your own, you havent paid any support in a few months, you are still working and you
 
live with your mom, how can you not be able to spend $15 on each of the kids and get a
 
booster seat? You have to ask Reena, I have no say. So he came to me, I flipped out I
 
repeated what Don had told him and added in that I have not only one car seat for each child
 
but two for them since we have 2 cars, if I can afford to feed them, clothe them, pay the
 
sitter, put a roof over their heads ect, AND have two car seats then he can afford to buy
 
one! He left that day with no children.
 
 
A few weeks went by before he finally got the car seats, every once in a while I would use
 
him as a baby sitter to save me money. One day I was very sick and I needed to go to like a
 
urgent care so that I wouldnt miss any time from work. So I called Steve and asked if he
 
would come sit with the kids while I went. He agreed. He showed up and I told him I already
 
had food made, everything was all set just keep everyone out of my room. I went to the
 
doctors. While at the doctors they confirmed what I thought was the case, I was pregnant!
 
Now please don't think of me as irresponsible or anything like that and try to understand, I
 
have had 3 miscarriages and when I was pregnant with the twins I had a lot of assistance to
 
keep the pregnancy. So when they said I was pregnant I was scared! I did not want to lose
 
another baby, I didnt not want my boyfriend who had no children of his own to suffer through
 
such a thing. I was pleased, because a baby is a blessing no matter what time of day, but I
 
was afraid because there was a very high chance I would never get to hold that baby!
 
 
So on the way home I went over everything in my head. Don already knew I was pregnant and my
 
mother knew I was pregnant but we hadn't told anyone else. There was a few reasons behind
 
keeping the news to ourselves, the first on the list was the chance of loss, the second
 
reason was religon. I had decided to keep the reason for my illness to myself a bit longer,
 
Steve didnt need to know just yet.
 
 
When I arrived back home Steve was making small talk with me about my relationship with Don.
 
He saying how I was going too fast with Don, it was a relationship based around sex we had
 
nothing in common and eventually I would open my eyes and come back to him. I got very angry
 
so I said "would you like to know the real reason I had to go to the doctors today?" I took
 
the papers that they had given me in bold letters at the top of the page it said "You were
 
seen today for :pregnancy" and slapped them onto the counter! He read it twice, then he
 
said "you're f****** kidding me! What a f****** joke!" he laughed and went out the door. My
 
heart smiled as he drove away.
 
 
Later that night as I was going to bed I realized that there was something ... missing!
 
First I noticed a game system of Don's was gone, then I began poking around and realized a
 
ring my mother had given me was gone (it wasnt much as far as dollar value, but what it
 
meant to me had no price tag) a huge amount of video games were gone, just a bunch of
 
things, most from inside my bedroom. So the following day I called his mother's house and I
 
told her what was going on she said "oh I should have warned you, I have had things coming
 
up missing too!" Well, why are you ignoring this?! I asked her if I could come over to get
 
my things from him, she said yes.
 
 
Once she got off the phone with me she gave him her car keys and told him to leave. So when
 
I showed up she let me go through his whole room and take whatever was mine. I found
 
everything but my ring. (that was small enough to put in his pocket, I took some pleasure in
 
the fact that he would only see about $15 for it when he pawned it). We took our things back
 
to our house and nothing much was said or done about it, after all he and I were still
 
married and we shared children, according to the law in NY he still had every right to my
 
house and the things inside it!
 
 
I think it was about 2 weeks before father's day when Steve's mother called me, she was
 
crying and upset. She said they had to call the police because Steve had stolen a large
 
amount of money from her bank account, she didnt tell me an exact amount but that the over
 
draft was around $900! As it turns out, if you know the judge and you were arrested for
 
stealing from your mom? You get to go home that night because he called me the next day
 
laughing about the situation!
 
 
I had to allow him to take the kids, it was his weekend. So he came and got them without any
 
problems. He was supposed to get them by 10 am and bring them home at 6pm. Sometime around
 
11:30 am he showed up to get them, it was 3pm when he returned with them. His reasoning "the
 
twins were getting into stuff" So I gave my opinion, I said it must be nice to be able to
 
just pack up the kids and return them the minute they get slightly difficult. Then he began
 
to argue with me over things that had nothing to do with the kids all about the past. I
 
asked him to leave, I mean my children were right there as he was calling me things such
 
as a ****, a ***** ect. He refused to leave. I went inside and he follwed me, at which
 
point I felt threatened. I thought to myself there was no way in hell I was going to let him
 
 
push me back in my hole again! So I began yelling at him, I told him he had to leave. He
 
yelled back that he didnt! I said "alright fine! lets see if Im right, Ill give the cops a
 
call!" so I picked up the phone and for the first time in my life I called the police on my
 
husband! He took off as soon as he realized I was actually on the phone with someone. The
 
police showed up the officer did tell me there was actually nothing they can do since he and
 
I are still married, he suggested that I move to a new location where he has never lived.
 
 
Father's day rolled around, I had become very uneasy about dealing with Steve. I had made it
 
clear that someone else had to be there any time we were to exchange the kids or anything.
 
So the idea for father's day was that he could see the kids but he wouldn't be left alone
 
with them. I would meet him at a public place with the children. I wouldnt be in the mix,
 
more a bystander just watching. So on father's day I called to see where and when he wanted
 
to meet. His step father answered the phone (a less than friendly guy, since Steve had
 
filled their heads with garbage about me) I asked for Steve, he said "he can't come to the
 
phone right now, he is talking with an officer. I have 2 handguns that have come up
 
missing!" This alarmed me since just days before he had text me saying how I was lucky to
 
not become front page news yet! He ended up being taken into custody by the police but
 
released that night.
 
 
The next morning I went to family court to get a stay away order and restraining order. I
 
had found out too that he was back into the drugs full force. I had given him $1000.00 of my
 
tax returns to wrap up our last year together (if he was smart and took me to court, my
 
lawyer said he would get at LEAST half! so I offered $1000) come to find out this money went
 
towards a weekend cocaine bindge. He said he had stolen those guns and traded them for drugs
 
that was also why he had stolen all of the other items from his mom and the money! He lost
 
his job, never told anyone so he still had use of a car. So I go to the advacate at family
 
court and I tell her my story, I asked her if we could move for an emergency stay away. This
 
would mean the judge had to rule on it today, and that Steve would be served today, he would
 
not be allowed to call my house (the kids would call him) he couldnt see the children until
 
we returned to court for a modification of visitation, he would not be allowed to come to my
 
work place or the school for at least 6 months. The advacate said yes, we moved forward with
 
the paperwork. I arrived at court at 7:45AM, I finally saw the judge at 4:30PM! When I went
 
in before this judge I explained to her about the text messages and the missing guns, his
 
drug habbits and explosive behaviors. She said to me "yeah, but do you REALLY think he will
 
harm you?!" as if I would wait around all damn day because I wanted to be a thorn in his
 
side! My reply? "I honestly don't know what he might do while he is under the influance, he
 
has surprised me more than once!"
 
 
She reluctantly granted me my requests. It was a good thing too becauses he was still
 
walking free and the police had yet to locate those missing guns!
 
 
More to come, I NEED to go get my nails done! A quick thank you for all of you who defended
 
me and my writing on the last post. I love to know there are people that stand behind me.
 
Although it has taken me almost 4 years, I am finally starting to see, I am a warrior and
 
one of the best kind too! The kind that hasnt given up. I hope I can inspire others to stand
 
up to their battles and have the inner strength to be victorious!
 
 
 
 

How long has it been? How long since I felt like I was the right size and weight and everything about my body was acceptable?
 
And, bigger question... Where did this bloated, waddling, unhealthy, wide loaded woman come from that keeps showing up in my mirror and in pictures that get taken with my family?
 
Looking in the mirror is so hard, especially in the evenings when I'm getting ready for bed and seeing "all my glory" and realizing I really am as big and ugly fat and tired looking as I feel. Arrrrggghhh!
 
Is that really me? How did I let myself get to this point? I sit in a dressing room, my cute little teenage daughter (13) trying on adorable trendy little outfits and dresses. I see her spin and pose as she gets in a pink princess thing. She walks back in to try another one on. I'm sitting on a bench holding several hangers of other dresses and feeling tired, again. I look over at the mirror and see myself and I lose it. I cry and almost start sobbing right then and there. It hurts so bad. I used to look like her and I thought I was fat. Is that what doomed me to this? Was it because I didn't thank God for how I looked then? Did I take it for granted?
 
 
Honestly, I have thought I was fat from eighth grade (5'7", 130 lbs) when I began to get taller and a little wider in the hips than my little petite and pretty and girly classmates. That's the same age as my youngest daughter. I already hear occasional little comments she makes of herself and things that are not just perfect. I want to make her see how beautiful she is and embrace it!
 
When I look back at pictures from that time in my life (high school years), I wanna go back and slap her (myself) silly for not appreciating how pretty I was. I really had such an adorable figure. No, I didn't have much in the way of boobs, but I had curves in other "right places." I got attention from boys. I looked great and was tall and thin really, until I had my second child at 22.
 
In all truth, I know a lot of the explanations and reasons that I am in this place physically. I know there are a variety of things to blame from four pregnancies, perhaps a few medical causes, nutritionally bad choices, laziness, pain, bad marriage, stress, genetics, environment, and probably a few I haven't read about or dealt with yet.
 
Now in the last three years I come to the point where I have these little break downs like in the dressing rooms multiple times, or getting ready for a night out or to go to church and just sit in my closet and cry and hate myself. I've done it getting out of bed (rather, heaving myself out). Mentally being in a state of fury at my limitations that I know are self-imposed when I try to help my daughter move out of her college apartment and I can't even carry a 15 pound box down a flight of stairs without having to rest 10 minutes and huff and puff like I ran a mile.
 
This place is my "low point"... my "end of the rope". I'm at the bottom and exhausted enough to finally admit I need MAJOR HELP. And THAT is what brought me to WLS and specifically VSG.
 
There is a change in my focus that has helped me transition slowly, day by day from disgust with where I let my weight go and my new found hope and belief in myself I have begun to feed little by little with that hope. I can do this... I can do this... I really can be healthy and fit again. There is a tool I can use that I never really considered. Thanks to where I am in my life, the fact that we have good insurance through my husband's job and the support and encouragement he has showered on me constantly... I'm ready.
 
I'm feeling that by this time next year, I'll be looking in mirrors and pictures and saying "WOW, I knew that pretty girl was still in there somewhere under all the fat."

Yesterday (5-14-13) they finally called and told me the insurance approved my WLS. WOO HOO!
 
We had to go back and forth with the clinic personnel and the insurance company reps over and over to get everyone on the same page. Unfortunately we were dealing with an insurance coordinator at the bariatric clinic that was inexperienced. We discovered she had entered and submitted the wrong code twice. Because of that and other mistakes they kept concluding the insurance wouldn't cover the surgery due to being a pre-existing condition. Talk about confusing!
 
I would call, or my husband would and feel like we got everything straight and our insurance company rep kept reassuring us it was covered and all was well. Then we wait again. I guess the people who were to follow up wouldn't read the complete file and were thinking I would have a long waiting period to be covered. They would just go silent until I got worried and called again and again and find out they are still thinking it's not covered. This has happened three times now.
 
Someone didn't read their notes very well. So after many frustrating phone calls with confusing conclusions, my wonderful husband would take them to task and got things done! Three conference calls with the insurance and clinic and my husband all together and now we got the right codes, the right person to understand and things are moving forward. He's my hero!
 
Now, I was supposed to get a call yesterday or today about the WHEN! and.... Oh good grief. I keep getting butterflies in my big 'ole tummy and waiting on the scheduling lady to call me and let me know the date.
 
I'm nervous and happy and worried she won't call and I'll wonder why. Please let it all get done fast and let me get on the final stretch of the waiting race. I want to get to the next phase of my journey to health.
 
On Mother's Day we went out to eat with my folks and two of our seven kids (daughters 23 and 13), and I decided I would have my husband take a picture of us (Me, Mom and my girls) after our meal. Mind you, I normally would NEVER suggest a picture to include me. Part of me wishes I hadn't this time because it literally HURTS to look at what I've let happen. But, I know it's a "Before" picture and I need this to motivate me and reassure me of this path toward a wonderful future I am on.
 
Come on scheduling lady, CALL ME MAYBE? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!

OK!!!! I just created a new surgery ticker and I realized I am only 3 weeks and 5 days away from getting sleeved! Holy crap! I better get moving!
 
I have made lists of all of the things that I will need post surgery. While I have purchased many things, there are still a few things that I need to pick up. I need to go and get these this weekend. ASAP! Scheduling an extended timed trip to WalMart and GNC.
 
I have also promised myself that I would start toning pre-surgery. I want to start pumping those muscles up now! I have to find my hand weights and schedule some time in my week to start my circuit again at Planet Fitness.
 
I have already begun my vitamins including my Biotin. So, I have to schedule in extra time to shave my legs because the hair is growing back 3 times as fast! UGH! (The hair on my head better grow like this! For goodness sake!)
 
I want to take pictures and measurements of myself so I can chart my progress. This is going to be a depressing harsh dose of reality. (I better add a bottle of rum to my list in celebration of my Bye-Bye To Fat Measurement Pity Party.) I also have to schedule time to take these measurements and pics!
 
My surgeon is not requiring a pre-op diet because I am a lap-band to sleeve revision. However, I feel that if everyone else has to do a special diet well, then I should too! Now, don't get me wrong! I am not thinking about 2 weeks of liquids. NOOOOO!!! More along the lines of a week of 2 protein shakes a day and one light meal followed by two days of liquids immediately prior to surgery. (See. I have some discipline!) I better pencil the diet starting date into my planner.
 
Now....... having said all that, I have just one thought. Being a teacher, and having all of the end of the year stuff to manage and complete, I have a "full plate" with this WLS. And... WLS and full plates do not go hand in hand! I think I need to hire an assistant. I need someone to make sure that I am keeping to all of these schedules! My husband already has said that he does not want the job no matter how high the pay! Geez! I guess I better start taking applications! Only serious inquiries need to apply! LOL

Hi, Why are you still sitting out there waiting to have surgery. I know for many, it is the fear off failing just one more time. I felt like that too, and I want you to know that "sleeve" surgery was the ONLY thing that has ever worked for me. I had it over 4 1/2 years ago and I lost 105 pounds and I have kept it off. STOP giving days of your life away. Make the choice to do something that is going to save your life. I am always here if you have any questions. Do something NOW, and I promise you, that you will never have any regrets

May 2nd seems like such a long time ago. When I think of how I was feeling that day and how I feel today, it truly makes me so proud of my body. My body that I've abused with a lifetime of overeating. My body that had to wait patiently for years for my mind to realize it was time to make a change. My body that has recovered so beautifully and allowed me to be as comfortable as possible through every last thing I've put it through. I could cry. For the first time ever, I love my body.
 
The day of surgery, my blood pressure was good. I hadn't been on any bp meds since 8 days prior, per my PCP because my bp was getting too low and I was feeling very faint because of it. I was already so impressed with my heart being able to recover so quickly from hypertension and I had only lost 50lbs. I know that 50lbs is quite an accomplishment, but I'm still in need of losing 200 or more (if I can without skin removal), so it seems like just a post in a very long road.
 
I'm teetering on the brink of the 300s. This morning, my scale went between 399 and 402 before settling on 400.2. I could very well be in Tres Town when I wake up tomorrow! I couldn't believe it when the digital scale went down to 399! It's amazing. I'm so pleased with everything so far.
 
So here's my saga of surgery and recovery to present. This is more for my own reflection later, but I thought it might help someone who's starting their journey soon.
 
I couldn't sleep the night before surgery. Well, I slept, but only for 3 hours. During surgery, my blood pressure went up, so they gave me Labetalol. Immediately after surgery, when I was in recovery, my heart rate dropped to 45. I slept through all of this. In fact, most people spend a couple of hours in recovery, and I slept for 6 hours in recovery instead. My blood pressure was normal and once I woke up, they sent me to my room.
 
Moving from bed to bed was very, very painful. The nurses had to check me for bed sores and roll me around and I didn't even have the energy to cry. AS SOON as they were done, they gave me morphine. I tried to get comfortable but my back was hurting. My parents came to say hello and visit, but I was tired and it was late, so they left to go home. When my nurse came to check on me, I told her my back was hurting, so she called to get me a new bed. This was a blessing and a curse. The new bed was great, but I had to change beds again! It was an air mattress and so comfy I didn't need a pillow under my head. The nurse so kindly helped me brush my teeth and wash my face from bed and got me some mouth swabs because I couldn't have liquids til my upper GI the next morning. I sent a few texts to friends to let them know I was okay, then slept til morning when they came to take me for the GI.
 
That upper GI was painful also. Moving was really hard. My tummy is so big and giggly, every movement was painful and sore. When I went back to my room, they removed my catheter and brought me breakfast - beef broth (gross), coffee (why?), orange juice (again, acidy, why?), and green jello. The nastiest of all the jellos. I was pouting thinking there was nothing that I could eat and then I saw - cherry Italian ice cup. HEAVEN! Granted, it was about 3 baby bites of heaven, but I was so happy.
 
I was sleeping through most of the day when the nurse came in and checked my bp to find that it was 80/40. She walked in while I was sleeping and my heart rate was 40. They put me on a holter monitor and ran an EKG which said I had a grade 1 A-V block and a mild arrhythmia. The on call doc saw me and said he believed it was due to the anethesia and morphine, and that because I was improving, it wasn't a need for major concern. He suggested I follow up with my PCP, who might send me to a cardiologist for an echo, depending on how a repeat EKG goes. I felt dehydrated and a little weak, they tried to take blood but literally could only get drops before my vein would collapse.
 
I was eerily calm through all of this. My parents weren't going to come visit me that day because they live almost 2 hours from Chicago. I had talked to my parents first thing in the morning and all of this took place after the nap I took after I spoke to them. I'd told them they could just come Saturday when I knew I was going to get released. I didn't even think to call them when all of this heart business happened, because in my mind, I felt like I knew it was just anesthesia and the morphine and I just wasn't scared. I got up and walked around more because they took out the catheter, so I HAD to get up to use the bathroom. I walked around my room as best I could and then just slept. I never turned my TV on ONCE while I was there. Not once!! I made myself drink more water. I made myself walk. And later that night, my bp was up. My heart rate was up. I still have a mild arrhythmia, but the nurse said it's benign and my PCP already knows about it.
 
My stay at the hospital was great. The nurses and techs were all really genuinely friendly and kind and helpful. The staff at my surgeons office has been excellent, too. My follow up visit was Friday, 8 days post op, and it was good. I lost 13lbs in 8 days. I'm at 17lbs lost in 10 days now. I'm on soft foods now and I cooked myself some soup yesterday, made some protein pudding, and just felt like I was having a normal weekend. I love making soup on Saturdays and having several cups through the day as it cooks more and more. I was able to have that same experience this weekend, but my total trips to the soup only totalled 1.5 cups of soup for the day. That's exactly what I wanted from the sleeve. Yes, I've made and will continue to make many healthy changes in my life. But if I want to have a lazy day of eating, the sleeve will let me do it and still lose weight. I don't have to lose myself in this surgery. Now the "living the rest of my life" begins, and I'm so, so happy to be here.
 
I'm grateful my body has made it through all of this. I can't wait to see what my body can do when it's lost this weight. It feels nice to love myself again, and the affection will only get better from here!

I am 7 days away from an 8 mile hike up to LeConte Lodge in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, 8 days away from hiking 5.5 miles down from that mountain, 9 days away from a 7 day vacation in Hawaii, and 32 days away from being sleeved. It is going to be an exciting month.
 
However, I have really struggled with the "food funeral". I have had binge like behavior for the past couple of weeks, and have basically let my "inner fat girl" have everything she wants, and the result of that...the added weight, the bloat, the heart burn, the sluggish "I just want to be lazy" feelings, etc have taken enough of a toll on me, and I have finally decided that enough is enough. It's time to start preparing my brain for what my body is about to go through.
 
Today I kind of gave the following talk to myself...
 
Dear Food,
 
You have always been there for me. You were there for me when I was alone in the evenings after school, you were there for me when people hurt my feelings, you were there when I was alone, you were there when I was rejected, when I was awarded, when I was celebrated. You were there through the loneliness of my teens when I didn't have any "real" friends..during the long hour and a half drive from my mom's to my dad's house when I started driving alone. You were there through my college years when boys rejected me, when the school work got hard and continued on into the night. You were there in my lonely apartment in my early 20's, and there when I went through the financial crisis which landed me back in my parent's house feeling defeated. You were there when I moved to a new state at 28 with my fiance' and I was stressed about leaving everything I knew and loved behind other than this one man. And you were there when my dad died of a heart attack at 57 (obesity related) one week after that move, and through the months that followed trying to get his estate finalized while living 500 miles away. You were there in the nervousness of my wedding, and of being a new bride. You were there through the stresses of every long day of every tax season, and then when I went out on my own as a bookkeeper. You have been there every evening to help me alleviate stress lately. You have been what I've looked forward to at the end of the day. You have comforted me, you have praised me, you have distracted me, you have brought me pleasure.
 
But you have also brought me pain. You have brought me "weight", literally. My bones hurt, my body aches, my feet are killing me, my back feels like it's in knots. My heart races these days with the slightest hill or stair case. You have made me depressed which caused me to ponder that death might be better than life when I feel I can't overcome your power. You are holding me back from my passions of the outdoors. I can hardly hike up hills these days without feeling like I'm going to die. My heel pain is just getting worse with every pound you add to my body. I don't feel sexy anymore... You are tearing apart my life and I'm only 32.
 
I thank you for having been there for me, but I think in order to have the best life I can, I'm going to have to part with you, or atleast part of you. God has brought other things into my life to take over the work you were doing all alone. I have a husband who can comfort me and celebrate me. I have friends who can help me to not be lonely and a bible study group to strengthen me when I'm feeling bad. I have a bike, a kayak, hiking boots and a backpack that will keep me entertained. I have a fantastic gym membership and a mini home gym that can keep me distracted from work when need be. I have kitties who can sooth me on lonely days when I need "love" (okay, my husband can do that too if he's not working late)
 
I will be okay with out large quantities of you. Our relationship is changing, and while I'll still partake of you, I need the best you, you have to give.... things that will make me strong and healthy instead of weak and lazy. The sugary things that I let sooth me have to go...perhaps one day I'll be able to enjoy a bite or two, but since you've turned me into a sugar addict, that day will be far away when I'm at goal and am finally in control.
 
Here's to change!
 
 
Tomorrow, I will start a low carb, 2 protein shakes a day (I have plenty of sample packets to choose from), and one protein + complex carb + either 1/2 a sweet potato or 1/2 cup cooked quinoa meal a day, food plan. I will get out of this sugar fog, and back into "the light". And I'll flush out the funk with lots of water and green tea. I'm ready to start my new life even though I am 32 days before surgery and am only required to do a 7 day low carb pre-op diet. I'm just ready! With my hike before Hawaii, and lots of hiking/walking planned in Hawaii (and fresh pineapple!!) I can stay on track until my surgery.
 
Wish me luck fellow pre op and post op sleevers! I appreciate you and your stories and questions more than you know!!
 
 
Edit: No need to suggest counseling...I've already been doing it for 5 months and will probably continue after surgery. I wish I could say it's helping with the mental stuff...but I don't see it.

So I have been through all the emotions scared unsure happy sad calm etc. I am sure I still have some to go. I can only imagine the days or week leading to surgery. I can tend to be doom and gloom when facing the unknown! Then the dreaded pre-op liquid diet! I get snappy when I am hungry and I am sure my family will just love me those 2 weeks. I have been researching, picking brains, and trying to get me ready for this for over a year. I can see the end. Last week when I was approved I thought, "FINALLY" then some strange feeling of panic, and sadness. This was it, it went from I want to have this surgery to I am having this surgery. I mulled over this panic and sadness for a week. I realize that I am scared of changing me (never knew I kinda co depended on fat me until I was faced with finally get rid of her). I am scared/panicky ofcourse of complications and death. I have two young children. I am scared that I may fail. So I have been sitting with these feelings for a week. I woke up today and I know I am on the right path. I am sure those doubts will rear their ugly heads as I near my sleeve date but I know this is right. No ones opinion or advice can change my mind. I got this. Well today I do! What a crazy journey! I also decided to stop the chaos and focus on what is going in my big mouth. I pretty much eat healthy meals it's the in between when I am hungry that gets me. I need to make wiser snack choices. So I'm back on the wagon so to speak. I am even going to replace a meal and snack with a protein shake. So we will see how this goes. Ever since I put in my paperwork I admit I have been having food funerals. So that madness HAS TO STOP! Those funerals are just adding guilt on top of all the other emotions I am having. I am back in control! Happy Monday to us all!

I was really struggling with the dissapointment yet again, i just sat and poured my heart out to the lord, and said i give up, i cant do this anymore, you take it lord, and then just got on with living. 2 days ago i got a phone call to say that they knew how upset i was and they have juggled everything around and i have a new earlier date, sun19th may, first thing, i also found out that my old scales were saying i was a stone lighter that what i thought, normally they would cancell due to this, but they are overlooking the weight gain,God knew that and has worked this for my good, totally in awe of God and so gratefull, now i start my liver shrinking diet again on sat and cant wait to start, knowing that its going to happen this time, xx

This is going to be a GREAT day! My daughter, Makenna had a hard time getting to sleep last night so I was up until about 12:30 because of her. Then my husband who has been also trying to get his weight under control woke me up around 4 this morning while he gets ready to go for a bike ride... My response to that was "could you take some of this new found energy you have and fix the toilet seat?!" I am not a helpless woman, I do a lot of the fixing up around here myself, but for the LIFE of me I can not get the darn toilet seat to tighten up so that when you sit on it it doesn't FLOP to one side! If he were to wake me at 4 AM because he was fixing the toilet, I would be less likely to complain about it. At least I woke up feeling better today, my sinus infection may actually be clearing up!
So I wake up, I grab my dog. I have two Pomeranians, a male name Optimus Prime and a female named Vidia. They are very important to me and I am sure I will mention them more. My little Vidia is only about 4.5# and she loves to cuddle with me in the morning while I have coffee. So I grabbed my Vidia and head to the kitchen for coffee. I get about half way through making my coffee when my daughter comes out and she has so much energy! She is jumping around, twirling her dress! I tell her to come to me so I can fix her hair and she hops over to me with big smiles and giggles. Nothing starts your day off better than a happy little girl! I begin fixing her hair and I ask her what has made her so happy this morning. She yells out "We are going to the circus!!!"
Then her twin brother, Ethan comes into the conversation. He too was excited, the two of them start talking about what is at the circus. Mind you, neither one of them has ever been this will be their first time. In my last marriage, my husband never held a job and I rarely had any money to do anything. So Ethan says that he thinks there will be clowns, balloons, and lions. Makenna says there will be zebras, tigers and camels! I add in that there will be elephants too!! Ethan gets a very worried look on his face and says to me "I hope we don't step in elephant poop mommy!" Let me tell ya, the thought had never really crossed my mind before then, but I sure hope we don't either!
After I sent the kids off on the bus I got to thinking about that statement and I laughed, but also I learned a lesson from it. I have spent the past two or three days stuck in a negative funk about my decisions for surgery and really the things that got me in that negative place are just as relevant as the idea of stepping in elephant poop. Its so unlikely to happen and if I just keep my eyes open, stay on the clear path its highly unlikely I should suffer such misfortune!
Just to prove my point, I stepped on my scale and I have made it to 300.0! I can't wait to see that wonderful 200 range again! So my plan for the day is to remain positive, to love my family, enjoy the circus and to stay clear of elephant poop!

My hubby and I just got back from a 3 day Anniversary trip to Vegas. I knew d be eating and drinking whatever I wanted, and I knew I'd gain weight. But I also knew I'd hunker down as soon as I got home and wean myself into my protein drink week. If I thought I was going to be able to forget about my weight issues a d upcoming surgery for a week....forget about it!
First off, I dreaded right away trying to fasten my seatbelt. My husband had to help my pull and stretch it so I could latch it. I was almost in tears. The next time I fly, it will be different. We went to a Buffett the first night and I enjoyed shrimp, crab sushi and a laded baked potato. I sampled a few desserts, but decided they weren't worth it. The old me would have eaten all that I took. The new me left a pork chop, carrots, sushi and several desserts on the table.
We did enjoy 2 Amazing steak dinners (one at Vic and Anthony's, and the other at Gordon Ramsay's.
Only once did I eat to the point of being over full....I told my husband: "I won't ever have to feel like this again" I know already that I will never ever eat that much food again!
I tried several times to not drink water with my meals...this and being hungry are the two things I worry about the most. I've been working on chewing to a pulp, taking smaller bites. But I'm still worried I will fail at this and be miserable because of it.
Last night as I was waiting to fall asleep, I actually wondered what God would think of me "mutilating" my stomach by having it hacked off? Then the voice in my head reminded me that I've already mutilated my body by getting 150# overweight!! I'm near tears writing this. I can't believe my husband of 36 years would still find me attractive or sexy at this size.
I just want to be done with this....I'm terrified that I won't be successful on this liquid diet, that my liver will be too big, or something will happen during surgery. I want to be successful....I want to do this! I deserve this...