Sherriews@yahoo.com

Again I find myself thinking that this surgery was supposed to be the magic cure. It is not. My weight loss is only 1 pound per week. My diet is high-protein low-carb low-calorie (850 to 1000) and I must exercise often for that 1 pound per week. I see my surgeon every month n my next visit is 6/3. I'm hoping for a grand number. I am 6 1/2 weeks out. Am i the only one like this???
 
I keep waiting for my clothes to fall off of me--some sign apart from a number. But not yet. Only a couple of people have even noticed I've lost anything. I'm very disappointed...
 
Band to sleeve revision. 6 1/2 weeks out, 22.5 down

so frustrating!!!!! arghh ok so I am bouncing between 1lb on then off, then on then off!!! this is now 2 weeks, im really trying but i think its protein where i am lacking, im still drinking a shake a day, egg for breakfast, shrimp, deli meats, string cheese, chicken (but I cant eat much of this) should i go back to minced chicken for a while? I am exercising but not as much as i should be (ive had a cold for 4 days ) water intake is hard as i hate water!! so im doing vitamin water.
 
anyone have any magical solutions id like to be 5lb down by the 30th (going on a cruise!)

Today I shall begin to document my progress. Today I am going to give you all some information about myself and vow to stop by at least every Thurs from here on out and give an update.
To start with allow me to introduce myself! My name is Reena, I am from upstate New York, I live and love the country! I am currently 32 years old and the mother of 4 beautiful children. My oldest child is 12 years old, he is 5'11" 180# and autistic. My pride meter went through the roof this year for this child, he has been on honor roll all school year! I am very proud of him. Besides his wonderful grades he also plays saxophone, and drums. He has recently gotten into sports, played basketball and just started up playing baseball. I love seeing his progress, a child who at 5 years old, didn't talk... is now on high honor roll!
The next in line would be my twins. I have a set of twins, boy and girl. They are 6 1/2 years old. My son is the older of the two (by a whole minute), he is also a special needs child, he plays baseball and LOVES school! He is an amazing young man, I call him my lil runt because he is much smaller than his sister and has always needed a lil more protection than the rest of the group.
After him would be his twin sister, She is our little princess! She is beyond spoiled by nature, a beautiful young lady, long dark hair, large blue eyes, eye lashes all women would die for! Shes tall and very thin! Oh and the brain of her! Shes awful smart.
My youngest child is 2 1/2, which is very hard for me to believe! Each of my children are very special to me, the youngest holds a very special place in my heart for many reasons, to start with he was born on my 30th birthday! He is the only child I share with my current husband, and of course, he is the youngest ... his older siblings spoil him rotten! But what a sweet young man he is!
I am currently into my second marriage... my first was with a boy/man I met when I was 14 years old. I dated him for about 5 years and we were married a year after I finished high school. Within 2 years of the marriage he developed a drinking problem, 3 or 4 years in he also developed a drug problem... these situations left me and my children homeless a few times, often with no food or no money to pay bills, no car ect. I went through about 10 years of that when I finally woke up one morning and as I was getting ready for work I told him I wanted a divorce. I have tried my best from that day to do nothing but move forward!
I started dating my current husband the fall of 2009, we were married june of 2012. He and I are very happy with the life we have built together. Although I still have to deal with my ex husband from time to time, it is pretty limited between his time in the county jail for stealing ect.
So about a year and a half ago I came to the decision that I need to continue to better my life and I should start with bettering my health. I started my WL journey at this point. It hasn't gone very well lol!
When I began, I weighed 252#... I currently tipped my scale at 305#! So heres what happened. I went to my PCP for over a year, he had me on prescription WL pills and diets ect. I didn't loose, I didn't gain either. He suggested I talk to a WLS. I went through the seminar, went to my first appointment in November 2012. After talking to him I had come to the conclusion that this was the road for me! at that time I was 281#. He told me if I want to continue I MUST quit smoking for 6 months in order for him to do the surgery!... UGH!!!!!!!!
I have smoked for 21 years! But I want a happier, healthier life for me and my kids... wouldn't that include smoking? Yes, yes it would. So I got myself in the mind set and I said good bye to smoking!
I may have said good bye to smoking, but in turn I said hello to 25#! Now I am busting my tail to get rid of my "I quit smoking so I gained a bunch of weight" weight! Ive lowered my calories to about 1200 a day, drinking water, doing at least 45 mins of some kind of workout each day, which is very hard for me lately because Ive had a sinus infection from hell!
I will wrap this up because I need to get some housework done before the kids get home.
Today.. today I make the choice to tune out the negative around me, to make great choices for the foods I give my body (and my mind)! To hug my children just a little longer than I did yesterday! I welcome me to the loser's bench, may I be here a long, long time!

So this is my first blog ever.
I am blogging like most to keep a journal of my journey and maybe help someone along the way but I am sure I will need alot of that myself. Like most people here I have always been above average in the weight department. I ALWAYS needed to lose 10 vanity lbs in high school. Then when I hit my 20's the weight crept up. I always hated my body! I developed at an early age and look like a grown woman when I was 13. I had the boobs butt hips. Looking back I realized that this is when my problems with food began. It was my comfort. So I got married at 24 and got pregnant a year later. As soon as I saw that postive test it was my ticket to eat whatever I wanted for 9 months. For the first time since I could remember I was not feeling guilty for eating. I packed a whopping 90lbs. on. I was out of control! I had my beautiful baby and then realized I was huge and my body was forever ruined! I exercerised ate low fat low carb and lost 50lbs. Go me! Then life happened and things got stressful and I gained/lost it back, had another beautiful baby, over the next 6 years. I have been on every diet weight watchers atkins all the crazy fads only to go right back to where I started. That yoyoing can really play games on your emotions! So here I am I have 2 beautiful kids, a husband who loves me no matter what, and I am fat and I love myself least of all. I can give all the excuses like I am too busy or this happened and that happened but it all boils down to I put myself last on my list and now I have got to the point that I need help to get me back. The main reason I am doing this surgery is my health. I have a strong family history of early heart disease and type 2 diabetes. I have high total cholesterol high trigs and borderline high insulin levels. I am headed up the same hill many other overweight family members have taken. All of them are in poor health in their 40s and 50s or didn't make much past 50. I cannot end up like them and slowly kill myself. I have lived with my mother for 6 years suffering from heart failure and I know my days are numbered with her. She is only 52 and has given up hope. She has accepted that this is her fate. I can't let me children go through what I am going through with her. I know none of us are promised tomorrow but all my mom's serious health problem are directly related to her poor lifestyle choices. So while I need to get my head right and my emotions in check before surgery I am so glad I have made the choice to have WLS and hopefully be a happy healthy mother and wife for many many many years to come.

Well, it's official. My surgery is on the 27th.
 
The good news is that my pre-op diet is only for 5 days and it won't be too much of an alteration of my current eating habits. From my research, I already had a good idea of what the pre-op diet was going to be like, just didn't know how long I would be expected to be on it. I had prepared myself mentally for a 2 week liquid diet. So it was really a surprise to hear that it is only 5 days and I can drink as much of the high protein/low carb shakes as I want and eat soups (like chicken noodle) as long as they don't contain high carb vegies like potatoes.
 
I've already figured out a combination of dutch chocolate EAS carb control shakes with 1 scoop of Total Soy (chocolate) that tastes great and has a combined 30 grams of protein and 11 grams of carbs per 20 oz shake. I highly recommend getting a shaker bottle with the little ball spring inside. It really breaks up the Total Soy powder making a smooth creamy shake. I bought a 2 pack at Sam's club for $12, and I saw them at Wal-Mart for $7 each. But with the 2 pack I can keep one at work and one at home.
 
I figure I'm having the same thoughts and feelings as others in the pre-op stage. So I wanted to share a moment I had last week that makes me laugh at myself now. I had a small panic attack until I realized how stupid it was. I actually got worried that post op, I wouldn't be able to eat as much I as I could in the past. Stupid, right?
 
But I guess it plays on my basic fear of change. How am I going to handle being thinner and how people will react and treat me at work and socially. As it is, I have 40 years of knowing how people treat the fat me. Now, I have to worry about how people will treat me as a thin person.

One of the scariest or infuriating things I encounter is when I've made a new low on the scale and then gain back 3 or 5 pounds in the next few days. And then it takes a week to get back where I was. I know it's just my body getting adjusted to my new lifestyle, but it is infuriating to see it happen.
 
After reading so many success stories about losing 20 plus pounds per month in the 1st 6 months, I WANT IT TOO! Not 10, not 15, I want my 20+ pound loss, just like clockwork - gimme, gimme, gimme! But that isn't the way my body wants to do it. So I'll just have to get used to the way it works.
 
In fact, the gains are my fault. I allow myself a "cheat" meal on Saturday nights and one more on Sundays when I visit my parents (twice a month). It's not that I eat more food, it's just less healthy.
 
For example:
 
Friday morning weight in: 296.8
 
Saturday night was Golden Corral buffet night. Over the hour I was there, I had about 4oz of meatloaf, 1 fried chicken strip, 1 big cauliflower floret w/cheese, about 2 tablespoons of Shepard's pie and about 1/2 of some kind of pecan gooey thing. I didn't stuff myself, just ate until I was full, waited while my friend hit the buffet again, and I ate a little here and there as my stomach emptied.
 
The following Sunday happened to be one of the 2 days a month I visit my parents. At lunch we had Churches fried chicken. I had 1 fried breast, 1 single serving of mashed potatoes, and 1 biscuit. This is not the normal fare, usually mom cooks meat and vegetables.
 
I wasn't able to eat the whole thing in one sitting. I broke it into 2 meals, one at 11am, the 2nd at 2pm.
 
The rest of my meals for the weekend were my normal fare: turkey hamburger w/cheese and spaghetti sauce or turkey hamburger w/gravy and chopped cauliflower. In a 4oz bowl.
 
Monday morning weigh in: 302.4 - almost a 6 pound gain!
 
I can only assume that all the salt and sodium caused quite a bit of water retention. I don't believe I really over did it too much on the calories.
 
Now it's Thursday - 4 days later - and I'm back down to 298.4 - 4 pounds. Not surprising really, it's happened more than once. That doesn't mean I have to like it!
 
I think it might be a good thing to switch up foods this way, my body won't get accustomed to a certain calorie count/protein/carb/fat intake. I just won't go overboard on the bad stuff and eat it more than 6 meals a month. Now if only I can get over my fear of seeing the scale move up instead of down!
 
And I'll watch and see how my body reacts long term. If turns out that it's causing stalls or long term weight gain, I'll have to go back to the basic diet and cut out the bad stuff.
 
NSV! Now, where's my light saber? I have to punch a new hole in my belt.

Thank you Scale-Gods!!! It finally moved! After 2 full weeks of my scale being stuck at 238 this morning it finally says 237!! Whoo-hoo! So in 5 weeks I have lost 20#....I can handle that! :D
 
Right now my challenge is calories. Not getting them in, I haven't had any problem tolerating anything. I'm having problems figuring out where my body will lose best. My surgeon recommends staying at 600 calories for the entire losing process. However, I have a couple problems with that. #1 - I feel like crap keeping my calories that low (like low energy, foggy brain etc) and #2 it just seems like in the long run that would work against my metabolism. So here's what I am currently doing. I am trying to listen to my body, if I'm hungry (not just bored, sad etc) I am eating a little something. It's about every 2-3 hours that I'm eating something. I am tracking everything I eat and right I'm averaging about 800 calories. My RMR is about 1700 calories so I would think that everything should be fine. I've seen quite a few people on the forums )and picked their brains) who didn't sticl to the super low calorie intake and have still been incredibly successful. BUT, there is still that little voice in the back of my head telling me that I will fail....especially if I'm not doing exactly what the surgeon says.
 
So I'm glad the scale finally moved, just reinforces how I feel. I know I feel better, I actually have so much energy. I feel like I'm going a little stir crazy cause I work at a desk job all day so when I get home I'm ready to go and do something...all the time!!! My poor little lap dog has to just follow me around and hope I sit down soon
 
 
Heaviest Weight: 281
3/6/13 Surgery: 257 (-24)
3/13/13: 251 (-6)
3/20/13: 245 (-6)
3/28/13: 238 (-7)
4/3/13: 238 (-0)
FIRST MONTH -19#
4/10/13: 237 (-1)

Well, after 4 days of being the exact same weight, I woke up this morning 5 lbs less than yesterday. Makes no sense to me, but I'll take it. That puts me at 249 lbs, 25 less than my pre op high of 274.
I've decided to start weighing myself only once a week. It won't be easy, but obsessing over the scale can be counterproductive. I just needed to see it move after being the same for 4 days. Since I weighed in this morning, I guess I'll make Sunday my day.