LiggleLiggle

Guinness World Records called me today. It was out of the blue and I thought it was my shameful little secret. But apparently being startled by a squirrel can help you become a Guinness record breaker.
 
I was in the kitchen messing around and heard some scratches in the utility room. Upon opening the door, I was confronted by a dastardly squirrel. Being a normal (sort of) person, I figured if I stepped towards him, he'd head for the hills. But no, he charged me!
 
Squirrels aren't supposed to charge! They're supposed to hang upside down on the sides of trees and play funny games of tag with each other.
 
It's in the Squirrel Manual. Chapter 1 - Squirrels are supposed to look cute, chase each other, and RUN whenever confronted by things that outweigh them by 300 lbs.
 
This squirrel, obviously, was a dropout. He's the kinda punk squirrel that skips squirrel school, hangs around the pool hall, and smokes. I would add that he's a heroine addict, but I didn't have time to check his little squirrel arm for tracks - I was too busy trying to release the squirrel back into his natural habitat. By that, I mean that I screamed like a girl and slammed the door.
 
That's where Guinness comes in.
 
I thought my shameful little secret was my own, until I got the phone call. Apparently Guinness heard the scream and the door slam at their headquarters and tracked it back to me. I wondered how they tracked it back to me, until I saw the fault line (apparently caused by my slamming the door) snaking across my property and down the street.
 
I now have two Guinness records - one for Loudest Girly Scream from a Man and Hardest Door Slam Without Knocking the Door Off the Hinges.
 
P.S. The Man Club heard about it as well. I tried to explain that I was employing my catlike Ninja skills and the scream was my way of focusing my Chakras - but they weren't buying it.
 
They said they had already given me a break on the whole Monarch Butterfly incident, but they couldn't give me a pass on this one. I now have 2 points on my Man Card. One more point and I have to take a refresher class. :-(
 
P.P.S Does setting the world record for screaming like a girl count as an aerobic workout??????

I'm gonna admit right now that the first two days of my preop liquid diet were AWFUL. I cheated (hummus) and nearly yelled at my boyfriend for cooking his dinner in front of me. I resented the metallic ketone taste in the back of my throat. Finally on the morning of the third day I told myself to suck it up, resigned myself to just enjoying the SMELL of regular food, and plodded through another five protein shakes spaced three hours apart.
 
Then that evening I bought a scale, since my surgery is on Tuesday and I figured I'd want one and not really want to go GET one afterwards.
 
And I stepped on it.
 
And I have somehow lost EIGHT POUNDS since Dr. Kim's office last weighed me.
 
Day four of liquid diet, these goddamn shakes almost taste GOOD.

Holy **** once I went back to work life got busy.
 
Anyway, I'm one of the lucky ones, I guess; over one week of pre-op diet, first week and second week post-op I lost 30 pounds. Which is amazing and I am still a little flabbergasted. Now, sadly, all that loss has caught up to me in the form of THE STALL.
 
I've been between 235-236 for several days now (like maybe 5), but keeping patient. I did, after all, just lose 30 lbs in three weeks. I've been telling myself I might lose inches instead and reading the forums like crazy for morale, but every time I try on that stubborn pair of size 18 jeans they are still a little too tight. :[
 
HOWEVER:
 
Work is taking us to Six Flags as a reward for being awesome last year, and I currently have nothing to wear to a theme park, so on my lunch break I dropped in to Lane Bryant to see what I could see in the clearance section. And lo, shining brilliantly on the rack, a pair of size 18 capri... jegging... things... hung in brightest red. And I did take them from the rack, and did carry them into the changing stall on the off chance they might fit. And there in the changing stall I discovered two things.
 
One! My current work pants are a size 22 where I had unfortunately convinced myself they were a size twenty, which makes it retroactively depressing that they were pretty tight for a while.
 
TWO! The capri-jegging-things FIT ME BEAUTIFULLY.
 
aaand since I got them on the clearance rack and found $10 cash in my purse, only $10 came out of my checking account. Stall be damned, I won today :3

One month has flown by and I had my big weigh in at the doctors office, which I was excited to see what it would say. I am at 202 from 235! In one month I lost 33 pounds and have went down a size in pants and 1/2 a shoe size. I also was wearing a 2XL to now wearing some L. So glad I had this life changing surgery!

Today, I am half way to my weight loss goal of 92 pounds! Yes - I am eating well and exercising, but I've never lost 46lbs just eating well and exercising. And NEVER could have lost 46 pounds in less than 4 months! Feeling so blessed and free from past demons. I am re-writing my future and it feels so wonderful!

Since this is my first entry, I will introduce myself. My name is Diane and I am married to a wonderful man named David who is also my pastor. I have 4 gorgeous children. My oldest son is 26 and married. They have given me the greatest gifts, GRANDCHILDREN! My grandchildren are 3 years old and twins who are 9 months old. They are such a blessing. My oldest daughter is 19 and is about to begin her 2nd year of college. She is beautiful and smart and is preparing to be a teacher. My youngest son will be attending college in the fall and His plans are to also become a teacher. He is probably the funniest guy around and can melt my heart in an instant! My youngest daughter is 16 and gorgeous. She loves sports and is a sophomore in High School. My children are all very active in church as well as our community. I am blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined!
 
I began my Weight Loss Surgery journey in 2010. I worked for months trying to obtain a 5 year history. Like many who are overweight, I just didn't go to the Dr. It seemed that regardless of my symptoms, it was always linked to being overweight so I found it easier not to go. I do not recommend this to anyone! I began my journey with the nutritionist. I had to have a 6 month medically supervised weight loss and did this for 4 consecutive months. At my 5 month visit, my mother had an emergency with her heart and I rescheduled my visit. I wasn't able to keep the rescheduled visit either. I made an appointment for 2 weeks later than the original visit and my nutritionist informed me that I would have to begin the process all over. I can't begin to tell you how much fun that was!
 
In the process of beginning again, my insurance changed and my new insurance would not approve WLS. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that God would bring me this far and not make a way. I tried not to give up but didn't really follow the plans set up by my nutritionist. In 2012, I got new insurance. This one would approve my surgery. My new insurance required a series of visits at the gym along with some other procedures. I worked diligently to get all of those things done. In January of 2013, I was done.. Or thought I was done! I went for my pre-op class, had a date set for Feb. Much to my dismay, I received a call from the insurance lady at my Dr and was told that I would have to do the 6 months medically supervised diet all over again because my insurance required it all be done in the same year.
 
My faith in God really kept me from giving up through all of these hurdles! The day I received that call that I would have to begin again, I began to pray. I prayed and prayed and prayed! I don't think I slept through the night because I kept praying. At 9 am the next morning, the insurance lady called and said that my insurance's medical director had called her and said they had decided to go ahead and approve me. PRAYER CHANGES THINGS!!!!
 
I had Gastric Sleeve surgery the morning of March 8th. I was nervous as anyone would be but had a peace about it because I knew that God had paved the way for me to receive this tool! Surgery went better than expected! I was in very minimal pain. I was up walking within a few hours of surgery. I went home at noon the next day and never had to take pain meds. I was a little sore, but nothing unbearable.
 
I have learned so many things throughout this journey and will be blogging here to share them, in case anyone can learn from my discoveries and mistakes! I'm an open book, so I don't mind anyone asking questions!