BigDaddyJoe

She's done pretty well, down 55 lbs since April 19. She could do better, but she doesn't follow all "the rules". She doesn't always do the protein shakes, eats things like ice cream, and drinks these frapuccino things that she gets from Costco, even drinks soda occasionally. I don't dare say anything. She would get defensive, and tell me that I need to start eating those things. There could be something to the completion thing, I'm 15 lbs lighter than she's ever known me to be. I mentioned that to her, that she's never known me this thin, and just has to get used to it. Her reply? That she would have never dated me if I was this thin. SMH.

I don't know what the issue is. She is usually very supportive. I don't know what to think anymore, my body image is so out of whack. What I see in the mirror is not what I see in photographs. But if she is jealous or feeling threatened, she should be doing the opposite, not what she's doing now.

Your journey is your journey , and hers is hers. You need to be firm with your wife and tell her u like yourself at this w,eight and that u will not go back to your old ways and put back weight on. Set boundaries with her ..you can make a choivce and don't let her comments bother you. Be firm and tell her you won't put up with her negative comments. This is an issue she needs to resolve for herself..don't try to figure why she is doing this.. Concentrate on keeping your health in check.

Has she lost as much weight as you? Guys seem to lose faster then the ladies, and your success on losing more then her may be making her a little jealous....also she probably never thought she had to worry about competition because she thought you were to big for other women to come on to you now, and so now she feels insecure in your relationship. Just a few theory's. good luck!

You have done an amazing job and you do look great. I'm glad to hear that your weight is leveling off, since you don't want to go too far. As far as your wife's journey with WL as compared to yours, it really sounds like she's on a different path or has different motivations than you. Your success isn't apparently the same as her success, so she isn't reacting the way you're expecting. I agree with above comments about the heart to heart and the idea of couple's counseling to be sure you are both still on the same track - it's good to check in.
Also, if your weight is leveling off finally - it might truly be time to get to that more upscale department store where a menswear expert can "fit" you for your new body shape - from t-shirts to jeans and dressier clothes, fit can really make that difference and you sure deserve it after such amazing work and success! Good luck!

Joe - This is a wierd place to be in. You have been so successful and dedicated. It really may be that she is jealous. I don't kow her so I cannot judge but it seems like you two need to talk about it. If you don't you will begin to resent her and that will not be good for you or your relationship. You are a great man and I am sure that she knows it...she may not realize how much it really hurts you!
Don't forget that you are the BEST and also deserve the BEST!! <3

OMG! You look 1000% better and healthier I don't see a little old man anywhere! Good for you...

Sounds to me like you guys need to have a real heart-to-heart. In my psych eval we covered this... weight loss just like weight gain can put a strain on any relationship... that she had it too though her reactions really surprise me..
You guys may need some kind of couples counseling to actually fetter out what is bothering her and why she isn't as enthused about the new you....because I doubt it will just go away on its own.

Check out the Bolthouse juices at the grocery store. Lots of vitamins and some with protein. More calories so definitely not a diet drink but a good way to add calories and nutrition with a tiny tummy!

Big D....you look Ah maze za ZING!
Maybe it is time for a new wardrobe...step out of your comfort zone and try something that you have never dared to before! You are a handsome man and deserve happiness.
I have seen this many times in my life where people really don't know what to say but feel the need to say something and they promptly insert their foot in their mouths!
Hold your head high and rock the new you!
<3

Um, you don't look older that's crazy. You look way more vibrant and full of energy. You look younger and healthier. Great job! Don't let the family bring you down.

You look great man. Where the hell did she get "little old man"? Hurtful and totally unessessary. You really should be proud of yourself.

Thanks everyone. I knew I had a distorted image of myself, but I didn't think it was THAT distorted! Cajunlady, my wife was the first one to start telling me I needed to stop, but she never said I looked older. In fact, we were 'intimate' the other night (for the first time in a couple years, but that's a whole other story!), and she said that it weirded her out because she felt like she was with a 12 year old boy because there was nothing to hold onto! TMI, I know, but I thought it was funny. Bluto, that does make sense. It has been a big change in such a short period of time for the people around me also, so their image of me needs to change as much as my image of myself needs to change.

Perhaps it is genuine concern she approached with when saying you are too skinny. Don't get me wrong, I personally think you look fabulous. (Not "too skinny" nor "an old man") But this woman has spent years accepting (and loving I assume) you as you were. Sometimes it is harder for those around us to accept we are obese and need help than it is for us to decide it for ourselves. You did what was right for you, for your life. Be proud every second of every day that you cared enough about YOU to do that. In time the family (and others) will come around and get to know and love the "new" you the same as they did the old you. BTW- I think it is awesome you and your wife did this together. That is an amazing support system built right into your marriage!

I think you look like you're at a great weight for your height, even if you wanted to lose a couple of more pounds that would be fine. When I look at that picture I don't see 'too heavy' or 'too thin' but 'pretty damn perfect'. As for your age, I would have guessed 35-40ish. You in no way look like a little old man. That's ridiculous.

I don't see old man NOR too thin. I'm jealous of your success, and hope to be there myself someday!

I want to start off by saying, you look great! Seriously! If I had to guess your age I would say mid 30s. Our clothing can make us look awesome or really bad. I think it was probably your clothing that made you look like a "little old man" to your stepmom. Perhaps you should find a fashionable friend (or even your wife) to help you buy some new clothes. "Younger" clothes would make you look younger (if that is what you want). Is your stepmother overweight? Is it possible for her to be jealous or uncomfortable about your new look and she was lashing out? People are always going to be critical. You look great and feel healthy, so let it roll off your back and move on!

I'm sorry those hurtful things were said to you.
I don't see in your picture that you look like a little old man...other than the fact you are wearing light colored jeans...ha! Maybe it's time for a fashion make over So my suggestion...go shopping and buy clothes that are a little more "in"...dark, skinny jeans to go with your new body. Flip through some magazines and see what's "in" for guys in their thirties, and go with it.
Get rid of the little old man image of light jeans and polos...ha!
You have done an amazing job. Be proud of yourself...we are!

Dude.....you look awesome!!! Do not listen to the haters. I had a mean old rotten (now ex) husband who commented (after a successful 50 pound Atkins weight loss) "Every time you lose weight, you get jowls." Once when I had just gotten down to a healthy 135, the husband of a church friend frequently commented on how hungry I looked. Recently, my daughter told me of a t-shirt that said: YOU DO YOU.

You look fantastic! I know people who have lost weight "too fast" and it doesn't make them look younger. But at our age (I'm 40), we're in good shape to have the skin bounce back a bit.
And as my surgeon said - loose skin never killed anyone (and being too fat was going to get us!)
I FULLY agree the psych requirements and post-op psych help need to be improved. I've been looking for it, and just can't find someone who understands or is capable of the coaching I'm looking for. My current therapist knows me pretty well, so we're muddling our way through it.
In terms of appearance - I have definitely found how I dress affects how I look. I can look good or bad and younger or older depending on how the clothes fit. I often take photos and send them to my "monitors" for yes or no votes. And often they are telling me the stuff I think is too tight fits correctly. We're just used to hiding ourselves and not used to having things that actually fit. Treat yourself to a personal shopper at Nordstroms. I think my friend said they're free. Have someone dress you and show you. If you're close to goal, it's worth the investment and the training (and you can always fill in your wardrobe with Goodwill!).
As to stopping losing - I'm sure the experts are going to help you transition from losing to maintaining. My NUT has already mentioned there's a difference in what I'll eat. Not how much, just what. I think we've just been in "diet" mode between the pre-op and now post-op that we forget there's a way to eat a little and gain (remember the quart of ice cream for dinner? not that we can do that anymore...)
Don't worry about what people are saying... You look great. And you feel good. And if you look like you're dating a model, more power to you! Congrats to you and your wife on your successes!

Sometimes I think that you get comments both ways....Too big...too small..You can't win ..You have worked so hard.....I would be sensitive as well....It is a lot of work to do this journey...It is not for the faint of heart....
That said...Listen to your wife's opinion and see yourself for who you have become....Amazing difference I think....

I don't know you at all..But I looked at your pics and you don't look older at all...You look healthier for sure.....
Some people think that they are looking out for you and others are just thoughtless.....
I have lost a lot of weight and still have a lot to lose and people are telling me I look sick and I just say thank you.....Who needs enemies when you have these friends and family...LOL
So I know where you are coming from!

I totally do not see where you look older. To my eyes, you look younger. You do not look sickly. I think that when we first lose weight, our face changes suddenly, our skin hasn't contracted yet, and our loved ones might see those as scary changes. Everyone says your skin rebounds some and tightens, faces fill out again, etc. So maybe just give it time and let them catch up to the new you.
It's hard for us to accept those comments as concern, a lot easier to think it's criticism, but I think with most of our families, they speak out of love and concern--and probably end up doing it badly!
You do not look old. You do not look "too" skinny. You look great.

Your wife is right. You look great. And I don't see any little old man in the pic that you posted. Keep up the good work!

Congratulations! You look healthy. Remember that some of the people around you have an image of what you are "supposed" to look like burned into their brain as well. Screw em, the only person whose option should matter is your wife... she's the one that's gotta look at you naked.
Be proud, brother! I'm looking forward to having that problem :-)