docbree

I told everyone from the beginning. Well actually I told my Mom and she told the rest of the family but everyone else heard it from me. Even my Barber knew the week before my surgery day and every six to eight weeks I would be asked about my weight loss progress. I had a lot of weight to lose and my biggest fear was failing. I had reservations about telling people because I was afraid of being the fat guy who couldn't even lose weight with WLS.
I will admit throughout my journey (which has no end) there have been many times that I wish I hadn't told people. Same old questions over and over and over gets very redundant. You know which ones I am talking about "Oh how much weight did you lose this week" or "how much weight have you lost" or "how much do you weigh now".
I am very open book but I tire easily from being asked those type of questions. Ask me about the procedure. Ask me about the lifestyle change. Ask me about the process and how long it took and what my challenges were/are. Those questions come up every once in a while but not very often unless I was in an actual support meeting environment.
Nope it's all about weight.....physical outcome....again tiresome. Still flattering and I would be lying if I said otherwise but still quite tiresome.
I come on to this board with hopes of helping others the same way the people before me had helped me. I have to admit I am not as active as I once was because I get even more tired of the band versus sleeve versus bypass arguments.

I can say I like this thread. Not only on the fact of hearing what others think, but it makes me self reflect why I chose to tell or not tell. It is easy to blame others and people around me why I did or didn't tell but the truth is it was about me. It was about the shame not so much of having the surgery but needing the surgery. That is a personal issue of my own guilt.
I think we have to remember just like other things shouldn't define us WLS shouldn't either.
I an not a WLS person but a person who had WLS. That is only part of my life. I have other characters, qualities and traits. This world loves to label people and try to define others by these labels.
I still do not see a problem with saying I changed from diet and exercise first! Those changes were harder than the surgery. I want credit for the hard work I do everyday.
I do not condone people tricking others into believing something that isn't true, but I have always believed what and where people take the truth is on them. It isn't my job to control other peoples thoughts or ideas on a topic.
I think this topic does bring up a topic people don't want to talk about and that is "shame".
Where did it come from? How do each one of us react to it? Not just shame of surgery, but other choices we make too.

I loved what you said about it being "your story" I think many of us have had others around us tell "our story" and found out others versions can be hurtful.
I have even been threaten to tell my story or they will.(thinking they were helping and supporting a wonderful change in my life) that is the key my life.

I agree @jersrose43. I've never advocated making up a story about a fake surgery or any other falsehood. What's getting me ruffled is the idea that simply keeping the matter private is also a "lie".
I feel the most for the newbies who are struggling with this decision and who are reading this. Why should they feel shamed into telling something they may not want to disclose? How dare ANYONE try to talk their right to privacy away?
Funny thing about keeping a secret. Once you tell, you can't take it back if you discover that telling was a bad idea. You can always tell later if you choose to keep it private now. Funny that.

I think we can all support each other In Our individual decisions.
However lately there have been numerous posts along the lines of what lie/fib/exaggeration can I make up.
Again, lack of self esteem and self confidence in my opinion.
Either put your big girl panties on and say it's private and I'd rather not discuss it. Or shout it from the World Trade Center.
Whatever you decide my preference is you not lie.
I will support you whatever path you choose.

Thank you everyone for your replies to my rant....both the likers and the haters. Its nice to see that at least some people understand my frustration with the deception, half truths and shame that surrounds WLS. As for the haters, I guess my perspective and values are just so different from yours that a productive debate is not really possible. It's like trying to have a conversation in two different languages. I cannot atone dishonesty and you are too private to be truthful. Where do we go from there?
So please keep the posts coming. there are some really great points on both sides. And for those of you who want to continue to bash me, that's OK, too....I won't be offended or hurt. Like I said before, I don't need acceptance from others to feel good about myself.

I also agree that the OP was trying to state that those who had WLS should help to try and remove the stigma associated with it. I recognize that not everyone feels that way or that is their responsibility. We all have opinions and this was hers. I think everyone has made valid points. It's just a matter of personal perspective.

Just my two cent's worth (I am pre-op, so maybe I shouldn't even be responding).
I think there are a lot of reasons to keep such a private matter to yourself. I think some valid responses to questions about how you are losing a lot of weight could include "mostly, a LOT of hard work," or if you are being consistent with your reasoning about how your sex life, plastic surgery, etc. are nobody's business then "that's a personal issue," or "I don't want to talk about it."
I do think it's dishonest to say "I'm just eating better and exercising more." An obese person (or family member/friend) who asks with genuine interest will get a false sense of what is possible and may put off surgery because "if he/she can do it with diet and exercise - then so can I!"
About a year ago, someone posted on one of these threads (or maybe on another site) about a friend of hers who lost a lot of weight after VGS. She was telling friends and co-workers that she did so with the help of an "herbal supplement" and the proceeded to sell it to these "friends." Dishonest. Even if she did use the supplement post-op.
It's also dishonest in my opinion to make up fake surgeries as explanations for your time off of work. Once again, can't "I'm sorry, but that's personal" be used in a tactful way instead of falsehoods?

You have to make this decision when you are ready. I've been on this board for over 1 ½ years, and considered the sleeve for a couple of years prior to that. The enormity of what I would be facing post-op was really overwhelming to me, and I kept telling myself "I'll just try to lose on my own one more time." I'm am now completely sure of my decision and I'm glad I took the time to do research and to make sure this is what I needed to do.

Just my two cent's worth (I am pre-op, so maybe I shouldn't even be responding).
I think there are a lot of reasons to keep such a private matter to yourself. I think some valid responses to questions about how you are losing a lot of weight could include "mostly, a LOT of hard work," or if you are being consistent with your reasoning about how your sex life, plastic surgery, etc. are nobody's business then "that's a personal issue," or "I don't want to talk about it."
I do think it's dishonest to say "I'm just eating better and exercising more." An obese person (or family member/friend) who asks with genuine interest will get a false sense of what is possible and may put off surgery because "if he/she can do it with diet and exercise - then so can I!"
About a year ago, someone posted on one of these threads (or maybe on another site) about a friend of hers who lost a lot of weight after VGS. She was telling friends and co-workers that she did so with the help of an "herbal supplement" and the proceeded to sell it to these "friends." Dishonest. Even if she did use the supplement post-op.
It's also dishonest in my opinion to make up fake surgeries as explanations for your time off of work. Once again, can't "I'm sorry, but that's personal" be used in a tactful way instead of falsehoods?

Just my two cent's worth (I am pre-op, so maybe I shouldn't even be responding).
I think there are a lot of reasons to keep such a private matter to yourself. I think some valid responses to questions about how you are losing a lot of weight could include "mostly, a LOT of hard work," or if you are being consistent with your reasoning about how your sex life, plastic surgery, etc. are nobody's business then "that's a personal issue," or "I don't want to talk about it."
I do think it's dishonest to say "I'm just eating better and exercising more." An obese person (or family member/friend) who asks with genuine interest will get a false sense of what is possible and may put off surgery because "if he/she can do it with diet and exercise - then so can I!"
About a year ago, someone posted on one of these threads (or maybe on another site) about a friend of hers who lost a lot of weight after VGS. She was telling friends and co-workers that she did so with the help of an "herbal supplement" and the proceeded to sell it to these "friends." Dishonest. Even if she did use the supplement post-op.
It's also dishonest in my opinion to make up fake surgeries as explanations for your time off of work. Once again, can't "I'm sorry, but that's personal" be used in a tactful way instead of falsehoods?

There is a link in my signature.

With all due respect, I think the OP was trying to bring out the fact that there is much 'shame' in something that should have no shame attached. For those old enough to remember, a breast cancer diagnosis was once only whispered about. There was a tremendous amount of shame involved and I still don't know why except I guess because it was the breast. These days, there is no shame at all and alot of that has to do with people coming out and being honest about their diagnoses. In some way, we need that same thing when it comes to WLS so that there is no need to feel that people are judging us and finding us somehow 'lacking' because we are having surgery to help with this problem. It doesn't mean you have to tell if you don't want to. But in time, with enough people talking about it, this surgery might also be seen with less or no negativity one day.

I think the ones that are calling this BS are being rude. Aren't we suppose to support one another, if you agree or don't. You can skip a subject if you don't agree.
I am so thankful to everyone here for sharing their experiences and troubles with stalls and stuff. I am waiting for wls surgery in nov and Im not sharing. Its my business. Im not gonna make up a surgery. my family is not supportive, full of drama and love to talk bad about one another. Plus they don't tell me everything.
My immediate family will know but thats it. I really don't care what everyone thinks. This is the main reason Im not telling others because I don't want to hear their opinion on something Im sure of. And I don't want to defend myself like people are having to do on this thread.

Here's the thing. I do not think people should lie about their WLS and use other surgeries as a cover up...that just seems like bad Mojo to me.
But when it come to keeping secrets, it's one of the things I could never understand because I am such an open book. For example, I have a good friend who has been SUPER secretive since we were kids in high school and it always drove me nuts. Recently, I found out through a mutual friend that she married some Nigerian guy so he could get his papers and she kept that a secret too! After while I accepted her secrets and realized that it's not really my business to get her to be open.
Truth is, people are gonna have MANY reasons to keep MANY things a secret...and it's our job to mind our own business and love them or stop dealing with them if you can't handle it.
As for me, I decided to keep my WLS a secret until after the surgery. I do think it's important to share my story so others can get help but I will do it on my own time.
No one, within this world and especially under this thread is without flaws. To think otherwise would be BS.

This is a FABULOUS thread. I love reading all the different responses, the thought processes, and the outcomes.
I too live in a smaller community. I "got" pregnant with twin girls when I was 15 and delivered when I was 16. For years it felt like everyone in town knew my business before I did and it made me a little wary of sharing anything that had the potential to hurt me... I'm an extrovert so people assumed that since I'm friendly and "open" that they knew the whole story and whatever was shared at church, in the community, or from my own lips was pretty much all that was going on in my life.
About 7 years ago I went through one of those life changing series of events that good memoirs are written about and my life radically changed. I moved to another state and had some really real life experiences and then a year later moved back home. When I came back, everyone knew things were different. At first I was really closed off, I fed people information here and there but no one knew what exactly happened from start to finish. Until I started teaching a girls youth group. About half way through the year we had a lock-in and I decided to share some of my experiences. And when I prayed for courage to tell my story that I KNEW would impact these young ladies, I felt like I needed to start my talk off with something I never dreamed of saying: "This is MY story. I'm choosing to share it with YOU because I care about you. Please don't tell my story for me. If you think someone in your life needs to hear my story, tell them to talk to me or me to talk to them."
Months afterwords I realized how drastically things had changed. Some people knew my story and it wasn't spread around town. I think that by giving my story value and asking other people to respect that value, it kept it from being common gossip. As I get ready for my WLS, I am seeing over again that if I think this process is a valuable teaching tool and I communicate that to others when I share, they will respect my wish to let me tell my own story. Also, I noticed that many of the girls I shared my story with felt special, that I would share something so personal with them and trust them to handle it with dignity.
Anyway, I know that was lengthy but maybe it helped someone.

By the way, the reason why I decided to tell only some people in need because I experienced this myself.
There's a girl working in the bank in my work place who had the sleeve a few years back, when I asked how she lost weight, she just said that "I watched what I eat". It was her colleague who did the sleeve 9 months ago who told me about her surgery and recommended her surgeon to me. (this girl were also the as big as I was, 30 lbs heavier but she's also taller) I couldn't help but thinking if the other girl told me about her WLS, I could have done it a few years earlier!!
Well, of course I respect her decision, now she's happy for me too but I will always feel so grateful to her colleague who shared her story with me and I will do the same thing to help other people like she did to me.

Judging. Shaming. One-upping. Self-righteousness.
We all suffer from it.
It's a toughie.
Over the last 15 years, while caring for family members with health issues (like many of us have) and being caught up in some attendant family conflicts, I came to realize that no matter how anyone is acting or responding at the time, they are probably doing the very best they can manage right now. In the future, they might and probably will be able to do better.
That's probably true of each of us here, too.

Absolutely they need to know about your WLS. To not tell your OB is doing a disservice to your child. Your OB's job is to ensure that you deliver a healthy child, without your complete medical/surgical history they cannot plan for or help prevent any adverse effects that your diet and health may have on your child.

I am so thankful that all of my encounters with the medical profession have been extremely positive in regards to my planned WLS. My GYN told me that so few people are willing to do what it takes to take back their health. Then told me that she was proud of me for being willing to fight for mine.

Hello!
I am 3 years+ post op VSG. It is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I have never felt like I liked myself more. I feel in control of my weight and what I eat. I started my weight loss adventure at 262 pounds in 2011. Today I weigh 167 pounds. I had my ups and downs (I briefly gained 15 pounds during the 2nd year and lost them all plus a few, and I was anemic for a few months as well. I eat normally and I have no issues with food intolerances, loose skin, or nausea. Please feel free to ask me any questions!! I love this site, it has helped keep me motivated and focused. I will continue to check in as much as I can! I attached a before and a couple afters of course!

Sorry you have to go through this difficult and unnecessary diet regimen. I still don't get why your surgeon does this because you WILL lose weight after VSG without the addition of a fad diet. Just like Buffer, I've been there done that with the Atkins.< /p>
Personally, I feel it's important to learn to eat healthy from the start. This new lifestyle is forever, you might as well learn how to make good, healthy choices. The more restrictive a diet plan is, the more likely you will cheat and that sets the patient up for failure (in general) I also don't think the extreme calorie restrictive postop diets make sense, either. If you only eat 600-800 calories, that's what your body will get used to, your metabolism will slow down and it will be much more difficult to lose and or maintain at a "normal" caloric intake for the rest of your life.
Sorry for my ramblings, but seeing that a bariatric surgeon doesn't have faith in his own procedure is very weird to me. And obviously I'm not a "professional"....just a successful WLS patient who knows what works for me. Oh, and BTW, even while eating normal food, nothing tasted good to me, I had no appetite, and eating was a very unwelcome chore for about 3-4 months. So I think a lot of that is normal no matter what your postop diet is. Good luck to you...it will get better!

I wonder what the connection is between those that have been "forever fluffy" and those that are more likely to open and share the process?
Me, I've been fat my whole life. My goal weight is 180-190. And that would make me almost the same size I was in high school. And I will be thrilled when I get there.
But I think maybe because I've been always fat, I've had a lifetime to deal with the stigma that came with it... To toughen up and thicken my skin. So now that I'm doing this, it doesn't matter to me what anyone thinks about my choice because it didn't matter what they thought about me before either. And if this causes me to lose a friend? Well then they weren't really a friend to begin with.
Again, this is a highly personal choice but if my being open inspires someone, like it already has and I'm not even post-op yet, then what tiny amount of negative feedback I get will be worth it.

I lost a lot of weight back in 2008 and suffered the same problem. Here's some relief ... it's called a coccyx cushion. The lease expensive place I've found to buy one is Walgreens.com and they're only $19.99. The specific name of this one is
Duro-Med Sloping Coccyx CushionDO NOT go to the store because they only sell them online. I have 3 of them one in the car, kitchen chair and desk. They are WONDERFUL! Hope this helps

If you focus on the health benefits of the surgery rather than the aesthetics, you may find that you are much happier with your decision. If you're worried about sagging skin or how pretty you might be at a lower weight, then you're overlooking the fact that you could be saving your life.
Having the energy to jump out of bed and take my dog for a two-hour walk has added much more to my life than a new wardrobe. Having said that...I loooove all my new clothes!
Best of luck to you on your journey!