vinesqueen

Yes Kathy, that is exactly what happens! With cyclical Cushing's, also called intermitend, the tumor turns off and on. When it turns on, it puts out cortisol, and when it shuts off, it, well, doesn't. Right now I seem to be in a two week off and on cycle. I feel myself starting to hit a low, I know, because I'm getting fatigued again and I can see in the dark again. When Pitunia is "on" I cannot see in the dark, to the point where I can't drive at night. So, now it's turning off again. I just hope that I don't end up with my adrenals shut down, that is frightening indeed. The next few weeks will tell.

My DH was banded 3 years ago, this week. I really am so proud of him!

:update: Well, I thought I would bump this. I've been testing like a fiend since I got back from OHSU in Portland, and I got a call lastweek from my Endo there. My cortisol level on 6/21 was 214, The normal range high is 50 to 80. So, brain surgery looks like it is going to be in my near future!

I just had to share this! I can how put my arms around my husband and touch my fingers! When my husband started his journey, he weighed 600 pound and could not wal through a doorway. He hasn't gone to get weighed recently, but he has now lost enough weight that I can actually put my arms around him! He's been 400 pounds and greater our entire relationship, and he's now the smallest he's ever been. I'm so excited!

Hey Christina, sweetie, just wanted to check in on you again. I've been away on vacation, and didn't have access to the internet. Just wanting to send you good vibrations.

Dr. L called last week to tell me that I'd tested really high I went through a whole range of emotions. 214 from 6/21. He wanted to know what was going on with me that day, but I was on vacation in Seaside OR, trying to forget that I had any problems at all. Funny how things come and drag you away from the lovely river in Egypt… Part of me was very excited, part of me was very distressed. Yes, I know the MRI showed a tumor. Yes I know part of the beauty of the River is that it is a defense mechanism. So, with the number I am closer to some sort of resolution. I call my husband and cried after I got off the phone with Dr. L. This makes it more real, it means that it isn't a delusion, that it isn't a fabrication. I still don't know how I feel. It is so hard, for so many reasons. I mean, on the one hand we desperately want answers, answers to why we have all these crazy symptoms. But unfortunately, the answers are as frightening as they come. I don't want this, but I do. It's terrible, but wonderful sort of. It is validation. It is hope, but a hope that brings with it new fear. That number brings out new questions, new unknowns that I have to deal with. I know that other people have tread the road that lies ahead of me, and I am grateful that they are willing to share what they have seen and felt, willing to share their experiences both good and bad. This number represents validation. Validation that this is real. I too think that the testing is nearing an end. I feel that this is starting to speed-up, that it is becoming faster and faster. I know that my cycle is speeding up, and getting stronger at the same time. Like it's some sort of demented oscilloscope. There are some days where I feel like I'm going through a full cycle in a day. But I want this to stop. I want it to stop, but I am afraid that once this get taken care of, that I'll be fixed in a place where I feel terrible. I am starting to recognize where I am, by how I feel. I have good and bad days, of course, but I'm afraid that I'll get "fixed" in a low state. I suppose we all have this same fear. Damn, I'm crying at a stupid twilight zone episode. The low has started. I only hope that I don't have the same depths of lows as June. I ended up with my adrenals shutting. Ending up in the ER because it scared my son and he called 911.

Dr. L called last week to tell me that I'd tested really high I went through a whole range of emotions. 214 from 6/21. He wanted to know what was going on with me that day, but I was on vacation in Seaside OR, trying to forget that I had any problems at all. Funny how things come and drag you away from the lovely river in Egypt… Part of me was very excited, part of me was very distressed. Yes, I know the MRI showed a tumor. Yes I know part of the beauty of the River is that it is a defense mechanism. So, with the number I am closer to some sort of resolution. I call my husband and cried after I got off the phone with Dr. L. This makes it more real, it means that it isn't a delusion, that it isn't a fabrication. I still don't know how I feel. It is so hard, for so many reasons. I mean, on the one hand we desperately want answers, answers to why we have all these crazy symptoms. But unfortunately, the answers are as frightening as they come. I don't want this, but I do. It's terrible, but wonderful sort of. It is validation. It is hope, but a hope that brings with it new fear. That number brings out new questions, new unknowns that I have to deal with. I know that other people have tread the road that lies ahead of me, and I am grateful that they are willing to share what they have seen and felt, willing to share their experiences both good and bad. This number represents validation. Validation that this is real. I too think that the testing is nearing an end. I feel that this is starting to speed-up, that it is becoming faster and faster. I know that my cycle is speeding up, and getting stronger at the same time. Like it's some sort of demented oscilloscope. There are some days where I feel like I'm going through a full cycle in a day. But I want this to stop. I want it to stop, but I am afraid that once this get taken care of, that I'll be fixed in a place where I feel terrible. I am starting to recognize where I am, by how I feel. I have good and bad days, of course, but I'm afraid that I'll get "fixed" in a low state. I suppose we all have this same fear. Damn, I'm crying at a stupid twilight zone episode. The low has started. I only hope that I don't have the same depths of lows as June. I ended up with my adrenals shutting. Ending up in the ER because it scared my son and he called 911.

Hello my sweet Tribe! Well, I'm on another cortisol high, so I gained back the 15 pounds I lost in two weeks. Yay me! Again, if you are doing everything you can, working your band and your food and your body, and you are still not losing, then it is time to demand answers. Demand, demand, demand. Do not give up. It might be that you have changed your body composition, and you have less to lose. I know that people have said that the closer you are to your actual goal, the slower you lose. And by actual, I mean, what is best for you based on your actual body fat composition, not some arbitrary number on a chart. I think it is so important that if and when we work as hard as possible, and we are still not seeing results, then it is time to demand answers. If one doctor says it's nothing, find someone else. I know that if I had given up after the first doctor I would be still beating myself up, I would still be making myself crazy wondering why I couldn't lose weight no matter how hard I work, no matter how restricted I was, no matter what crazy food combination I tried. Oh, and please don't try to force it, I know someone said that they were going to ask their doc to synch the band as tight as it could go so they would lose weight. ** Bad idea!** Being too tight is miserable with a capital miserable. It's also thought that being too tight can contribute to band slippage or eroding the band *yikes*

"We are Family" (I think the Pointer Sisters?) for the family dance, gets everybody up, the joining of both families!

I think the most important thing is to make sure you get a bike you can physically handle. You will have to be able to pick it up off the ground at some point or another. Since you are getting a starter bike, I wouldn't get something really big to start out with. Have fun! Oh! and ALWAYS WEAR YOUR PROTECTIVE GEAR!

I for one will miss you Kelly, but i know I'm not alone. Congrats on moving on! We love you! Welcome aboard Wheetsin!

Some folks find that after banding they become cheap dates because the booze sits in the pouch longer, that or because we eat so little food that our stomach is generally empty.

A few weeks ago I got an e-mail from someone who's been courting me for a job. The e-mail wasn't good, there was a re-org and the postition was elimitated. To put it mildly, I was devistated. Devistated not only for not getting the job, but it ws a much deeper emotion than was warrented over not getting a job. I'd been putting a lot of energy into this job hunt. And i realized that what I was doing was trying to run away from the Cushing's. I was trying to do what I do so often, distract... If I could distract myself with this job, and all the responsibilities that would come with it, then maybe I could convince myself that this wasn't really going on. That I'm fat because... because I eat too much. Yeah, that's it, I eat way too much, so of course I am fat. I mean, I fill my plate when I eat, and sometimes I even go back for seconds. Never mind that my dinner plates are saucers instead of plates. A bread and butter plate is filled to the brim with dinner is a large meal. Yup, I eat way too much off those plates. I use regular dinner plates for Charger plates, and well, a real Charger is a wonder in it's hugeness. I have road rage because ... the drivers here are so stupid. It's all their fault. there is no room for error, you didn't plan to merge a mile ago, so it's all your fault I'm screaming at you. Honking my horn at you because you are too stupid to be on the roads. Don't even thing you are going to merge in front of me, and there is no way in hell I'm going to let you pull out of the parking lot. Wait your turn. Oh sure, if I got more than 4 hours of sleep at night, maybe I wouldn't be so furious over everything. Sure, that's it. It's because I can't sleep. except for when I can't wake up. Or I'm too tired to do anything. And then, of couse, ti doesn't matter how badly you drive, because I don't care. Sure, cut me off, I know you didn't mean to, sometimes you can't help it. Here, I know that spot is tough to get out of, let me wave you ahead of me. That's okay, you go first, you are probably having a tough day. I thought if I got that job, I could tell myself that it was manageable. That the tumor wasn't that big of a deal. Oh, wait. Tumor. I forgot. Okay, okay, I didn't really forget. I just wanted to forget. And isn't that the same thing? Isn't it just as good? No? Damn. So, not getting that job really made me step back and take a hard look at my life. No more trying to dstract myself. No more, if I ignore it, it has to go away. I mean, I've always gotten better, I always feel better, I always get in a better mood. Right? Don't I? Well yes, sort of. Except now the cycles are getting shorter and shorter. It used to be that I would go a long time until I finally snapped. Until I started screaming at random people, or worse yet, the people I love. What used to take months to cycle is now taking weeks. I am afraid that it will get to the point where I cycle hard within a week. Wheee! Won't that be fun?

A few weeks ago I got an e-mail from someone who's been courting me for a job. The e-mail wasn't good, there was a re-org and the postition was elimitated. To put it mildly, I was devistated. Devistated not only for not getting the job, but it ws a much deeper emotion than was warrented over not getting a job. I'd been putting a lot of energy into this job hunt. And i realized that what I was doing was trying to run away from the Cushing's. I was trying to do what I do so often, distract... If I could distract myself with this job, and all the responsibilities that would come with it, then maybe I could convince myself that this wasn't really going on. That I'm fat because... because I eat too much. Yeah, that's it, I eat way too much, so of course I am fat. I mean, I fill my plate when I eat, and sometimes I even go back for seconds. Never mind that my dinner plates are saucers instead of plates. A bread and butter plate is filled to the brim with dinner is a large meal. Yup, I eat way too much off those plates. I use regular dinner plates for Charger plates, and well, a real Charger is a wonder in it's hugeness. I have road rage because ... the drivers here are so stupid. It's all their fault. there is no room for error, you didn't plan to merge a mile ago, so it's all your fault I'm screaming at you. Honking my horn at you because you are too stupid to be on the roads. Don't even thing you are going to merge in front of me, and there is no way in hell I'm going to let you pull out of the parking lot. Wait your turn. Oh sure, if I got more than 4 hours of sleep at night, maybe I wouldn't be so furious over everything. Sure, that's it. It's because I can't sleep. except for when I can't wake up. Or I'm too tired to do anything. And then, of couse, ti doesn't matter how badly you drive, because I don't care. Sure, cut me off, I know you didn't mean to, sometimes you can't help it. Here, I know that spot is tough to get out of, let me wave you ahead of me. That's okay, you go first, you are probably having a tough day. I thought if I got that job, I could tell myself that it was manageable. That the tumor wasn't that big of a deal. Oh, wait. Tumor. I forgot. Okay, okay, I didn't really forget. I just wanted to forget. And isn't that the same thing? Isn't it just as good? No? Damn. So, not getting that job really made me step back and take a hard look at my life. No more trying to dstract myself. No more, if I ignore it, it has to go away. I mean, I've always gotten better, I always feel better, I always get in a better mood. Right? Don't I? Well yes, sort of. Except now the cycles are getting shorter and shorter. It used to be that I would go a long time until I finally snapped. Until I started screaming at random people, or worse yet, the people I love. What used to take months to cycle is now taking weeks. I am afraid that it will get to the point where I cycle hard within a week. Wheee! Won't that be fun?

Oh no! It sure sounds like you are too tight! If you have mobility issues, this only makes things worse. So not only are you likely too tight, you have probably irritated your stoma. The usual advice is to go on liquds for a day, and then try food, every so carefullly. Please be kind to yourself!

I vote a big YES to strength training. I'm in the camp of not caring what the scale says, as long as I'm fit and trim. (pfff, and I'm no where near trim ) I love food, good food is just the best, and I figure that if I burn more basal calories, then I can eat more food. The last go I had to losing weight I was working with a trainer. She was a tiny little thing. She weighed 170 pounds and was a size 12. Because she was athletic, she was perfect and well scupted. She needed to eat 2000 calories a day to be able to run and work out all day. That's how I want to be.

Nah, kill 'em with laughter! The pool needs to have some way for folks to be accomidated, it's part of the ADA. Don't be shy, ask for the help you need and deserve. Dancing is great, you can do it at whatever your fitness level is. The key is to get moving and stay moving. You might give a look at both pilaties and yoga as well. Both are well tolerated, as they can be easily adapted to folks with needs.

I do pilaties, and I love it. I espeically love the ball. It doesn' matter how flexible you start at, you will gain flexibility with both pilaties and yoga as you work them more. I have trouble with the Sun Salutation yoga postition, something about rolling down to touch the floor rilly pisses off my band... I've PB's more than once from this position. of course, your mileage may vary

Two months is not really a long time ot be on a plateau. My DH was on a long plateau, like more than 6 months before he started losing again. I won't denigh that you are not happy not losing. But I think with all the great success you've had, you expect things to continue the way they were before. I think at this point its' a good time to step back, and reassess what you are doing. Where you have been, review that list of NSVs. I think it is also time to look at your original goal. It is only a number, meaning less in and of itself. You are nowhere near being the same person you were before you started this band journey. Maybe it is time to reassess. Have your body composition measured. Have that consult with the plasitc surgeon too see how much of your excess weight is actually skin and not body fat. Please don't drive yourselves crazy with woring about 10 measily pounds. Especially when that 10 pounds might be muscle. I mean, you have all worked really hard to get where you are. Perhaps you are already "there" and don't know it. The BMI scale lies. The scales lie. And frequenly, our brains lie too. We have this idea that we will be oh so happy when we are size (insert number here) but when we reach (insert number here) we are no happier than we were when we were (insert bigger number here). Perhaps it is because I cannot lose weight that I have a different perspective. Perhaps there is somepart of me that is bitter and angry that Ya'll have had success where it is denighed to me, will be denighed to me. Oh, and Mandy is doing F.A.B.

It's funny, and like Kathy, I'm just amused at the sudden drop in weight. I dropped another 2 pounds in the last 24 hours. At this point, all I can do is laugh. That and track my symptoms. My DH was worried when he found out that I'm weighing myself everyday again. He was worried that I'd returned to my obsessing about every thing that had to do with eating or drinking. That there had to be a physical reason that I couldn' lose weight on 700 calories, that I was gaining weight on 1000 calories. But I'm at a place where I know that I have absolutely no control overy my weight. None whatsoever. I wonder if I've already counted that as an NSV, being out of control. Because, you are right. In a weird way, that is an NSV for me. I know that right now my tumor has shut off. Very dramatically, I know that it's shut off. So, I just have to keep things in perspective when it turns back on, and I gain 25 pounds in a month. Again.

Oh MelAnne, I feel your anguish, and I'm so sorry for your pain over this. This is not a diet, this is a lifestyle change. There is head work that goes into that change of perspective. Please trust me when I say that I understand your pain, you are making yourself crazy with the obsessive journaling. I say this because I drove myself crazy, obsessing over every morsel of food, every drop of liquid. You are stressing yourself out over this, and the stress you are generating actually do you more harm, generate more cortisol levels than you need. The more cortisol you have in your system, the harder it is to lose weight. Those 19 pounds you lost CERTIANLY DO count. Do not minimize that loss. It was hard faught, and you deserve to see that as a credit to yourself. One thing that I've been reading and seeing in this thread is that you are working hard. You are working out, and working it. And I have no doubt at all that your hard work is showing off in muscle mass. And guess what? That's a good thing. When you put on muscle mass, you have less fat to lose, your body becomes more efficient, more healthy, more wonderful. Did you have a body fat composition analysis done before your surgery? If you didn't, have one done as soon as you can, because I have a feeling, that as hard as you are working, it is going to have a major impact on your body compostion. A pound of muscle is not the same as a pound of fat, but the scale will claim that they are the same. Please do not compair your journy with anyone else. I know that it is a natural tendency to do so. It's what people do. How do we measure up against so-and-so? But that will make us crazy. It does make us crazy. Sweetie, you've only been banded a very short while. It is way to soon to wonder if this is going to work for you, or if you will yet again fail. I know that it is so hard for all of us, especially when every other diet failed us to stress about whether we will succed at this, or if it is yet another doomed gimic. Please also know that the RNY group support meetings are probably doing you more harm than good. This is like going to a motorcycle intrest group when your drive a sports car. Sure, they are both motor vehicle, and they both get us places, but they have little else in common. What works for the bike is useless for the car, and vise versa. No matter how hard you work that car, you will never get it to do a wheelie.

Listen to New Sho. She's right on the money. But remember, there is no "window of loss oppertunity" with the band. It's pretty cool, if you think about it. The band will be there for you, waiting for you to come back, patient and sereen. It will be ready to start working whenever you are ready, no recriminations, no accusations, no jelousy.

Hi MelAnne, Please stop torturing yourself! I don't think anyone "consistantly" loses weight, down, down, down, every week. I think, bases on what I've read from so many of our folks is that they lose for a while, then stop, then lose more. Sometimes it is a matter of letting the body catch up, some times it is a matter of the body needing to compact. Plateous happen. It is part of the normal progression. I think in some ways they are a good thing because they give us a chance to let our heads catch up to the changes of the body. Please step back and give yourself a breather. Get off the scales. Put it in the closet or under a bed, but give the scales a holiday. It isn't your friend. As for worring that the band isn't going to work for you, good grief! You are so far ahead of the curve!. I know it is driving you crazy because you had such great inital loss, and now you've gone a few days without that loss you have come to expect. Be kind to yourself. Get rid of the scales.

Well, the weirdness that is me, continues. I"ve lost 15 pound in the last two weeks. I'd like to take some of the credit, but my tumor shut off last week, rather spectacularly I might add. When Pitunia shuts down, she stops secreting cortisol. This causes a lot of other symptoms, and sudden weight loss is one of the things. And my mother is really miffed that she didn't die... Some much for the weirdness that is my mother.

YAY! smooches to Smooches!