When I was sleeved my youngest daughter was 14 months and I asked my surgeon specifically about picking her up. She said it was ok as long as I had her come up to me and held her tight against myself as if she was part if my body, but not to bend and pick her up. I tried not to pick her up as much as possible but when I needed to this worked well. My incisions healed well. You may want to ask you surgeon about this ...?
I have struggled with similar weirdness. The lowest I got with the band was right around 200-205 range. I was feeling like I looked pretty good. When I got down to the 190s post sleeve, I felt huge.
To add to the confusion, here I am at about 178 and have a friend talking to me about when I plan to stop losing. I am like... I just barely left the obese BMI category! In her eyes, I have a big frame and I am looking close to the right weight. I don't see it, I see rolls of fat (and skin).
I am aware that I am experiencing dismorphia so I am doing a few things to work on my brain. I take pictures of myself as I am then able to be more rational. I was way fatter at 205 then I remember it being - I can tell from the photos. I was huge in the 300s but I can tell from the photos, I was way bigger then I felt. Now, I can look at photos and recognize I am way smaller then I feel.
I went jeans shopping a few days ago. I am a solid size 12 - non stretch, many different brands. It isn't a fluke. I do things like that to remind myself, I really am smaller. I try not to compare myself to others, but here is a positive way to do it. I am in a store, in the "regular" clothing sizes and I am pretty much in the middle of the pack size wise and probably on the smaller end for my age. My goal out of all this was just to become freaking normal, and when I do things like that, I am reminded I have acheived that goal - so that comparison to others just helps me see myself more realistically. Real middle aged women have lumps and bumps and need to wear shapewear... lol... it isn't just me!
I also focus on physical accomplishments. I have had so many of those, but most recently is I am doing pushups for strength training. Yeah, they are from my knees, but I can do 3 sets of 10. 300 pound me wasn't doing that.
I have made some peace with dismorphia and it has helped me to have some very trusted friends that I can talk to about it. They don't sugar coat, they are honest - and I trust them to continue to be a compass.
psssttt... don't tell, but I had a man who is a decade younger then me compliment me on my looks. It was a professional colleague who worked in a different location - had seen a recent photo but then said "your photos don't do you justice, you have such a beautiful smile" and then stopped since we are afterall professional colleagues. That little boost has kept me floating on cloud nine for about a week. I would like to bottle that feeling and send it to you in the mail right now!
Anyway, know that you are not alone and for some of us, it is part of the journey. I am dealing with it the same way as everything else - thinking about it, not stressing about it, but acknowledging the mental work I need to do... and then keep on keeping on!
