ieshankiurki

Told my mom about going to Mexico for surgery. She is NOOOOOOOOT HAPPYYYYY. I cannot convince her that Dr Alvarez is high skilled and qualified. She said to tell him not to mess up!
 
She said she respects my decision and she's happy that Bestie is going with me. They will be here in ATL on the 24th so we'll do Christmas eve, Christmas, and then they'll probably head down to hang with my aunt and cousins and all the good people. I'll be off work, so I'll have a lot of time to rest up and get used to the sleeve.
 
My security deposit came out yesterday, so no going back now!
 
SO EXCITED.

I am not actively trying to lose anymore, I am fine if I do, sure would love to see 112.5 which would be smack dab in the middle of a normal BMI for me but I'm not trying to get there. Just working on maintenance and getting in my calories and such, in as healthy a way as possible. I made it through Halloween with minimal candy eating. I don't forbid myself anything these days and I think that helped. If I want candy, I will have it no matter the day - but I find knowing that, I don't want it at all. I am looking forward to continuing to maintain. I will log my food daily and weigh daily as well, to keep myself on track. For exercise, I walk as everything else I lose interest in eventually. Til next month!
 
 
SW 242 Height 4'11''
6 month Pre-op loss (-28.6)
Surgery date 8/8/11 213.4
 
1 month - 194.2 (- 19.2)
2 months - 180 (- 14.2)
3 months - 170.2 (- 9.8)
4 months - 164.4 (- 5.8)
5 months - 167.2 (+ 2.8)
6 months - 162.4 (-4.8)
7 months - 155.4 (-7)
8 months - 149.6 (-5.8)
9 months - 143.4 (-6.2)
10 months - 139 (-4.4)
11 months - 132.6 (-6.4)
12 months - 126.8 (-5.8)
13 months - 121.4 (-5.4) Made goal! Normal BMI!
14 months - 118 (-3.4)
15 months - 116.2 (-1.8)

I reached both of my mini goals this last month, weighing a normal BMI fully dressed as well as weighing in at 121 which is half of me.
 
No real info yet on the plastic surgeon consult - they have submtted to insurance and waiting to hear decision on that.
 
Still enjoying my Weight Watchers meeting and the accountability it gives me each week.
 
Started taking a mindful eating class through my program, it is kind of odd to go through it when at goal but I am learning a few things.
 
I didn't wear my black dress yet - too cold, it might have to wait til next summer.
 
SW 242 Height 4'11''
6 month Pre-op loss (-28.6)
Surgery date 8/8/11 213.4
 
1 month - 194.2 (- 19.2)
2 months - 180 (- 14.2)
3 months - 170.2 (- 9.8)
4 months - 164.4 (- 5.8)
5 months - 167.2 (+ 2.8)
6 months - 162.4 (-4.8)
7 months - 155.4 (-7)
8 months - 149.6 (-5.8)
9 months - 143.4 (-6.2)
10 months - 139 (-4.4)
11 months - 132.6 (-6.4)
12 months - 126.8 (-5.8)
13 months - 121.4 (-5.4) Made goal! Normal BMI!
14 months - 118 (-3.4)

This last month I made my goal of 123.8 which put me in a normal BMI. I then made my goal of weighing that fully dressed My next mini goal is 121 which will be half of me. I want to get around 117 so I can be solidly in a normal BMI range. I am in no hurry for that.
 
I am loving the fall weather we are having and wearing jeans in a size 6!! Have never been this size in my life! I have a plastic surgery consult on September 11th. Most likely I won't have surgery for a while simply because working on paying off a credit card and my car before our big move to FL next year - would love to be debt free. But I want to know my options, costs, expectations, etc.
 
I wish I would have started blogging each month a long time ago so I could look back on the non scale things I accomlished each month. The journey really is about so much more than a number.
 
I went back to Weight Watchers meetings - I made lifetime with them in 2003 so now that I am back at (below) my lifetime weight, meetings are free. I like the extra support it gives me on a weekly basis. I attend my hospitals monthly support group also. Don't underestimate the support available to you - make use of all of it! It keeps you motivated and encouraged! I need all of that I can get!!
 
I bought myself my first little black dress a few weeks ago - I'll share the dressing room picture for now. Who knew that finding shoes would be the bigger challenge!
 
SW 242 Height 4'11''
6 month Pre-op loss (-28.6)
Surgery date 8/8/11 213.4
 
1 month - 194.2 (- 19.2)
2 months - 180 (- 14.2)
3 months - 170.2 (- 9.8)
4 months - 164.4 (- 5.8)
5 months - 167.2 (+ 2.8)
6 months - 162.4 (-4.8)
7 months - 155.4 (-7)
8 months - 149.6 (-5.8)
9 months - 143.4 (-6.2)
10 months - 139 (-4.4)
11 months - 132.6 (-6.4)
12 months - 126.8 (-5.8)
13 months - 121.4 (-5.4) Made goal! Normal BMI!

Yesterday I weighed in at my goal weight 123.8 which means I have a normal BMI. YAY! Now on to weighing that dressed!

I'm one year today and just a few lbs from a normal BMI. I love my sleeve. It was a rough start with my complications but I would do it again in a heart beat. The picture is the start of my 6 month medically supervised weightloss, about 6 weeks before surgery then last Sunday.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
SW 242 Height 4'11''
6 month Pre-op loss (-28.6)
Surgery date 8/8/11 213.4
 
1 month - 194.2 (- 19.2)
2 months - 180 (- 14.2)
3 months - 170.2 (- 9.8)
4 months - 164.4 (- 5.8)
5 months - 167.2 (+ 2.8)
6 months - 162.4 (-4.8)
7 months - 155.4 (-7)
8 months - 149.6 (-5.8)
9 months - 143.4 (-6.2)
10 months - 139 (-4.4)
11 months - 132.6 (-6.4)
12 months 126.8 (-5.8)

What a day! Finished writing my main paper for my Nursing ethics & legal issues class, went shopping for something to wear to a baby baptism scheduled tomorrow, and cleaned/changed water in my 90 gallon saltwater fish tank.
 
Any 1 of those 3 would have killed me just a few days ago!
 
Good news! Tried on dress slacks at Kohl's and ended up getting a size 18W, I could get the 16's on but they were a little snug(I only tried them for fun-didn't expect to be able to even button them-but I did!), but the 18's were a far cry from the 22's I've been wearing!! It is so nice to finally enjoy some of the good parts of this surgery!
 
The cleaning of the 90 gallon tank took several hours, and I was even able to lift the 5 gallon buckets of water with little effort. I have been looking at my poor fishies for 5 weeks just aching to clean up their home! It looks so nice now. I know I must've burned a few hundred calories on this project!
 
As an update on the doc thing...I am going to go to my appointment on Wednesday, so I can get a note to go back to work, and depending on the attitudes I encounter I will decide whether to search further for another office.
 
Best wishes to all my fellow sleevers!

Yesterday was Friday, I called the surgeon's office as he had requested to give an update on my abdominal pain. Of course I had to go through his nurse, ok, fine, well she puts me on hold then comes back and says doctor would be happy to call in a refill for Vicodin for me. I start to lose my patience and tell her I never finished the first prescription of Vicodin, I hate the way it makes me feel, I cannot function, I just pass out and then wake up in more pain! So, finally she puts the good doctor on the phone. He says, "Yes?", I relay, again, that I have not gotten any relief with the Celebrex, and I now I am having pain when I am NOT moving, and my heart feels like it is racing. I ask if he could order an MRI on my chest and abdomen to rule out any other complications such as herniation/abscess/microscopic leak/muscle tear/or whatever. He firmly states "You do not have a leak, a bleed, or an abscess. Your pain is musculo-skeletal. An MRI will show nothing that the CT did not already show. I have nothing more to offer you". Really? Wow. Wow. I thank him (don't know why) and hang up.
I know I was going out on a limb, but I called a chiropractor in town who specializes in neurological pain and "failed surgeries". He got me in within a couple hours. He sat at his desk, looking at my papers that I had completed regarding my history and my symptoms. He shook his head and said there was nothing he could do for me. But he did recommend I get a second opinion from a bariatric surgeon, if I could find someone who would see me. He confirmed that something is not right, and he believes it is a nerve that is damaged or injured as my pain is described as being a sharp stabbing pain. So I leave.
Today, Saturday, I have devised Plan B, tentatively. There is a bariatric surgeon in town, although he just started doing the sleeve, he has a lot of experience with RNY and bands. I will attempt to make an appointment on Monday and see what he thinks. It's a place to start. He is the surgeon that did my gallbladder surgery about 10years ago, I was very pleased with his work back then, he's a reputable doc, and I think as I'm a previous patient he will see me. So the saga continues.....and the pain...

My appointment was not until Nov 7, but I called the surgeon's office yesterday to ask if I could go to my chiropractor for assessment of my continued pain. Initially the nurse said, "sure", but then she asked if the pain I was talking about was related to my surgery, I told her, "of course". She then put me on hold and came back and asked if I could come in at 1:30. So I did, and the surgeon looked genuinely concerned, which was new. He palpated my abdomen, and this time found the VERY SORE spot. He then asked me to sit up, which I could not, without slowly turning to my side and using my arms to push me up. He tried to help me and made it worse, then I cursed, and cried. He said, "this must be musculo-skeletal since it is with movement". He ordered more labs to make sure my liver and pancreas weren't getting worse, and he ordered Celebrex for the pain. He asked me to call in on Friday and give him an update.
I was very hopeful that the new meds would help. It is now 24 hours later, and my pain is not better, maybe even worse. I am really fearful of how long this pain will be with me. Now I'm wondering about an abscess, maybe a hernia, oh hell, I don't know...;-(

just finished packing for our trip and my clothes only takes up about a third of the space the old big clothes use to take!Am just so excited to just get away for a few days and am not worried about the eating anymore.
 
We joked about it today as I have a mild bout of gastritis again and with the meds and the pain eating causes,I know I will be fine eating very,very little.Very timely,one wouldnt usually say of something like this!
 
We did another strange thing.Phoned the hotel and asked if we could bring our mini freezer (actually a camping fridge freezer...lol) as I have special dietary needs,I need sf popcicles so that I am not tempted to eat real ice cream...hehehe!It is a VERY special need indeed!
 
Here in the Middle east you will often find people bringing boxes of snacks and food when they stay at the 5 star resorts.The staff never says anything,the local habits are just different.We've never done anything like this before but I feel myself a local this week (been here 11 years and should qualify by now..lol)
 
See you all next week!
 
 

Today I wish I was normal.Not only thin normal but not ADD or OCD and not I wish that I could take medication to "fix" me! All I wanted to do today was eat,all day long!I couldnt stop thinking about food for a minute.It was one of those me me me me days that I just hate.
 
And I wish I lived in a country where it wasnt such a mission to find a therapist that is going to stay put.But we are all expats,habitual movers!
 
Once I found a pill,for 2 weeks..lol.I went to my gp and said I am sick of myself and need something.He yanked a sample of Cymbalta out of his drawer and said try this and see me in 2 weeks,remember it only works after 10 days.After exactly 24 hours I knew that was what normal felt like.I was calm.My OCD was gone,my mind started focussing for the first time EVER!Didint have a 100 tracts playing in the head all at once!I could drive a car without it being a competition to see who wins,I could deal with life without the impending sense of doom and having to tell myself a million times a day that everything is fine,nothing to worry about.I slept a full night for the first time in my life and most important,my fear of people all but disappeared.
 
Then my kidneys function started being affected but I couldnt care less.After 10 days I could hardly walk but happy as I have ever been.Said they would have to wressle the little suckers out of my stone cold hand after my death.He just didnt give me a perscription and that was the end of that! Lol
 
I have been a born again Christian for 15 years now and the Lord have really changed me since then.But I am still me and non of the things I have considered very important like the above mentioned,have changed.I suppose there were so many other things that needed change that this might not even have made the list.I really love the Lord and I know He loves me but boy I wish He would renew my mind more! But He clearly has a plan for my life.And He clearly smiles patiently upon me when I tell Him to hurry up and change me more NOW!
 
Accepting ourself,warts and all, might be so important in a successful future with the sleeve.I am blessed beyond measure in so many aspects of life that I should be able to say its ok to be me.Its ok to not be perfect,its ok!
 
Well,it is the middle of the night now and close to my bed time.Tomorrow,or just now..hehehe...is a new day.I can put this one behind me,live just for the new one,not worry about the future and breathe.
 
God is good all the time and maybe I dont really need that pill.
 
 
 
 

this week,in prep for our looooong weekend in a hotel,I started adding a bit of carbs to my diet again.
 
Am only on about 60 now but boy does it make a difference.Not a positive one either...lol
 
The bags under my eyes are back,I am sluggish and dont feel like exercising.My weight is up 2 pounds whixh I know is water as my cals were still 800.But it had to be done now.
 
It is not unhealthy carbs either but about 30 more than usual.Edamame beans for one.And more tea with milk.Well,that seems to account for most eccept the breaded (light) chicken I had twice which would be a lot of the carbs I suppose.
 
At the hotel I will not be able to stay carb less,I know that.I do not eat eggs (just dont sit right in my tum) but add protein powder to it and fibre and it works.I want to be able to relax and not make an issue out of the eating this coming week.Just be for a few days but I dont want to get back 5 pounds heavier.I not be taking a scale and maybe the hotel will not have one.
 
I dont know why I am so afraid of this holiday.I have done so well on all the others but for some reason tis has been bugging me a lot.Maybe because my food choices when eating out recently wasnt the greatest.And maybe because I know it.And maybe because sometimes I feel like not making great choices ALL the time.But I will just have to pull myself toward myself and get on with it.And maybe going to the gym when Im there is a good idea to just burn some cals before flopping down for the day!
 
And maybe it is because I want to lose as much as possible before the big one in December when all the critical family will see me.Who knows!
 
But I want to enjoy getting away from it all and I want to feel in control,something I havent ever felt faced with buffets before the sleeve.
 
So taking some protein powder along is a good idea.I might even be able to ask the chef to make me some pancakes as I really love them and they keep me full for hours and hours.And some edamame to snack on while everyone else eats rubbish.
 
I now fit properly into a size 16 and even bought a new bathing suite.
 
Anyway,tmorrow I will read this again and remind myself of all the good things about the sleeve.And the fact that no matter what,it is a good fight I am fighting here.

My teeny tiny 4'11 friend have lost 32 pounds recently.She just got a huge promotion and today we decided to buy her a whole new wardrobe of dresses and shirts.
 
Of course the old stuff had to be turfed.As she was emptying her closets she came to me and said that most of her stuff is size 14 but some is 16 and I must fit them on.Never thinking they could fit I reluctantly tried and boy what a surprize.
 
Even her work suites fit me.And as I am more curvy they look gooood! An even bigger surprize is the fact that all the size 14 skirts fit as well.The tops are still to tight around the bust though.
 
Tis is such a blessing because they have been nagging me to buy new clothes.But for a few bits and bops I havent wanted to buy new stuff yet.I want to wait until just before the christmas holiday when we go home and should be down even another size by then.
 
The best of this is I have been buying her clothes for her for years as she is just too busy and she hated clothes shopping.I also have much better dress sense than her so she's got some really nice stuff.
 
Now I have new stuff and she has new stuff.She looks like a million dollars in all her new outfits and my kids mouths were hanging open when I walked into the lounge with some of her clothes on.
 
So I am shrinking,I just didnt realize it until today.
 
O and as we were walking,we played the size game again.I have to show her women I think are the same size than me and she would tell me yes or no and then show me people that are rally the same size than me.I still find it hard to believe when I see the people she shows me.But it helps me get in touch with my size slowly but surely.

today I weigh 189.5
 
You've got to love the sleeve!

Sitting on my bed at the INT hospital in Tijuana. Feeling the stress. It's 10:30pm, officially no more fluids by mouth. Pre op tests tomorrow morning. Surgery around 10:30 am. Stressed. Can't watch tv, can't concentrate. Wish i was at the hotel instead of here, i would have relaxed more... As it stands, i'll get 3 nights in a hospital bed, not my fave'! So far nurse took my vitals, a young dr came and introduced himself to me as my overnight doctor. I don't see why i,d need him though... Well i took some sleeping pills so we'll attempt sleep, i just wish i was sharing a bed with my husband tonight!

I attended the required 6 week follow up class and MD appointment today. The class was ho-hum, we received a script for lab work for the 3 month visit and every 3 months for a year, and a reminder of our diet restrictions and exercise recommendations.
 
The good part, or the part that made the 1 hour drive worthwhile was sitting next to a fellow sleever I had met briefly at the last pre op class. She and I have a lot in common, age, weight to lose, type & date of surgery and the POST OP PAIN! I was shocked! She described her pain in her left side just like I had-and she said the MD had her come in to be seen and explained in detail how there were internal stitches that needed to dissolve and that the pain would last about 1-2 weeks and then suddenly disappear. REALLY? He didn't tell me ANY of that! Well, on top of that bit of news I asked about her weight loss- she's down 40 lbs from her date of surgery (Oct 1-same as mine!). Great. I'm only down 19lbs from Oct 1. But I will give as my excuse that I have not been able to exercise hardly at all-she has been able to exercise for about 2 weeks now. Boy,, I hope I can catch up now that that damn pain is gone!
 
Lastly, when seeing the MD today, I told him about the other gal having similar issues- he said, "Yea, weird, I've had three of you ladies with that weird pain this month". I could have choked him! He had acted like I was some kind of freak when I was having my issues. GRRRRRR.

Yesterday I had my visit with my Nut.  She didn't fuss express any complaints.  She was glad I understood and did research on what would be required at each stage of post-op.
 
She also weighed me.  After my last meeting of 5 lbs down, I was very disappointed to only have lost 1 lb. this last month.  I have been following the plan and even reduced my calorie intake as suggested.  Exercise has been consistent.  
 
Today I woke up very tempted to just diet until my immediate pre-op diet starts.  I have a goal (self-imposed I'll admit) to get down to 300 lbs by my surgery date.  Since I don't know when that will be (most likely late Jan/ early Feb), I want to get this first 50 or so lbs. off.
 
I realized that I still have some mental crap stuff to get over.  Logically I know that this is a marathon and not a sprint.  It is going to take time to lose just as it took time to gain...years to be exact.  But man would I love to have only 150 lbs to lose post-op.
 
Why 150? Because I like round numbers.  Also, because I've read that sleevers don't lose as much or as quickly as Rny patients and well I'm scared that in the first 6 months I won't lose much.  I know I will continue to lose but I worry what it will feel like to lose 50 lbs and then have to lose the remaining 100-130 at 2 lbs a week for another year and a half.
 
That type of slow weight loss has never kept me motivated or going.  The faster I lost the more motivated I was to keep eating well and exercising.  I also know I have problems keeping weight off so that is a whole other side of this.
 
I've come to realize if I'm only going to lose 2 lbs a week, heck that is the same as any other low calorie, low carb diet.  Why go through with surgery for such a slow loss rate?  Sure, I'll have the extra tool of the sleeve but I really worry after all this is said and done I will not have reached my goal.
 
I understand this goes back to my fears.  I also get it that I need to take a major chill pill.  I'm really trying to get my head right for this and know today's recurring thought of not reaching my personal goal is hurting more than helping.  So I'm going to chill wayyy down and go have some tea.
 
Has anyone else felt like this?  I'd love to know I'm not the only person so particular about how much I lose before surgery to make things "easier" after surgery. 

Today I meet with my Nut.  It is part of my 6 month pre-surgery requirement from Kaiser.  I have a secret...
 
I really don't like meeting with my Nut.
 
Okay there I said it...My Nut and I were kind of thrown together.  I originally met with another Nut (A).  She was great.  Honest but firm and helpful.  She treated you like a partner and held you accountable. 
 
I had my first meeting with Nut A where she sat and helped me come up with a plan.  I then had my second meeting with her where we decided I would pursue surgery.  We tweaked my plan and she scheduled me for a third.  That's when the problem started.  She is just too darn popular.
 
Everyone (or at least most in my area) wants to work with her.  Again, she is great.  However, to meet with her you literally have to schedule 2-3 months out.  By the time of my 3rd appointment, she didn't have anything available for 2 months.
 
I didn't want to add even more months to my 6 month process so I agreed to meet with another Nut (.  Nut B is the exact opposite of A.  She makes you feel lousy no matter how well you do.  It is like she tries to not be happy.
 
At my last appointment I lost 5 lbs.  This was major for me. Not because I haven't lost weight before, but this time I didn't do anything crazy extreme.  I was proud that I stuck to the plan (from Nut A) and increased my exercise.  Her response? 
 
 
I'm going to pause here to let you know something - - that little lady almost caught big time attitude.  I think time stopped for about 30 minutes as my mind processed how to not show my tail in there.  I didn't get rude, rather I reminded her that I ALWAYS wear my walking shoes to each meeting because I come directly from work and have to take public transportation.
 
You see, she is simply not easy to work with.  In fact, at my last meeting with Nut B, she received a call that someone else (apparently this is common) is leaving her to work with Nut A.  Instead of being phased she proceeded to insult the guy - in front of me.  Wow! - - and these 2 examples are the "nicer" ones regarding my interactions with her.
 
My point for writing this...it is a challenge that I'm having to overcome.  Working with her is actually helping me to see that this really is for me...not her or anyone else...me.  It gives me perspective that not everyone cares that I am losing weight.  Not everyone cares that I stick to my plan.  Not everyone wants to hear my crap (good or bad) regarding this change in my lifestyle.
 
Sure, my Nut should want to be more of a partner with me but her job is to supervise my progress and provide correction to my plan when needed.  Her job is to ensure that I stick this through and meet Kaiser's requirements and not to be my friend.  Her stand-offish (is that even a word?) behavior helps me to keep my focus on doing this for me and not for someone else's approval. 
 
I stick with my Nut (such an appropriate name sometimes) because she does have a high success rate.  Very high, even though she is not the most liked.  Her people tend to be very independent and exceed their set goals.  So there is a method to her madness. 

My Nut has me changing a few behaviors that she says will make things a bit easier post-op.  As I've worked to do these things I've noticed some things about myself I've been doing that have worked completely against me.  I didn't realize just how much the little things matter. 
Eating slower - my Mom used to make us chew 20 times before we swallowed.  Who knew that eating slower would also make me eat less?  As an adult of course I thought, okay I don't need to eat that slow now that my Mom is not sitting a the table watching me eat.  Well low and behold, I do need to eat that slow or else my lower calorie count would not sustain me.  3 months into this and I still have to remind myself to eat slower. I do find that after a while I just get tired of eating so I put the food up or avoid food just so it doesn't take me a hour to eat 300 calories. That's a whole other issue I'm overcoming.    Smaller bites - this goes hand-in-hand with eating slower.  I didn't realize just how much I cram into my mouth at one time.  I reallllllly struggle with this. I remember being so happy when I didn't have to cut up my kids' food so small as they got more teeth.  Who knew I'd end up having to cut up my own food so small?  I know this is necessary, but I have to admit i feel like a loser sometimes when I do this in front of people.Sipping - I come from a family of gulpers.  We can keep a waiter/ress on the run for drink refills.  I enjoy water and protein shakes and tea and coffee (decafe) and heck anything but beer and until recently wine.  This is by far the hardest part so far of my new eating style.  I averaged 80-100 oz of water alone daily.  Now I'm lucky if I hit my 80 oz. Sipping causes me to drink so much less water and I've all but cut out everything else to encourage getting my water in. It also never quite leaves my thirst quenched.  I'm always thirsty now.Strawlessness - probably not a word, but it sucks.  I love straws.  I used to go out and buy cute colorful and decorative ones.  I am having a hard time learning to overcome the thought of putting my mouth on a glass after someone has handed it to me.  YUCK!  Didn't realize I was so OCD about this until my Nut said no more straws.  The plus side is that it does encourage me to not drink while I eat or to drink at all while I'm out.No drinking when eating - I get thristy (see sipping above).  I like to drink while I eat.  Having to stop this has made me realize, I didn't need to drink when I ate.  Simply this is more of a culturally learned behavior. The only time I miss drinking when I eat is if I consume bread, sweets, or crackers.  All my no-nos so it is funny that when I purposely eat something I shouldn't it makes me thirsty.Drinking calories - I could live off of protein shakes, frappes, and iced coffee.  While protein shakes are good, all the other things I like to drink aren't so much. I am always on the go and for a while I sustained myself on Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks.  It wasn't until I truly started documenting EVERYTHING I consumed that I realized 1 of my fave drinks was almost all my daily calories.  Ouch! That hurt because I just knew saying skim, or lite was really helping...sike!  It was not doing a darn thing.  Lesson learned!VST is really helping me because at first I thought my Nut was being really strict.  The more I read the more I see that these are the exact behaviors I will need to maintain post-op.  I really appreciate all of you sharing your stories and helping me not get annoyed with my Nut to see the bigger picture. 

In years past this has been the night (okay one of the nights) I wished my kids would go to bed without incident.  Why?  So that their Dad and I could raid their candy!
 
Tonight this ritual will still take place, only without me.  I won't be able to participate because I am choosing not to cheat myself.  I'm still on Kaiser's 6-month pre-op eating plan.  Well not really a plan but more like proof that you can eat well for 6 consecutive months. 
 
So I've decided while my husband and cousins (oh yes, we will have company for the first time ever on Halloween) raid the kids' bags, I will try something else.  Yes, this took a lot of planning.  I went from frustrated, to sad, to angry (at myself for having to even refrain myself), to acceptance - - this is me and I have to learn to deal.
 
At first I thought I'd just go to bed early.  But come on, really, could I go to bed with my cousins over?  Then I thought I would make a shake...nah, I want something crunchy.  Oh well I guess I'll just sit and watch them have fun.  Then it hit me...get rid of the stupid all or nothing thinking. 
 
I want to participate but I know I can't afford to cheat.  Sure I could lose the 2 lbs. again that I've already lost but why even set myself up?  Rather, I'll have my own version of "candy" (a granola bar that fits into my plan) and then go walk my dog. 

It has been a 13 month process up to this point. Nutritionist for 6 months, doctor's visits, psych eval, run around, run around, run around, argue,wait,argue,wait, stress out, run around again . . . . and Finally Approved for surgery!!! annd . . . . . now we wait again!!! i dont know whats taking so long. im so stressed over this entire process. i feel a huge weight on my chest. . . . . still waiting

Had surgery on oct 29th and have been home since the 1st. Finally beginning to feel human". Anyone out there have problems falling asleep? Been drinking a lot of broth and seemm to retain salt. Any suggestions?

Forgot to mention that my weigh in yesterday was 247.0, down from 251. Not too shabby. I did very well on the test days. Next week I'll probably do Sunday - Wednesday. Eating is so much less stressful when i don't really have to think about it. I think I may actually enjoy the 10 day liquid diet!
 
Spoke with my lender yesterday and verified all the loan info. He said it will fund a couple of weeks before surgery, so around the first week in December! w00t!
 
Till then I am just really trying not to buy a ton of stuff until I come back. Who knows what I will actually use/need/like and I don't want to waste money. Right now, just concentrating on getting to surgery.
 
I told my boss yesterday (one of the two people ONLY) that I am going to tell about surgery) and he's excited.
 
44 days!

I'm sleeved
 

I walked the dogs just now, noticed the mail on the washer on my way out. It was an envelope from aetna.....my letter of appeal has been approved. I'm so relieved.