ChristinaRose

Sorry this is kind of a doozy! I just felt the words flowing from my hands and couldn't stop.
 
Sitting here, 8 days out from surgery, I'm understanding what it means to use food as a necessity and not a friend. For 26 (almost 27) years, I have buried my addiction so deep that it was all consuming and I was blind to it by choice. This past week, after being sleeved and without my friend, unearthing my addiction has been a harsh but MUCH NEEDED reality. I have cried over pizza, lamented over pasta, and been angry for bread. I have seen glimpses of myself that I never knew existed. But deep down I've known that facing my demons will bring resolution.
 
I hope this doesn't sound too dramatic, but I've been thinking of analogies to connect the unhealthy relationship between food and the addict. This may sound odd but it's almost similar to an abusive relationship. So many love that person to the depths of their soul while they damage them to the core. It's a cycle of intense love and hatred. The beauty is, it's not the end of the story. There will always be scars and wounds from the past; a reminder of the battle. The sleeve aids us in making peace with the inner addiction. It doesn't necessarily heal us to the core but it is a vehicle for making peace with our addictions on a daily basis. This is a lifelong relationship with food and each of us is worth the freedom and the fight to maintain a healthy peace with our addictions. I am a professing Christian. A believer in the saving grace and immeasurable love of Jesus Christ. I can tell you this...He has picked up this broken life on more than one occasion and put me back together. He is the only real remedy to my food addiction. The key is surrendering every broken piece (not even holding on to one) to the only One who brings the dead to life. This chance at life came from Him. His mercies are new each and every day, and without that, I wouldn't be sitting here sleeved and on the path to a healthy life. People may call me a lunatic or Jesus Freak...I don't really mind; it gives me the opportunity to explain my passion for living. Most people don't believe in a God that offers second, third, and infinite chances. They believe they are too far gone...I am living proof that new life & freedom exist when you accept His everlasting love. Thank you Lord, for giving me hope for a future.
 
 
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Sorry this is kind of a doozy! I just felt the words flowing from my hands and couldn't stop.
 
Sitting here, 8 days out from surgery, I'm understanding what it means to use food as a necessity and not a friend. For 26 (almost 27) years, I have buried my addiction so deep that it was all consuming and I was blind to it by choice. This past week, after being sleeved and without my friend, unearthing my addiction has been a harsh but MUCH NEEDED reality. I have cried over pizza, lamented over pasta, and been angry for bread. I have seen glimpses of myself that I never knew existed. But deep down I've known that facing my demons will bring resolution.
 
I hope this doesn't sound too dramatic, but I've been thinking of analogies to connect the unhealthy relationship between food and the addict. This may sound odd but it's almost similar to an abusive relationship. So many love that person to the depths of their soul while they damage them to the core. It's a cycle of intense love and hatred. The beauty is, it's not the end of the story. There will always be scars and wounds from the past; a reminder of the battle. The sleeve aids us in making peace with the inner addiction. It doesn't necessarily heal us to the core but it is a vehicle for making peace with our addictions on a daily basis. This is a lifelong relationship with food and each of us is worth the freedom and the fight to maintain a healthy peace with our addictions. I am a professing Christian. A believer in the saving grace and immeasurable love of Jesus Christ. I can tell you this...He has picked up this broken life on more than one occasion and put me back together. He is the only real remedy to my food addiction. The key is surrendering every broken piece (not even holding on to one) to the only One who brings the dead to life. This chance at life came from Him. His mercies are new each and every day, and without that, I wouldn't be sitting here sleeved and on the path to a healthy life. People may call me a lunatic or Jesus Freak...I don't really mind; it gives me the opportunity to explain my passion for living. Most people don't believe in a God that offers second, third, and infinite chances. They believe they are too far gone...I am living proof that new life & freedom exist when you accept His everlasting love. Thank you Lord, for giving me hope for a future.
 
 
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

So I'm feeling overwhelmed. And I feel like my last two blogs this week have a whiney tone to them, my apologies. Considering I spoke with the dr's wife who does the nutritionist counseling for him and explained to her that my tummy contorts whenever I eat anything pureed at first and if I drink 1/4 of an oz of liquid, it helps... she told me I might have a stricture. You know just whenever pneumonia and a leak and abscess weren't enough ... now I worry I have a stricture. Let's hope that's not the case because if it is, IDK how I'm going to ever regain my confidence back. Oh lawd, here's that baby again.
 
Ok big girl panties, I wanted to post something more solid, more positive. So I have a book that I'm going to post something from. The book is called "Small Bites: Daily Inspirations for WLS Patients" and it's by Katie Jay and Julia Persing. I borrowed it from the bariatric nurse edjucator from the hospital.
 
Set your angel free
 
When you decided to have WLS, were you longing to set free something inside you? Obesity had hidden your true self from view. You longed to reveal the inner you. So, each day WLS has chipped away at your exterior.
 
Michaelangelo said "I saw the angel in the stone and carved until I set him free." Yet at the end of his first day, the rock still looked like...... a rock. Only slowly did it become the beautiful creation that was locked within. As you lose weight, you will change many times, you will wake up mornings and not recognize the thinner face that has replaced the rounded one. In time, with consistency, effort, and a firm vision, you will release your angel within.
 
Set aside a few quiet moments and visualize the inner you - your inner angel. In your mind, embrace that vision, talk to it, and plan together how your inner angel can help you remain steadfast.