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Lyra

Gastric Sleeve Patients

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Blog Entries posted by Lyra

  1. "baaaa", Goes The Sheep.

    · Lyra · 04/18/2012 23:33

    The first days of the liquid diet suuuuucks. Running around the store, making cakes, and working next to a hot oven on liquids only is horrible. Seriously, cannibalism is looking good. Or I'm imagining that my cat would taste good with sweet and sour sauce (joke). *laughs* I was so hungry today that I definitely had a decorating theme going on! I did cupcakes with pigs, chickens, and some very cute and quizzical looking sheep today! They were super cute but everyone was making fun of me for having food on the brain. I hear that by day 3 things get better. I hope so as I feel light-headed and very Ms. Grumpy-pants. I think it would have been okay if the ice cream truck hadn't parked outside my apartment complex with its dastardly song for 20 minutes. I swear the ice cream truck song ignites a rather Pavlovian response in humans of any age! Somehow I don't think that peanut butter milkshakes are on the 'approved liquid list'. Oh well, only 5 more days to go!
     
    The other day was my final pre-op nutrition class, along with my final pre-op doctor's class. The nutrition class was interesting if very, very long. One of the guys in the class pretty much told the nutritionist that he would eat whatever he wanted to, thank you very much. That kinda boggles the mind as it seems like you're setting yourself up for a rather expensive failure. Thank goodness I don't have that mindset.
     
    I have a crazily busy week coming up. Hopefully the days will fly by quickly. Luckily I have plenty of B-rated horror movies to watch on my lovely day off today! Woot woot!
  2. Once again I was battling the Evil Denizens Of Cake and kicking some fabulous creativity butt when one of my coworkers come into The Batcave (a very, very small windowless room that the baking and decorating magic happens in. While the Receiving team may say that THEY have The Batcave and we're The Fortress of Solitude, they're wrong. So ha!) So there I was in The Batcave when a coworker of mine decides to chill out and talk to me. I love to talk and so normally I'm up for a good conversation except this guy is so socially inept and awkward that all the girls in the department cringe. Because he and I are the only people in the department currently not married or dating I think he thinks we have this 'bond of whatever' between us. Kinda like the two amigos against the big, bad world in our search for love and marriage. Except...no. While I would like to be in a relationship, right now I'm crazy busy and I also don't hang my self-worth on whether or not I have a man. Plus, he's really, really socially inept. Anyway, he starts drilling me on why I'm going to be out of work for 2 weeks, that he heard I was having surgery and what was it, etc. Since I have to work with him, and am more of a "Rudeness As A Last Defense" sort of girl, I tried to politely change the subject. Nope, the guy was like a friggin' blood hound. By this time a couple other coworkers had come back to The Batcave and were listening in. Which irritated me to no end. Hello, rude much?!
     
    Well, the week before I had perfected my reply to people like him and so decided to see if it would work a second time. What I ended up doing was first I said that I was getting wings so I could flit around bringing cake to everyone. Instead of taking it as "Def-Con 1 Mind Your Own Bloody Business Or There Will Be Consequences" he asked me again. So what I did was lean forward and say, "It's actually really upsetting ((dramatic pause)). You see I woke up the other night with this spider-alien thing stuck to my face with a tube down my throat ((fake voice tremble)). They have to do surgery in order to rip out the alien love spore before I do my best Sigourney Weaver impersonation from Aliens 3." Yep, it worked again! When in doubt pull out amazing silliness and people tend to edge away from you and leave you alone. Or laugh. Either way they go away and stop asking intrusive questions. Niiiiiice!
  3. Only 14 more days until surgery! Man, I've got so much to do until then! I have to bake a huuuuge vegan wedding cake (pain in the butt), go to my last class/doctor's appointment, start my liquid diet, save the world, clean my house, save the world, work through a weekend as the only decorator (scary!), catch the cat, and then drive 3.5 hours to my parent's house and then 1.5 hours to the hospital that I'm having surgery at. Shew! I'd be tired if I wasn't dancing about in excitement! I feel like I should be singing and dancing to some bangin' music! If my life had a theme song right now, it would be "Can't Touch This" by Hammer. Oh yeah, and bustin' out some bad 80's moves! *giggles*
     
    I've been slowly switching over to liquid diet stuff so that my body wont flip out on the 18th (the start of the official diet). At least I gave up my espresso shots awhile ago. My coworkers told me that I'm not allowed to have espresso, as I'm hyper and too happy even when I'm NOT on it! Spoil sports.... *pout*
  4. Wow. So much has happened in the last few days. I got my surgery date finalized, apparently it was only a projected date that had to be approved by the OR. Thank god I didn't know that or I would have fretted endlessly about it! I also got my final pre-op blood work done although apparently one of the tests they needed to do was a pregnancy test. Well, the doc didn't code WHICH pregnancy test as apparently there is one that says if you're pregnant, and the other tells them how far along you are. So the conversation went something like this:
     
    Labcorp Tech (LT): So do you know what pregnancy test they want?
    Me: Huh?
    LT: explains the two tests. Your doctor didn't specify.
    Me: Well, it's for pre-op so they just want to see if I'm pregnant or not. I'm not, by the way.
    LT: We need to double check. He might want the other one.
    Me: Um...okay. Except the reason he wrote down for me to get these tests was because it's pre-op. If I'm pregnant (and I'm not) then no surgery. Thus meaning that the other test doesn't matter.
    LT: I'm going to call the doctor and verify. It may be awhile as it's after 5pm.
    Me: bangs head on wall.
     
    Eh, she was just doing her job, but sheesh. Luckily Dr W called back quickly and I was in and out and thus made it to sushi on time.
     
    I feel kinda odd right now, but not in a bad way. I feel like I'm very internally focused. It's strange because I've been so excited these last few months and now that the approval is in and all I have left is my last class/pre-op doctor's check on the 17th I feel very 'me' focused right now. My friends keep wanting to talk about it and how excited I must feel, and I am really excited, but I don't really want to talk about it. Perhaps it's nerves. I've been finding that while I'm emotionally fine, my brain is buzzing along like crazy. My friends have always teased me that I have the attention span of a magpie (I see something pretty or interesting and I'm off in another direction). I'm not flighty (heh, no pun intended) but I do enjoy learning lots of different subjects and tend to dabble in a lot of unconnected, random bouts of learning. It's kinda why I'm a National Geographic geek.
     
    Speaking of NatGeo geeks, I've recently discovered TedTalks. For those of you who don't know they are a series of conferences that are held each year on a vast number of topics. Anything from the sciences, to art, history, etc but each presentation can only be a very strict 18 minutes. Well, except for Jane Goodall's presentation, but she's Jane Goodall, nobody is gonna boot her from the stage. The top voted person of the talks gets money to put towards their research or their dream that is going to change the world. Cool, huh? How did I not know about this? It's perfect for someone like me who loves hearing condensed talks about a myriad number of subjects. Thank you Netflix for adding a zillion of them to your instant play. My brain is thanking you! I've already watched about 30 of them. Very frosty, very neat!
     
    April is such a crazy month for me. My job as a decorator gets hectic at Easter, then I have to get around to finishing my taxes, get to my class on the 17th, start liquid diet on the 18th, then work a crazy schedule until the 24th before I get my 2 weeks off for surgery.
     
    Somebody at work asked me what my surgery was. I decided to have some fun, so I told him I was getting my own pair of sparkly butterfly wings. I said that because the room we work in is so small we were looking at lofting work stations to fit more decorators and we decided it would be best if I could hover and decorate on the lofted station. Then I told him that I had a traumatic experience where I woke up to this alien thing on my face and down my throat and that I had been implanted with an alien love spore and they had to get it out of me before I did my best Sigourney Weaver impersonation from Aliens 3. That got a lot of laughs and a "Lyra, you're nuts!" from people. While I don't have a problem telling people what I'm having done I was running a little experiment on how people would react if I answered that question with a ridiculous answer. Basically they were amused and dropped the subject. They probably think I have some horrible female related problem or something. It might be a good tactic to use on people who are being really pushy about the surgery. You just have to out ridiculous somebody until they walk away! Or edge away and call the looney tunes brigade....
  5. Things I plan to do after surgery:
     
    1) Jet skiing in an actual bathing suit
    2) Go to an amusement park and not fear being too fat for the rides
    3) SHOPPING
    4) Buy knee high boots (the ones without the 'expansion panel')
    5) Restart taking martial arts and ballroom dancing. I miss them!
    6) Get the tattoo I've been wanting for my 30th birthday- but have it also mean victory over being fat
    7) White Water rafting and ziplining
    8) Go on dates, Meet men. Have a real relationship. Have Sex. All. Night. Long.
    9) Not be scared to flirt with someone because 'how could they be interested in someone like me'
    10) Take a glass blowing class. Standing next to the furnace sucks when you come equipped with your own plushy, non-removable insulation!
     
    11)...well, 11 is the hardest one. I've realized while going through this process some uncomfortable home truths about myself. That my attitude has kept me from really connecting with people who haven't known me for years. It was hard telling my friends why I wanted to do this. To open myself up to them in that way. It made me realize that I've used humor to keep my distance from people. To distract them from my weight and my insecurities. Don't get me wrong, I love making people laugh. I like the fact that I can make someone smile and perhaps brighten their day. I've been called quirky, funny, witty, and individual. I'm the one making the crazy puns, singing even though my voice is horrible, dancing just because I can and laughing at the world around me. I adore life and all its myriad craziness. I love causing people to rise above the humdrum of everyday life and to smile when I ask, "Have they done their five minutes of cardiovascular swashbuckling today?" or "What is their philosophical standpoint on foam in their latte?" Why be sad when you can smile? Except somehow the philosophy changed and morphed into something less wholesome. It became my defense and barrier because who looks deeper into someone who is laughing and smiling? Who notices the fat when someone is funny? One of my oldest friends put it best when he said, "You've always laughed, smiled, and dared the world...but there was always this undercurrent of sadness that you rarely let anybody touch."
     
    There was this feeling of sadness that I buried so deep inside of myself that I rarely acknowledged it. I wasn't (and am not) depressed or miserable, but sometimes I would feel wistful. Is this how my life would be, slowly slipping by? I had friends, but many of the things I wanted to do were denied to me. Where was the life of love, family, and adventure that I felt sure would be mine when I was in high school or even college? Would I have to let pieces of myself die as I slowly became resigned that this is all there was? Would I let my fear of failure rule over my entire life? One of my biggest fears was always that I would become one of those people whose spark has been beaten down by life. I do not want to become one of the faceless ones who have given up all hope. Life is so beautiful, and I dreaded becoming bitter because I felt trapped.
     
    Yet it is hard to open yourself up to the world. Even with our friends, because they have the power to hurt us the most. Our culture eats the weak and it is rare when personal pain is able to touch the hearts of others and bring help instead of humiliation; Understanding and hope, instead of sneering and cruelty. Even with my closest friends sometimes it's easier to make a quip instead of talking about emotions. I also think I learned early that if society would not value me for my looks (and would often be actively cruel about them) then I would be valued for my personality and my mind. That I would not be ignored as insignificant and shoved into a corner. That my brain was not somehow worthless because my body was not a size 6. I would not be ignored! And I'm not. I would not change my quirkiness, but I would like to be someone who can be more open to other people. I would like to know the woman who can be both funny and thoughtful. I would like to know what it feels like to not feel confined by a prison made of flesh. To not feel like I have to smile, smile smile. To actually believe, to the very depths of myself, that I am beautiful and worthy of a life of love and adventure. To be physically able to live that life. To actually know that life is not over, that it's just begun, and that there is an entire world waiting for me.
     
    The hope for a better future is a powerful thing. It's gonna be hard, but that's okay. I have a lot of work to do on the inside as well. I am thankful ever day that I heard of this surgery, that I qualify, and that I'm schedule to have it April 25.
     
    ~Lyra
     
    ps- Dear Site Designers: Once again I had to rewrite my entire post (I am seriously pissed at myself about that) because I clicked Add Entry (I tend to write the title of the post last and the button is right there) and my entire post was deleted. Hitting backpage did nada to retrieve my entry and I think my scream hit the stratosphere. Is there any way that ya'll can add in a line of code that allows you to retrieve your unpublished post (instead of just deleting it) if Add Entry is accidentally hit?
     
    Thanks!

  6. Bad Brain! No Cookies For You!

    · Lyra · 03/19/2012 01:06

    I am Batman. Or rather, Batwoman. No, seriously, apparently I am some lady's hero today who called work all in a tizzy because her pie dough turned out wonky. Forgetting the salt does that. Perhaps one day I'll even look good in spandex and a cape.
     
    Besides my future as a caped crusader I like to think I'm a rather self-aware lady, and I mean self aware beyond the existential belief of both my physical and mental existence upon this plane of reality. Yeah, it's a work in progress but I've given a lot of time (oh, say about five minutes) to understanding my brain and why it prefers to think in shades of purple and glitter (there may also be polka dots) rather than in a more logical and linear manner. Well, I think we can toss "Lyra's Self Awareness Merit Badge" into the trash can. I swear, where does my brain get some of it's thoughts from? Obviously I didn't train it up right and it needs a choke collar and some correctional training. So, here's the sitch...
     
    I was at work today doing my very best to help raise the sugar level in America (I'm a cake decorator, or as I like to say, 'Cake Diva') when one of my coworkers who is a teacher on the side said that she recommended me to teach a class next semester. Now this is good in several ways the first being that teaching one class will help me figure out if this is what I would like to do full time, and the second being that I would make a lot more money teaching than what I'm currently doing. Also, I'm bored and feel the need to stretch my gossamer (and delicately ephemeral) wings in order to expand my repertoire within my profession. So, this is good and I'm confident enough that I think I would be good at the job. However, the first thing that popped into my head was, "Well, if I get the job and as it doesn't start until August, then I probably wont be fat then and so will kick butt." *Beats brain with a rubber duck* What the hell?! Since when is my brain trying to play for the rival team in putting me down? Mutiny! You would think that since my brain is trapped in it's current flesh-mobile that it would be a little bit more respectful of my..er...rubenesque physique. Also, my butt stomping boots work no matter what size I am. It just kinda made me sad that I had this automatic thought about my innate ability vs my size. We get enough of that from the public without having to put up with that inside my own head! Bad brain! No cookies for you!
     
    Okay, one other thing. Why do people, when they see someone like me eating a salad, ask "So, are you trying to lose weight?" I don't go over to skinny people who are eating burgers and say, "So, I see that you're working on that ol' beer gut. Good job!". Today I was eating my lunch (salad) and one of my coworkers asked me what dressing I was using. When I replied "olive oil and lemon juice" he commented that it is great for the middle of the body. *stink eye* Seriously? My middle is not up for public debate. In fact, my middle is under the Witness Protection Program and it's name has been changed so feel free to pretend that it doesn't exist. My reply to him was that, "I don't know what you mean" with my best Clint Eastwood stare. Cue uncomfortable silence and then his quick shuffle towards the door. Yeah, that's right, feel embarrassment and social discomfort brought about by your own clumsy inability to talk about the weather. *rolls eyes*
     
    Tomorrow we're going to the zoo and I'm all aflutter! I do enjoy seeing the penguins and it sounds like a blast!
  7. So I had a thought today about WLS when I was at work. I realized that while I am excited about new clothes, better health, and a more active life there is one thing that would be almost (TMI) orgasmically good. It would be fantastic to come home from work and NOT have my feet, ankles, knees and legs positively ache and swell up. I work on my feet for 8 hours every day as a cake decorator. Sometimes after sitting and then getting back up my feet are so swollen they look like little Italian sausages (the Hot and Spicy kind, of course!) and I hobble around like a 100 year old woman! I actually daydreamed today (while cloud watching! I saw a crab, and Spiro the dragon!) about how having 120 less pounds bearing down on my poor footsies will feel! How maybe my hips and shoulders wont hurt. About how I will be able to enjoy my body, rather than be exhausted by it.
     
    Still no word about the insurance, but I've got a ton of extracurricular activity for the next five days to help take my mind off of everything.

  8. Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

    · Lyra · 03/05/2012 14:19

    Holy batcrap, Batman! Last night I went to this awards dinner for a friend and the food and wine kept coming...and coming...and coming... I admit it, I ate the hell out of that food. If the food was an enemy army, I not only defeated it, but laughed in the face of it's useless whimpers for mercy. It was amazingly delicious, but at the end of it I was...unimpressed? That's not quite the word that I'm thinking of, but by the end of the meal I got hit with a wave of "this is so not worth it". I'll admit...ever since I've decided to do this surgery I've kinda had an "enjoy it now, within reason, Mr Stomach (I have no idea why my stomach is a dude, since I'm a woman, but eh) 'cause you are gonna be a trim, slim, mushy eating machine soon." Of course, this doesn't give me carte blanche to gorge myself into insensibility...but I did find myself pleased that I'm starting to separate food and emotions. Yeah, it was good (read: scrumptious) but on the scale of "Delcious food vs Lyra's Awesome Life Waiting To Happen" it falls short. Very short. It also isn't as emotionally fulfilling as it used to be. Perhaps it's because I'm taking this step forward to change my life that I've started feeling this way. I still enjoy great food (see pig-like actions above) but it's now more about the taste than "I feel so sad/depressed/angry/bored lets eat a cheeto" that I was (not) rocking before.
     
    So, porky pig-like actions are a thumbs down, but who would have thought an awards banquet would bring about some self-realization? Now I need to go walk a couple of miles and do some (a lot of) "I was a bad, bad Lyra" pilates.

  9. Ekg Done, Huzzah!

    · Lyra · 02/27/2012 20:39

    So off I toddled today to get my EKG (my last test!) done. I had to wait 1.5 hours for a 5 minute test. I'm a rather energetic lady and so when I be-bopped into the cardiac waiting room I got the "what the hell are YOU doing here" stares from about 85% of the waiting room. For some reason I thought the EKG would involve diode glue and having to chill out for at least an hour. Nope. It was peel and stick stickers and barely getting comfortable when I was told that I was done. Weird.
     
    My support group meeting is 3/8 (only 10 days!) and then they can schedule me for surgery! Whoop whoop!
  10. I went to my Wellness and NUT class yesterday and I have to say that I was shocked. Once again I go to these mandatory classes and I sit there and think, "Does anybody actually know how to google?" Hell, the moment that the idea of VSG tickled my brain I immediately powered up my trusty laptop for some quality web time. Thats how I found all you lovely men and women on this site! Yet here I was, months later sitting in my W&NUT class and listening to this one gentleman say, "You mean I have to give up my McDonald's Deluxe Breakfasts?". And he wasn't being sarcastic, he was actually dismayed. *sigh*
     
    On another note, I also passed my Psych(o) exam yesterday! $345 for 50 minutes that involved a conversation and a test to determine my mental wellbeing. Obviously I went into the wrong line of business as this sure beats my hourly wage!
     
    I'm having friends over for dinner on Saturday and my bff told me that her husband isn't really getting why I'm having this surgery. Basically he's worried about me having surgery, as all surgery is dangerous. Also, he thinks that you can lose weight just by trying harder and using will power. Luckily my bff said that she thinks thats bs. I dont think that if you've been thin your entire life that you can understand how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off. So dinner should be interesting. Basically my mantra is, "You can be supportive without actually agreeing" and "Bring on the questions as long as the conversations are respectful". I'm not worried about it as its my choice, my family is behind me, and the effects speak for themselves. Also I know his questions come out of concern for me, and that it's not coming from a mean or judgemental place. Sometimes I forget that those who have never had surgery or health problems view surgery so suspiciously. I'm only 29 but I've had my appendix and tonsils removed, pins put into my foot, two surgeries on my legs to fix a brown recluse bite gone bad, wisdom teeth removed, and breast reduction surgery. Surgery itself does not scare me...and I think you get to a point in your life that you are willing to risk everything in order to gain a healthier and better life.
     
    One more class to go on March 7 and then everything can be submitted to the insurance. Woohoo!
     
    "If you are going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance." ~ Unknown

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