Globetrotter

Isn't progesterone a pregnancy hormone? It would stand to reason that you would gain weight.
Day four of eating vvlc, weight hasn't budged.

I have a couple of the things in the addiction but not all and def not some of the scarier ones, like I mentioned if I fall down I sometimes use it as an excuse to jump over the ledge. So if i have 3 oreos, I use it as an excuse to then have a tbsp of cashew butter, which leads to a grilled cheese, which leads to chocolate cake or Cereal. and I could have been having an excellent perfect fast day with zero desires up until that one hiccup, and then I just fling myself off the cliff. After reading that article though I realize that when I reach for the grilled cheese or the oreo or any of it, that it is a cue for me to step back and take a look at what has happened, probe around and see what I am trying to hide from, what got me so scared I had to reach for the food to hide inside?
As for the other bit, about the scale, maybe I did not explain it well enough. I wasn't complaining about a 5 pound bounce, I was ticked off because I LITERALLY stepped on the scale, got one number, stepped on again and got another number. It is digital and the batteries are fresh but the floor isn't perfectly level and the scale is several years old so I don't know. considering how huge my breasts still are (seriously I'm still in a frickin DDD cup!!) I'm pretty sure the lower awesome number was not the real number but still - stupid jerk scale!! Toying with my emotions that way!! The only other scales here are those old doctors sliding scales and those are notoriously inaccurate.

I for one do not agree that cholesterol and weight are automatically synced, I think that genetics and WHAT you eat, not how much you eat, are the biggest factors. Not everyone is the fervent proponent of natural medicine/food as medicine/homeopathy/anti-chemicals as I am, but I stand by this. I will BET you Kim, that with a little homework and changing up what you eat and changing your exercise routine, that your numbers will go down without you "having" to losee 5 pounds. I mean come the frick on - we here of ALL people, know how the American medical community just LOVVVES their security blankey of blame-the-fat (person), yet how many of us were super active when we were obese? Quite a lot actually. How many of us had decent cholesterol and BP? Quite a few actually. Losing weight is not the silver bullet for damn everything. Sorry, rant...
Have you had your individual cholesterols separately measured? Family Hx?

Managed to fast until late at night when I ate two little squares of chocolate, bringing my calories for the day to 700 :/ Doing pretty good today, I need to make it really difficult to get to those chocolates ... maybe put them in the bottom of a tough box and shove the box under my bed...

I have a couple of the things in the addiction but not all and def not some of the scarier ones, like I mentioned if I fall down I sometimes use it as an excuse to jump over the ledge. So if i have 3 oreos, I use it as an excuse to then have a tbsp of cashew butter, which leads to a grilled cheese, which leads to chocolate cake or Cereal. and I could have been having an excellent perfect fast day with zero desires up until that one hiccup, and then I just fling myself off the cliff. After reading that article though I realize that when I reach for the grilled cheese or the oreo or any of it, that it is a cue for me to step back and take a look at what has happened, probe around and see what I am trying to hide from, what got me so scared I had to reach for the food to hide inside?
As for the other bit, about the scale, maybe I did not explain it well enough. I wasn't complaining about a 5 pound bounce, I was ticked off because I LITERALLY stepped on the scale, got one number, stepped on again and got another number. It is digital and the batteries are fresh but the floor isn't perfectly level and the scale is several years old so I don't know. considering how huge my breasts still are (seriously I'm still in a frickin DDD cup!!) I'm pretty sure the lower awesome number was not the real number but still - stupid jerk scale!! Toying with my emotions that way!! The only other scales here are those old doctors sliding scales and those are notoriously inaccurate.

I saw a photo of myself recently on a mission, I had a heavy coat on under body armor, a scarf around my head, heavy duty pants and boots, and I did not look fat. I was startled by how normal my legs looked, they were simply not fat, in any way. wow.

I saw a photo of myself recently on a mission, I had a heavy coat on under body armor, a scarf around my head, heavy duty pants and boots, and I did not look fat. I was startled by how normal my legs looked, they were simply not fat, in any way. wow.

I for one do not agree that cholesterol and weight are automatically synced, I think that genetics and WHAT you eat, not how much you eat, are the biggest factors. Not everyone is the fervent proponent of natural medicine/food as medicine/homeopathy/anti-chemicals as I am, but I stand by this. I will BET you Kim, that with a little homework and changing up what you eat and changing your exercise routine, that your numbers will go down without you "having" to losee 5 pounds. I mean come the frick on - we here of ALL people, know how the American medical community just LOVVVES their security blankey of blame-the-fat (person), yet how many of us were super active when we were obese? Quite a lot actually. How many of us had decent cholesterol and BP? Quite a few actually. Losing weight is not the silver bullet for damn everything. Sorry, rant...
Have you had your individual cholesterols separately measured? Family Hx?

My relationship with junk food is reminiscent of the alcoholic/drug user to their drug. If I slip, then I use it as an excuse to fall over the cliff, I can't even watch tv shows or read books where there is food being eaten or described, it instigates the desire. There were times when I would rather be eating than having sex (in my defense the sex was not that good). I cannot keep food in my living quarters because it will get eaten, all at once, not a little at a time. I cannot have one fried mozzarella stick, I want 10. I have successfully fasted the past 2 days and will do so again today, rebooting the system after last weeks carb madness. The first few days without sugar and white carbs - you really do feel like a junkie with the DTs but after about 3 days it goes away and so does your appetite. But if I could, honestly, I could eat 10 grilled cheese sandwiches, 20, all day long.

My relationship with junk food is reminiscent of the alcoholic/drug user to their drug. If I slip, then I use it as an excuse to fall over the cliff, I can't even watch tv shows or read books where there is food being eaten or described, it instigates the desire. There were times when I would rather be eating than having sex (in my defense the sex was not that good). I cannot keep food in my living quarters because it will get eaten, all at once, not a little at a time. I cannot have one fried mozzarella stick, I want 10. I have successfully fasted the past 2 days and will do so again today, rebooting the system after last weeks carb madness. The first few days without sugar and white carbs - you really do feel like a junkie with the DTs but after about 3 days it goes away and so does your appetite. But if I could, honestly, I could eat 10 grilled cheese sandwiches, 20, all day long.

I saw a photo of myself recently on a mission, I had a heavy coat on under body armor, a scarf around my head, heavy duty pants and boots, and I did not look fat. I was startled by how normal my legs looked, they were simply not fat, in any way. wow.

I saw a photo of myself recently on a mission, I had a heavy coat on under body armor, a scarf around my head, heavy duty pants and boots, and I did not look fat. I was startled by how normal my legs looked, they were simply not fat, in any way. wow.

I saw a photo of myself recently on a mission, I had a heavy coat on under body armor, a scarf around my head, heavy duty pants and boots, and I did not look fat. I was startled by how normal my legs looked, they were simply not fat, in any way. wow.

That sounds like a punishing schedule, particularly for someone only 3 months post op? I'm surprised your Dr has cleared you for this level of intensity, does your Dr know you are at this level? At three months your body is still healing internally, whatever it may look like on the surface. Adrenal fatigue is very real and right now you should be more focused on your diet, your psychological approach to food and the lifestyle changes you are cementing as new habits. If all it took was exercise then, according to your pre-surgery routines, you would never have needed surgery. Recovery from obesity is holistic and not just about punishing oneself at the gym.

That sounds like a punishing schedule, particularly for someone only 3 months post op? I'm surprised your Dr has cleared you for this level of intensity, does your Dr know you are at this level? At three months your body is still healing internally, whatever it may look like on the surface. Adrenal fatigue is very real and right now you should be more focused on your diet, your psychological approach to food and the lifestyle changes you are cementing as new habits. If all it took was exercise then, according to your pre-surgery routines, you would never have needed surgery. Recovery from obesity is holistic and not just about punishing oneself at the gym.

Offer accepted on the house! Now the fun begins at least the chain is not long, only 3 buyers in it. It's going to be fun and exciting and another phase of our life together. Lucky me, I feel blessed.

I am a 3+ yr sleeve vet and I second everything that catfish said ^. Also I would add, that you are in the prime time of your "honeymoon" and I would (hindsight being what it is) focus more on diet then exercise at this point - keep the calories low low low, keep the carbs looooowwww. If I had it to do over again, I would not have focused on exercise until I got 75% of my weight off.

Coopie Doll I loathe the administration of your school for not recognizing you! I want to come over there and shake a fist in their collective faces! grr!! And you my dear, I think you need to go buy yourself a giant pair of boots, the kind that lace up to the knee, and go in there and do some $h!t kicking, Your forehead does not have "welcome, wipe your feet" printed on it!!!!
Ms Skinny I keep forgetting that you are a therapist, would you mind PMing me? I have so many questions and am looking for advice as I turn my face toward the goal of gettiing a PsyD iot become a clinician specializing in trauma acceptance. The most immediate hurdle is that I do not come from a psych background and so must complete several prereq courses and take the P-GRE, before I can apply to the programs.
I know what I want, I genuinely do. However, I am a realist and this sadly does sometimes curtail my ability to hope and dream :/ I need money. I did not come from money, I have had to earn and scrape every penny, I have perhaps an inordinate fear of being a homeless beggar on welfare, and I coo and pet my money hoard, if Scrooge McDuck and Mr. Crabs had a lovechild, it would be me.
I want to share a bit of .... I don't know what emotion to ascribe here, it isn't anger, or necessarily pure jealousy, although it is probably in that sphere; here I am, dodging bombs and getting scarred for life just so I can scrape together a tiny bit of savings, and I have a friend who is super lazy, took 10 years to get her BA, but her Father died and left her his life savings plus his home, which she sold. From that alone she was able to buy her own house AND have enough savings that she was able to take the first year of her second child's life off from work (albeit on disability) . So, she struggles of course, she is a single Mom of two boys (13 and 3) but, if she wanted to, all she would have to do is sell her house and boom, she would have more cash money savings than I do, without having to risk her life. I guess that makes me a little grumpy.
As much as this job feels pointless, I am also afraid to not have it, I am afraid to be without the salary and status this job has imparted, I'm not gonna lie - it has felt good to have this sort of prestige for the last five years.
I just need to keep reminding myself, it's only for another 12 weeks, in 12 weeks I can start trying to get medivac'd to Germany again.
I don't want to be invisible again!

Coopie Doll I loathe the administration of your school for not recognizing you! I want to come over there and shake a fist in their collective faces! grr!! And you my dear, I think you need to go buy yourself a giant pair of boots, the kind that lace up to the knee, and go in there and do some $h!t kicking, Your forehead does not have "welcome, wipe your feet" printed on it!!!!
Ms Skinny I keep forgetting that you are a therapist, would you mind PMing me? I have so many questions and am looking for advice as I turn my face toward the goal of gettiing a PsyD iot become a clinician specializing in trauma acceptance. The most immediate hurdle is that I do not come from a psych background and so must complete several prereq courses and take the P-GRE, before I can apply to the programs.
I know what I want, I genuinely do. However, I am a realist and this sadly does sometimes curtail my ability to hope and dream :/ I need money. I did not come from money, I have had to earn and scrape every penny, I have perhaps an inordinate fear of being a homeless beggar on welfare, and I coo and pet my money hoard, if Scrooge McDuck and Mr. Crabs had a lovechild, it would be me.
I want to share a bit of .... I don't know what emotion to ascribe here, it isn't anger, or necessarily pure jealousy, although it is probably in that sphere; here I am, dodging bombs and getting scarred for life just so I can scrape together a tiny bit of savings, and I have a friend who is super lazy, took 10 years to get her BA, but her Father died and left her his life savings plus his home, which she sold. From that alone she was able to buy her own house AND have enough savings that she was able to take the first year of her second child's life off from work (albeit on disability) . So, she struggles of course, she is a single Mom of two boys (13 and 3) but, if she wanted to, all she would have to do is sell her house and boom, she would have more cash money savings than I do, without having to risk her life. I guess that makes me a little grumpy.
As much as this job feels pointless, I am also afraid to not have it, I am afraid to be without the salary and status this job has imparted, I'm not gonna lie - it has felt good to have this sort of prestige for the last five years.
I just need to keep reminding myself, it's only for another 12 weeks, in 12 weeks I can start trying to get medivac'd to Germany again.
I don't want to be invisible again!

Georgia - so sorry! My mother got shingles too and I remember how much she suffered. grrr... just seems like getting more "mature" has enough challenges - why this??? Anyway, get better soon!
Dorrie - your remarks about insane out of control hunger really hit home with me. I saw this counselor again about a week and a half ago. She had a theory that my weird mood swings (more specifically, that feeling like I just got devastating news, my stomach sink to to floor horrible bad feeling for no reason, that lasts very short term) had more to do with blood sugar than hormones. i try to eat by listening to my body anyway (no tracking) so I kinda let myself eat when hungry over the last week or two.
Well, besides baking that stupid peppermint chocolate "cake" and polishing off the last of the bread and Peanut Butter my son left... grrr.... I mostly ate fairly healthy but huge quantities. I gained SIX FREAKING POUNDS in less than two weeks but nary a mood swing. Puzzle isn't it. Yesterday I buckled down and of course am even stricter today and guess what... I had one of those "moments" this morning.
I was able to reflect on it intellectually and the feeling passed very quickly so I am okay, but I am wondering... is it a physical low blood sugar response? Is it "all in my head" missing carbs and freewheel eating? I really don't know because eating doesn't cheer me up or make me feel better anymore - I just observed no "drop to the pit of my stomach" moods during the freewheeling binge.
I would really love it if those of you who are experiencing "mood" issues try to start notice it in conjunction with fasting or not. I am journalling. I moved my "90 day" challenge to a private journal and I am including this stuff in my daily log too.
In my case, it was the day after having a stricter eating day. It may still be hormonal and I do have an appointment with my doctor to look to see if i need a different bio-identicical cream. I feel like my vaginal moisture issue is not being resolved by the one i am on. At least it doesn't make me itchy like that horrible premarin did, but I want to try a different formulation next time.
I recall that saying "youth is wasted on the young" and I am really feeling that right now. What I would give to have my 22 year old body with the knowledge and life experiences I have now. I wasted those years either worrying about being fat or actually being fat... and lots of other pointless things. Now, I am ready to conquer the world - that is- if my knees hold up, there is enough light for me to read the fine print and I don't get shingles... haha.

Okay, I have a serious deep thinker/mind blower here to discuss...
When I was M.O. I would look out at the world like a trapped princess in a tower, seeing the world and unable to participate. I had impotent rage and frustration, not being able to play in all the reindeer games... and it occurs to me, am I repeating the pattern, even now? I stay in this job, remote and isolated from life, the tower is no longer obesity, but it is a tower all the same. I watch as good life happens to other people and once again I feel trapped, screaming in a sound proof room.
And yet, I live rent free, neither cook nor clean, have free access to a good gym, have free electricity and use of washers and dryers, and am saving money, so what am I complaining about...?

I have heard your issues for awhile now regarding the care you are receiving from your Dr and I do not feel that this Dr is providing you with the sort of care you specifically need, instead they are just giving you what they think you need, not the same thing.
You sound overwhelmed and rightly so, have you considered taking a weekend mini-break by yourself? There are always legitimate excuses not to, but I really think you might consider it. For your tropical moments, have you thought of placing scarves or kercheifs in the freezer? Pop them round your neck when one strikes you, also, there is a line of jewelry for hot flashes, to cool people down. Also food - there are foods that will reduce hot flashes or intensify them, black cohosh and yam reduces, white flour intensifies.
Once you get those hormones behaving I think everything else will fall in line. Do you carry a folding fan in your purse? It is a stylish and effective way to combat a flash, I started my Mother on collecting them once I began my international travels as a teen (Spain) and she was never without one during her transition.

I have heard your issues for awhile now regarding the care you are receiving from your Dr and I do not feel that this Dr is providing you with the sort of care you specifically need, instead they are just giving you what they think you need, not the same thing.
You sound overwhelmed and rightly so, have you considered taking a weekend mini-break by yourself? There are always legitimate excuses not to, but I really think you might consider it. For your tropical moments, have you thought of placing scarves or kercheifs in the freezer? Pop them round your neck when one strikes you, also, there is a line of jewelry for hot flashes, to cool people down. Also food - there are foods that will reduce hot flashes or intensify them, black cohosh and yam reduces, white flour intensifies.
Once you get those hormones behaving I think everything else will fall in line. Do you carry a folding fan in your purse? It is a stylish and effective way to combat a flash, I started my Mother on collecting them once I began my international travels as a teen (Spain) and she was never without one during her transition.

Sheryl - we need a close up pic of the shoes, STAT!!!!
Maybe I am just used to harsh conditions but my little cubby was really not bad, so long as I have a comfy bed I'm good to go

Can we see a picture of you in the garments from hades? I hear so much about them that I am curious ...
At first I thought, "oh I don't really see a difference before and after" Then I looked at the before pics!!!!! WOAH!! Your arms make me want to weep with hope, all I want is to be able to wear something sleeveless with dignity and to wear pants without the humiliating front butt.