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Johnny99

LAP-BAND Patients

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Blog Entries posted by Johnny99

  1. Halfway to Thindom

    · Johnny99 · 08/07/13 02:28 PM

    It is said that a journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step. I began my journey on April 9, 2013. That's the day it finally hit me. I was sitting on a plane. I was an Oreo away from the ultra-embarrassing plea for the belt extender. I could barely fit in the last of my emergency wardrobe. I was tired. Tired of trying to accommodate my fat life style. Because that's what you do. You accommodate your fatness. I just couldn't go on like this. I was ready for a change. I was already through all my hoops for the Lap Band surgery. I was in limbo waiting for my insurance company to green light me. But I couldn’t wait any longer. I decided .. that minute.. that tomorrow I would start my quest for Thindom.

    Thindom is a mystical place. It’s the fat ass version of Vallhalla, Atlantis and the Lost City of Gold all rolled up in to one. For a fat person, Thindom is a legend. It is a utopian place that the over -girthed can only dream about. No fat ass has ever been to Thindom and come back to talk about it. Many expanded explorers have tried, but all have failed. It is said that those that enter Thindom, are blessed with a new life filled with hope and joy. Everyone smiles and beams with optimism. It is a place where one size really does fit all. It’s heaven for the hefty.

    But beware you of fatness! The trail to Thindom is wrought with danger. There are obstacles at every turn. Unknown creatures and mythical beings lurk in the shadows; their only goal is your defeat. To get to Thindom, you must soldier through these adversities. You must plan your adventure carefully. And you can NEVER look back. You can NEVER give up. There is no yellow brick road. There is only nachos and cheese.

    I have made it half way to Thindom. I’m currently navigating my way through the evil forest of fat. I can see the magical mountains of Munchies in the distance. Once I cross their jagged peaks, I hope to spy the valley of Thindom. I know it is there. I can feel it.

    Alas, my journey has had its ups and downs. I have danced with the Devil. I have succumbed to the liquid offerings of Al C. Hall. I have fought the beautiful temptress and her sultry offers of cheeseburger and fries. I have dueled with the Duke of Doughnuts. Yes friends, there have been pitfalls. But every time I fell, I got up. The demons in my mind have not deterred me from goal.

    I have managed to shed 45 pounds of unsightly blubber. I have 41 to go to hit my goal. If my present pace continues, I will have a 1 in the front of my weight in a few weeks for the first time since Reagan was president. Yes, I know. The road to Thindom gets harder as you get closer to the gate. I hope it’s not just fat ass folklore. When I get there, I will try to contact you from the other side. I wonder if Thindom has wi-fi?

    Until we meet again….
    Johnny T
    Please visit my blog:
    TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

  2. Gold Star / Rock Star!

    · Johnny99 · 07/31/13 05:07 PM

    Thursday, July 31, 2013
     
    Hello readers from all across the globe! It's great to see that we have fat fans growing in numbers by the week! Folks from China, Russia, Latvia, Netherlands, Canada, the UK, France and a few other far away countries have stopped by the blog to catch up on my fight against flab. When it comes to the battle of the bulge, it seems the world shares in our morbid obsession with thinness. We all speak the same language ... Fat-lish.
     
    On to the news of the week. I went for second post-op doctor visit on Monday. As usual, I checked in right on time knowing full well that I would be lingering in the lobby of the Center for Fatassiness well past my scheduled appointment time. So I settled in to one of the fat ass chairs in the waiting room. I immediately noticed that I occupied far less space in this overly ample seat. Yes, my ass has shrunk. I'm guessing by about a half a foot. I kinda feel like a little kid sitting in grandpa's chair.
     
    If you recall, Mondays are Dr. X's office days. He sees both pre-op and post-op patients during this time. That is why I just can't help myself but to look around the waiting area and see what the doctor has scheduled for today. Over to the far left, I spy an elephantine teen boy nervously sitting next to who I presume to be his mom. Obvious pre-op material. I'm thinking "Don't fret dude. It will be worth it. I wish they had this when I was your age." Looking far right I see a fleshy female with her nose buried in a book. Hmmmm. I'm guessing follow up. Then the extra wide doors fly open and a smiling 30 something man in clothes at least two sizes to big saunters out. Definitely a post-opper!
     
    I was called in a few minutes after a Rascal bound lady. When I went in and sat at the first nurses’ station, I saw no sight of scooter. She must be in the pre-op room waiting for the sales pitch from Dr. X. On cue, he walks towards the closed door with his plastic stomach model. The same one he used for my initiation.
    "Close that deal Doc!" I quipped.
    He didn't say anything. He didn't need to. He gave me a wry smile, a thumb up and went in to the room with a nervously awaiting prospect and a Rascal. Easy sale.
     
    It was now time for me to get my vitals. No temperature. BP 117/77 (That went down about 6 or 7 points on both ends. The nurse asked me if I was 18!) Now to the scale. Off with the loafers, step on to the massive industrial scale ..... AND..... 97.2 Kilos! It kinda kills the drama when the kilo measure comes up. Especially because I can't do the math that fast in my head.
    "How much have I lost since my first visit?" I asked.
    "Oh, I don’t have that file here." she answers.
    "How many files do I have?" I inquired.
    "I'm not sure. Ask the doctor." she tells me.
    Must be some kind of union thing. Maybe she's only allowed to carry one file to avoid a workplace injury.
     
    After my vitals check, I was deposited in another room. I know the drill now. First a visit from the bubbly Ms. K, my nutritionist, then the syringe wielding Dr. X will make his appearance. This room has both a fat ass chair and a fat ass recliner in addition to the exam table. Wonder why? Maybe it's for the portly patient and his pleasingly plump pal. Whatever ... just seems strange to me.
     
    The door bursts open and an extra bubbly Ms. K enters and has a seat at the desk next me.
    "Wow. You look like you're doing great!" she spouts.
    "I think I'm doing Ok." I reply sheepishly.
    "Let's look at your progress." she says. "Awesome! You have lost 8 pounds since last visit and 41 pounds total! You get a gold star!"
     
    That made my day. I thought I was doing OK. But what do I know? I think I'm 22 and gorgeous. Just because I think it doesn't make it so. So her validation was excitedly welcomed. We proceeded to go over my average daily food intake. I told her I was doing the 1200 calorie a day deal. I showed her my FitBit Flex and the MyFitnessPal app and how they sync up. She was impressed and green lighted me to continue what I'm doing because it's working. That's cool with me. We exchanged the usual farewell pleasantries and I was back to waiting for the main attraction.
     
    Without further ado, Dr. X gregariously enters.
    "I hear you’re a rock star." He opens up with.
    "I'm just trying to stay focused." I say.
    "Well, you're doing great. 8 pounds since last month is great."
     
    I think I was beaming like a new father. People rarely get this kind of validation from others, especially from their fatoligist.
     
    We discussed my progress, my hunger level and my ability to get food down and keep it down.
    "So you're not really felling any restriction?" he asks.
    "Nope. I think I could swallow a live fish if I had to.” I replied.
    “We don’t want it to come to that. Let’s give you a little tune up.”
     
    I laid down and a few seconds later I had one more c.c. of saline restriction. Dr. X gave me a few warnings about staying on liquids that night and pureed foods the next. After a few more words of encouragement, he was off to the next case.
     
    Needless to say, my second fill appointment was a success. I’m glad the bubbly Ms. K and Dr. X are pleased with my progress. As great as all the back slaps and accolades are, I can’t lose sight of the fact that I am not even half way home yet. There is still a lot of work to be done. I have definitely noticed that every pound is harder to lose than when I started. And I know they will be even harder as lose more. So, yea, I’m happy with the visit. But no, I am in now overconfident in my success.
     
    As I was leaving the exam room, I spotted that Rascal sitting unguarded in the hall. For a fleeting second I had thought of nabbing it, throwing on a fat ass chair and making a break for the parking lot. But my new reality set in. I don’t need the fat ass chair anymore. But I sure could have a blast on that Rascal!
     
    Bye for now.
    Johnny
     
    Hey you! Stop by my blog! You can enter your email and get my posts automatically!
     
    TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com
  3. I need to get ya'll up to date. I have been a bit behind my updates due to a busy schedule. Last week's busy-ness included another 3 day golf event and a lengthy visit from Al. C. Hall. As always, there is good and bad news to report. On the bright side, I really made good food choices and my personal technology says I walked 21.36 miles and burned 9711 calories during this 3 day period. However, I did enjoy more than several adult beverages and succumbed to a few bar snacks. Unfortunately, I think these transgressions shortened my weekly weight loss. But I'm back up on the horse and ready to get going again.Now I want to share a little tidbit of information I casually picked from a doctor acquaintance of mine. After a laid back round of Sunday couples golf, our group headed off for a mid day meal. Conversation soon turned to my quest to be less fat. I explained to the good doctor my calorie counting strategy and my progress so far. She then dropped a fun fact on me that really hit home. The affable Dr. S contends that you need to burn 3000 more calories for the week than you take in to lose 1 pound. Simple genius! Not only is this easy is to understand for my neanderthal intelligence level, it's also a number. A number than can be used in a math equation to help me better understand what exactly I'm doing here. Fact is, I have been really concentrating on what's going in the ol' pie hole. I really haven't thought about the going out process. I suppose I have typical fat ass thinking. Eat less. Lose weight. Is it that simple? Kinda. But there's more to it.
    
    I have embraced technology to help me find Slim Street. I have 2 items that I now find essential for me to finish the filleting of my fat. First, the MyFitnessPal app (MFP). I use the daily food diary to keep track of every morsel that goes in my massive yapper. If I can't find exactly what I ate in the index, I err on the high side. My second technological necessity is my FitBit Flex. Don't ask me how, but this little peanut size device records every step I take and figures my daily calorie burn. This miniature device syncs with the FitBit app on my phone which syncs with my FitBit scale which syncs with the MyFitnessPal app. I have all the data crunching tech I need.
     
     
     
    But I needed the numbers to make sense to me. And Dr. S's simple equation is helping me do that.
     
    Let's do the math! Time to brush up on your a-fat-ma-tic. I have chosen a 1200 calorie a day diet plan. That would be 8400 calories in per week. Dr. S's tip mandates that I burn 12,900 (3000 + 1500 =4500) per week to lose 1-1/2 pounds. Divided by 7, that's 1842 calories per day! Now... Let's recall what Trainer L told me during my pre-op exercise visit. She said my body burns 1650 calories a day with just normal activity. That means I only have to burn an extra 200 calories a day to lose the 1-1/2 pounds. Simple math for a simple mind.
     
     
    It's starting to dawn on me that I can burn more than 12,900 calories a week, especially in the summer. Heck, last week I burned 19,800 calories according to my FitBit. The MFP app has another nice feature. When you're done logging your calories for the day, it will calculate burn and show you what you will weigh in 5 weeks if every day was like today. So far, it's been right on target. It's telling me that I will lose another 10 pounds by the end of August. Awesome news.
     
     
    So take it from me. Do your math and embrace your technology. I'm no Bill Gates when it comes to these fancy gadgets and I surly ain't no math wizard. But I will embrace anything that will help me finish my fight against flab. And guess what? There's an app for that.
     
     
     
     
    More to come....
     
    Johnny
     
    If you want a good laugh, start at the beginning of my blog and see what I went through to have the LB installed!
     
    TheDeconstructionOfJohnny.blogspot.com

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