lisacaron

@@change4life you know I also have thought about this a whole lot! So I was banded in 2013. I have watched friends who are banded and even my husband lose almost all their extra weight while I have struggled. I've struggled with many things, health wise and yes I'm sure that is part of it....BUT I want to blame the band. I want to say this was not the surgery for me. I should have done X, Y, Z and that would have been better. I could go do those things still...I could opt to take the band out and have a revision surgery and I might lose the weight faster and I seriously thought about it as my hubby lost pound after pound and I was even starting to gain!!
As I was thinking about it and weighing things out in my mind, I realized that I have not really "worked" on this band since I have been dealing with so many other things I put that on hold and started using food to console me again. I started turning to ice cream and sweets and eating anything I felt like! Of course I was going to start gaining weight again...so I thought about it and I realized that unless I am willing to change my ways and dig deep and find out what is making me give up so easily when I have a tool that can help me reach my goals...why am I not using it?
Why am I looking for something else, there is no magic bullet all the surgeries are going to have their challenges and I have seen first hand people fail at all the other surgeries and gain back their weight and more because they never really changed their habits. So I decided that the band is for me. It's here I am here and we both need to show up and do our jobs!
It's there waiting for me to use it, and I am here and I need to use it and respect it and most of all myself. I need to find other ways to console myself when things are good bad and even ugly. food has to become what it's always been meant to be. A source of fuel to get this body through life to enjoy all the wonders the world has to offer that are not food related.
I don't get all excited when I drive into the gas station and fuel up my car. The smell of the gas and look of the station aren't a turn on...nope the excitement comes in where that full tank of gas will take me to. The things I will see and experience along the journey. That's how I have to look at food, it's an intake of resources that will get me to the next great thing. It will help me get through my day of work, my interaction with people, energy to read a book and write this post, and that's all it's going to do for me. It's not my friend, it's not my love and making it my life is robbing me of having one.
So that was my dollar's worth of free advice I hope it helps you...we are all on the same journey to live a happy and healthy life...we just have to shift our focus a bit when it comes to food.

She's feeling better today and the temp has stayed under 100. Doc says it has turned around.

@@JustWatchMe sending prayers and {{hugs}} your way!!

@@jfc193 Man card remains intact!! Thank you for sharing, we all need a pick me up now and again.

@@salmon77 sadly too many of us are familiar with how you are feeling. Words bite and the emotional toll they take on us through out our lives is great.
My mother was a heavy woman, I never knew her to be slim figured. She was always obsessed with her weight and eating. I was a very thin child, and I hated to eat. In fact Breakfast lunch and dinner times were often the worst times of the day for me. They always involved some kind of argument about me not wanting to eat or not finishing the food on my plate. All of these things and more created scars in my emotional psyche.
My mother died when I was 26 years old from a brain tumor. I don't think she ever realized how damaged she was as a person when it related to her own sense of self esteem and self worth, and how she pushed her issues onto me. As I grew up those words and deeds stuck in my mind and in my head, and soon I was battling my own demons.
I was the overweight mother calling her 10 year old son Super Chunk! Telling him he was fat and lazy and he needed to get up off his duff and move or he was going to be fat as a house! My middle son was overweight as young boy, but OMG did I just say those things to him and when did I turn into my mother?!
Right there I caught myself and put a stop to that! If I had to be like my mother let me find the good things about her and not the negative ones. My children didn't need to have my issues revisited upon them.
When I reflect on life, I can clearly see how I became overweight, how I became obese and why. I know we all blame our parents...but in this mine have some responsibility because they were never evolved enough to see that their issues weren't mine it was theirs.
Thankfully I was able to break that cycle and while my older son's battle the bulge they do so in a healthy way. They are slightly overweight but they are not obese and when they find their pants are a bit snug they know they need to cut back on the overindulgence rein it in and get a bit more active. They keep a balance to life I still struggle to find with my own, but I do have peace of mind that my struggle is mine and I didn't whip them into obesity with it.

@@JustWatchMe sending prayers and {{hugs}} your way!!

@@jfc193 Man card remains intact!! Thank you for sharing, we all need a pick me up now and again.

I am able to relate to this only too too well, and I can say I'm still working my way out of it.

@@salmon77 sadly too many of us are familiar with how you are feeling. Words bite and the emotional toll they take on us through out our lives is great.
My mother was a heavy woman, I never knew her to be slim figured. She was always obsessed with her weight and eating. I was a very thin child, and I hated to eat. In fact Breakfast lunch and dinner times were often the worst times of the day for me. They always involved some kind of argument about me not wanting to eat or not finishing the food on my plate. All of these things and more created scars in my emotional psyche.
My mother died when I was 26 years old from a brain tumor. I don't think she ever realized how damaged she was as a person when it related to her own sense of self esteem and self worth, and how she pushed her issues onto me. As I grew up those words and deeds stuck in my mind and in my head, and soon I was battling my own demons.
I was the overweight mother calling her 10 year old son Super Chunk! Telling him he was fat and lazy and he needed to get up off his duff and move or he was going to be fat as a house! My middle son was overweight as young boy, but OMG did I just say those things to him and when did I turn into my mother?!
Right there I caught myself and put a stop to that! If I had to be like my mother let me find the good things about her and not the negative ones. My children didn't need to have my issues revisited upon them.
When I reflect on life, I can clearly see how I became overweight, how I became obese and why. I know we all blame our parents...but in this mine have some responsibility because they were never evolved enough to see that their issues weren't mine it was theirs.
Thankfully I was able to break that cycle and while my older son's battle the bulge they do so in a healthy way. They are slightly overweight but they are not obese and when they find their pants are a bit snug they know they need to cut back on the overindulgence rein it in and get a bit more active. They keep a balance to life I still struggle to find with my own, but I do have peace of mind that my struggle is mine and I didn't whip them into obesity with it.

@@JustWatchMe sending prayers and {{hugs}} your way!!

@@jfc193 Man card remains intact!! Thank you for sharing, we all need a pick me up now and again.

At the risk of losing my Man Card I am going to share what a coworker sent to me..
Enc. Note 2-23-16.pdf

What a week we have had. My youngest daughter has been in and out of two different emergency rooms over the last five days. She had strep throat, but penicillin was not keeping her 104 fever down. Finally, today, she is taking a turn for the better. It is so hard to be 300 miles away from her when all this has been happening. By pure chance, I was visiting both of my daughters at college last weekend when the first emergency room visit took place. She has been tested for meningitis, mono, two types of flu, strep throat, and three tick borne illnesses. Turns out she had been bitten by a tick in January and didn't remember it until the doctor asked her about it. She thought she had been bitten by a spider over three weeks ago. The tick borne illness tests are still being analyzed but she's on the med used to treat it just in case.
I can't remember ever being this scared before. But today she's getting her pep back and fever is staying low. She's on two antibiotics right now.
Having a child sick is awful. Having a child sick long distance is excruciating.

I am able to relate to this only too too well, and I can say I'm still working my way out of it.

My advice is to make sure you are always having something. Don't give hunger a chance to make you miserable. Every hour or 2 have Water, or shake, or Jello or what ever your Dr. advised for your diet. Space the items out so you are always able to have something to ingest.
If you focus on doing that you won't allow hunger to get in the middle and you will be on task with your diet and you will make it through. Yes there will be times where it will get to you...my worst time was at night, but if you can have something indulgent at night do that. Something like pudding or coffee with sugar free/fat free flavored Creamer something to sooth the hunger beast you will do great!

There are so many things I want to say after reading this but I think thank you says it all.

I would just like to say that in addition to your physical transformation being wonderful, it is really your emotional transformation that I find so inspiring! I can especially relate to the "I didn't hate myself because I was obese, I was obese because I hated myself" idea. Learning to love ourselves takes work and in many ways is the scariest/hardest part of this journey for me.

I have a lot of photos of myself from days long past.

Photos of myself at an extremely unhealthy weight.

Photos of myself at a time that I was eating as a way of dealing with my emotions.
​




These pictures represent a time in my life where I was constantly sad, constantly depressed. They represent a time when I felt completely unworthy. They are pictures of a woman who put on a fake smile to hide all the pain inside.
They capture a woman who felt like she was drowning in the co-morbid conditions that the disease of obesity had brought her too.
I was full-blown diabetic, I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea, severe edema and severe depression. There were days that I was simply non-functional.
I knew that my weight was causing these medical issues and truthfully, I didn’t care. I had given up on life, love and the pursuit of happiness. I very consciously made the decision to not care about what my lifestyle behavior choices were doing to my health and to my body.
I had a lot of days that I really wished I wasn’t even there. I was very aware that I was digging a grave with a fork and a spoon. In fact, if I am being completely honest, that was very much my intention.
These photos portray a woman who truthfully didn’t love herself. A woman who didn’t believe that she was worthy of being loved.
They portray a woman who was still very much caught in the survivor mentality of life. A woman who had grown up a survivor of physical, sexual and verbal abuse. A woman who was psychologically using her weight as a way to build walls and keep people out.
Sometimes I post photos of my transformation, a before-and-after photo of myself and I look at it and I think “Oh my god, who is that girl?” or “I don’t recognize that woman anymore.”
Almost instantly someone will see my photo and tell me that I was just as beautiful then as I am now or that I have always been the same person.
I very rarely respond to these comments because I really don’t know how to explain. Really, that’s your interpretation, not mine. I don’t need you to qualify my beauty and I don’t need you to diminish the celebration of my transformation.
Let me pause here and clarify something – if you have ever been one of those people who came on to my post and made a comment like this, I am not spanking you. I realize that you’re trying to be a positive voice in a negative world. I realized that you are trying to be supportive and kind and I appreciate that. I try to do the same and there are far too many people out there that are willing to tear each other down rather than to build each other up.
What I am trying to do is maybe get you to see the situation through a different perspective. I’m trying bring light to the fact that sometimes what we think is positive and supportive, if contrary to how someone feels about themselves, really isn’t.




Sometimes I think we are so busy trying to make sure that those that are dealing with obesity do not feel shamed or stigmatized that we forget that obesity is a very complex disease and that it can be caused by many different things.
If I was a recovering drug addict and I posted a before and after photo of myself with a tourniquet around my arm and a needle in my vein would you tell me that I was just as beautiful then as I am now?
I am one of the first people to stand up against weight bias, weight stigma and weight discrimination. Nobody should ever have to experience those things and I spend a lot of my free time trying to help educate and raise awareness to fight these societal intolerances.
I am also the first person to stand up and say that obesity is not healthy. Obesity isn’t a pretty disease. It is as unkind and ugly as any other deadly disease. Just like you can’t look at a photo of someone and decide that the reason they struggle with their weight is because they make poor lifestyle choices and over consume food; you also can’t look at a photo and assume that it’s not.




As a recovering food addict, someone who used food to feed my feelings and someone who was purposely and systematically killing herself with food, when I look at a photo of myself and say “I don’t recognize that girl anymore.” — I don’t need someone to tell me that they do.
I’d much rather see my transformation acknowledged in a way that doesn’t focus on looks but rather on the accomplishment. “Way to go! What an amazing transformation.” “That’s awesome, congratulations on your health accomplishments!” “What a great job. Look how far you have come.” There are a ton of ways we can acknowledge before and after transformations without using beauty as our quantifier.
As someone who has very openly discussed body images issues after weight loss, I can honestly tell you that when someone tells me I am just as beautiful then as I am now I have to remind myself that they are talking about on the inside. Because just a couple of years ago a comment like that would have me standing in front of my mirror wondering what I needed to “fix” about my body to make it noticeably different.
When I look at those before photos and all they represent, I don’t think I was beautiful then. I think I was suffering. I think I was in a very dark place and I think my obesity was a very physical symptom of that ugliness. I’m relieved everyday that I was able to bounce back from it.
I look back at those photos and I am thankful that I have managed to find a way to maintain my recovery from obesity and food addictions in a world that is food-centric. I look back at those photos and I am grateful that I wasn’t successful at trying to end my life via obesity.
Some people look at those photos and think that I hated myself because I suffered from obesity. The truth is I suffered from obesity because I hated myself. The moment I learned to start loving myself and finding myself worthy, I started making healthier lifestyle decisions.




I am not the same person in those photos. Not on the outside. Not on the inside. I have successfully navigated a lifestyle transformation. If I was the girl you see in my before pictures, you likely wouldn’t have the pleasure of knowing me today, my friends would have been shopping for a casket by now.

All awesome posts to catch up on! Congrats Jim and everyone is looking great and I hope all are keeping warm and thinking SPRING!!!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Back in NY after being in Florida. Cold in Florida, brutally cold here in NY. Got home last night and the BF had roses and a roast chicken waiting for me. If that's not love, I don't know what is...

OK your right it was pretty funny and yet kind of sad and made me a bit angry as well!
I met my husband way back when yahoo had a personals section, and it had a free trial period. We met in that time frame, even though I wasn't looking for a relationship having just thrown my husband of 20 years out of the house for cheating on me. What I was looking for was to pop that bubble of doubt in my mind that no one would want me, that I would be alone...blah blah you get it.
I met more than a few nice guys. We went out, I had fun and I more than got over my self esteem issues. I felt like me again, and I'd missed me! Then I met my husband...and we clicked.
So when it came time that the "trial" was up I shut down my profile. I didn't know that I would get married to this guy, but I was done with the "dating" scene for a while. (Long story, health issue, cancer scare)
So what upsets me about your post is all these scammers, these WAY out of the country people trying to scam you to "save" their sorry a*s. What really makes me mad as hell is that you PAY these providers, and they should be weeding through these bogus e-mails! Your paying for a service to connect with others who share your common interest, and would like to get to know you and vs versa.
Just as I was shutting down my profile I started getting those bogus messages and I thought to myself "I'm glad I'm not paying for this or I would be really upset." Now I am upset for you and others who pay providers to help you find a "match" and you have to weed through the dangerous scams like that. I am also upset to watch their stupid commercials 100 times a day knowing that they are not screening out the tacos!!! Maybe your in the mood for a burrito!!

@@blm1* if you have a recliner chair you might be more comfortable there. If not what you want to do when you lie down in bed at night is try to not sleep on the side where your port is located. That will be the most sore point you have on your body and since it's usually sewn into the abdominal muscle it will remain sore for a bit as it heals. We use our abdominal muscles when we sit up, so try rolling onto your side and lowering your feet to the floor before sitting up and come up to a sitting position from your good side using your oblique muscles, (side abdominal) rather than your front stomach muscle that is healing right now.
Ice is your friend, if you have an ice pack put that on the muscles near the port. Give your port area and stomach muscles some support when you move them by just holding your hand on them as you move. That always helped me.
Good luck and congrats on your surgery!!!

@@Keeper OK so you have a lot going on...I know how that feels. Your not a failure, you have been managing your life and there is nothing wrong with that.
Congrats on being pregnant! Enjoy it! If you are having an issue with the band I say empty it. You don't want to worry about it while your pregnant, BUT you still want to watch what your eating and how much weight you are gaining while pregnant. You don't have to gain weight for your baby to gain weight and be healthy. The baby will take from you what it needs and your body will dip into your fat stores to get what it needs. That said I'm sure there are certain things that your hormones are going to dictate to you. Things your going to want to eat and things that are going to be replant to eat. Usually for us we want to eat the things we know are not the best for us and will not serve us or our baby in anyway.. and it's OK to give into that every once in a while as this is a special time that you have fought hard to experience.
Just remember to find moderation in everything you do, that will be what's best for you and your little one. When your all done and your holding your little one in your arms you can then fill up that band to the green zone and work on being the Mom you want to be. It's not going anywhere...it's there for you when you need it, just don't make it an issue for you now during this short time. Focus during this pregnancy on you and your little one and the band will be waiting for you.

I agree with @@briefs199 every surgery is going to be work. They all work differently and you have to put a different amount of work into them but they all require you to show up and be accountable for you.
Since you already have the band, and if you not having trouble with it why not speak to your Dr. and see what they advise? I know many are switching, taking out the bands and getting sleeved or going for the by pass. I have to tell you that when my surgeon "retired" and we (hubby and I) were kind of left to find our way with the new group that took over or another one...and life happened along the way....I was not losing, I was eating I found my old habits easy to retreat to...I saw I was not losing and I won't lie, I thought about changing up my surgery. The new Dr. even advised that I would be a candidate for a revision, but I had to think seriously long and hard about it.
My realization was this: I don't have a problem with my band. My port is working fine, I get filled and unfilled, I eat and don't get stuck or sick when I follow the rules of eating (which is true for all surgeries) so why would I change to another surgery? If I can't make what I have work for me why go through it again and find myself still asking these questions?
I know that what I need to do is make behavioral changes, both physically and emotionally. For me I am an emotional eater. Happy, sad, feed it sweets!!! That is what needs to change. I need to remember that all my body needs is a balanced Breakfast lunch and dinner. It doesn't need anything more, and I don't need to use food to sooth my savage beast when she's ready to roar or soothe my boo boo's with chocolate and ice cream.
So I am not revising my surgery, I am still down having gained only 4 pounds since my last weigh in when I had an unfill due to virus and I am determined to make the changes I need to make because I know no matter what....if I don't change them I am going to be right here struggling with it.

@@gowalking Thanks Liz. All good here. I went for the echo today and saw the cardio Dr. he gave me some extra meds to take that are going to make me tired...OK as if I wasn't that already but in the long run it should slow the heart rate and balance out. Here's to hoping it all works out according to plan and I can get back to doing some light exercise like walking.
Dad is all settled into his new place, about half a mile from my house so the days of having to drive to Queens at 5 am are over
Today I am actually feeling a little better and that's a plus. I'm still tired but not as bad as it's been. Maybe because the sun is shining today and I'm not fighting the weather....I don't know but I'll take it!

@@Keeper OK so you have a lot going on...I know how that feels. Your not a failure, you have been managing your life and there is nothing wrong with that.
Congrats on being pregnant! Enjoy it! If you are having an issue with the band I say empty it. You don't want to worry about it while your pregnant, BUT you still want to watch what your eating and how much weight you are gaining while pregnant. You don't have to gain weight for your baby to gain weight and be healthy. The baby will take from you what it needs and your body will dip into your fat stores to get what it needs. That said I'm sure there are certain things that your hormones are going to dictate to you. Things your going to want to eat and things that are going to be replant to eat. Usually for us we want to eat the things we know are not the best for us and will not serve us or our baby in anyway.. and it's OK to give into that every once in a while as this is a special time that you have fought hard to experience.
Just remember to find moderation in everything you do, that will be what's best for you and your little one. When your all done and your holding your little one in your arms you can then fill up that band to the green zone and work on being the Mom you want to be. It's not going anywhere...it's there for you when you need it, just don't make it an issue for you now during this short time. Focus during this pregnancy on you and your little one and the band will be waiting for you.

@@Sophie74656 good for you, for taking the time to have some clear head space where you feel supported and loved. Your parents sound wonderful, and it's great that you will be able to explore some of your emotions with a therapist. Sometimes being able to express ourselves to someone who is not emotionally invested in us is a great way to gain a clearer perspective.
I know you are very raw and emotional right now and your husband seems to be holding all those cards in his hands. I would like to see you take back your power, even if it's one card at a time. He does not need to be holding the deck of cards over your head as if you were a criminal who did something wrong. A relationship involves more than one person, and if each person is not on equal footing that in itself can cause conflict. So while you are beating yourself up remember that your husband bears some of this responsibility with you.
You deserve to know what's going on in his mind and in his heart. It's part of the commitment he made when you married and started this relationship. Your sharing but it seems as though there isn't much coming back on the other side that is not fair to you. So start being fair to you, give yourself some love the love he is not showing you by simply being civil and giving you the cold shoulder when you ask him about the D word.
I wish you the best of luck I have been there and taking back our power is the single best thing we can do for ourselves especially when your having those moments of terror on the verge of crying...give it a cry, and then own it for yourself.

"I feel skinnyyyyyy, oh so skinnyyyyy....."
So this happened. I'm back to my lowest post op weight today. Yay. This is big. I've been bouncing into and out of Onederland for SIX months. A month and a half ago I made some big changes to my food and behaviors. It resulted in the loss of ten pounds I gained back from my low weight last year up to that point.
So today I'm back down to 193, back on track, and feeling great. Less than fifty pounds to goal.
I started thinking I'd make a list of what's going right. When I can't figure out why things are slowing down or going in reverse, I'll pull out this list and see what I'm doing or not doing. Here goes. Feel free to add your own tips to this thread.
Tracking food in MyFitnessPal.
Weighing daily.
Going to OA and CODA meetings.
Therapy every two weeks.
Planning food the day before and committing it to my OA sponsor.
Staying under 1200 calories a day.
No fried food.
No carby Thai noodles.
No movie crapcorn.
Two fruit or p rotein shake s nacks a day.
Measuring out nuts instead of guessing the portion.
No alcohol.
Healthy, boring, simple foods like eggs and cheese and yogurt and meatballs.
Way fewer processed foods.
Bye bye bread.
Just because I drop it in the salad bowl doesn't make it salad. Log it. (See nuts, measured, above.)
Journaling.
Listening to weight loss and addiction recovery podcasts.
Obeying my band. It says "enough"? I stop.
I have found that this same fill level that I have been at since August suddenly is just right. Before these changes, I was contemplating another fill because I was able to eat too much. But even then I would get stuck on certain foods if not chewed thoroughly. I wisely took my NP's advice and cleaned up the food and drink before getting a ninth fill. I don't need it now. I'm at the sweet spot, the green zone, the holy grail of band land.
It took about four weeks for me to stop daydreaming about the perfect meal and missing my fried foods. Today I crave veggies and simple meals. It's a miracle. But I can't stress enough how important the "head and heart" work is. I am working very, very hard on the emotional and spiritual recovery from my food addiction. Like every day. No kidding.
So anyway, just wanted to share this joyful stuff and ask others to pile on. What's going right for you?