~~~Stephanie
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stept04
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Blog Entries posted by stept04
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I think I have split personalities, I'm not quite two weeks out, but one part of me expects that I should be 50 pounds lighter or something. While the other side knows better. On one hand I am already rethinking my decision, while on the other hand I am happy it has finally came. I am fighting with myself that I have only just begun this journey, and it has not even been 2 weeks. So, I am going back and forth with this junk in my head. I know I need time to heal and then time to get the right fill possibly,but the other side of me is like I'm not eating so I should be dropping weight right?. My husband says my face looks thinner even though the scales not moved. I think a part of me unconsciously expected to much, I think i secretly thought I'd wake up from surgery and be thinner and drop weight as I walked., a pound a day type thing. Consciously and reasonably I know that is not realistic by any means, but i still struggle with that other "personality" in me. I'm still fighting with that part of me that has helped keep me big all this time and has helped me fail in every aspect of losing this extra person I carry around. Maybe that's it, It is like a second person I carry around one that does not want to be pushed away or put aside. But I'm so done with that relationship. I want the thin me to be the only one I carry around. So, to do that I'm going to have to win this fight between my two egos and literally beat the fat out of the fat person in me. So with the help of this group, my Doc's team of professionals, and the thin person in me I will prevail. I have to do this, I have to be successful this time it's the bottom of the ninth with 2 outs, and I up to bat with 2 strikes and 3 balls and this girls not walking or striking out it is a hit I'm going for so I'm going to swing and with help of my new bat (band) I will hit a home run.
~~~Stephanie
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Well, here I sit, nervous, anxious, and excited. I have all kinds of things running around in my head. I trust my surgeon but people do make mistakes, I'm so ready for this but at the same time worried something might go wrong. I've been trying to keep my self occupied but it has not seemed to help. I've got 2 days till my surgery, I'm on the liquid diet. Which means I can't use any food at all to cope, and I guess that will be true for the future as well. I've learned so many great things here,and also learned about the bad things. But I wanted to be well informed, and I think that was accomplished. I'm just trying to pass time till I move over to the other side, (I don't know if I like the way that sounds,being that I'm going into surgery and all ). So I'll say til I wake up from surgery with my band and no complications(please,please). I'm glad to have this place to come back to after surgery to help me with the rest of my journey. Plus it's helping keep me busy so the days go by faster. I do have a book I read that helps I switch back and forth between the two. I wounder if other people were like this before their surgery. The closer it gets the slower it goes. I have been watching movies too. I think I need to watch another one. I know I am just rambling but I don't have anyone else to talk to right now. So that's when I blog. I think I'm done for now. I'm going to go eat some "soup" and watch a movie.
~~~Stephanie
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I'm sitting here in my house going crazy. I woke up this morning at 4:30, and could not go back to sleep. I've been going crazy over the past week. I've got about 3 weeks before my surgery and I am so anxious. I mean really anxious. I am obsessed with this website I've read everything on here. I post whenever I have a question, just so I can communicate and interact with people going through what I'm going through. I keep trying to find new people to talk to. I don't have anyone around that I know personally that has or is going through this. I'm so obsessed with getting my lap-band that it can't come fast enough. Luckily I have meet some people through this site that I talk to, but it doesn't seem to be enough. What's going on with me? Has anyone else been this obsessed with getting the band? I know my husband Is getting tired of hearing me talk about what I've done,what I need to do,what he needs to do, what I should not do etc., you get the picture. But he is being a real trouper. I don't really have any questions to post about so I decided to post this blog and hopefully get some of this energy out. Get this, I hate writing,but that is how bored I am. I know I'll get through this, but I'm driving everyone else, along with myself crazy in the meantime. Maybe I should go for a walk after this, I really hate walking too, but I have to start sometime. Anyone else going crazy waiting? Along with all this I'm also on a high protein low carb diet and staying at about 1200 calories, which seems to be adding to this anxious bored feeling, I don't know why, maybe because I can't eat and don't know what to do with my time and energy. Writing that just mad me think, that might be it I just finished finals too. I think I eat when I get bored and I don't have anything as of yet to take it's place. Not even banded yet and having issues,Oh boy. It is a weird feeling it is a lost feeling. Can anyone relate? Funny, this has been therapeutic, I never would have thought. I have heard journaling(sp?) is helpful but did not believe it. Learn something new everyday. Well that's about it just needed to vent some. Good luck to everyone with your journey.
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