lunasa

WARNING....MAJOR LONG POST



:faint:


(But hey...I've been missing all weekend again!!!)
Hello Again
BRENNERS...wow that came around fast! Good luck to you...I hope everything goes well for you. Funny I got a head cold before I was up too & it made no difference.
I have to admit here , SOMETIMES i feel a bit down about not being able to pig out!! Not eat normally just my binge days!! Why is that? I suppose I'm just getting use to not having it to depend on maybe? Apart from those fleeting moments I feel I'm doing well.
I have lost 17 lbs so far since today (i will weigh once weekly on mondays) This is SO FABULOUS!!!! I hhaven't experienced weight loss in SOOO long...:clap2: :clap2:
Thougts & musings....
The old me is hanging around in the background haunting me a little bit, I feel a bit anxious about unrealistic goals hanging around... ie I'm worrying that next Monday I'll be dissappointed with my weight loss... this has always been the case for me, I always wanted the weight gone NOW overnight & anytime in the past I would get to week 2-3 and the weight loss would slow down to 1-2-3 lbs in a week I would freak!!
These are the demons I have to face now.
I am reading an excellent book called THIN FOR LIFE... it's a few years old but it's all about successful maintainers & I'm finding it very helpful as it documents how weight loss 'masters' have kept their weight at bay & the struggles they finally had to overcome to do that.
It profiles 'masters' that have lost their weight numerous times only to regain & have had to start over again. This is what happened me, this is why I got the band.
The most helpful thing about this book is their stories & their strategies, and one thing they ALL have in common is that they all have a PLAN.
they ALL gave up being unrealistically strict, perfectionism and made plans to include & make way for occasion including reasonable allowance treats.
And THEY ALL LIVE IN MAINTENENCE MODE once the weight loss is over
In otherwords they eat like skinny people do.....give & take. I always had selective observation when it came to the women around me who are in control of their weight. I was so jealous...I HATED them...BUT I chose only to observe them eating sweets or drinking alcohol or going out for an Indian.
I chose to never aknowledge them when they took their coffee black or went walking or drank skim milk or counted points or had salad for lunch & a baked potato for dinner. WHY? Because I wanted to BELIEVE that they didn't watch their weight. I wanted to believe I was the unlucky one who had to count EVERYTHING... I wanted to believe there was a world where weight management didn't exsist & that I just happened to be from somewhere else!
I WANTED IT TO BE UNFAIR...I Still do
I had a friend down for the weekend & I made a lovely dinner for her & my DH, I sat with them & had my Soup & although the old me on my shoulder was there secretly salivating for the crostini I had made...everything was ok.. I even made dessert (a fruit one!)
But my friend is slim & works at staying that way EVERY DAY... she has a PLAN... she sticks to it mon-fri and if she can she'll be good at weekends too but if something comes up she'll make room for it & she'll go out & eat & drink but when it's over she's BACK TO PLAN...
I NEVER mastered that... I NEVER did moderation. I always set up rules that were unyielding, no allowances and so impossible to adhere to that when I would have the bottle of wine I had not planned on having, into the nachos & dip I would go...then I would proceed to nibble my way through a lapse and on to a relapse the next day by eating crisps (potato chips) Mcdonalds, bread, fries, Ice cream and all the way to eventual & inevitable bingeing Collapse.. all the while being cheered on by my bold self... rebelling against this world of calorific responsibility.
I got something out of my binges...there was a pay off... I searched & searched for this because I found it hard to believe this eating was benefitting me in some way... but it was..
here is my list of payoffs
1. I got to be spontaneous
2. I got to be irresponsible
3. I got to be 'like everyone else' who was ordering bannoffee ( selective
observation at play here)
4. I got to moan about how unfair it was that I was fat
5. I got to be lazy & not have to do anything about it because I had
failed before
6. I got to be poor me & I got sympathy for my 'struggle'
I got recognition for my struggle
On further realization being overweight was a result of positive intentions for me...I was benefiting from it. I just had placed too much importance on those benefits...to look at them on paper now seems pathetic.. they seem like such weak goals in life. But they were easier..and hey...I realised them!! I was successful
I then made a list of the sacrifices I had made in order to reach & maintain these goals. I won't list all here but to give an example of these sacrifices, I'm sure you can relate
1. Self Esteem, Self Worth
2. Social life
3. Happiness
This list is typical & also very personalised.
It might be a good excercise for us to do, to journal who really is inside driving us & how we can get to know that person & help that person prioritise & really look at the goals in life.
These lists are still being compiled... maybe I shoud start a thread so people can reflect on the reasons why keeping excessive food in our lives benefits us in some ways.
Good luck to all who are getting ' done' this week....
As we come to the end of April
MAY we finally begin to be our best:clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: