gowalking

So glad I can pay it forward. Missy and CG were my angels when I started and I wanted to be able to help others as they helped me. Still sad that they have left the forum...

Nice to see you online again @Jim1967. This paragraph has to be pinned somewhere. Banded folks have got to understand that this surgery can be slow and frustrating at times but that you can't give up. I see it way too often and I wonder why doctors don't explain this part of the process better...or if we are guilty of 'selective' listening and just don't hear this part. Great post Jim!

Reminds me a little of when my dad went through prostate cancer treatment which included hormone therapy. He actually had hot flashes. And my mom, who of course is many years post menopausal, told me she quietly enjoyed his discomfort just because he understood finally what she and many women go through.

yeah...I've heard variations of all of these.

Hi friends. There's been some discussion lately about whether or not to talk to someone about their weight issues. In a related topic regarding this issue, I am very much aware that when I see a large person in my daily travels, I hate to admit it, but I feel near hatred for these people and I couldn't understand why as I am only two years out from being morbidly obese myself. Why I feel such anger has been bothering me alot lately so of course I talked to me therapist about it and she gave me what I realize is the obvious answer. I'm not mad at them. I don't hate them....It's hatred for what I became that I transfer to these strangers. My self hatred was so severe that I've simply transferred it somewhere else. It's not them I want to yell at, it's me. I've been working with my therapist to start to feel better about my inner self as this is still an issue though my outside is now mostly acceptable to me, and very acceptable to the outside world. It's part of the process of getting the 'fat girl' out of my head. She's still there in all her glory and it's alot easier to get rid of the physical fat girl than the emotional one. At least I understand why I'm so angry and disgusted at perfect strangers. Sometimes I think I may never be done with therapy and can't believe what a damaged person I am/was. I can only hope I didn't do to my children what my folks did to me. I know they didn't do it intentionally, but my self image took a terrible beating regardless and it's alot easier to tear down than to build up.

Hi all. Went to a reunion from my old company last night. Many of the folks there knew what I looked like since I'm on FB and also keep in touch face to face with a number of them. However, some haven't seen the 'new me' and were flabergasted....including my old boss who had no idea who I was till I told her. What a nice change from either being embarrased about how heavy I had gotten or even to have not gone at all because I would be too ashamed. Especially as the shame would have been mine alone. None of these folks ever said anything directly to me about my former size...this was all on me. Hope everyone is having a great Friday and has big plans for the weekend. Me..not so much but that's OK. I am meeting my brother and sister on Sunday for brunch and I always look forward to seeing them. BTW...for those who wonder if I was anywhere near the gas explosion you may have seen or heard about, it was in the East Village and I live in the West Village. So no impact on me thank goodness. Liz

Congrats. Hope you are doing well today and not having too much pain/discomfort.

That 'fiance' of hers is trouble. He's a kid who just has a thing for morbidly obese women. He looks more like her son than someone her own age. There's no way these two can have a healthy relationship and I bet he tries to sabotage her.

Can I just clarify that the singles forum is not just for hook-ups or meet-ups. It was created for both men and women to discuss dating and WLS. I don't want any misunderstanding of what the forum is for. Thanks!

@@Sherr1963, if you have access to a pool...exercising in the water is a good option. I did it before the surgery..though I was in so much pain that I was very limited. But just being supported by the water made me feel better. Since the hips have been replaced, I've continued with the water exercises and now take classes. It's a great way to get your exercise in without hurting the joints.

We all know how we've changed the outside of ourselves but what about the inner person? Once we become smaller/healthier/more active, how does that affect who we are and how we act/react to things? I'm not necessarily talking about an obvious NSV but more how the inside changes along with the outside. Some of the obvious things are self confidence and self image improvement. I know that I don't keep my head down the way I used to. I look people in the eye these days and I don't hesitate to engage someone I'm in the elevator with, or on line with while waiting to purchase a coffee or whatnot. I know I have a confidence about me that has been missing for a very long time. I also know that I have to remind myself not to feel superior to heavy people just because I don't look like that anymore. I know if I'm not diligent, I will be right back there again. I also have to remind myself to be patient with someone slower. I used to be that person...walking but struggling with the pain of degenerating hips. Using a cane and having to stay out of people's way for fear of being pushed aside or knocked over. I can walk almost normally now and believe it or not, I am one of those annoyed people if I get behind a slow poke. I can't believe I am not always sensitive about this as I am only a year or so out from that same situation. Anybody else have any thoughts about how they have changed since starting their weight loss journey..or even having met goal?

If anyone had suggested WLS to me other than my doctor, I would have punched them in the face....and then cried like a baby. We all knew we were fat and I'm sure these young girls know it as well. You cannot say anything no matter how much you want to. If someone comes to you for information...well that's different. But unsolicited advice is NOT appreciated. My concern for myself is that I find that I am feeling negative towards my heavy brethern. I see a large person and instead of feeling sympathetic, I instead feel superior like I did something special. I did nothing special by getting WLS..I was basically forced to do it in order to avoid living in a wheelchair. That's not being special..that's being stupid for allowing myself to get to that stage. I constantly have to remind myself to get off my high horse and remember that under this new, smaller person is still a fat woman while also working with my therapist to separate myself from who I was and start to embrace who I am becoming. I should start a thread about that...

This is probably about more than just food. Is it possible that family dynamics are also playing a part? While your MIL may feel like she shouldn't cook specifically for you, she may be hurt that you refuse to go to the house. I understand wanting to stay away from trigger foods but what about bringing your own food? You order food in a restaurant that's a better choice for you so why not bring better food choices to your MIL's house? I'm truly sympathetic to your concerns...heck, my family often unintentionally tries to sabotage my progress. They are very happy that I've done so well, but can't understand why I sit at the table with an empty plate in front of me when I've finished my meal and don't reach for seconds. That's when I remind them that eating small portions is what helped me to lose the weight. Why not try to accomodate your MIL while still making sure you don't put yourself in a risky position? However, if it's something you just cannot do right now, I would agree that you must take care of yourself first and do what's best for you. Good luck...I know how mothers-in-law can be...which is why I try hard not to be that way with my daughters-in-law...lol.

Hi Jamie. I worried about the same things but I can tell you that I still love food and still enjoy the socialness of eating out with friends/family. I eat differently...fish instead of meat...small portions..and healthier choices all around. It's not a big deal for me to eat less than everyone else. I sit and chat and enjoy being with people and...here's the best part. when I walk away from the table, I'm not stuffed like a pig. I'm satiated but not full. I feel in control and do not feel like once again, I've eaten too much or made bad choices. It's all the good stuff without the guilt. Oh and I have lots of excess skin. When you are in your 50's as I am and lose 150 lbs. you have loose skin. Can't do anything about it but in clothes, no one can see the wrinkled skin and I look pretty damn good these days, loose skin and all. Good luck with whatever you decide.

I lost 70 lbs and had both hips replaced. Lost another 80 lbs and went from painful and minimal mobility to a normal life. Weight loss and hip replacement gave me my life back. For me, this is nothing short of a miracle.

The veggies are good. If you can get the quality foods in and avoid animal Proteins, go for it girl.

Can I suggest you speak to your doctor about a little unfill. You must be able to eat solid protein or you will have problems. Shakes, cheese and eggs are not enough...and the high fat sliders are insidious. You'll rely on them more and more and undo all the good work you've already gotten to.

Now that I am truly in the maintenance phase of my journey, I constantly look for ways to find motivation to stay on track. I weigh myself not for results, but to make sure the numbers stay constant. Without looking for weight loss, what is the motivation? I know how easy it is to fall back into bad habits. I found myself just a couple of weeks ago, realizing I was grazing too much and it showed on the scale. I have my own limits in terms of heading into the red zone. Above 115, I have to get my act in gear...above or even close to 120, that's a real problem. So far, I'm bouncing around between 112 and 116 but in order to stay in that range, I have to constantly remind myself of how it used to be with me. I make sure to keep myself aware of all the NSVs I have day in and day out and never to take them for granted. That means anything from buying clothes in the petite department instead of the women's department to walking around the city with minimal pain instead of struggling each and every step as I used to do. Even just this morning...starting my day by stretching my hamstrings and lower back as the physical therapist has recommended, I paid attention to how I could easily bring my bent leg to my chest because my leg, belly and thigh are normal sized. I went to JC Penney's yesterday because they were having a sale on fashion jewelry. I already have lots of clothes and don't need more, so I'm changing it up with accessories. I treat myself like I'm a real life Barbie doll and after years of buying clothes based on if they fit, it's wonderful to now buy based on how they look on me. I try to reward myself with things other than food. It's not always about purchasing things....I reward myself for getting to the pool to exercise by spending ten minutes in the sauna. Or I reward myself with a movie I really want to see, or an afternoon with a good book, a glass of wine, and a wedge of low fat Laughing Cow cheese. I know that I will have to be vigilant the rest of my life. Food will never be something I can take for granted or have a normal relationship with. It is my drug and I have to respect that addiction and always plan ahead to keep myself safe. I know that alot of folks on the site are in the losing weight stage and when they are maintaining, they drift away. I'm going to do my best to hang around and comment on this part of the journey. I daydream sometimes about my 5 or 10 year anniversary at a normal weight. My fervent hope is that my family and friends forget what I used to look like and think of me at this size like I was always this way. I think that's a good goal to reach for now that my weight goal has been met.

Oh @carleycatz...where to begin. First of all, considering what mom did...even if it was with good intentions...you are obviously and strong and intelligent young lady to cope with such a difficult set of circumstances. I agree..you need both band followup and emotional follow up. I too see a therapist to get at the root causes of my obesity. I have done well with the outside changes but now I must focus on fixing the inside just as much. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. As Bandista says, we are a very close group of folks who mostly support each other through things that only we understand. Even our families don't always help and often do the opposite. Wishing you all the best.

Nothing is off limits on this site, and no matter how 'personal' a NSV is, it's still something most of us can identify with. Congrats on yours and here's to many more!

Most people who chose the band do so because it is not permanent. This seems to be the overriding decision maker. As other posters have said, the band, and I suspect all WLS only does one thing...it tamps down the hunger. Then you have to make the right choices regarding what and how often you eat. It's not easy, but it works when you put in the work as well. I am living proof of this as I have lost more than 150 lbs. and have gone from nearly debilitating joint pain to walking almost normally. For me, this is as close to a miracle as can be. I feel like a kid again and while you may not be in that same situation, I am sure that your reasons for getting healthy and in a normal weight range are just as important to you. Try not to focus on the band bashers...they are out there and can scare people. I know that if I had a bad experience, I'd want to share it but some of these folks are only mimicking what they've heard and have not had the band surgery. If you haven't experienced something, you shouldn't discuss it in my opinion. I've never had any fills...so I never ever post or give my opinion on that subject. Talk to your doctor...remember he/she may have a preference as well due to the need to have much more follow up with the band over other surgeries so bear that in mind. Ultimately, you will know when you've made the right decision even with being nervous. We've all been where you are and know that this is not an easy decision to make but one that gives a quality of life that for some of us, is something we never expected to have again. For that alone, I am so very grateful and it is why I stay on this site and do my best to pay it forward. Good luck my dear.

I don't know how quickly folks lose who had different WLS but for me, I've lost more than 150 lbs. in a two year timespan....around 100 of those lbs. during year one. I think that's pretty darn quick if I say so myself.

Every journey starts with the first step. Twenty five lbs. is nothing to sneeze at and yes, one day you'll wake up and it will be fifty, then 75 and before you know it, you'll be actively involved in your life again and that's the bestest part of all of this. Congratulations and welcome to the 'Loser's Club'.

I consider it permanent and I also agree that removable is not the same as temporary. I know that some people have issues with the band but it's been wonderful for me and I never in a million years expected to be this size and this healthy again. I know I look good but better than that, I feel good. In fact, I feel wonderful.

Can't wait to hear all about it Debbie.