parisshel

You can certainly enjoy being thin and not have to be in any fetishist's club. One does not imply the other, so don't worry about that.
I find what you are describing to be as offensive as homophobia or racism. You wouldn't give a guy a second date if he said on the first date how much he hated blacks or asians, or how much he despised gay people, right?
So just use these very disrespectful, but informative,l comments as a way to sort out men you would never be compatible with, and keep sifting through the crap until you find your gold.
I remember years ago having a first date with a man who, over coffee, began to diss on his employers. "They are Jewish, so of course they are stingy and my salary isn't what it should be."
"Oh really?" I said. "I know a lot of Jewish people who aren't like that."
"Who?" he asked.
"Well," I began, "my parents, for instance."
There was never a second date, of course, but what a great insight into who this man was.

Well, I ended up in the ER yesterday. I couldn't get any fluids down and decided I shouldn't wait. They removed the Fluid from my band. They said I needed to wait 4-6 weeks, then come back and they will look at it under X-ray to see how things look before determining if I can start getting Fluid back in....
Fortunately, it gave me instant relief. AND I had NO reflux last night while sleeping. I didn't realize how miserable I was and I was just trying to deal with it. Now, I feel so much better! I have never been so happy to chug water! I will have to be careful over the next couple of months not to binge and gain weight.
Thank you for your support!

@FinallyFit50s: Your list is precisely my list. I remember one guy I dated being all up in my thing because of the "must have gainful employment/pension" detail. I explained that these were my values. I wasn't looking for someone to support me; I just had the self-awareness to know I could never get on with a man who felt the desire to "live off the grid."

It's not the surgeon who approves or denies the surgery based on qualifications, it's the insurance company. There's certain criteria that has to be met for insurance to cover the procedure but I've never heard of any surgeon changing a decision based on tears. I'm not saying your family member is in danger, but something doesn't sound right here. I bet she's leaving alot out of her story but that's just an assumption on my part.

Please see your doctor and have the band checked with the proper examinations.
Your pain could be esophegal spasms so ask about that.

Did you vomit? Remember, you have a complete stomach below that band. Vomiting causes our whole stomach to convulse and expels stomach contents up through a very small hole. This can cause band slippage and most definitely a lot of pressure on the upper stomach which could cause inflammation if not tiny tears in the stomach wall. You should go back to your doc.
Next month is also my 4th anniversary. I too went in last month and they took out 1 CC. It sure made eating easier. Very few stuck episodes since. But I think I need .5 CC put back in. Maybe after Xmas?
tmf

@FinallyFit50s: Totally agree. The same for if they ask how I dress. That's another indication that they are they type of man I would never be compatible with. If you are looking for a doll, I suggest buying a sex robot.

@@RILEYSMOM22 As soon as a guy starts asking sexually-charged questions in a first or second conversation it's time to drop him and block him immediately. You are looking for someone who wants you for all of you, not your assets.

I would get a second opinion. I.love my sleeve but I am really concerned because the sleeve procedure changes you PERMANENTLY. I would want to know more..
I learned something important from my mama during her cancer fight. A doc gave up and said no more treatmeants were feasibte. Her response was "it is my neck on the line, not his!" She found a more experimental doc and lived another 20 years!
I am just saying they aren't all knowing...

@CowgirlJane: I think what you've written is so very true. For men, you can be completely psycho but as long as you are pretty, they'll put up with it.

@FinallyFit50s: Your list is precisely my list. I remember one guy I dated being all up in my thing because of the "must have gainful employment/pension" detail. I explained that these were my values. I wasn't looking for someone to support me; I just had the self-awareness to know I could never get on with a man who felt the desire to "live off the grid."

@FinallyFit50s: Your list is precisely my list. I remember one guy I dated being all up in my thing because of the "must have gainful employment/pension" detail. I explained that these were my values. I wasn't looking for someone to support me; I just had the self-awareness to know I could never get on with a man who felt the desire to "live off the grid."

I did the online dating when Match was Love@@aol in the early 2000's. Went on a few dates, met one of my best friends (he married a woman off the sight and I'm auntie to their daughter). It was fun...then. Fifteen years later and I'm back in the dating pool after a five year self-imposed exile after a painful breakup. I took the time to reevaluate myself, my wants, needs and aspirations. Plus, I went back to school. Now, I'm older, much thinner, happier and have very specific things I want and don't want in a relationship. Living where I do, the dating pool is pretty slim.
My wants: 1. Must be within 5 years to absolutely no more than 10 years of my age. 2. Must have gainful employment or be retired with pension, etc. 3. Have their own home, apartment, etc. 4. No young children. You'd be surprised how many 50+ men will write me who have 2,4,6,8 year olds! I raised my children and have grandchildren that age. I'm no ones weekend mama. 5. Be financially secure, I'm not saying has to be wealthy. He just can't be relying on credit cards or his mama to get by. 6. Be intelligent. Holding a conversation and having the ability to use proper grammer is a must. I have dismissed men online for writing bios where there is no capitalization or punctuation. 7.Be willing to travel. I like the beach, skiing and visiting other countries. 8. Like to snuggle, kiss and enjoy intimacy.
I don't think my list is too much. Almost forgot, nosmoking, drugs or felons. (My iPad hates the app and dislikes the website lately)
,

Congratulations on being down 45 pounds. That is fantastic, and even though you aren't at perfect fill level yet, something is working for you!
IMHO, small fills are more prudent than large ones. The experience of being overfilled and then having to return to get some fill taken out is not productive and I think makes things harder as once you are de-filled, it is really hard to get back (or feel for the first time) optimal fill level. Ask anyone whose been defilled and they will tell you how difficult it is to regain the sweet spot. I'd rather have a fill-person who allows me to "creep up" to perfect fill level, even if the process is costly/inconvenient/bothersome for those who don't like needles. So no, having 12 fills doesn't seem odd to me, just prudent (and I wish I had your fill-person!).
It would be good to reframe expectations. You will be doing most of this weight loss "on your own." You've probably already realized this. WLS is, at best, 10% of the process. Your band will allow you to eat less and feel full on less volume, so the 90% of the process which is you doing the work will be easier than doing this without WLS. The fact that many surgeons aren't upfront about this doesn't surprise me--WLS is an incredibly profit-bearing industry so they aren't going to try and dissade you.
That said, with your band you've still got the edge over someone who hasn't got a tool, so remember it's there and let it help you.

@RILEYSMOM22: Precisely! I had strict criteria when I was online dating (back in 2007), when I was in my late forties:
--Had to have been married or in a significantly longterm, live-in relationship. Anything else I wouldn't touch with a barge pole. History is predictive, and any man my age who hadn't committed to a woman was not someone I would have been compatible with. These men are better off seeking women who have a similar non-nesting instinct.
--Had to have a job equal to or more-income producing than my own. This is NOT because I'm a gold-digger (Oh, how I wish!) but because revenue stream is also predictive of compatibility. I could never ever be in a relationship with someone not working (unless it is a trust-funder, and even then he would have to be an active philanthropist) as being a slacker would not be compatible with how I live my life.
--Similar educational background
--No addictions. I was clear about this in my profile. No smokers, no drinkers, no stoners, no gamblers, no philanderers. I did date a smoker, but his subsequent heart attack took care of that addiction nicely.
In sum, I would not date anyone who had more problems than I did. That's my rule of thumb in the dating world.

Congratulations on being down 45 pounds. That is fantastic, and even though you aren't at perfect fill level yet, something is working for you!
IMHO, small fills are more prudent than large ones. The experience of being overfilled and then having to return to get some fill taken out is not productive and I think makes things harder as once you are de-filled, it is really hard to get back (or feel for the first time) optimal fill level. Ask anyone whose been defilled and they will tell you how difficult it is to regain the sweet spot. I'd rather have a fill-person who allows me to "creep up" to perfect fill level, even if the process is costly/inconvenient/bothersome for those who don't like needles. So no, having 12 fills doesn't seem odd to me, just prudent (and I wish I had your fill-person!).
It would be good to reframe expectations. You will be doing most of this weight loss "on your own." You've probably already realized this. WLS is, at best, 10% of the process. Your band will allow you to eat less and feel full on less volume, so the 90% of the process which is you doing the work will be easier than doing this without WLS. The fact that many surgeons aren't upfront about this doesn't surprise me--WLS is an incredibly profit-bearing industry so they aren't going to try and dissade you.
That said, with your band you've still got the edge over someone who hasn't got a tool, so remember it's there and let it help you.

@OKCPirate: Yes. I've seen (or been sent) that. It's hilarious!

@@parisshel - this is actually a very scientific point of how hot a woman is and how much crazy you can put up with:

@CowgirlJane: I think what you've written is so very true. For men, you can be completely psycho but as long as you are pretty, they'll put up with it.

I am not a match member, so the link didn't work for me.
I saved some of the text of previous profiles, and I worked hard to paint the right tone to be clear without being too detailed - but as I indicated elsewhere, it is the photos more than the text it seems... I think I could write "crazy mean woman who will ruin your life" and still get the same number of emails from the ridiculous as long as my photos were good - ha!

You'll only hear regrets from those who developed complications or had no weight-loss result with the band. (The band doesn't seem to work on a small percentage of people, but this can't be predicted beforehand, unfortunately.) It's the same with every weight loss surgery; not just the lapband. For obvious reasons, you'll never have a "yes, I regret that I did this" response to your question from a successful bandster!
I loved my band for one year. I had good success and my band delivered on its promises: diminished appetite and better-than-doing-this-with-a-diet weight loss. And then I developed complications. Quality-of-life affecting complications. My band sits (or migrated) on my vagus nerve and the pressure of the band provoked arrythmia, in the form of Afib which is now part of my heart's electrics (so removing the band would not solve the issue).
So my response is two-fold: I had zero regrets for the first year, and thought that I had FINALLY found a liveable, easy-to-sustain solution to my weight problem. But now I have enormous regrets, in that my life is completely changed and I wish I had never chosen the lapband.
When people ask me if they should do WLS, I always respond: Envision all the complications that can ensue, and ask yourself if you can live with any of them should you fall on the wrong side of the statistics.

You are correct. They won't work on any parts of this area that are viewable to the public. But you will lose weight in your mons area (the fat pad).

You'll only hear regrets from those who developed complications or had no weight-loss result with the band. (The band doesn't seem to work on a small percentage of people, but this can't be predicted beforehand, unfortunately.) It's the same with every weight loss surgery; not just the lapband. For obvious reasons, you'll never have a "yes, I regret that I did this" response to your question from a successful bandster!
I loved my band for one year. I had good success and my band delivered on its promises: diminished appetite and better-than-doing-this-with-a-diet weight loss. And then I developed complications. Quality-of-life affecting complications. My band sits (or migrated) on my vagus nerve and the pressure of the band provoked arrythmia, in the form of Afib which is now part of my heart's electrics (so removing the band would not solve the issue).
So my response is two-fold: I had zero regrets for the first year, and thought that I had FINALLY found a liveable, easy-to-sustain solution to my weight problem. But now I have enormous regrets, in that my life is completely changed and I wish I had never chosen the lapband.
When people ask me if they should do WLS, I always respond: Envision all the complications that can ensue, and ask yourself if you can live with any of them should you fall on the wrong side of the statistics.

Neither of you deserve to be treated badly by yourself or anyone else.

@@bellabloom I'm going to say to you the exact same thing that my very best friend in the entire world told me when I was in an absolutely horrible relationship with my ex-husband #2.
She would say to me, "Michelle, I'm not going to tell you what you SHOULD or NEED to do, but what I'm going to do is give you all the information that you need to make an intelligent decision on your own, and when you have had enough, you will do something about it, and not a minute before".
Truer words have never been spoken. Everyone can give you advise on what you need to do, but NO ONE knows what you are dealing with. The only thing they know is what they have gone through, and what they have experienced, and what they did about it. I'm not saying that some situations are not pretty much the same, but how each and everyone of us deals with them is a different story.
From reading all of your posts it may not be clear to you yet, but it is very clear to me that you already know what you need to do. Putting it into action will be the toughest part. But trust me when I say to you that no matter what ANYONE says to you, you will not do anything about it until you have had ENOUGH, and only you will know when that time comes.
I too knew a very long time before I actually did something about it that I need to get out of that relationship. But for me walking away from the relationship would cause me to label myself as a failure, and I didn't want that. The day finally came, just as my best friend had told me, I had endured ENOUGH, and I told him he had to get out and I wanted a divorce that day!
My suggestion at this point to you is to reread everything that you have posted, and then give yourself the same advise that you would give your best friend, your daughter, or anyone else that you loved and cared about. If you are honest with yourself, you already know what your decision needs to be, and the action you need to take. You just haven't reached the point yet where you have HAD ENOUGH!
I pray that you come to a decision that you can live with and is good for you and your children. Just remember this... Is the situation that you are currently in, the one that you want your children to grow up in and believe and replicate, believing that it is how 2 people that love and care about each other are supposed to behave.