DeLarla

Donali, can you shrink the pic of me in my tiara for my avatar? By special request. And I love it! But Chloe is very stressed out because she's dying to borrow it, and I'm just not ready to let the 5 year old play with my toys.

Michelle & Donali, I feel so damn special that your avatars were taken in my house. Awesome, absolutely fabulous! We shoulda put Penni in the purple bra & taken a pic with the boa & red gloves. I can't believe you guys forgot to remind me to get out the red gloves! Thank God for that! Donali, if John actually found traces of gold in the rocks, please tell us immediately. Chris will probably wet his pants if he hears that. We'll want to know where John found it. Did he find a lot more after we left you? Did you play much longer? And thank you, thank you, thank you for the presents. I don't even know where to begin with the thank yous. I'm sitting here wearing my new favorite jammy dress - compliments of the leftovers from the clothing exchange. I was swimming when the exchange went down, but there's so much left that I can dress for a year and never wear the same thing (unless I get back on track and lose some more.) I haven't even had a chance to open the MP3 player that Donali bought me, but I'm dying to hear the female vocal's CD. I'm gonna hide in a corner and open it when Chris is eating. He already tried referring to it as "his" but I nearly gave him a knuckle sandwich, so he apologizes. WOOF. I haven't even had 2 seconds to open my chocolate egg, which melted (I asked Chris to bring it home and keep it safe, not too smart.) It's in the fridge all shriveled up. Carol, you're right, everyone was so wonderful, generous, kind - and forgiving? Come on, I must have done something to piss someone off! I wonder what it was? I laughed myself silly, and hugged and cried. Then it was all just so overwhelming that I jumped in the pool. I wanted to spend more time with each person individually. Unfortunately, the week before the bash went haywire. Something different going on in my life every single night, so I never got a good night sleep. By the time Friday came, I was a sleep-deprived wreck. I get really spun out and overly anxious when I don't sleep well. So everyone please come back over next weekend to give me another shot. Me, me, me - yes, Penni, it's all about me! So come back and play with me. I took today off of work because I needed one day for myself. I actually got geared up in Lisa G's jeans (thank you for the Tall sizes, and perfectly broken in) and the Jamaica Harley shirt from Penni. I got on my scooter and rode it all day long. Did a bunch of errands, and just acted the way biker chicks are supposed to act - cool, chillin', hip. No hurries, no worries. Wish I could take tomorrow off, too. Peace n' love.

I CALL DIBS ON THE BIG ROOM (not the water bed though, Chris needs a hard bed.) And yes, we are bringing Sachi & Voodoo! Okay, the next bash is under way at Penni's. Even if it's just her & me. But we'll fine-tune it just a tad. I'll volunteer to coordinate games and a gift exchange. Someone needs to volunteer to get everyone's numbers. Someone else needs to volunteer to run the clothing exchange. What's the theme? I need to start planning what I'm going to be cooking. Why wait?

There's my little Vera! Chloe thinks your very special, too. I'm bummed that I didn't get to out with you guys, but I was having too much fun here. I always wondered why Mother Nature won't let me have babies. Chris and I have both been medically checked, and we are both healthy in that department. Haven't used birth control in 13 years, but we never got pregnant together. So I figure there's reasons, and Chloe is one of them, I suppose. Vera, you got Johnny and Babs pegged as control freaks. I can't believe she had the nerve to tell you her child is a monster. My friends live across the street from them, and CJ is on the board of the Association. They are trying to get speed bumps on their street because people fly down doing 50. Babs lets Chloe ride her bike and/or her scooter at night. No shoes, wearing shorts, no lights or reflectors. Just a crazy five year old zipping carefree down the street, while Babs & Johnny are inside the house. Nobody watching Chloe at all. Coco & CJ are very concerned, and they try to keep an eye on Chloe. We've all talked to Babs about not letting Chloe ride her bike at night in the streets. But hell, a five year old shouldn't be alone outside at all, whether night or day! We were all at a barbeque once and Chloe was missing for several hours before Babs said, "where's Chloe?" Chloe decided to walk home all by herself to ride her bike in the street.

Silly, I'm totally kidding. I refuse to watch movies that have words like dead, zombie, blood, kill.... It was a joke, Goofus!

Gee, thanks, Penni. I was gonna run out and see that today, but now you ruined the ending.

Marie, that's funny! We went to a counselor... ONCE. Chris almost beat the guy up. Chris said, "what the hell do you know, you sit behind a desk all day." I was horrified and totally embarrassed, so we never went back.

Last night my next door neighbor saw me and rushed over. He said, "what's wrong, what happened?" I said, "nothing, why." I was walking like a crippled. My calves and feet and arms are killing me. What the hell went down here? I just think it's because I didn't sit down for three days. Penni, did you try flipping me in the pool? I'm still gimping and limping!

Zoe, there's no stable family here in Vegas. Chloe's father is a famous hockey coach & her uncle is a professional hockey player. Babs refers to Chloe's father as "my annual "F" buddy." That whole relationship screws her head up even more, because she wanted to marry him, but all he wanted was for her to get an abortion. She was on Prozac during the entire pregnancy and didn't even know she was pregnant till she was 5 months along. The father lives in Switzerland and has only been here once to see Chloe in the past year. He's happily married with a todler, Aiden. Chloe brags about her baby brother, but there's barely a relationship there. I'd like to talk to her dad, but I'd have to sneak through Babs's stuff to find a number. He's a high profile sports celebrity, so he's not listed anywhere. Maybe one day I can get Chloe to get his number. She's pretty smart. Zoe, the only reason I haven't called Child Protective Services is because I don't feel like playing God. I totally understand how severe things would get. So I'm taking it one day at a time. When and IF that time every comes, I'll take action. Till then, I'll just keep loving that precious darling. But she's never, ever a monster at my house. Just a smart little angel, much brighter than other 5 year olds. She knows her boundaries here, and she knows that the only ones she can control is her Mom & Johnny.

Okay, now I'm crying "on this day." Penni, you're priceless! First I was laughing, then crying. Babs might think she's flirting with Chris. She might think she'll drive a wedge between us. She might think a lot of things, but those are the thoughts of a very insecure manic depressive. There's the whole Kelly drama, also. They were tight friends, but Kelly is now afraid of Psycho Babs. Babs told me "I went to Kelly's to get things she had of mine." But then Kelly called me, petrified. Babs banged on her door for three hours straight, causing a scene in the neighborhood till Kelly finally got the nerve to open the door. Babs is missing a pink shoe, and refused to leave till they found it. Meanwhile, poor Kelly is avoiding Johnny like the plague. What Homewrecker Babs doesn't know is that her husband has the hots for Kelly. Johnny calls Kelly every day and says, "I really miss seeing you every day" and asks, "should I leave my wife?" Kelly only answered 2 of his calls, but he's on her Caller I.D. every day. And Johnny thinks that since Babs & Kelly broke up, that I'm no longer friends with Kelly. But Kelly & I will always be pals, so Kelly tells me every time Johnny calls. So Babs lies to Johnny, Johnny lies to Babs, Babs lies to me & Chris. Johnny looks and acts like the perfect husband while bruising a five year old, surfing porn, and hitting on Kelly, while kissing Babs' neck while sympathetically consoling her with "Honey, I'm so sorry that Kelly isn't your friend any more." And I just sit here appearing innocent and naive... like any one of you would believe that after meeting me in person. HA! But I won't hate Babs. I can't, because she's a very sick woman. My mom is schitzophrenic, and I don't hate my mom. One day they might really need help. I'll be here when they admit it and reach out. Chloe is crazy about Penni now. I wish every single one of you could have seen Chloe's face when Penni gave her all those paints. Chloe literally crawled inside the bag, shoved her head all the way inside the bag - just to get to the goodies. It was the cutest thing in the world.

Did somebody mention the pool water was cold? I didn't even feel the water! I need to go to an AA meeting today and get a 24 hour chip. Last night I scared the hell out of Chris. I put a cup of apple juice in the freezer, and last night I was eating it with a spoon. His eyes were like giant golfballs cause he thought I was into the margueritas again! He said, "OH NO, DeLARLA'S BACK!' But no more boozing it up - not till next year's bash. Or should we make it next weekend? My place is available! Zoe, the clothing exchange apparently took place, but there are piles of clothes left. I'm going to donate them to the women's shelter, but some of us were in the pool when it happened, so I don't know how everyone did. A couple girls left boxes here for me to ship. I was going to do that this morning, but I'm having quiet computer time. I took the day off today to recoup. Thank God for vacation days, because I'm in extreme slow motion today. Oh, that would be one of my Ta's in the pic with Michelle. At least I kept my top on, right?

Wait a damn minute here, I didn't see Leatha's boob! How did I miss that? And who has all the incriminating photos, and how much do I have to pay to keep you from posting them?

Penni, I told John way, way earlier to pick up the guitar, but he was being shy or something! Having our own private concert was awesome. Sitting on the kitchen table in my tiara and 11 karat diamond ring with my dog and Chloe was priceless. Hey, there are no pictures of Voodoo - he's my big baby boy dog that's totally camera shy. But I'm sure he mooched plenty of food, right?

First, you are all grounded from shopping. NO MORE CLOTHES. Geeze, that's a buttload of stuff you guys left, and it makes me think you plotted together since it's all my size. But my closet is already stuffed with all Michelle's clothes (and a few yummy pieces from Vera.) Chris works with a large woman, and he said she needs clothes really bad. She was supposed to come to the party because she's interested in the band, but she got shy. I'd like to offer some of the clothes to her then the rest to the women's shelter. I can't believe I'm getting rid of perfectly good cloths in my size, but there's just so much! Now the dirt. Some people think Chris & Babette (Vegas Bab) have something going on. If you only knew the whole story! Babs is the cause of most of my arguments with Chris, but for completely different reasons. The big question at the party was, "who's the 5 year old child and where' her mother?" Well, Babs pulled what she's famous for, which is dumping her kid off anywhere she can, then disappearing. Chris and I adore Chloe and wouldn't love her any more if she were our own. This is her 2nd home because Babs is seriously unstable, both mentally and physically. She drinks, stays out all night at gay bars (she pretneds to be bisexual to get attention) and takes Chloe on her "drug runs" to buy pot. Chris and I have played Crisis Intervention many times. I'd rather have Chloe here than driving around with Babs, who always has a drink in her van with the little one. Chris and I fight because he doesn't want Babs in our house. Her husband is like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. On the outside he's charming, talk, handsome blue eyes, and from a distance everyone is so jealous of how he dotes over Babs. But it's all psycho, because he's a porn freak with some kind of anger disorder. I took pictures of Chloe's bruises last week. When I told Babs, she just fluffed it off as, "Oh, that's just Johnny." She said she'll tell him to stop hitting Chloe cause he doesn't know his own strength. As if we were talking about him not giving her gum or candy, no biggy, just some bruises. As you all saw, Chris is really shy at first. It takes awhile for him to open up, then when he does, everyone loves him. In the 13 years I've known him, the man has never had one single enemy. He's just too easy going, so he's tolerant and cordial to Babs & Johnny in front of them, but he's ready to knock both of them in the teeth. I have a hard time calling Babs my "friend." Did anyone notice she's not even in one picture? I grit my teeth over how she lies to me & takes advantage of me... or she "thinks" she's lying and taking advantage, but I'm many steps ahead of her. The reason she's in my life is our precious Chloe, who needs her Auntie Lisa-Lo and Uncle Chrissy more than anything. You guys didn't even see the real Chloe, who is a rotten monster that controls her entire home. Babs is so screwed up that Chloe, at only five years old, makes the rules. A couple weeks ago Chloe locked Babs & Johnny out of the house. When Babs screamed to open the door, Chloe wrote, "NO" on a piece of paper and slid it under the door. They were locked out for 2 hours before one of the boys came home with a key. Babs has zero control over that kid, so she's famous for dumping her off at anyone's house that has an open door. It's not just around my house, this is an entire neighborhood problem. I worry that Babs is on the verge of doing something extremely drastic, because she's manic depressive and doesn't take her meds, and when she does, they're mixed with booze and pot. She's often missing for days straight, and Johnny just acts like the Stepford Husband, as if it's normal. During her last funk, I went over to find their 5 bedroom home shredded. Like a tornado went through - furniture overturned, everything from upstairs in a heap downstairs, 3 teenage boys playing poker at the table, and Monster Chloe screaming bloody hell, throwing stuff from upstairs at them - they'd just dodge stuff and continue the game. So I went in Babs' room & found her hiding under her covers, nearly comatose. Chloe ran and locked herself in the van. I thought she was suffocating because her face was frying red, but the boys were laughing and said it's just makeup. She painted her entire face with red cream rouge then tore up the house in one of her famous tantrums. So I started loading her favorite toys in my truck to lure her out, so she started screaming and got out of the van. The boys trapped her, we buckeled her in my truck, and I took her to Crisis Control Center (my home) and put her in the "crying room." I tossed in a cold rag and told her to clean her face, and when she's done crying we can talk. This is a regular at my house. She'll eventually cool off, and we've done this so many times that she knows the whole routine: Sit on the couch, drink a glass of cold Water, take a bath, then start apologizing. Then it's dinner and "time out" for the rest of the night. Chris and I fight because he wants Babs, or "that bag of antlers" (okay to laugh here) and "F-d up Johnny" to stay the hell out of our house, but they keep coming over. We fight because I tolerate Mom & Dad for the sake of Chloe. It's not going to be long before Child Protective Services takes Chloe away. When that happens, Chloe needs to know that Chris and I and Penni will always be here. I recently encouraged Chris to take Babs out on the bike. It took over an hour to pry her out of bed, but he finally got her geared up and took her up the mountain for burgers & chicken fingers. He nearly had to force her to eat, but the bike ride and getting away from her "hell' did worlds of good. I told Chris some people might think he's having an affair with Babs, and he was pretty grossed out. The only affair he wants to have with her is his fist in her teeth because "that's my little Chloe McSorley, and her mom is one screwed up bitch." However, we gotta worry about Chris and Karen H! He thinks Karen is the hottest thing cuz she's so cute AND loves Nascar. I asked him, "do you have a crush on Karen" and he said, "yep, she's cute!" So I asked Karen to take him, but Karen said, "NO Way, I already have a 13 year old. He's a loyal old dog. He calls me every day the second he gets home from work, then 2-3 times more before I come home. I tell him, "Honey, I'm busy" but he says, "but I'm lonely for you." I used to keep him on a tight leash, but he's proved himself more than trustworthy. He's got a built in homing device, so I always know where he is, which is either laying on the couch, or out with me. If anything, I'm the problem around her (considering Casey had to climb the wall to retrieve my shorts.) Some of us have privately talked about Babs. I don't want to play God, but I'm documenting everything, and I kept the pictures of Chloe's bruises. I'm open to any and all suggestions. I have to be very careful, because it's not just Babs & Johnny that we're involved with - they happen to live across the street from our best friends. Coco & CJ, who are also documenting, and have seen and heard even worse than me. We used to all be good friends, but Babs is super jealous and tried driving a wedge between us all, and it nearly ended our friendship with Coco, but our relationship is too strong for even Hurricane Babs. Babs doesn't know all my business. She thinks I hate Coco. She also thinks I hate Kelly (another friend.) I don't share much with Babs about my personal life because she is very destructive. She used to be a good friend, but she's also my worst enemy. She lies to me and takes advantage of me... so she thinks. Misery loves company. She even lied to Chris Saturday - he asked, "so, what did you do all day?" and she had the balls to say, "I was here at the party all day." Uh, NO she wasn't! But like Chris said when I told him I wanted a divorce (over the Harley purchase) "Lisa, just get over it cause we're not getting a divorce and there's always going to be Chris and Lisa." This might seem long, but it doesn't even start to describe the drama surrounding Babs, but again, Chloe needs a safe place, and that place is here in my heart and my home. Oh, and it's not just Chloe. Babs' sons, Kal and Jake, are warming up to me. Kal came over the other night and actually asked to spend the night. His house is too crazy for him, and he's a living doll, so this is his home, too.

Michelle, we must all be thinking the same. I was afraid of the scale, too, but I decided to get on. I was actually at 252 a week ago but I never posted that. But I'm holding steady - that's the price you gotta pay for drinking a bucket of sugar. I can't believe you lost! Must have been all that hoochie-kooing that went down when I wasn't around.

One of the major problems discussed in the band seminar was the marital problems that many of us face once we get banded. You have to make your husband understand that you are not on a diet, and that "normal" people occasional have a cinamon roll. Sure, a lot of people probably think that's not the best choice of food, but we are all learning moderation. Just keep letting him know that you love him and need him. Chris sometimes reminds me that I have too much food on my plate, but I just keep reminding him that every time he watches what I eat, it just makes me resent him and want to eat more. Little by little he's catching on. But I have other major food issues with my husband because he often eats like a ravenous wolf. He eats from his plate while staring daggers at my food. It freaks me out, like I have to hide and protect it from him. He'll stab at my plate and mess it all up. I'll be trying to eat small and slow, but I find myself eating faster so he can't get to it. I swear, when he's done with something, he'll toss the scrap across the table onto my plate, as if my plate is a garbage can. When I ask "why" he says, "I thought you'd want the last bite." When I'm eating popcorn he crams his hand so hard and tears the package and smashes it into tiny bits then crams the entire handful in his mouth. He's got me so popcorn-paranoid that I refuse to share popcorn even with a friend. NO, get your own! I don't mind sharing, hell, I'll even give him half my plate, but nothing is ever enough for him. If I give him half my steak, he'll eat it while staring at my other half. But at the same time he's staring and stabbing at my food, he's tossing stuff on my plate or feeding me. He loves eating with a partner, but he's not helping my band. It's either him saying I ordered too much, or him trying to cram an enormous bite of something in my mouth when my mouth is already full. He'll never learn.

Darcy you little cutie! Thanks for sharing pics, I love love love them! You're a living doll inside and out!

Oh I'm just busting up here. It's so nice to have a place where I can let all my fat hang out and still be loved. I especially love my big flabby arms & belly sticking out. Vera, Vera, Vera, let's just hope you never did figure that camera out because I don't remember much, but I do remember posing for a naked butt shot... so people, be afraid, be VERY afraid! Even my animals had a great time! Michelle, it all went so fast! And I agree that you look amazing in the pic with Chloe. I'll change my avatar but someone's gotta shrink it down for me. And as far as me trying to "steal" Penni's feather boa, well heck, it's a feather boa, and I wanted it! And the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, which is why my girl dog tried stealing it, too. Penni, that pic of Sachi is too much. And yes, I'm still wearing my 11 karat diamond ring. Where's my Vera? Where's Ginny? Theresa, did you two cutie pies make it home okay? Carol? Where is everyone? Leatha called me earlier from the airport and said Babs might be staying in Vegas tonight, so I hope she calls me tomorrow. And thank you all for complimenting my house. It's small, but cozy for a party. The whole event was a great success. A few people left some small candle gifts here. One is Leatha's, which I'm going to mail to her. What happened with the White Elephant exchange? There's a few things here, do they belong to anyone? Ginny & Megan, I'm mailing your clothes tomorrow. Leatha, I'm mailing your gift tomorrow. Penni, I'll send your palm pilot tomorrow, also. I wish I had something valuable of Vera's to hold for ransom for that film!

Okay, I think that's it for the pics. Sorry I haven't been responding to your comments, and thank you all so much for your compliments. I was happy to share the pics with you. Now I'm pooped and gonna finally lay down! There are lots more pictures on everyone else's cameras except Vera's, hahahah (Vera, did ya figure it out yet?) I'm still wearing the ring but I finally took off the tiara.

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Leatha wins for most scars!

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