DeLarla

Dear Santa, See signature block. Love, Lisa. P.S. What does Santa want this year?

OH MY GOSH, you brought back bad memories. I had it so bad that I ran to the doctor. She grabbed her stethescope to take a listen, but it rumbled so bad that she jumped back and yelled, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" She was sure that I picked up some Mexican virus so she ran every test known - they were all negative. It lasted 2 weeks. But I was glad for it, because I felt that it cleansed decades' worth of toxic waste out of my colon. I felt like a million bucks after it passed.

My boss is walking by and my face is going to explode cuz I'm trying not to laugh. Farting in store isles? I though that was MY secret. Sorry, Lauri, but I'm going to have to share your story with A LOT of people. That's classic! Hurt my side laughing.

My stomach doesn't operate the copy machine at work any more. I'm not kidding, it used to make copies all by itself. I'd be standing over the copy machine and lean over to grab something, and my stomach would hit the keys. You would think after the first time I'd be horrified and stand a different way, but it happened all the time. My stomach also used to type when I answered the phone cuz it would press on my keyboard.

I bought my first enormous cheeseburger last weekend since we were in California near my favorite highschool hangout. It was loaded with chili & cheese. I ate the goop with a fork and some of the meat. I saved it and ate more later, but I didn't eat the bread. And I only ate 5 fries. I was pleased with myself.

The only reason I tried a couple pork rinds is because silly me thought they would go down easy, like crackers do. I can eat about 1/2 a dinner roll if I eat slow, but crackers have been no problem. I was trying to watch my carbs, so I tried a couple pork rinds. BUT stupid me decided to TEST my band last night, so I tried a couple more. I've only officially PB'd once since banded, but last night was the worst "near PB" experience yet. I refused to PB. I walked around, cried a little, pounded my chest while hubby pounded my back, then called a Band buddie. Thank God it passed after 20 minutes. But I was really hungry later so I ate some mushy stuff. Anyone want to guess where the pork rinds are now? That's unless Voodoo (my LabDane) got in the trash. Hope he doesn't PB. I can definitely eat more than I did last month, but I still have a little restriction. Thanks for all the input. Potatoes are too easy... that's just wrong since I adore them.

I'm right there with you. I haven't interviewed for other jobs, but being a paralegal isn't my dream career. But the money and benefits are good, so I hang around. I hope I can figure out what I want to be when I grow up pretty soon.

Mine's in a jar of formaldehyde lost somewhere between Mexico and Inamed's laboratory. Has anyone seen it?

I needed to wake this thread from the dead for a major band confession: Chris and I went to California last week to stay with Penni and John. I walked in the front door, threw my arms up in the air for a hug, and loud farts came out my butt. John's miffed expression was priceless as an "ohh" escaped his lips, and Penni just laughed. I'm sure they thought it was intentional, but trust me, I could have dropped dead from embarrassment. I didn't even feel them coming on, they just pooked right out in Penni's living room! Thank God it was Penni and John! Could you imagine if that happened at my company Christmas party next week? This band will kill me yet.

Nancy, I confess to being a very sloppy eater preband. My NSV is that I haven't had a stain on the front of my shirt for a long time (used to happen daily.) I was so fat I couldn't find my mouth, but I'd sure try. All sorts of little things for me, like I bent down in the hallway at work to tie my shoe. UNHEARD of pre-band (I used have to sit and yank my foot up to tie it closer to eye-level.) Here's another good one: Co-worker brought hommade eggrolls Monday and told me to bring some home to hubby. I forgot Monday. I forgot Tuesday, and I forgot Wednesday. Pre-band, there wouldn't be any leftovers for hubby. And if there was an abundance, I'd have notes everywhere and computer alerts popping up to remind me to bring food home. And I'd leave a message on home machine for hubby to call and remind me. Lisa B. actually forgot about eggrolls. I talk about eggrolls a lot. Can you tell how I feel about them?

When you say you can eat everything, what exactly do you mean? Do you eat exactly like you did pre-band, without even noticing you have a band? I wish I could feel what everyone else feels so I know what's normal! Inamed claims you get some restriction from the band alone - that I believe because I can always feel the band in me. There's always some sensation in there. I'm going to give you some really bad advice here, but ya know what brougth my restriction back? Spicy Pork Rinds. Yep, try getting a handful of them down and your band will wake right on up. I don't think there's anything on the planet worse for you than pork rinds, but that did the trick to wake up my restriction. (Oh and let's all thank the Atkins diet since that's when I started eating pork rinds.)

The other night I made a huge baked potato loaded with cheese. Plus a few hunks of hubby's leftover meat. 4 band meals. I kept eating and eating and could have finished it all, but I tossed some in the garbage. I never did feel full that night and really had to fight to keep from eating. Then today, I got no "golfball" or any other warning, but my lunch is sitting like a ton of bricks. Odd.

Well, I don't like Christmas at all, but in the spirit of things, I'll share a Christmas story: Last year my friends were horrified that I don't "do a tree" so they bought a fake one, decorated it, and left it for me. Last weekend Chloe (5 year old neighbor) came over and asked if we could decorate a tree, so I yanked out last year's. I did go shopping but just for all the kids in my neighborhood. I wrapped all the presents in purple and gold foil (I'm anal so presents have to match the damn tree.) Well, I've been wondering why Kitty Milo keeps throwing up, so I was going to make an appointment to have his thyroid medicine checked. But this morning I noticed half the ribbon has been chewed off all the presents. Little piles of decorated kitty vomit all over the house. Ho ho ho.

Where are you, Michelle? I was just looking for you wondering how you were feeling, and now I see that you're still not doing well. I hope it's something simple like a reaction to the medicine. Maybe they can give you something milder? And about my first (and only) fill: I was laying on the table having my port removed, and all sudden I thought I was going to faint (got all light headed for one second.) I said, "what the heck was THAT?" And Dr. Kuri replied, "oh, that's just me giving you a fill, baby." Strange sensation but not painful. Then he sat me up and had me drink Water till I burped, so he gave me a little more, then he took my port away. I'm grounded from my port.

Does anybody else have a problem trusting their fickle band? One of my doctors thinks I'm rejecting my port tube, which will most likely lead to erosion - but nothing can be verified till I have an edoscopy. Naturally, I lost restriction last week, so I was sure I was dying (or badly eroded.) But then I have to remember that I've had days with little restriction in the past, and my restriction has always returned in a couple days. Well, I just ate lunch and got down 2 large eggrolls and too many cheese and crackers. Big mistake since Madam Restriction came back and now has me really tight in my ribcage. Why can't I just trust my band till it gives me a reason not to? Is this typical, or am I getting closer to the rubber room with each passing day?

I don't feel so alone any more since my co-worker showed up Monday with a brand new chin implant! Glad you "got it" cuz that's exactly what I feel like. Now what's up with you never posting? You're such a fun chickybabe and yours are some of the first posts I ever read, so you need to be here more. Nice to see your smile!

Fran, good luck today. You're probably getting prepped right now, so we'll be here when you come home to see how it went. Good luck and big congrads.

I'm really busy and don't have time to read long posts, but this one snatched me right up. Peaches n' cream baby butt - how could I resist? Congrads Grammy.

Leatha, ain't it the sad truth? Lots of people believe that taking in too few calories will put the body in "starvation mode" so you can't lose weight. But they always forget to add that it's only a "temporary" starvation mode. That's why people starve to death cuz the body can only hold on to the fat for so long. If you eat fewer calories than you burn, your body will catch up, and you'll shrink. Sometimes it takes awhile to kick in.

Send the blahs my way any ol' time. I love the rain!

Sometimes you just gotta laugh, Michelle. Keeps you from crying.

Darcy, it's not like you can just pop in after being MIA without explanation. Write self a note - "must check into LBT."

Leatha, I have good reason to be concerned. Margret's borderline harassment and stalking is frightening in today's world. Why was she lurking in my profile yesterday after she already knows everything about me? How does she know everything about me? She's spying on me. She sent e-mails to my very private e-mail address. It's freaky that a complete stranger wants to know all my private information. Her e-mail said "you better be careful." What's that supposed to mean? It's damn creepy. Megan, thanks for spreading the sunshine. xo

I hate being like this, but I'm PMSy and I have a wound that's been oozing for over six months. Call me irritable. Leatha is right - LBT is home, warm, caring, safe. Sorry girls, I let the Marg Monster get the better of me. It's hard to sit, stay and heal when someone threatens you. But seriously, folks, why won't she tell me who these people are that she plans on using against me. What's she cooking up? I'm kinda scared that the girl's gonna have me whacked or somethin'. Ha ha Penni, "brilliant minds" and all... we typed the same thing same time - again!

Margret, Penni's statement about filing a class-action lawsuit was a "rhetorical statement." Please look up "rhetorical" and re-read this entire post. Now, why won't you answer my question that I've asked about 20 times now? Buehler... ANYBODY? WHY WON'T SHE TELL ME WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE?