It has been a bad day, a really bad day as I deal with a family member that has severe emotional/psychological problems. As I drove away from their home my mind kept ticking through the things that would dull some of the pain I was feeling, and everyone of them revolved around food. Hell, I have a bottle of good Irish Whiskey downstairs in my office, and while I will probably pour myself a stiff drink after the kids are down for the evening, it isn't nearly as attractive in my mind as taking the family out for BBQ and eating until I am so full that it hurts. Is it any wonder diets don't work for us, when food has become a drug that we use to dull the pain that comes with living?
Well, the good news is, as my mind ticked through my options I knew that those that dealt with food really weren't an option. After getting stuck last night, I am not willing to piss off Mistress Band two days in a row, and to tell the truth since being banded, I know that using food as a drug will only make me feel worse and I will still have the family matter to deal with with the guilt of having indulged in emotional eating added to it.
So, here I sit with my glass of crystal light lemonade, writing a blog entry for those who have helped me on this forum. Thanks for listening.
Since being banded I have noticed and realized a lot of things about food and myself.....
.........some foods just don't taste as good as once I know the calorie count! I use to love pastries, now I look at them and think - you know that just isn't worth the 250-500 calories in them. And I don't want it.
........soft drinks just don't hold the appeal they use to. I use to down a couple of Dt Dews a day, now never touch it. Water is my friend and if I need flavor crystal light is great!
........food doesn't have the power over me it did at one time. At one point I had no self control, but I didn't want to have it- like many say want power is most important. At that time I didn't want to control my intake so I didn't. I just don't think about food like I use to, it's not tops on my mind.
.......I no longer consider not eating certain things giving up on something. Since getting restriction thick breads are a problem. I use to LOVE breadsticks- and I mean I had an unhealthy love affair with them. Now they get stuck, and after getting stuck once on it, I have zero desire to have them again and I'm not really said about it.
......OMG- healthy foods taste good!!! Eating fresh veggies cooked in a natural way taste better. Food in it's natural state cooked healthy has tons of flavor and make me feel good.
...... I am happier. Now I don't know if this steams from weight loss (43 lbs in 4.5 months) or if it's from me eating better foods and not over eating. I truly believe there is truth in that if we fuel our body with the correct things it will make us feel better. Processed foods tend to make you tired and blah, but healthy fresh goods tend to give energy and a clear mind.
.....I am healthy concious. Never ever thought I would start becoming a healthy nut, but slowly it is coming. I pay attention to what I eat and put thought in as to what I should choose based on nutrtion not on taste. It's about what is best for my body not my taste buds- ie I choose the healthy options at a resturant even if I am wanting that calorie loaded tasty dish.
........I am breathing better, I am moving better, my mind is clearer- it's like coming out of a fog. I call it walking out of the fat fog. I lived most of my life eating to much and gaining weight. My mind had become slow and foggy, my asthma was progressivly getting worse, my knees were just starting to hurt when I walked to much and my feet killed me.
......... I am becoming REAL! I am getting real with myself about my bad choices in the past and reviewing them to prevent me from back tracking. I am recognizing and calling myself on bad choices (it's ok to eat that cake, it's ok not to work out tonight-just one night off won't hurt--- no, that cake isn't going to do anything from me but make me feel like crap, I'm not hungry so no thanks - yes, I need to work out tonight, skipping one night will lead to two, three, ect, so get your butt up and DO IT) I am admitting that my cooking habits of the past were not as healthy as I had deluted myself into believing.
Getting the band thus far has caused a lot of positive things to happen. I am so glad that I made the choice for me and that I committed to it, instead of doing it half assed (pardon the french). Every time I had tried to lose weight in the passed I never gave it my all, this time I jumped in with both feet and said ok it's time to do this. The band is my guide, my friend, my Gibb's slap (those of you who watch NCIS will get that reference), my band is my tool for making the weight loss and the life style change stick. I look forward the the rest of my life with the band and living a healthier more aware life.
