makemyownluck

Makemyownluck, the most important thing u said is "I want to like this guy for who he is, not the idea of what I think he could be".
Not rushing at this is exactly right - getting to know him and deciding if he's worthy of ur trust is so important. It is easy to give ourselves away, not just physically but emotionally, especially when we don't feel good about ourselves. i know that's how i have behaved in the past when I didnt feel good about me. But in saying what u did, I think u show the power of the changes that have happened in ur life since ur sleeve. I know that my confidence is returning and I hadn't even appreciated how low it had got! But I know I won't be giving myself away any more, a potential partner will have to earn my trust and all that goes with it ????
U have got things the right way round - tell him when it feels right anout the sleeve but only once u are sure about him.
Will PM post date, has been a very long time since I had dates to gossip about lol.... ????

There are a million reasons to have this surgery, and none of them are wrong. In this life, our only destiny is to find our happiness and I wasn't finding it at 459lbs. I wasn't truly and completely happy with anything. So yes, I had this surgery to change my life. I had this to improve my health, my mood, my complexion, my wardrobe, my attitude, my love life, my E V E R Y T H I N G. It wasn't one reason. It was a million. And one of them WAS to get the attention of a good man so I can have the life I want. Period. I will never feel guilty for what I want and how I'm gonna try to get it - not ever - because I know I'm a good person with good intentions who deserves good things.
Regardless of the reasons, we're all in the exact same boat here. We've GOT to stop shaming people on this site because that's NOT what we're here for! (at least I'm not)
I hope you have a fantastic time on your date too, and good luck! My date was good! We went out to eat and I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about surgery, but I lost my nerve. I do still really like this guy, but I decided that for me - I need to slow down. Just in general. I want to like this guy for who he is, not for the idea of what I think he could be. I don't know him well enough to know if I can tell him my secrets... but I do wanna stick around and find out if he's worth sharing with!
PM if you want. We can gossip about our dates.

There are a million reasons to have this surgery, and none of them are wrong. In this life, our only destiny is to find our happiness and I wasn't finding it at 459lbs. I wasn't truly and completely happy with anything. So yes, I had this surgery to change my life. I had this to improve my health, my mood, my complexion, my wardrobe, my attitude, my love life, my E V E R Y T H I N G. It wasn't one reason. It was a million. And one of them WAS to get the attention of a good man so I can have the life I want. Period. I will never feel guilty for what I want and how I'm gonna try to get it - not ever - because I know I'm a good person with good intentions who deserves good things.
Regardless of the reasons, we're all in the exact same boat here. We've GOT to stop shaming people on this site because that's NOT what we're here for! (at least I'm not)
I hope you have a fantastic time on your date too, and good luck! My date was good! We went out to eat and I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about surgery, but I lost my nerve. I do still really like this guy, but I decided that for me - I need to slow down. Just in general. I want to like this guy for who he is, not for the idea of what I think he could be. I don't know him well enough to know if I can tell him my secrets... but I do wanna stick around and find out if he's worth sharing with!
PM if you want. We can gossip about our dates.

There are a million reasons to have this surgery, and none of them are wrong. In this life, our only destiny is to find our happiness and I wasn't finding it at 459lbs. I wasn't truly and completely happy with anything. So yes, I had this surgery to change my life. I had this to improve my health, my mood, my complexion, my wardrobe, my attitude, my love life, my E V E R Y T H I N G. It wasn't one reason. It was a million. And one of them WAS to get the attention of a good man so I can have the life I want. Period. I will never feel guilty for what I want and how I'm gonna try to get it - not ever - because I know I'm a good person with good intentions who deserves good things.
Regardless of the reasons, we're all in the exact same boat here. We've GOT to stop shaming people on this site because that's NOT what we're here for! (at least I'm not)
I hope you have a fantastic time on your date too, and good luck! My date was good! We went out to eat and I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about surgery, but I lost my nerve. I do still really like this guy, but I decided that for me - I need to slow down. Just in general. I want to like this guy for who he is, not for the idea of what I think he could be. I don't know him well enough to know if I can tell him my secrets... but I do wanna stick around and find out if he's worth sharing with!
PM if you want. We can gossip about our dates.

There are a million reasons to have this surgery, and none of them are wrong. In this life, our only destiny is to find our happiness and I wasn't finding it at 459lbs. I wasn't truly and completely happy with anything. So yes, I had this surgery to change my life. I had this to improve my health, my mood, my complexion, my wardrobe, my attitude, my love life, my E V E R Y T H I N G. It wasn't one reason. It was a million. And one of them WAS to get the attention of a good man so I can have the life I want. Period. I will never feel guilty for what I want and how I'm gonna try to get it - not ever - because I know I'm a good person with good intentions who deserves good things.
Regardless of the reasons, we're all in the exact same boat here. We've GOT to stop shaming people on this site because that's NOT what we're here for! (at least I'm not)
I hope you have a fantastic time on your date too, and good luck! My date was good! We went out to eat and I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about surgery, but I lost my nerve. I do still really like this guy, but I decided that for me - I need to slow down. Just in general. I want to like this guy for who he is, not for the idea of what I think he could be. I don't know him well enough to know if I can tell him my secrets... but I do wanna stick around and find out if he's worth sharing with!
PM if you want. We can gossip about our dates.

There are a million reasons to have this surgery, and none of them are wrong. In this life, our only destiny is to find our happiness and I wasn't finding it at 459lbs. I wasn't truly and completely happy with anything. So yes, I had this surgery to change my life. I had this to improve my health, my mood, my complexion, my wardrobe, my attitude, my love life, my E V E R Y T H I N G. It wasn't one reason. It was a million. And one of them WAS to get the attention of a good man so I can have the life I want. Period. I will never feel guilty for what I want and how I'm gonna try to get it - not ever - because I know I'm a good person with good intentions who deserves good things.
Regardless of the reasons, we're all in the exact same boat here. We've GOT to stop shaming people on this site because that's NOT what we're here for! (at least I'm not)
I hope you have a fantastic time on your date too, and good luck! My date was good! We went out to eat and I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about surgery, but I lost my nerve. I do still really like this guy, but I decided that for me - I need to slow down. Just in general. I want to like this guy for who he is, not for the idea of what I think he could be. I don't know him well enough to know if I can tell him my secrets... but I do wanna stick around and find out if he's worth sharing with!
PM if you want. We can gossip about our dates.

There are a million reasons to have this surgery, and none of them are wrong. In this life, our only destiny is to find our happiness and I wasn't finding it at 459lbs. I wasn't truly and completely happy with anything. So yes, I had this surgery to change my life. I had this to improve my health, my mood, my complexion, my wardrobe, my attitude, my love life, my E V E R Y T H I N G. It wasn't one reason. It was a million. And one of them WAS to get the attention of a good man so I can have the life I want. Period. I will never feel guilty for what I want and how I'm gonna try to get it - not ever - because I know I'm a good person with good intentions who deserves good things.
Regardless of the reasons, we're all in the exact same boat here. We've GOT to stop shaming people on this site because that's NOT what we're here for! (at least I'm not)
I hope you have a fantastic time on your date too, and good luck! My date was good! We went out to eat and I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about surgery, but I lost my nerve. I do still really like this guy, but I decided that for me - I need to slow down. Just in general. I want to like this guy for who he is, not for the idea of what I think he could be. I don't know him well enough to know if I can tell him my secrets... but I do wanna stick around and find out if he's worth sharing with!
PM if you want. We can gossip about our dates.

There are a million reasons to have this surgery, and none of them are wrong. In this life, our only destiny is to find our happiness and I wasn't finding it at 459lbs. I wasn't truly and completely happy with anything. So yes, I had this surgery to change my life. I had this to improve my health, my mood, my complexion, my wardrobe, my attitude, my love life, my E V E R Y T H I N G. It wasn't one reason. It was a million. And one of them WAS to get the attention of a good man so I can have the life I want. Period. I will never feel guilty for what I want and how I'm gonna try to get it - not ever - because I know I'm a good person with good intentions who deserves good things.
Regardless of the reasons, we're all in the exact same boat here. We've GOT to stop shaming people on this site because that's NOT what we're here for! (at least I'm not)
I hope you have a fantastic time on your date too, and good luck! My date was good! We went out to eat and I had the perfect opportunity to tell him about surgery, but I lost my nerve. I do still really like this guy, but I decided that for me - I need to slow down. Just in general. I want to like this guy for who he is, not for the idea of what I think he could be. I don't know him well enough to know if I can tell him my secrets... but I do wanna stick around and find out if he's worth sharing with!
PM if you want. We can gossip about our dates.

https://m.xojane.com/relationships/i-learned-that-some-men-will-never-date-me-because-of-my-body-and-im-okay-with-that
This article made me happy I'm married... I was THIN when I met my husband, I gained all this weight when I was with my husband, and I plan on losing every single pound....
With my husband! SMDH men can be annoying.

I actually disagree with this. I had surgery not to change my body (or shape for that matter) but to ward-off any potential health problems that were bound to crop up once I got older if I stayed obese. Actually I'm tall (pushing 6 feet) and even with the weight, men (gorgeous ones at that) approach me almost daily.
I'm super curvy with a thin waist for my overall size (same shape when I was half this size). Based on my experience, it is possible that he approached her because he was VERY attracted to her now. Some men like a woman with more weight.
My first thought was the other way around...what if he does not like how thin she becomes. As she is losing weight and with WLS most lose a ton of weight. What if he prefers that she be bigger?
That's my only reason for thinking that she (once more comfortable with him) tells him about her WLS.

I'm sorry I wasn't clear! Let me try to explain...
When I say Obamacare, what I mean really are the new insurance rules, not really a specific plan. Once the new rules go into effect, private insurers won't be allowed to decline anyone coverage. They won't be able to exclude coverage for ongoing medical conditions (meaning, you can't have a rider to your contract saying they won't pay for anything related to, say, a joint replacement you've had, for example) and they won't be allowed to set pre-existing condition limitations on the plans. Also, there will be minimum required coverage - for example, preventative care, check ups, mammograms, pap tests, etc.
So, what I mean is that RIGHT NOW - most people with recent WLS won't qualify for insurance with MAJOR carriers. Are there companies that will cover you? Sure, but they have limited benefits, lower payment cut offs, higher deductibles and smaller participating provider networks. However, the rules change starting January 1st, which means they will start opening enrollment for the new plans in October. That will be the prime time to apply for coverage - these companies will all want as many subscribers as they can get. As the consumer, you won't have a lot of the hassles that many people experience when applying for private insurance now.
I'm an underwriter for individual plans, so I'm the person behind the scenes who is making you do phone interviews, submit medical records, get a current check-up, etc. I totally understand how infuriatingly frustrating getting private coverage can be. The new rules will help an enormous amount of people, and I'm really glad to see the changes!!
I hope that helps. If you have any other questions, I'll try my best to answer them! :)

I actually see both of your points. I mean, obviously I'm still big, but like I said, in clothes, I'm looking GOOD for a "big girl". I KNOW he's attracted.
I've been thinking about it and I think this is a good test of how serious this guy is. I just never really tested guys before, so I feel like it will be more awkward if I continue to wait to tell him. Now I'm looking forward to it, to see his reaction. I want this guy to be the guy, and this is actually a way to find out if he is who I think he is...
WISH ME LUCK! date night tomorrow...

Hi Patti! There's definitely support here, and there's a place to post specifically for support for the amount of weight you have to lose. I see a lot of these "lightweights" around here and wonder if they could possibly understand where I'm coming from. We're all in the same boat, tho, and I've found a lot of support from people on all different parts of this journey!
My heaviest was 11/12 @ 459. I had surgery 5/2/13 @ 406. I finally made it to the 300s now and I'm looking forward to the scale moving lower and lower. I don't have a support group I go to, I just pop on here when I have a question or feel like being with 'my people'.
I would definitely tell your surgeon about the support you get online, and definitely let this be a resource. It's funny, I didn't know a family friend had surgery in the past until I started talking to my mom about wanting surgery. It seems people come out of the woodwork when they know someone else is considering surgery... even though she had a different surgery, she told me to not think twice about doing it. She said it's still the best decision she ever made and has never been happier.
I'm doing great post op, wish I was losing more and faster, but I realize it's not a race and that a loss is a loss, no matter how long it takes to get it. As long as the scale isn't moving up, I'm happy! :)
Good luck to you! You have support here when you need it!

I actually see both of your points. I mean, obviously I'm still big, but like I said, in clothes, I'm looking GOOD for a "big girl". I KNOW he's attracted.
I've been thinking about it and I think this is a good test of how serious this guy is. I just never really tested guys before, so I feel like it will be more awkward if I continue to wait to tell him. Now I'm looking forward to it, to see his reaction. I want this guy to be the guy, and this is actually a way to find out if he is who I think he is...
WISH ME LUCK! date night tomorrow...

I actually see both of your points. I mean, obviously I'm still big, but like I said, in clothes, I'm looking GOOD for a "big girl". I KNOW he's attracted.
I've been thinking about it and I think this is a good test of how serious this guy is. I just never really tested guys before, so I feel like it will be more awkward if I continue to wait to tell him. Now I'm looking forward to it, to see his reaction. I want this guy to be the guy, and this is actually a way to find out if he is who I think he is...
WISH ME LUCK! date night tomorrow...

I actually see both of your points. I mean, obviously I'm still big, but like I said, in clothes, I'm looking GOOD for a "big girl". I KNOW he's attracted.
I've been thinking about it and I think this is a good test of how serious this guy is. I just never really tested guys before, so I feel like it will be more awkward if I continue to wait to tell him. Now I'm looking forward to it, to see his reaction. I want this guy to be the guy, and this is actually a way to find out if he is who I think he is...
WISH ME LUCK! date night tomorrow...

Not everyone is on here because they didn't like the package they were offering. I loved my curves but I didn't like huffing and puffing climbing up two flights of stairs. I didn't like binging and purging and being depressed because I didn't feel like I could change that. However I always loved my corsets and how I looked etc. I never wanted for attention or guys.
I think your statement should really be:
"I am having trouble loving my body, if you love me, you will love it for me" Isn't that what a partner does? Fills in the holes where you can't?
Just my two cents

First of all, CONGRATS on finding a good man who makes you feel special. I am 10 wks post op and I just met someone who makes me feel special and I'm having the same roadblock. However, my man doesn't know that I had surgery - I literally JUST met him and haven't told him about it yet. But I want to.
Now, I'm thinking of waiting to sleep with him because I do feel that special connection, like this is a really genuinely good man that I want to hold onto and not jump into bed with so fast. But part of me wonders how much of that is true and how much is just me not wanting to be naked in front of him. Because I'm having the same sagging issues and I do NOT feel attractive with my clothes off - AT ALL.
So I'll put this back on you and maybe ask your advice on how to bring up surgery with him, if I should or whatever insight you may have as someone who HAS shared your surgical history with your partner. And maybe some advice that others give you will be helpful to me as well.
I talked about this with a girlfriend of mine who gave me some really wise advice:
"It's not about your body. If it was, he would have slept with you on the first date. He's dating you because he's into you, he wants to express himself physically now. You should let him do that."
GOOD LUCK, honey. <3

I slept about 2 hours the night before surgery -- and I ended up sleeping through most of my hospital stay afterward to make up for it! Good luck, the hard part is right around the corner, but it get easier every single day. <3

Oh, and if you tell them you are nervous, they will give you something. They will give you something anyway, but if you tell them, you'll get it sooner rather than right before you go in for surgery. Ask them for a scope patch also - it prevents nausea. I didn't have any issues with feeling nauseous after surgery and I thank the patch for that! The anesthesiologist can get you the scope patch - just ask!

I slept about 2 hours the night before surgery -- and I ended up sleeping through most of my hospital stay afterward to make up for it! Good luck, the hard part is right around the corner, but it get easier every single day. <3

I've dated a couple girls with WLS. They told me on the first date, it's no biggie.
If the guy is only concerned about your body, he's a crappy catch anyhow.

Bottom line is if he likes you none of that will matter. If it scares him off well it's better now than when you've developed strong feelings for him later. You're doing amazing! Congrats on your continued success!

Definitely tell him about the surgery before any nekkie times. To help with any body image nerves, have a glass of wine (or two).

Fantastic job on the weight loss, keep up the good work!
Congrats on meeting a man, happy to hear the good news.
Tell him that you are conscious of your skin until it catches up to your weight loss. You don't have to go into more detail.
Keep the lights low/off and some clothes on if you're in intimate town. Once he's felt around he'll have to know about the sagging skin and he's either going to be okay or not about it. If he can't deal with it, not your fault. Bring up surgery soon but casually at dinner one night and see what he things about it.
You probably already realize this, but you need to overcome the self-image issues for your sake, not his. Even if a guy rejects you, you have to be able to carry on. The right guy for you will accept you for who you are, faults and all.