makemyownluck

First of all, CONGRATS on finding a good man who makes you feel special. I am 10 wks post op and I just met someone who makes me feel special and I'm having the same roadblock. However, my man doesn't know that I had surgery - I literally JUST met him and haven't told him about it yet. But I want to.
Now, I'm thinking of waiting to sleep with him because I do feel that special connection, like this is a really genuinely good man that I want to hold onto and not jump into bed with so fast. But part of me wonders how much of that is true and how much is just me not wanting to be naked in front of him. Because I'm having the same sagging issues and I do NOT feel attractive with my clothes off - AT ALL.
So I'll put this back on you and maybe ask your advice on how to bring up surgery with him, if I should or whatever insight you may have as someone who HAS shared your surgical history with your partner. And maybe some advice that others give you will be helpful to me as well.
I talked about this with a girlfriend of mine who gave me some really wise advice:
"It's not about your body. If it was, he would have slept with you on the first date. He's dating you because he's into you, he wants to express himself physically now. You should let him do that."
GOOD LUCK, honey. <3

MMOL,
No lecture here, you and I are on a very similar path. I can only let you know what I do, as your screen name implies, you have to do for yourself. Like others have said, I notice that I can now sit in chairs I couldn't, I can reach my feet to put on shoes and socks without falling over. Sure I'm still really really big, but I'm getting smaller than I was and that is what this journey is all about. Granted I'm a guy and guys and gals look at ourselves in different ways. With all that we had to loose from the get go, only having to loose 200 more is a milestone to Celebrate. I hit 390 this morning on the scale, way too damn heavy but I'm happy I can't remember the last time my scale only said 390. Heck even the reading glasses I have to now wear because I'm growing older fit my face better. Yes I'd like to have a small waist and be farther along, but this is a long path we've chosen, sports metaphor coming up, this is a marathon not a sprint. You've done great so far, keep going the end is a ways away, but you're on the right path, alway remember that...

*hugs* I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone on these forums who ISN'T their own worst critic, especially those of us who have been overweight our whole lives, so no judgments here. Literally, being fat is all I've ever known (my first diet started when I was 6 mos old and the doctor suggested my mother stop breastfeeding since I was gaining too much weight). While it has taken me many, many years to start to overcome all the negativity and trauma I've experienced as a result, I'm getting there. I'm pre-op, my surgery is on Monday, and I've only lost 6 lbs so far. I started at 379, and I am shooting for 160, so I'm looking at almost 220 lbs to lose. You know what? I'm ok with that. While I've always felt that my weight was my biggest failure, and have fought with it my whole life, going through this year long process of getting ready for surgery has made me evaluate all aspects of my life. Being this size has hurt a lot in so many ways; yet, in a weird way I'm also grateful for the perspective it has afforded me. I want a healthier and smaller body, a body that will hopefully allow me to have children, but I'm never going to be a size 2, nor do I want to be. I look at many of the thin women I know, some of them healthy, some of them not, but all with problems just like anyone else. I know that while I might end up being a smaller person, losing weight is not going to magically fix everything wrong with my life. I am grateful for all the skills that I've developed to "compensate" for not being the thin girl people always thought I should be. I wake up everyday realizing that while my life is not exactly what I want it to be, I'm still here to do what I need to in order to make it better. This is going to be a long, slow process, but I know I will get to where I need to be in the end. And part of the reason I will get there is because of people like you, who come to these forums to be honest and say how they're really feeling when things are hard. People like you remind me that I am not alone
Know in your heart that you are changing everyday, that you WILL get to the place you are meant to be, and that you deserve to be happy with yourself and your life. You may need help getting to that place, and there is no shame in that. One of the best decisions I ever made was talking to a therapist, because it allowed me to be completely honest and not worry about how the person I was talking to was going to react. That was many years ago, and I realize that I may need to talk to someone again as I go through this process. You will lose the weight, but while you do, work on letting some of the emotional weight go with the physical weight; relearn the meaning of beauty, and one day you will see yourself as beautiful as we see you (hint: it really has nothing to do with your weight .
Take care of you and be kind to you - you deserve it and you can do it!

I think many of us can say we know exactly how you feel. I am just about 10 months post op and just hit 150 pounds lost. I still have about 70 pounds to go. Seems like it will never happen. Some days I feel uglier and fatter now than I did at 364 pounds. The weight does not come off where you want it to and the loose, saggy skin sucks. Those are the bad days, but on the good days I can appreciate the major changes in my life. I went from a size 36 (5x) to a size 20/22, I had to move my car seat forward and still have lots of room between me and the wheel, I fit in any restaurant booth I want and I can shop for clothes in stores instead of online. The other day I came across a picture of my daughter and I on Mother's Day 2011. The change was unbelievable. Sometimes I loose sight of the changes that have happen so far and just need a reminder. Hang in there. When you have over 200 pounds to loose it does take awhile until the changes are noticeable. After about 100 pounds the comments started coming and now not a week goes by without someone commenting on how good I look. Good luck and try to be patient with yourself.

I can very much relate to your struggle. I started with around 240 pounds to lose. Although I finally lost slightly more than 100 pounds I still regularly feel like I am so gross. I hate myself for letting my body get to that point. I struggle with the fact that I am already seeing significant loose skin. I feel like my body is just "deflating". The weight is coming from all the good parts first...butt, boobs, etc., but sticking to my belly & face. I feel like even when I'm at a healthy weight that I'm going to look just as gross, if not worse, with a tone of hanging skin.
I don't say all this to discourage you, but to let you know that there are other people sharing in your struggle. This weight loss journey can be very emotional. The sleeve allows us to start taking off weight that we couldn't in the past. Some of us (I definitely mean me) used to use food as a coping mechanism. Now that we can't use food, our personal or emotional issues that we had pushed to the back burner start to boil over.
I know that there is therapy, support groups & my surgeon's office has a psychiatrist on staff to help deal with patients post-op just as much as pre-op. They recognize that this is psychologically demanding & draining. I also have not taken advantage of these opportunities. I think about going to get some help often, but am too nervous.
So, there are a couple things people in our situation can do. One is Celebrate any victory you can. 80+ pounds is awesome! The fact that you are continuing to do what you can to take care of yourself is wonderful. Realize that this is not a race. We will get to our goal in our own time. Some people fly right through other people (me again) slowly inch our way there. Let's try to keep on working towards what we know is ultimately better for us & stop beating ourselves up & nit picking at our perceived imperfections. Also, try to focus on some NSV. That can be key when we have so much to lose. Some for me have been fitting in a restaurant booth again, my car steering wheel doesn't dig into my stomach anymore, etc.
Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts & feelings. I also have been struggling, but have been trying to put on my happy face. Your post has given me courage to share on the board here which I will do today. In the meantime hang in there sleeve sister!

You know I am right there with you I have 200+ lbs and I havent even had the surgery yet! You know We can keep each other going, and what you have accomplished so far is amazing, and maybe you don't see it but I can tell you others DO, so stop being your biggest critic and start being your biggest fan. I know it is hard, trust me and I get the same thoughts like I am too far, well NO we are not we will just go further on this road and get there may take a little longer but we will be better for it.

I'm sharing this because it's on my mind... I'm not trying to come off as a complainer, so please don't reply with a lecture...
My scale goal is 200 lbs away. I'm not sure I'll make it to that goal, but it's the weight I need to be "normal" BMI.
When I started in November 2012, my goal was 282lbs away, so I have made good progress. I'm so glad to have made progress!!
I'm 9 wks post op and starting to feel the blues. I just want to be an "after" already... I feel like this is going so slowly. I have been taking pictures every month and I finally uploaded them to my computer from my phone so I could look at the difference. If I put them up in random order, you wouldn't even be able to tell the difference. I'm so big that losing 82lbs doesn't even show! I'm so grateful to be losing, don't get me wrong... I know it will take time, etc. but it's just hard to stay patient. And beyond that, it just makes me sad that I allowed myself to weigh so much in the first place.
My BFF who has also been my photographer told me I was looking good today. I told her I felt so gross and looked a mess, and she simply replied, "You're so hard on yourself." It was so honest of her to say that - and so true. I am hard on myself. Even the slight changes that have happened I can see as a flaw... part of me is also grateful to not lose so quickly because I know my body is a wreck and will only get worse with weight loss... but I just don't know why I focus on that! The negative!
I'm at a low point. I am being hard on myself. It's just hard for me to accept that my body may never ever be beautiful in my eyes...but I'll keep working on it.
And yes, i've considered therapy for this, but idk. It's really difficult to actually talk about... out loud...

Made this today, thought I would share! You can add in other goodies as your diet allows - I would like to try it with different veggie/cheese combinations!



Mini crustless quiche
makes: 4 servings

ingredients:
4 slices of prosciutto, very thinly sliced!
4 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup low-fat ricotta cheese
1 slice american cheese (2% or skim milk cheese would be best)
1 tbsp shredded parmesan cheese
salt and pepper to taste (I also put in a bit of garlic powder - optional)
*note: prosciutto is very salty on its own and you do not need much added salt in this recipe. In fact, you might want to skip salt altogether and just salt the finished product if it's needed

instructions:
spray 4 ramekins with cooking spray
in the bottom of each ramekin, loosely pile one slice of prosciutto in each ramekin
in a medium bowl, beat the 4 eggs and ricotta cheese together, season with salt and pepper to taste.
pour mixture evenly over the prosciutto in the ramekins.
tear apart and distribute bits of the american cheese among all 4 ramekins and top with parmesan cheese and one last bit of fresh cracked black pepper.

Bake in a pre-heated 350 degree oven for about 13-15m or until toothpick comes out clear. Allow to rest for a couple of minutes. They should pop right out of the ramekin since you sprayed them first!

per My Fitness Pal:
per 1 serving:
148 calories
8.4g fat (you could cut this down if you use egg whites)
1.4g carbs
13.2 g Protein

yay! thats awesome progress.. and those 16s are looking a lil big!! wooo!

yay! thats awesome progress.. and those 16s are looking a lil big!! wooo!

I waited about a week and a half, but probably could have done it sooner. I didn't really have anywhere to go, and I actually enjoyed having someone drive me around the few times I needed to go anywhere.
No issues with the seat belt, but getting out of the car was uncomfortable just because my car is low to the ground. But the actual driving was no problem.

Interesting article. Thanks for sharing!

Your weight fluctuates throughout the day, also - which is why having a set day/time to weigh yourself is the best plan if you're going to get emotional about the number. Most people do get emotional over that scale - either when it goes up or down!!
I tend to weigh myself too often. Daily - sometimes twice a day - just to see the differences. And I can vary in weight as much as 10lbs in the same day!!
Could be Water weight, could be related to your time of the month... could be alot of things! Also, it sounds like you're starving yourself. If your body thinks it's starving, it will hold onto the weight for dear life!
This article might help: http://www.dsfacts.com/weight-loss-stall-or-plateau.html - from that article:
If you are under-eating or go more than 4-5 hours without eating, your body will shift into fasting mode, slow your metabolism and conserve your stored energy (fat). This can contribute to a weight loss stall or plateau.
Hope that helps! Try not to be so hard on yourself - if you're doing everything right, you WILL lose the weight.

I wouldn't suggest a loan to someone who isn't employed.
But just because you don't have the sleeve, doesn't mean you can't start losing weight to help you become mobile again. Start using MyFitnessPal, and start walking just as you would if you did have the sleeve.
Start saving every dime you can, and find ways to earn money...there has to be something you can do... can you babysit, buy clothing cheap at garage sales and sell it for profit on ebay (my sister in law does this and makes great money). There has to be something you can do to earn money.
I do hope you find a way to pay for surgery, but taking out a loan is not the way if you can't pay it back.

Have you talked to your insurance carrier? Most insurance plans say if you are using an in-network provider that they can't ask for money up front. Also, you should see if you have any pending claims out there that might go to your deductible! Don't give up so easily - there HAS to be a solution! How much can your parents loan you? If they can come up with half, the hospital might be wiling to let you do payments for the rest... but I still think you should look into whether or not they are "allowed" to ask for money up front - in most cases, they aren't!!
Good luck! Stay strong! Save the money and STAY ON COURSE for surgery. it could be a blessing - the more you lose pre-op, the more you practice the lifestyle changes pre-op, the more successful you will be post op.

No. Once the surgery is over and you survive that, the rest is up to YOU.

TRUTH! lol
Well, not always truth. There's the few who are our best girlfriends and we hate everyone else. hah

TRUTH! lol
Well, not always truth. There's the few who are our best girlfriends and we hate everyone else. hah

Your weight fluctuates throughout the day, also - which is why having a set day/time to weigh yourself is the best plan if you're going to get emotional about the number. Most people do get emotional over that scale - either when it goes up or down!!
I tend to weigh myself too often. Daily - sometimes twice a day - just to see the differences. And I can vary in weight as much as 10lbs in the same day!!
Could be Water weight, could be related to your time of the month... could be alot of things! Also, it sounds like you're starving yourself. If your body thinks it's starving, it will hold onto the weight for dear life!
This article might help: http://www.dsfacts.com/weight-loss-stall-or-plateau.html - from that article:
If you are under-eating or go more than 4-5 hours without eating, your body will shift into fasting mode, slow your metabolism and conserve your stored energy (fat). This can contribute to a weight loss stall or plateau.
Hope that helps! Try not to be so hard on yourself - if you're doing everything right, you WILL lose the weight.

None of these things on their own except for the drug thing are so bad, but put all together you have a huge issue on your hands. Being secretly videotaped is a massive personal violation and I think that would actually constitute some kind of sexual assault. Drugs make people paranoid, and I hate to burst your bubble but he might have been recording you to see what you were doing, not to wack off.
Rehab/mental health nurse here, and my advice is to be very careful. People don't do drugs "just once" and its almost always much worse than you ever imagined. You gotta ask yourself how he knew what to do, how to make it....
Please be safe.

Really? I just read this and my mouth is hanging open... I'm not sure what you are looking for as far as "advice" here but your husband spying on you, In my eyes is the least of your problems, in my book. Putting aside all of the dysfunction in this relationship. I'm just a little... Ok a lot freaked out that you say you caught him MAKING DRUGS and you continue to stay there with your 15 month old child??? I don't give a f**k if he "worships you like a goddess" you need to get your child away from a dangerous potentially deadly situation.

No. Once the surgery is over and you survive that, the rest is up to YOU.

More surgeons accept Carecredit. Its interest free if you pay with 2 years I think. Don't quote me on the time. You can apply online and get an instant answer. Its a loan for medical only.

Have you talked to your insurance carrier? Most insurance plans say if you are using an in-network provider that they can't ask for money up front. Also, you should see if you have any pending claims out there that might go to your deductible! Don't give up so easily - there HAS to be a solution! How much can your parents loan you? If they can come up with half, the hospital might be wiling to let you do payments for the rest... but I still think you should look into whether or not they are "allowed" to ask for money up front - in most cases, they aren't!!
Good luck! Stay strong! Save the money and STAY ON COURSE for surgery. it could be a blessing - the more you lose pre-op, the more you practice the lifestyle changes pre-op, the more successful you will be post op.