jodie07

I had my band first done in feb 07 the first fill i had the dr pierced it and it leeked until they realised in november 07 and they replaced the port and tube. I had only lost about 15 kilos i now am down about 42 kilos and still needing to lose about 40 to 50 kilos. I am now scared every time i get a fill it will happen again.

Today is Saturday the boys had softball this morning they played well. I have a few things on my mind and I dont know what to do or who to talk to. Anyway its like this I want to be thin so bad I even enjoy walking of a morning but what the hell am I going to to about my addiction. All I think about is food I know I have made it this far and Im proud of myself. But I am now starting to have withdrawals and I hate it. If I tell Darren or mum how i feel and what it is going on in my mind they will be very disappointed with me and I dont want that. I dont want Darren to be angry with me because I love him and I hate arguing with him it hurts me. I dont need the food because Im not hungry and I know its bad for me so why do I crave it. I hate myself because of my head. I thought I was going good what is happening to my head. How am I going to get out of this head space. Do I need to go and see Jean. I cant say anything in Brisbane because they will get angry at me and I hate the feeling of anger towards me. I hate the thought of letting people down , I dont want to let anyone down, I have failed at this before time and time again over and over. Im scared that I am going to lose it and take it out on Darren and the kids and I dont want that because its not their fault , I cant let myself take it out on the ones closest to me . Im a bit pissed off at myself because I thought I would have lost more weight by now but anyway I have so I have to put up with it. Brisbane on Wednesday .

Today is Saturday the boys had softball this morning they played well. I have a few things on my mind and I dont know what to do or who to talk to. Anyway its like this I want to be thin so bad I even enjoy walking of a morning but what the hell am I going to to about my addiction. All I think about is food I know I have made it this far and Im proud of myself. But I am now starting to have withdrawals and I hate it. If I tell Darren or mum how i feel and what it is going on in my mind they will be very disappointed with me and I dont want that. I dont want Darren to be angry with me because I love him and I hate arguing with him it hurts me. I dont need the food because Im not hungry and I know its bad for me so why do I crave it. I hate myself because of my head. I thought I was going good what is happening to my head. How am I going to get out of this head space. Do I need to go and see Jean. I cant say anything in Brisbane because they will get angry at me and I hate the feeling of anger towards me. I hate the thought of letting people down , I dont want to let anyone down, I have failed at this before time and time again over and over. Im scared that I am going to lose it and take it out on Darren and the kids and I dont want that because its not their fault , I cant let myself take it out on the ones closest to me . Im a bit pissed off at myself because I thought I would have lost more weight by now but anyway I have so I have to put up with it. Brisbane on Wednesday .

Today is a great day I started walking again last Monday I could only walk about 800 mts but today I walked 1.8 kms. I was really proud of myself. i weighed in yesterday and I am down to 154 kilos. I am back down to the weight when Darren moved here. I am feeling great but I am excited to go back to Brisbane next week for my first fill. I dont want to eat a full sandwich, a half will do me. have been cooking our main meal from Annettes books and everyone is happy about that.The kids just love the meals.They make me feel healthy and Im losing weight and Im not denying myself of anything.:kiss2:

Today is a great day I started walking again last Monday I could only walk about 800 mts but today I walked 1.8 kms. I was really proud of myself. i weighed in yesterday and I am down to 154 kilos. I am back down to the weight when Darren moved here. I am feeling great but I am excited to go back to Brisbane next week for my first fill. I dont want to eat a full sandwich, a half will do me. have been cooking our main meal from Annettes books and everyone is happy about that.The kids just love the meals.They make me feel healthy and Im losing weight and Im not denying myself of anything.:kiss2:

Day 20.....ohh my god i am down tp 156.2 kgs I just cant believe it.I am so happy about it:) . Ros rang me today and she is rapped in my progress.I am starting a full diet next thursday. :hungry: I just have to keep going on track and things will be great.Always have a positive outlook and never let food control me again.

Day 20.....ohh my god i am down tp 156.2 kgs I just cant believe it.I am so happy about it:) . Ros rang me today and she is rapped in my progress.I am starting a full diet next thursday. :hungry: I just have to keep going on track and things will be great.Always have a positive outlook and never let food control me again.

Day 18....I feel great . i am down to 159 kilos now and I can kiss away the 60's 70's and freaking 80's, never again will I see those numbers again.Its all down hill from here and this is the only time i want things to go down hill for me. my shirts are starting to get a bit big on me now but who cares. I am currently having porriage for breaky. mash or soup for lunch and mash with some chicken or rissotto for dinner. and water in between meals. :kiss2:

Day 18....I feel great . i am down to 159 kilos now and I can kiss away the 60's 70's and freaking 80's, never again will I see those numbers again.Its all down hill from here and this is the only time i want things to go down hill for me. my shirts are starting to get a bit big on me now but who cares. I am currently having porriage for breaky. mash or soup for lunch and mash with some chicken or rissotto for dinner. and water in between meals. :kiss2:

Day 12.... Im doing great, had a call from Ros(dietian) yesterday and she is very happy with me. I am now on mashed vegies and fish and soft things. It was nice to have fish and vegies last nite. I had porriage this morning and it was nice. Scrambled eggs for lunch so Ill see how that goes down. All I know is that if I go slow then Ill be fine. Im glad to be back in bed sleeping well now . I spoke to the hospital today and they said I can go for gentle walks how cool is that.

Day 12.... Im doing great, had a call from Ros(dietian) yesterday and she is very happy with me. I am now on mashed vegies and fish and soft things. It was nice to have fish and vegies last nite. I had porriage this morning and it was nice. Scrambled eggs for lunch so Ill see how that goes down. All I know is that if I go slow then Ill be fine. Im glad to be back in bed sleeping well now . I spoke to the hospital today and they said I can go for gentle walks how cool is that.

Hi everyone I was banded on feb 23 ....i am on day 9 and feeling great. I am feeling better than I thought i would be. I even took my boys to football this morning ...well i didnt drive my partner did...but it was great to get out of the house...my port sites are healing really good still a bit of bruising but Im moving around good. .......Jodie :myscared:

Day 9... Woke up great couldnt sleep in bed but slept not to bad. i am laying down longer on the bed now for about 30 minutes. Took the boys to footy it was nice to get out. It was great to see darren and the boys playing footy together. They had a great time. Very thirsty today Im drinking alot of water. I have more energy today , I even went shopping and felt ok.:clap2: