4 days to go until brisbane

Today is Saturday the boys had softball this morning they played well. I have a few things on my mind and I dont know what to do or who to talk to. Anyway its like this I want to be thin so bad I even enjoy walking of a morning but what the hell am I going to to about my addiction. All I think about is food I know I have made it this far and Im proud of myself. But I am now starting to have withdrawals and I hate it. If I tell Darren or mum how i feel and what it is going on in my mind they will be very disappointed with me and I dont want that. I dont want Darren to be angry with me because I love him and I hate arguing with him it hurts me. I dont need the food because Im not hungry and I know its bad for me so why do I crave it. I hate myself because of my head. I thought I was going good what is happening to my head. How am I going to get out of this head space. Do I need to go and see Jean. I cant say anything in Brisbane because they will get angry at me and I hate the feeling of anger towards me. I hate the thought of letting people down , I dont want to let anyone down, I have failed at this before time and time again over and over. Im scared that I am going to lose it and take it out on Darren and the kids and I dont want that because its not their fault , I cant let myself take it out on the ones closest to me . Im a bit pissed off at myself because I thought I would have lost more weight by now but anyway I have so I have to put up with it. Brisbane on Wednesday .