takingaleap

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

Honey, I'm sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

I wouldn't say kick him to the curb, but I would ask some questions. Marriage is worth salvaging, and working on to understand what truly is going on. You also need to ask yourself if you contributed to it. Not saying that he is cheating or if he is cheating that it was your fault. A cheat is a cheat that made the decision to cheat.
Just as it is hard work to keep a marriage, it is hard work to fix one too. Do you due diligence and inquire to see if it is innocent or malicious before you move to next steps.
Good luck!

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

I can't wait for spring and summer...I'm going to be able to shed the big sweatshirts and sweaters and start wearing shorts. People will notice then! LOL

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

I spoke with him before I posted, this isn't the first time. And I don't feel he is remorseful it is what it is! His loss!

I'm sure she did know. She also doesn't care. It's not her problem he's married and she's got her sight set on him. She may not even "want" him, but is just one of those people who always wants what they can't have and are willing to destroy anything on their way to getting it only to discard it once they have it.
The big key here is to find out why your husband feels that he needs to turn to someone else, and to see if you can mend the communication and lack of trust that has come from this.
As you said this is not the first time, but it is time to get to the root of it. As for this woman, leave her out of it. She only has as much influence on you and your husband as you and he allow her to. Using her name or any other person who he texts name is only giving them more power to push you further apart.
Find out what's wrong between you and your husband that is your main objective.

I spoke with him before I posted, this isn't the first time. And I don't feel he is remorseful it is what it is! His loss!

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

takingaleap, I am so glad to hear your husband agreed to go to therapy with you!
Your husband might not see texting another woman as "cheating" or as a big deal since it doesn't involve a physical relationship. However, texting or chatting online with someone other than your spouse creates an emotional relationship which is often even more hurtful than a spouse having an affair and saying it was "just sex".
This happened with a friend of mine. Her husband went to his 25th high school reunion and he started talking to an ex-girlfriend from high school. They became friends on Facebook and started texting. Turns out, it was pretty innocent on his part--he works nights as a pharmacist by himself and has no one to talk to that late at night and it's often slow at the pharmacy. The high school ex GF knew this and would text him at night. The texts themselves were pretty innocent, but when my friend saw them it became clear to her that things were escalating, at least on the part of the high school girlfriend. She was wanting to get together "for coffee" and had let on that she was only very recently divorced.
Once my friend let her husband know that she saw the texts and was not cool with him meeting up with his old friend and that she felt their relationship was unacceptable they met with their pastor and started going to counseling.
Best of luck to you! I hope your husband will see the error of his ways and come around to your way of thinking on this.

I'm sorry to hear that. What an unfortunate situation. I hope you can do what's best for you and your children, whatever that might be.

What bothers me most about these types of scenarios are the "other women" involved. What are they thinking? Are they so desperate that they would destroy someone's marriage? Do they really think a man who would leave his wife and children is worth having? Would a woman who would seduce a married man be worth anything?
I know we can't control the acts of other people, but as women we need to keep our female friends and family in check. The fantasy is never worth destroying the sanctity of marriage.

I spoke with him before I posted, this isn't the first time. And I don't feel he is remorseful it is what it is! His loss!

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

I'm glad you are taking the time to go to therapy. It is never easy to take a step back and away from what is going on, but it will help you to get some perspective if you can.
Take some time to be with yourself for a bit. Some quiet time and ask yourself what YOU really want from your relationship and your life as well. What are some of the things that are not working for you, and for you as one part of a couple. If you can be a bit objective in your answers and give yourself some specific references to those things it will help you.
While your doing this try to steer clear of blame and anger. Examine it as if you were examining a friends relationship or one from some reality TV show. Do it from an outside point of view. Then you might be able to see what some of the issues in the relationship are and work on them in therapy.
Usually when a partner stray's outside of the primary relationship it's because they are seeking to find something they are not getting from the primary relationship or they are trying to get away from something that is hurting them in the primary relationship. This does not put blame on your or him, the point is to try and find the root cause of the disconnection between you.
I have been down this road before and I can honestly tell you that there were two sides to the "cheating" in my first marriage and the truth was that I was relived he strayed outside of the marriage because it gave me a good reason to end it once and for all. We had been together for 20 years 3 kids, we "grew up" together well I grew up and he didn't but our "marriage" was over long before we were divorced. Growing up in a strong Italian family...we don't leave our husbands. We stick it out we do it for the kids..we do it for all the wrong reasons. I watched many unhappy relationships in my family for years and I did not want to be one.
The cheating and the betrayal is hard to cope with, but in the end I realized I had a hand in that too. I pushed for it, because it was the only way I could be free. Today I am happily re-married to a man I met after my ex and I separated and we have a healthy, loving relationship where we are on the same level and take the time to check in with each other to communicate everyday.
Best of luck to you, it might be hard in the beginning but anything worth fighting for is never easy. No matter where you find yourself just be true to yourself and to your heart and you will be happy.

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

UPDATE>>>>>> We are going to therapy!

Well, I was typing a message to you then I see that your post came through. I am so happy that he has decided to go to therapy with you. Please do not do anything drastic yet, just wait it out and see what happens. Sometimes emotions can get out of control with something like this. I really hope that you are either able to work it out or decide what is best for you and your children.
I am thinking of you today.

I am just starting out my weight loss journey. My husband has decided to go on the programs diet with me. He only has about 60 pounds to lose. He goes to my nut appointments with me. He said he is going to change his eating habits before my surgery so we can lose weight together when I am able to eat solid food again after surgery. I can't believe he is going to do this with me. I can never express to him enough how happy he makes me.

Obviously u are in a lot of pain but please, don't take anyone's advice on an Internet site for weight loss & expect to find answers from complete strangers. Marriage is much too sacred to turn over to ppl that don't know Anything about what all is @ stake with you & ur husband.
Do u have family,friends or minister,counselor (even if he refuses to go) that can give u emotional support & help u through this crisis?
I hope you find the right answers that will work best for everyone concerned.

Yeah definitely slow down and make sure you have all the facts of the situation.
There are plenty of stories of people that have done counseling and have made it work.
I was married for about 6 years when he had the first affair and then I found the second one right at the 10 year mark. Marriage is a lot of work on both parts. After the last affair that broke up the marriage, going through the phone records there were others. I do not know how many more as I got tired of pointless searchings after the divorce.
You need to make sure you did everything you know you should have done in this situation. If I would have divorced after the first affair (didn't accept the promises and apologies), I would probably forever wondered about the shoulda/coulda/woulda's in life. I know now that I am 100% glad that I got the divorce. I do wish a bit that I would have divorced sooner, but that's a different story. To me, marriage is meant to be for life, so I had to make sure that I tried everything that I could control to make it work. In the end, it does take 2 people. 1 person cannot do it all.
Also we do not have kids so we did not have that aspect to push us to stay together. Good luck! <hugs>

I need time to think! And all I keep thinking about is that I shouldn't be in the situation to need to think about this!