xavtay2

I don't really come on the forums as much anymore, but I'd like to keep a record for both myself and those who are looking through posts to find information about surgery. So I'm trying to at least keep my blog updated once in a while.
 
I had my 3 month appointment last month, which went well. According to my labs I am high on Vitamin D, so I'll be stopping my supplements. I am also low on my Vitamin A, which kinda surprised me because I never really considered it would be something I'd be low on, so I am going to be taking a supplement for that for a while. Aside from that I guess everything was good. I haven't actually gotten a copy of my labs yet, I'm waiting for them in the mail, so when I do get them I'll have a better idea of where I'm at.
 
My weight loss has continued steadily. I am down 76.2 pounds now. It's hard to believe really. There are days I feel thinner and there are days that I feel like I'm still the 325 pound person in the mirror. It's trippy to fit into new clothes but not see the difference when you look in the mirror. I am solidly in size 24s and just on the verge of being able to fit into some 22s.
 
I have not been following the diet as well as I should. I know that I have not been getting in enough protein lately, so that's something that I'm actively working on. I also have not been doing workouts, but I have been walking a lot. School has been busy, and I've been going to stay with the guy I am seeing almost every weekend, which means I am almost never home nowadays. I need to make it a priority again. I don't think I get enough in to eat in general. I have not regained any of my hunger, which is a great thing for my weight loss, but it makes me at high risk for being tempted to skip meals when I'm busy. I have been doing better the past week or two, but it's very easy to slip into the "I don't feel like eating" thought process nowadays. It's really kinda strange because I never imagined it was even physically possible for me to turn into one of those people who just didn't really care if they ate. But I don't.
 
I have had my period for almost 4 months straight now. It started a week or two after surgery and I've had maybe one week off of it. It's not heavy like a normal period, it's on and off moderate/light, but it's annoying. My gyno thinks that it's all the hormones and the fact that my pcp told me I could use 2 nuvarings in a row without having a period. She sent me for an ultrasound to make sure there was nothing else that could be causing it and they think I might have a cyst on my right ovary that they're going to take another look at in 4-6 months when I have lost more weight, but that there wasn't anything that would increase my bleeding. I've got my fingers crossed that it will stop any day now. I think it has been one of the hardest parts of the surgery for me. It's physically and mentally taxing to be on your period 24/7. I know this is probably TMI, but I wanted to vent a little!
 
My life has been good. Things are going pretty well with the guy that I've been seeing, which has been great. He loves to share meals with me, which I think is fantastic. School has been crazy. I am doing pretty well though, and I just can't wait for this semester to be over. I am really not cut out to be a pediatric or ob nurse. While I have had a ton of really interesting experiences this semester, I am ready to go back to adult care. I never thought I'd say it, but I kinda miss medsurg (I know I'm gonna be eating those words next semester). Anyway, overall things are great, I love my life, and I'm gonna keep working on keeping myself on track. Can I just say, VSG changed my life in a way I never thought possible. This Thanksgiving it is one of the things I am endlessly thankful for. Thank you modern medicine.

I have had an absolutely crazy past few weeks. Not only did I have my sixth month surgiversary where my total weight loss was 90 lbs, but my doctor and I had a touching Hallmark moment where I thanked him for doing the type of job that he does and that it was the best decision of my life. There was also a hug involved. My doctor is really awesome and I swear I saw a glimmer of moisture in his eyes! *grin*
 
I also turned the BIG 3-0! It's kinda funny because people at work made me show them my license because they didn't believe me. They were convinced I was in my early to mid twenties. Then they couldn't believe the difference between my license picture and what I look like now! I had a big 3 day celebration for my birthday! It was a validation and affirmation of life at its most basic. The first night I went clubbing with friends. I had searched long and hard for a hot outfit and I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. My brain still thinks I'm the old overweight and frumpy woman that I was 6 months ago, and not my new curvy size 12/14. Guess what happened yall! *gleeful smile* Men came up to dance with me! Good looking men, too! I was invited up by some of the dancers to dance on this lit dance table in front of the entire club! Apparently I'm "a hot and sexy dancer" who "knows how to move". I might have also gotten my first impromptu lap dance, but a woman has to have SOME secrets, right? *wicked smile*. (HAHA! I just reread this and realized it sounds like I went to a stripclub. It was actually a regular dance club that had platforms that people could dance on.) Swear to god I'm still blushing about this....I always thought men wanted the perfect skinny girls BUT apparently there are many of them out there who are attracted to me even now! It was SUCH a boost to my ego and my sense of sexuality. I know that I shouldn't let other people's opinions define me and blah blah blah, but for someone who has often felt invisible to the opposite gender....it was amazing.
 
The next day my friends and I traveled to a place where we could zipline, megajump (jumping off a platform 70ft in the air into a controlled fall) and doing obstacle courses set 40-60 ft in the air. We were in climbing gear and it was amazing. I kept expecting things not to fit, or for someone to pull me aside and tell me that I was over the weight limit....but nobody blinked. I don't know when my brain is going to catch up with the rest of me, but I have to say I'm enjoying these little shocks of surprised delight that I keep getting. I've decided to join a rock wall climbing club as I've fallen in love with climbing, ziplining, and jumping from tall places. This is amazing as I'm actually terrified of heights! Again, it was very life affirming.
 
The third day of celebrations involved going out to dinner and going to a burlesque show. It was awesome and the perfect way to say adios to the 20s and welcome in my new and sexy 30s!
 
Okay, now for the down and ugly. I had been stalled out at 191.4 for ages. I think the truth of it was that I was tired. I had fought for the last 6 months to lose weight and break 200 and I almost felt like where I was, was okay. Silly, I know, but I was so tired and discouraged when my stall kept going. So I fell off the diet (I still ate small portions, but I didn't make the BEST choices and while I didn't gain weight, I sure as hell wasn't losing it either). It's like my subconscious was saying "eh, you're looking great and this is good. Relax and have another chicken tender". Stupid stupid stupid. I would like to blame my exhaustion and the fact that work has stressed me out beyong all belief to the point of edging into burnout. I had to actually beg my boss for time off or that she would be working me into the ground. But all those are, are excuses. For my birthday I drank and ate whatever I felt like and I realized how much I don't like the way I feel when I do that. Sodas, tequila, and fried foods make me feel heavy and icky. It is definitely not a habit I want to pick back up!
 
So my birthday put me back on track, ya know? I felt how amazing life was....that I could go to a club and people would WANT to dance with me....that I could overcome my fear and zipline, and that I sure as HELL didn't have surgery and go through all the complications afterward to be satisfied with 191.4. Screw that. So I pulled on my big girl hipster panties and gave a good long look at my current diet. And decided that I needed to switch things up a bit. I've gone back to eating mostly fish and lots of fruit and veggies. Because I work a really odd schedule (and because I work around food) I have a chocolate protein drink as a 'snack' so that a) I'm full and I can have a taste of chocolate and this keeps me away from snacking on brownies or other crap. Even if you only have a bite or two that adds up over time. I'm forcing myself to drink so much water that I'm in danger of turning into a fish and have rededicated myself to running. I ran 20 minutes without stopping tonight and it felt great!
 
I may have temporarily 'lost' the battle, but I'll be damned if I lose this war. I set some new goals for myself for weight loss and I'm gonna meet them and smash them to itty bitty pieces!
 
And would you know, when I stepped on the scale today I weighed 188.8? Lyra is back, wearing her fabulous knee high ass kicking boots, and is ready to wage some serious war!

Today I'm 7 days from my one year anniversary of being a Loser and I'm still learning my body. Just this past weekend:
 
I've come to terms with myself that my eating habits have changed. I get angry because I want to eat more but I can't because my sleeve is full after 3 or 4 bites and by the time my stomach has settled, I don't want it anymore.
 
I need to learn to cook in smaller portions.
 
When we order take out, we can share one dish or I should order something others will eat because I never eat more than a handful.
 
I shy away from dining with others because I'm done before everyone else so I sit there looking at a full plate of food waiting for the everyone else to finish. Also, something that never use to happen, now, I KNOW, I'm leaving with a doggy bag!
 
Thing I use to love to have I don't anymore, things I want to have I can't.
I no longer love chicken. I can eat a few bites and then call it a day.
When I see pasta's, mac and cheese, lasagna, spaghetti, I'd love to have it! BUT I no longer can tolerate pasta.
STILL love, love, love ice cream/frozen yogart, cookies, cakes and salads...BUT the sweet stuff ....and something about lettuce is like a laxative to me. Once eaten it only takes 3 minutes to hit my sleeve and send me running. (Literally!!)

I've come to terms with myself that I must take vitamins daily. When I miss them for more than 3 days, I'm runned down and useless. I don't sleep well and I have no energy to do anything.
 
I've come to terms that my weightloss will be slow and NOT always steady, that now, I need to work out more to get faster weight loss results and to tighten up and build muscle.
 
I've come to terms that with my loss, I will have some saggiing skin and I will need to make a decision in the future if another surgery is something I want to do.
 
AND, today I've learn to listen to what my body is saying...and go with it. I can't stay with old habits good or bad, if my body says go left, then left is where I'm heading.
 
This is an exciting and frustrating time but I'm sure some day soon, I will master me once again.

So I’ve been feeling a bit … I don’t know … down, disheartened, unsuccessful…. I don’t know what the word should be… For one thing, I’ve been really sick for the last ten days with a combo cold/allergy thing. I’m finally feeling better physically and mentally, so here I am.
 
Another reason for my “mood” is that when I went for my last dr visit, at my four-week mark, I had only lost 5 lbs. This was so disappointing after my huge second week loss. I had to remember that I had been storing a huge amount of fluid for almost two years so that was the first thing to come off. Needless to say, I was a bit anxious about my doctors appointment yesterday.
 
I had decided that I needed to take a chill pill and give myself a bit of credit. I’ve on this challenge and have been pretty successful with the huge change in my life. I’ve kept my protein intake up and am (aside from the cold from hell) feeling pretty fantastic. I also reminded myself that it took a long time, for the most part, to get here and it will take a while to take it all off and as long as I continue to go down, even if its one pound at a time, it’s an improvement.
 
So with this pep talk under my figurative belt, I bravely (cough) went to my doctor’s appointment yesterday. This was my family doctor who I last saw the day before my surgery so I actually was pretty stoked to show him my success to this point. Actually, it was the first time I’ve been happy to be weighed in at his office in the last two years. Prior to this, I had been gaining every time I would go in. It was frustrating for me but also to my doctor because we could not stop whatever was going on. Last time I saw him, I had a raging case of cellulitis on my left leg, not to mention that the same leg was twice (at least) the size of my right leg.
 
Thank goodness that my anxiety was short-lived!! I had lost 8 lbs and that officially put me under 300 lbs!! This is the first time in almost two years that I have seen that! This brings my official weight loss to 45 lbs in six weeks! Yeah me!! My doctor was also very pleased with my progress. Not only had I lost a lot of weight but I no longer had cellulitis and the swelling is gone from my legs. And even though I’m still sneezing, my O2 stat was at 89, and I’m still not feeling 100%, he (and I) were so excited that my lungs were totally clear!! You have to understand that prior to this, every single time I would get a cold it would mean weeks of recovery, antibiotics, and a general miserable existence until it would clear up. Not only did this not happen this time BUT I really didn’t even have to increase my medications (nebulizer etc) this time. Very little wheezing, huffin’ & puffin’, etc… Yeah! I’m loving this new life!!
 
So, with my usual positive outlook back in order (and great drugs keeping the nose under control!) I decided to take inventory of what I am able to do now that I could not do six weeks ago or for the last two years, for that matter. Now I understand that if you have never been large then you may not realize what a huge accomplishment these things are but if you have walked in my shoes at all…. you get it!! So here we go…..
 
The first thing I noticed, of course, was that I could breath. I know I have mentioned this in previous entries but when you feel like you are suffocating 24/7, it is pretty major. Of course, with this obstacle pushed somewhat to the side, I am now able to walk without feeling like I’m going to have a heart attack or pass out at any moment. I can put on my bra by myself. I know, you are thinking “What?” well I could not reach around behind my back and hook my bra so my dear hubby had to do it for me. I think he kinda feels left out now! lol I can take a shower without having to sit down as soon as I get out AND I can shave my legs with ease!! I can fix my hair win half the time that it was taking me. I also have not heard my husband ask me “Why are you breathing so hard?” for a while now. (Yeah!!) There are a lot of other things but the latest two things just happened in the last week or two…. I put on and tied my own tennis shoes with the bow ON TOP and I painted my toenails this morning! I even got a compliment from one of my bosses… she thought I had gotten a pedicure!! Again YEAH!!
 
So with this happy evalutation, I am now looking forward and will hopefully keep the negativity at bay. Happy journey and Hugs!!!

Feels so good to be me today. I get more compliments and meet more men than ever. Cant image how it's going to be when I loose my last 30 pounds.
 
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK EVERYONE, EVERYDAY IS A STRUGGLE BUT AS I ALWAYS SAY; "ALL FOR ME"

I have been thinking of having weight loss surgery for some time now. And that is as far as it went. Thinking aboiut it. For years and years my weight has gone up and up with out me really thinking anything about it or acknowledging it. Well, here I am at 41 years old and more then morbidly obese. I am ashamed of how I look and feel knowing that I put myself into the situation I am in. I know that if I don't do something about it I could die and I am way to young for that to happen. I have two wonderful children that are teenagers and I want to see them grow into adults and have children of there own. There's so much in life I still want to see and enjoy. I took the first step about a month ago by talking to my doctor about how I feel about my health and weight issues. She and I talked about surgery and placed the call to Dr. English in Marquette Michigan. With in a few days the office contacted me and sent an information package in the mail. I admit it took a while to mail the package back to them. I wanted to be sure I had learned much more before taking the next step.
On March 21st, I attended the conference where I learned much more and made the decision to mail the filled out forms back to Dr. English's office. Next step, make appointments for psych exam and so forth. One step at a time , baby steps.. and I will succeed!