dubsteppsycho

Hello all, My name is Charlie i am 27 year old male and have been overweight since about the 3rd grade, so basically my entire life. I never had a tramatic experiance or significant event in my life that triggered this sudden obsession with food, that i can remember anyways. A little bit about my self, I live in New Jersey, my parents were divorced from each other twice with several seperations togehter inbetween that so my childhood was quite fun as you could imagine. Deep down i think alot of the stuff i went through with that has played a huge role in my eating but who knows. I have always looked to food for comfort my entire life whether it be for happy,sad,mad whatever i ATE. I am 6'0 and currently weigh about 450lbs(havent weighed myself in a few weeks) and have a consultation with a surgeon at a local hospital on February 14,2012. I have contimplated having this surgery many times in the past, attended 2 seperate seminars, learned aboiut the different procedures offered, even met with a nutritionist. Over the years i have always backed out due to my extremely high level of anxiety i suffer from and to be honest the saddest thing i could possibly imagine which is ending my "love affair" with food. I dont look at food as something to survive, i look at it for what it is...beautiful, delicious and can satisfy you in ways some things in life just never could. When i eat something i just cant put into words how great it makes me feel especially when its particularly tasty, im sure ALOT of you out there know/feel the same way i do and know where i am coming from! So why get surgery now? Ive basically come to a point in my life where i am just literally disgusted with my self, what ive allowed to happen and continue to abuse. Like any drug user, i need a massive intervention and i feel with the band in place i will be FORCED to stay on a diet, no more bad day binges, depression binges etc because i will physically be unable to eat the food. Another good factor is i do have a irrational fear of vomitting so i also think that will play a huge part in my success with the lap band in not over indulging due to the risk of vomitting. I know there will probably be some foods ill never be able to eat again due to them getting stuck in the pouch or things of that nature and as the days go on im trying to become ok with that. I know after i get this done i am going to have my good days and my bad days which will mostly consist of " what did i do?, i cant eat anymore :" i know it sounds stupid but this is a massive life change. No one wakes up in the morning and decides you know what today im going to work incredibly hard and continue to do so until im morbidly obese and have health issues just because. People who suffer from weight problems, like my self, dont really choose to be this way it just kind of happens. I mean granted im sure some people out there dont want to change bu I DO. I have been making a list of questions for my surgeon to ask him, im at about 50 or so haha hopefully he has some time to spare. I am scared to death of being put under as i have never had any surgery or even a procedure involving a :"twilight" sedation. The one major positive thing for me is as far as the liquid diet required i could eat Soup 3 times a day for the rest of my life, so i dont think that would be a huge issue for me, im mostly scared when it comes time for "real" food again what i will be able to tolerate etc. I know this is just a tool and only a tool, but its what i need to do. If anyone can offer me any advice, or some encouraging words to help me through this process it would be much appreciated as i am just terrified about everything, but it needs to happen and i WILL NOT back down anymore! Ive had high blood pressure since the 8th grade, i have sleep apnea for the last few years ( documented anyways), and over all am just a miserable person, mostly due to my weight and hopefully i wont become a diabetic( fingers crossed). I want to know what its like to be thin, wear normal sized clothes and do things ive missed out on my whole life due to being overweight and shy. Thanks everyone for letting me vent. Hope all are well, and i am looking forward to this journey reguardless of how tough it just may be!