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Ok I will be 3 weeks out on Wednesday. I went through something similar and I believe that's what caused my stall at a week and a half out. I wasn't eating crackers but I was making really cheesy dips that included chicken,velveeta cheese,etc. And I was eating snacks with my husband like a couple bites of cheesecake off his plate,a couple pieces of chex mix muddy buddy,etc. I had no room for the healthy stuff! At my one week post op appt my dr told me I was free to eat whatever(healthy) as long as I chewed it thoroughly and went slow. I started eating a bit of ice cream,a lil while later a couple bites of pudding,a while after that some of the velveeta dip stuff and so on...While I don't believe there is enough calories and or fat in the little bitty amounts I was sticking in my sleeve to make you gain a bunch of weight,I do believe all of this and the scale showed it with a 1 lb gain and then stall at a week and a half out: 1-Not eating planned out meals and just grazing throughout the day was getting in the way of my fluid intake. I had it in my mind that I could not tolerate protein shakes so that was being sabotoged as well,and none of these things are healthy. I was not coming to terms with the fact that my sleeve is still too small and new for me to be eating these things and still getting in the nutrition that I need. If I'm not getting in enough liquids or protein,my body is in starvation mode and will hang onto any little bit of fat it can to store for energy,I will feel weak and fatigued like I was,my hair will start falling out(one of my biggest fears). I gave my scale to my mom and made SURE to put lean protein foods first,and that's about all I can fit in my sleeve. My rule of thumb now is NO food goes into my mouth when I wake up until I have had at least 20 ozs of liquids,I follow that with a muscle milk light which has 20 grams of protein and my sleeve loves it compared to a protein shake. Then I have to have 10 more ounces of liquids b4 lunch. I can only stomach 1.5 ounces of chicken with hot sauce and a dab of blue cheese on it then I'm full. Wait about an hour and make myself finish off 10 more ounces of fluids before dinner. I then eat tuna,salmon,cheese,or chicken,something with protein for dinner. By then I have had more than 40 grams of protein and 40 ounces of liquids. I am free for the rest of the evening to drink liquids,eat a couple bites of SF pudding (I usually sprinkle some unflavored protein in it) or even eat a SF fruit bar-only 25 calories and soooo good! The reason I am saying all this is bc this: Since I put my foot down and started doing what I know I should be,my stall ended quickly and I have lost 3 more lbs in 3 days! I had to realize that I will eventually get to enjoy these things in moderation,but the whole reason I got the sleeve is so I can fill it with healthy,protein rich foods,vitamins and liquids consistently until my excess weight is gone. I will from now on save the junk food till I am farther out. That 1 lb gain and stall was enough to snap me out of it and remember what I was blessed with. Now,that being said it's just my opinion and I do believe everyone's body is different and everyone can handle things differently. I just kinda wanted to let u in on my experience thus far out and hope I can help in someway. ((HUGS)) and stay strong,we will get through this!
 
 
Source: Is This Self-Sabotage?

Alright, time to come clean! The two days at the hospital were really great, I was released early and I felt so good. I have not been on any pain medication since the day after surgery. The last few days have been very hard for me for some reason. It really blindsided me and I really don't know why because I really want this and did everything within my power to make sure I got it. So, I sat down and did some deep thinking about it and I figured out I think it's a major control issue with me. It's no longer me in control, it's my stomach, my body. When I would diet before surgery I still had control over what I decided to put in, even if that meant cheating on my diet. Obviously I didn't have as much control as I convinced my mind that I did, otherwise, my diets would have worked, but now the control is 100% beyond me. Sure I could try and eat something, but I know the physical aspects would hurt very bad, not just be a cheat on the diet. It really got to me the last few days. I have been hungry, and have not been able to get in hardly any protein. Maybe 20 grams a day, very little calories, and the results have been very hard for me to adjust to. I have been so tired, gotten blurry vision occasionally, and felt so run down and I saw my house falling apart a little so it was getting to me mentally. The water intake has been at about 30oz a day, if I'm lucky! Another major reason I was frustrated. All this piled up on me and I felt so betrayed!! By my own body, and my own mind. I felt like I worked so hard to get this for me and now all I wanted was a freaking egg or 1/2 cup of real soup to eat.
But now it's reckoning time! Time for the complaining to stop, the whining, the longing, the wanting, it all needs to end! I have done this, I wanted this, I am healing great and losing pounds every day and there is no going back! My sister has been staying with us because my husband works a lot of hours and I have needed help with my littles ones, and I saw her this morning and realized all over again one of the reasons why I did this. I know all the medical reasons and health reasons, but for now I am going to remind myself of the physical appearance reasons as well. I have so many clothes I have bought over the years that at one time I fit in, or thought I would fit in shortly if I could just diet a little more.Well, obviously that did not go as planned so I have loaned so many out to my sisters over the years who have fit in them just fine. So I looked at my sister this morning wearing one of my favorite shirts that I am still about 55 pounds away from fitting into and It just clicked! Why the hell am I still whining about my intake? About being hungry? About how hard this is or how tired I am?? This is just one more piece of the diet I should be on anyway right now, and I am thankful for it! I am going to follow the plan my surgeon gave me, and lose the weight, and deal with the head and food issues, and get back MY life! MY clothes, MY health, and MY ability to take care of MY kids and MY house!
I am anxious to get back to exercise, I have been walking, but I really wish I had a treadmill. I have an elliptical, but I am being careful as I know I need to heal all the way before I start anything harder. I know I will get to a place of loving this sleeve rather then just accepting it. Once I see some more physical results and transition into a little bit healthier phase of fuel for my body I except that love and bond to the sleeve to start,
Anyway, I rambled on long enough, but I needed to get this out. I know I have read about others struggling a bit with their sleeve and other issues, so I know it will get better for us all!

I feel selfish being fat. Let me explain. This consumes me. It has consumed my life for a long time. I think about it all the time. Maybe even more so now because I am on this incredible journey with finally an awesome opportunity to lose weight. And that is something I have obsessed for .....for a very long time. Now, I feel like I have to focus even more to ensure I don't fail. I feel so self-consumed. So selfish.
I am a stress eater. Well, I used to be. I would eat, no binge like crazy when stressed. I was stressed often. Unfortunately, weight loss surgery did not cut out 85% of my stress.
I am watching my mother in law die from stomach and colon cancer. She was forced to be readmitted to the hospital tonight because she refuses to eat. Here I am with an eating issue, and here she is on the opposite end of it, but needing food if she wants to survive.
So, first I feel selfish to go through this, while she and my husband and his family are dealing with something so much harder. So it stresses me out. And I want to eat.
Tonight I did what any weight loss person could do. I binged....on some chocolate milk. In reality, I only had about 7 or 8 oz, but it was 2% and was, like I said, chocolate. Luckily I did good all day with my carb and calorie intake so I did not go over 800 calories for the day, but the point was I did not have the control over it in this time of intense stress.
I feel so sad to see my family go through this, and so selfish to still be focusing on something so...I don't want to say not serious, but in comparison...it seems like it.
I feel selfish that I needed this surgery. That I needed the help. That I needed this me time. Right in the middle of all this. I just don't want to put my kids through anything that I can help later in life. It just hurts too bad too see the family like this....I guess I am just justifying my feelings of selfishness by thinking it will prevent any pain in the future. Who knows....

January 25th was my surgery... i wanted to wait till my first post op appointment with my doctor to find out my weight loss. So It's been 2 weeks and I'm happy to say I lost 34 pounds!!!! YES!!! I started at 341 lbs and now I'm 307 lbs. Right now I'm following the diet to the T. I regret not preparing myself before surgery because right now it's all mental for me. The diet itself isn't hard but I wish there were more things I could taste (don't we all). I'm on stage 3. Today I finally tried eggs it went okay. Day by day I'll get use to it. For quite some time I've been smoking, drinking, and EATING my life to death... to be honest I had drinks 2 weeks before my surgery. I quit smoking for 2 weeks to take my labs and smoked 2 days before. I didn't realize how foolish and selfish I was until I laid there awaiting surgery. My life flashed before me and I couldn't believe all that I've missed. It's hasn't been long but I know I'm not going back. Well, that's my start.

So my family wants me to write a cookbook of all of my recipes. I have a lot of custom recipes that they absolutely love. Most of them are ultra healthy but don't taste like it. Even some of my desserts are quite healthy I think I'm going to do it.
 
I might also do a cookbook for small portions with the same recipes and others that i come up with. Might be a lot of fun
 
I love love love to bake - but don't really eat anything I bake, other than a bite or two - then I give it all away. Holidays are fun - I send so much stuff to family and friends. I like the fact that I can still do that - and I'm going to work on altering some of my more...rich recipes to be more healthy and smaller portions.

I am back at work. I was looking forward to it and now that I'm here...happy to be here, but...it seems like I never left. Some people didn't even know I was out, but those that did are happy I am well and back (which always feels good). Keep in mind...I have not told anyone at work that I had vsg surgery, just that I had 'female surgery' (I'm a female and had surgery!).
 
About an hour ago a friend/colleague presented me with one of her to-die-for homemade carrot cakes to celebrate my return to work (my once-upon-a-time favorite favorite sweet ever!). I thanked her profusely and we put it in our interaction area with plates and forks and a sign for whoever wants some, come get it - in a matter of seconds it was gone. My friend had cut me a piece. I said thank you and that I would enjoy it a bit later with a cup of tea. Well, once my friend was back in her office and working away, I took my yummy looking piece of carrot cake to my receptionist and it is now gone. Whew! In the past I would have gobbled it and gotten a second piece.
 
I went through most of my clothes last evening and purged all the clothes that currently do not fit, those in larger sizes. I will never go back to that size again and I hate all those clothes anyway. I did keep one nice shirt and pair of jeans - so I can post one of those 'look-at-me-now' photos when I reach my goal weight. I can not wait for that day, but just knowing it will really happen brings me much joy.
 
Looking forward to tomorrow, and the next day, and the next and so on.....

I'm one day post-op and I feel like a million bucks. I'm sore of course, but I haven't taken any pain medicine all day - I figure if my menstrual cramps were this bad, I wouldn't take pain meds for them, so why for this? All in all, I feel pretty good - its hard to get comfortable for me because i'm a stomach sleeper - well - at least I won't be for a while.
 
We checked in at the hotel and its a beautiful room - just kinda haning out - hubby is snoozing - I took a little nap. Time seems to crawl by - I have to be back at the clinic for a checkup at 5- they come to get us.
 
I swear if the peope at the clinc were any nicer, they'd melt in the rain like sugar. I can't get over how they are so genuinely sweet. They don't condescend to you, they don't forget about you. They're really there to take care of you.
 
I'm now to the point where I can sip water, but I still feel pretty hydrated from the iv's.
 
I cannot wait to take a shower. Hopefully that will be tonite.
 
I'm still a little gassy, but nothing spectacular. I'm hoping to sleep through the night, but don't have any expectations to. Again, that's just me - I'm an insomniac.
 
Oh - and everyone at the clinic is just gorgeous. Inside and out.

Today was my birthday - in 36 years old and 2 days away from the second biggest life changer so far. The first was getting sick. This one though, will change my life for the better. It's actually going to give me back what I desperately want - my health. I leave tomorrow for San Diego. Looking forward to just getting the ball rolling more smoothly down the hill.
I don't know how many others are having surgery that day, other than one person I met here! I'm sure I'll be last, or close to last, as I have a very high BMI- and that's ok - I'm prepared for that. Wouldnt mind being first tho - but I'll wait my turn

I'm here in San Diego. I eventful flight - however, I did buy the "extra seat for a person of size" and of course I didn't need the damn thing, I fit in the seat just fine. They said they would refund me so I'm cool with it. So a little victory there I. Itself. I havent flown since before I got sick - so I just didn't know. I was shocked that I did fit in the seat, armrest down, etc because so many standard seats are tough to take.
 
Anyway - I can't sleep. I'm nervous.... I keep running through my mind and wondering what I'm doing here!?!? Guess its just some last minute jitters and the hunger talking. Knowing that I'm a high BMI and knowing that puts me toward the end of the day sucks too, but it is what it is... End result is my health and happiness.
 
It's just hard to be in San Diego, where one of my oldest friends lives- I didn't know how I was going to handle being so close to him and not seeing him- it's been since 1999 since I have seen him.... But he and his wife are up in the bay area visiting a couple other friends of ours so it's like it was meant to be!
 
Hubby is snoring away in the bed next to me. I'd like to sleep but it just doesnt wanna happen. I wanna get up early, get a shower and go put my feet in the ocean for a minute. Then I will head for the airport and continue on my journey. I hate this no water after midnight thing - it sucks.

With my latest weigh-in on Monday I have now dipped under 40 on the BMI scale. So now after being Super Obese and Extremely Obese...I am now just plain ole Obese. What a silly label to be happy about huh? The other realization that I have come to and still trying to come to grips with is that this very likely will be the label I stay at. When I get to my goal weight, I will still have a BMI north of 30, so my prospects of getting to Overweight are pretty slim....man I hate puns.