DELETE THIS ACCOUNT!

Thank you, all, for the feedback! It's good to see that others can relate. You've all given me some good advice and things to think about. I appreciate it.
@Dylan -- No. I never did the modelling. Also, Jim (my husband) has been amazingly supportive through all of this. We have done most of the classes together. At our center, the band is not popular (we call it the "red-headed step child") and where he was post-op, he was able to speak to the band and his success.

Can I say that I relate as well, but wanted to add that one thing I have learnt being 5 years post banding is that I never changed. On the outside? Yes. How people treated me? Definitely. But the fundamental part of me, who I was, who I am, remains the same. That doesn't change with the what you weigh.
The difference though between me and someone who was always thin is that I recognise that someone's weight doesn't define them. And it doesn't define me. Nor should it define you. Fat, thin, you will still be you.

I enjoyed reading your story. When I met with my original surgeon, long story, I said I felt like a failure because I needed the Band! She said I was not a failure but I was helping myself with a tool. She was right. I love my tool. I love no more 'fat stores'. I can fit into booths in restaurants and no longer have to ask for table and chairs. I can keep up with my grandsons. Don't think that getting the band means you are a failure and need help. We all need help everyday. In other ways.
By the way, did you ever model?
good luck with your choice. Maybe go to the support meetings with your husband. I go every month and most of the time my husband comes with me for support.

You know Kelli, I could tell a similar story and I'm a 60 year old man, as with many of us I found a way to accept the fat and moved on through life. I have just completed my research and made the decision to go with the band, more than the research I had to self examine why now and why I am willing to tackle something this extreme. For me it came down to being here for my wife and family as an active and healthy senior, as we head into retirement. It has taken a while for me to learn to want this and begin to feel comfortable with this decision. So I think it' s a process, you have to see what it does for your future, what it will do for the health you seek, and not acceptance of people who don't support us, even if it's family.

You are bringing up some profound issues here, Kelli -- thanks so much for writing this. I have worries about people liking me better when I'm thinner and that being more "acceptable" is just so screwy it gets my back up. Mis73 thank you for pointing out that this is not a badge of courage but part of a shielding system I've had in place for a long time. I want people to like me/love me how I am, of course, but when it comes time to help me celebrate my newfound health I need to let go of these old hang ups. It's okay to look better even if the real objective is better health. It's okay to be pretty (I have never experienced that feeling and it's hard to write this).
Some one else pointed out somewhere that we all have a role and sometimes there is resistance from within as well as from our families, community etc. to a change in that role -- for whatever that is worth.

Our stories are very similar!
Like you, I have been "the fat girl" my entire life. I can remember being as young as 5th grade and obsessed with how huge my thighs were. I remember being teased for being big all through junior high. I remember going shopping with my girlfriends in high school and being so ashamed because I couldn't wear anything at the "normal sized" shops they went to.
I did date as a teen but my self esteem was always awful. When I hit college, like you I decided to own being a fat girl. I had more self confidence and I decided I didn't give a rip if someone did like me for me- fat and all.
...but then I had my first child at 21 years old...and got bigger and bigger. Over the years I ballooned up to over 400 pounds. Any self esteem I ever had was long gone and my health was seriously tanking fast.
My best advice is to let go of that "fat girl" mentality. Too often we wear it like a suit of armor not a badge of courage. We're teased and tormented so severely we try to muster up all this false bravado to shield ourselves from being hurt yet again. It is simply wonderful you're doing this for your health- but you have to be ok with the fact there's nothing wrong with doing this to look good, too. You're not letting society or anyone else "win" by getting the Lap Band and losing weight. YOU are winning for taking control of your health so you can live a long, happy, healthy life with your husband.
Best wishes to you

Our stories are very similar!
Like you, I have been "the fat girl" my entire life. I can remember being as young as 5th grade and obsessed with how huge my thighs were. I remember being teased for being big all through junior high. I remember going shopping with my girlfriends in high school and being so ashamed because I couldn't wear anything at the "normal sized" shops they went to.
I did date as a teen but my self esteem was always awful. When I hit college, like you I decided to own being a fat girl. I had more self confidence and I decided I didn't give a rip if someone did like me for me- fat and all.
...but then I had my first child at 21 years old...and got bigger and bigger. Over the years I ballooned up to over 400 pounds. Any self esteem I ever had was long gone and my health was seriously tanking fast.
My best advice is to let go of that "fat girl" mentality. Too often we wear it like a suit of armor not a badge of courage. We're teased and tormented so severely we try to muster up all this false bravado to shield ourselves from being hurt yet again. It is simply wonderful you're doing this for your health- but you have to be ok with the fact there's nothing wrong with doing this to look good, too. You're not letting society or anyone else "win" by getting the Lap Band and losing weight. YOU are winning for taking control of your health so you can live a long, happy, healthy life with your husband.
Best wishes to you

Our stories are very similar!
Like you, I have been "the fat girl" my entire life. I can remember being as young as 5th grade and obsessed with how huge my thighs were. I remember being teased for being big all through junior high. I remember going shopping with my girlfriends in high school and being so ashamed because I couldn't wear anything at the "normal sized" shops they went to.
I did date as a teen but my self esteem was always awful. When I hit college, like you I decided to own being a fat girl. I had more self confidence and I decided I didn't give a rip if someone did like me for me- fat and all.
...but then I had my first child at 21 years old...and got bigger and bigger. Over the years I ballooned up to over 400 pounds. Any self esteem I ever had was long gone and my health was seriously tanking fast.
My best advice is to let go of that "fat girl" mentality. Too often we wear it like a suit of armor not a badge of courage. We're teased and tormented so severely we try to muster up all this false bravado to shield ourselves from being hurt yet again. It is simply wonderful you're doing this for your health- but you have to be ok with the fact there's nothing wrong with doing this to look good, too. You're not letting society or anyone else "win" by getting the Lap Band and losing weight. YOU are winning for taking control of your health so you can live a long, happy, healthy life with your husband.
Best wishes to you

Our stories are very similar!
Like you, I have been "the fat girl" my entire life. I can remember being as young as 5th grade and obsessed with how huge my thighs were. I remember being teased for being big all through junior high. I remember going shopping with my girlfriends in high school and being so ashamed because I couldn't wear anything at the "normal sized" shops they went to.
I did date as a teen but my self esteem was always awful. When I hit college, like you I decided to own being a fat girl. I had more self confidence and I decided I didn't give a rip if someone did like me for me- fat and all.
...but then I had my first child at 21 years old...and got bigger and bigger. Over the years I ballooned up to over 400 pounds. Any self esteem I ever had was long gone and my health was seriously tanking fast.
My best advice is to let go of that "fat girl" mentality. Too often we wear it like a suit of armor not a badge of courage. We're teased and tormented so severely we try to muster up all this false bravado to shield ourselves from being hurt yet again. It is simply wonderful you're doing this for your health- but you have to be ok with the fact there's nothing wrong with doing this to look good, too. You're not letting society or anyone else "win" by getting the Lap Band and losing weight. YOU are winning for taking control of your health so you can live a long, happy, healthy life with your husband.
Best wishes to you

You look simply amazing. I think it's hysterical she actually got in a snit because she thought you were trying to dupe her.

You look simply amazing. I think it's hysterical she actually got in a snit because she thought you were trying to dupe her.

This is just way too cool and too fun!! I love it!!
Btw, I haven't been to Great America in decades. Next time I'm back in Chicago visiting family and friends I'm definitely going.
You look wonderful too!

This is just way too cool and too fun!! I love it!!
Btw, I haven't been to Great America in decades. Next time I'm back in Chicago visiting family and friends I'm definitely going.
You look wonderful too!

This is just way too cool and too fun!! I love it!!
Btw, I haven't been to Great America in decades. Next time I'm back in Chicago visiting family and friends I'm definitely going.
You look wonderful too!

This is just way too cool and too fun!! I love it!!
Btw, I haven't been to Great America in decades. Next time I'm back in Chicago visiting family and friends I'm definitely going.
You look wonderful too!

This is just way too cool and too fun!! I love it!!
Btw, I haven't been to Great America in decades. Next time I'm back in Chicago visiting family and friends I'm definitely going.
You look wonderful too!

Happy Bandiversary!!
Congratulations on your success, too!

Happy Bandiversary!!
Congratulations on your success, too!

I don't mind reiterating something to anyone who is really interested in figuring it all out. I am not the quickest to learn either, I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes. It's not that sort of poster that bothers me, so please don't think that it's at all what I'm saying. It's more those who, for example, insist that they need to be so tight they can't do anything but drink protein shakes because that MUST be how people lose weight with the band, or get angry because the band magically didn't take every shred of hunger away, or are pissed off because they don't understand why they need to get fills because surely it should have worked and made them lose 50lbs straight after surgery that make me cringe. Wanting to learn is one thing, making mistakes and admitting them is another thing, but not knowing anything but pretending like you know everything? Yeah, no, I have no more patience for that. And you know when it's time to take a break when you see those posts and it feels like they're EVERYWHERE, when they're probably not.

Hope your healing will happens fast and you return refreshed! I have great respect for people like yourself and mis73.
I feel that I'm in need of repeat lectures so please don't judge some of us harshly, after a lifetime of wrong headed food behavior a single slap to the brain is not enough for me.
I think that some posts by veterans should be made into stickies and can become a reference material.

Hey lellow...gonna miss you but I agree completely with your post. It's very frustrating to see how many folks don't get the band at all and expect the weight to melt off and/or to never be hungry again or crave food that's not good for you, or not sticking to band sized portions yet wonder why they are not successful. Good luck and come back soon.

Thanks everyone. One of the lovely ladies here messaged me on FB about this asking if it was anything in particular. It's not. It's just a general thing. Just same old, same old. I think when I posted this blog last night I was feeling particularly tired of it all, and I apologise for being more dramatic than was probably necessary.
I still won't be reading or responding to posts for a while, because I do believe it's not a bad thing for someone to take a break from this place now and again, just to shed the negativity of it all and enjoy their lives, but I'll still be around, in chat or via PM, because I know I have friends here who I would miss and who would have my back if I needed them to.
So it's not farewell, it's just that I'm going to be quieter around the place.

Hello from a newbie whose closer today to being banded than yesterday....please be sure to come back for newbies such as myself.
For as many "ignorant" people on here, there are an equal or more (i like to think ) number of people who count on people such as yourself to share their story, give their advice, and support. You are an inspiration to me and I dont want to lose the support and advice of "veterans" such as yourself.
So thank you for all you've done in the past and I hope by the time I am banded you are back....and I hope all the other veterans hang around for folks like me!

I will miss you but totally understand where you are coming from. I have noticed that in the past 6 months a lot of the regulars are missing. I enjoyed them and you. This site has taught me a lot and it is the best place to learn from the masters. There are always the people who challenge everything in life including the band. How far can I stretch it. They never should have gotten the band to begin with.
Be well and please pop in time to time.
Thank you.
Arlene

Very well spoken post! I'm so glad you have taken it upon yourself to not only do the homework but talk to your doctor. If more people were as smart about this as you are, there would be lot less band failures and ignorance.
As far as the scary threads and "you're doomed, doomed I tell you!" posters: Just remember, it's sad but misery loves company and ignorance isn't bliss. The ignorant won't be happy until they've made everyone as miserable as they are.