CowgirlJane

Well, I emphathize with your feelings - I really do. It is also possible that it is our age difference. I was in my late 40s when I hit goal and I kinda dug being the new found hottie at work, at the check out line and out dancing..haha. Maybe when younger I wouldnt have been as accepting of this shift... I would have also said that - I am just the same as i always was and everyone else changed. I have loving, trusted friends who have told me ...no, no you aren't. I believe them and I am embracing the tweaks to my external personality. Deep down, my heart is still the same, but i do believe that how it seems on the outside HAS changed.

No way to predict. I lost alot of weight, say 60-80# when i was in my 20s and had no loose skin - I wore a bikini and looked pretty okay. It was a different story being late 40s and losing over 150# this time, but even then the skin wasn't as bad as i have seen some pictures of. I am guessing your worst problem area will be the belly, but after childbirth, mine did tighten up considerably and yours probably will too. I have to tell you... I looked ALOT better with a bit of extra skin than I did morbidly obese...

Here is another perspective ... can you really blame them? When I weighed 300#, not only was i much less attractive, i didn't feel good physically, i did not radiate a positive life energy and my fatsuit provided a nice comfy protective layer. I am 3 years post op and I look remarkably different (click on my profile for before and after photos) but what I realize mostly is that I ACT remarkably different.I am less self protective, more comfortable in my own skin, more self confident as a woman. I have a girlfriend who knew me both pre, during and post weight loss. She said something very insightful to me. She told me i was always polite, but a bit distant before. She said now... I am like a magnet, attracting people.. even SHE wants to be with me more and it has very little to do with my looks. So, yes, it is easy to blame the guys or whatever, but the truth of it is that we play a role in this too. Now that I am trim and live a healthy, active lifestyle,I don't associate much with unfit people either. It is NOT because I am a "hater" it is because I want a certain very active lifestyle and want to surround myself with like minded people - those who would rather hike over going to a buffet. Who would rather kayak than watch a movie about it. etc etc. I think taking personal responsibility for at least a part of this "shift" is a good first step. another thing that I am noticing, looks are just the key to get the door open, in the end it is about the person anyway. I get lots of positive remarks about my appearance - but generally from wildly inappropriate "matches" - like way younger for example - and so it is just background noise to me these days. You may find your point of view on this changes over time...

So, I did something very brave for me. I like Kevin, we haven't had the "exclusive" talk but he dominates my free social time so I am not dating anyone else in fact. I am not quite ready to callhim my boyfriend, but we are moving to that territory. I have so much fun with him, he is funny, full of life, into me, I am into him all that good stuff. On Saturday though something small came up. I realized it was very subtle, but I felt like his jokey sarcasm felt a little cutting, a little unloving. It was nothing big, but i felt it. All it was is that he wanted me to do something differently and instead of kindly saying it, made a sarcastic joke about it. My first reaction was... well, guess this isn't going to work out because sarcasm does not belong in a loving relationship, and in a lovey dovey setting...even though i am totally fine with it elsewhere. Then, trying to decide do I keep just seeing him because it's fun, knowing we aren't going to be a long term thing? I decided instead to tell him how it made me feel. i was too unclear on my thoughts to tell him right then, so i sent an email. Okay, maybe I wasn't that brave, but it was a big step for me. The old me would have just let myself feel hurt until it built up and I was just "done". So, he might tell me to kiss off... but at least I spoke my mind. And, i don't think he will.

For me, I had reached a stage where excesw food was like the "bad boyfriend" who gave me temporary pleasure and too much pain and I was just DONE with that. My surgery was Dec 11 2011...I spent Christmas on liquids and not feeling that wonderful. No new years eve party for me. I encourage you to think about your readiness to "let go" of food as entertainment...just to be sure you can take this on during holidays and birthday times.

Food for thought..is this the right time to take on weight loss surgery? It took alot of focus for me to be successful....and I feel like a new baby combined with all else would have made it very hard for me to have the success I did. (Maintaining 160# loss lost sleeve). I wish you much success, but want to tell you life losing massive weight and then maintaining it isnt always easy....even though very rewarding.

An acquaintance of mine had something similar happen as a result of bypass. It's been over 6 months, she is alive and home but still recovering. It's been really bad. Complications can happen, it's sad and scary. Weight loss surgery is statistically much safer than obesity but if you are the one with life threatening complications, stats don't matter much. Sorry for your friend and prayers for her recovery. I feel blessed to have had no complications and be maintaining a huge loss with the help of my sleeve.

It would be good to get pros and cons from an educational seminar but surgeons are biased too! I was sleeved and maintaining 160# weight loss. I lost slightly slower than many bypass, but not by much. I also think the relative negatives of the bypass are often exaggerated too. There are key differences however and if you have GERD, seriously discuss this with your surgeon because that is a long term risk for sleeve...like it can show up years post op. In my view they are both good procedures, I obviously preferred the sleeve and have done great with it but I strongly suggest that you do more research on Medline, via your surgeon etc.

I do think it depends on the relationship, but I have LOVED the support and "oohs and ahhs" I have gotten. I can't describe how motivational it was to hear over a year ago, pre plastics, from women coworkers younger than me that I had a "hot body". I never had a hot bod when I was young, so it was a real confidence builder. I guess I am a little vain (though I try not to show it) but I love it when someone compliments my clothes and admires that I look good in "Everything". Are the jealous? Maybe, but mostly I think they are so happy for me. i have worked for the same company for over 20 years and for most of that time have looked fairly crappy to be honest. I think they share my joy that I have lost weight and am maintaining. I welcome it. Now, one of my sisters and her daughter were convinced I was too thin. They staged a little intervention..ha.. talking to me about "stopping losing". I felt that as a sis and niece who geniunely love me and care about my well being, I owed them the conversation. They have never seen me normal sized - I have been overweight or obese since about age 5, with maybe 2 weeks when I was in my 20s when I was normal sized. Anyway, when I told them my actual weight - they were in disbelief. At the time i weighed 150 and they both thought I was like 125 and losing. I think after talking it through, and talking about how I monitor my health, blood work and all that stuff... they felt relieved and never said anything about it again. In fact, even though I have been at maintenance awhile, those two always marvel how good I look and continue to give me kudos. I think they were really fearful for my health and sharing factual information put that to rest. It is our own business and we should each choose to share how we see fit. I do not discuss how much I lost or my current weight with most people. I do sort of realize though that I weigh less than half my former size - a mega transformation and it takes people awhile to adjust. I am noticing that many people I work with don't really remember I was huge before... funny... I have been at goal for almost 2 years and for some people, that memory replaces the previous 20.

Ah, the irony. I was sure that my morbid obesity was the cause of his lack of affection. It wasn't just sex that was missing - he wouldn't touch, kiss, hug or treat me like a lover in anyway. I lost about 125# and I asked him if he was noticing I was looking better. Lets just say that conversation didn't go that well.. I mean, who loses 125# and their partner in life doesn't even mention it? So, I tried many things to entice him into a physical relationship again, but what came out of it all is he was hiding a bunch of huge problems from me and that he had pretty much cut himself off from everybody. I tried to get him to go to counseling etc but he just didn't want it. I finally said.. okay, then I am done. And he was like... "okay, least of my problems" sort of attitude. It broke my heart, but i am glad it ended as that was just no way to live. I have so much more fun, better friendships, just a better LIFE now. I do dream of having a real partner someday, but I realize I am better off single and alone then with someone and alone.

I would smile and thank them and tell how great you feel. If they persist in asking how much more to lose, lie and say you are focused on maintaining a healthy weight range now. Btw, 22-23 is a great BMI range looks wise for most women.

I was at a Halloween dance party on Friday. I just started dating someone (although we are not to the committed relationship stage..only been a month) and he wasn't there due to a back injury. Anyway a small group of acquaintances, mixed company were talking about dating. Me and the other woman (younger than me,trim, pretty) both admitted we are seldom asked out. I mean out at a bar you always get some drunk trying to touch you and imply free breakfast is included, but that is NOT being asked out. I don't hookup so I don't count those as "asked out" . Anyway at first the guys were incredulous....they couldn't believe it. Then, the hottest guy in the group looked at me and said "if I saw you at the checkout line or coffee shop I would assume you are taken and I don't stand a chance. It was quite an ago boost but confirmed my theory that I need to really be clear in expressing my interest in a man. I wonder if this happens to many of us...I do want to be asked (I don't want to be the pursuer) but if I chat with a nice attractive guy I shoud say something like.."I'd like to talk more" like I did when I met the guy in the parking lot. That opens the door and they can either ask for my number or not....low risk on both sides.

Using kindle so have to write real post as a reply..sigh...

My opinion the self loathing feeling needs to be addressed. I also agree about the carb craving Cycle. ..

Ok...this is working out well! Having fun and feeling really good with him...we shall see.

Well I understand your feelings. I do think that learning to be comfortable in your own skin is hugely important post weight loss. What if you used this as an opportunity to learn that lesson and practice daily? Make lemonade our of that lemon situation.

Reading everyone s post. Aging parents are so tough. Had another great date with Kevin last night, having fun and trying not to think about the "fall". We laugh and talk so much together it is just great.

New life that is why you spend months researching and don't just pick a website off the Internet.

I was in a committed relationship when I was sleeved and now am not. I don't think it was because of the weight loss directly. It was more like... once the obesity monkey was of my back, i had the energy to realize I wanted more out of life. I wanted a physical and emotional relationship that is loving and caring and fullfilling. i didn't have any of those things and when I asked for it... I was pretty much told he wasn't interested. I made the hard choice to move on so I could live a better life. Pre weight loss, I just didn't have the energy or confidence to imagine a better life.

I am terrible to give advice - I struggled with the band, for the most part unsuccessfully, for 10 years before I took the plunge to make a change. I do think you need to be very careful to not be overfilled as that can cause many problems. You SHOULD NOT be vomiting regularly. I am told the band is better now and you should be able to lose weight without needing to carry a barf bag with you. For me, I was either constantly hungry, or in pain when I ate dense Protein. I just didn't do well. I guess it seems awfully early to give up on the band, maybe a second opinion, or maybe working with your current team on finding that "sweet spot"

I was terrified of plastics (well all surgeries!). Here are some things i did - I read the plastic surgery forums here and on obesity help. Dr S has a private forum on OH that he does not read nor contribute to. It is a truly patient driven forum and you hear the good, bad and whatever. It is also full of practical details...how it all works. In addition, I found a couple of nice people who were former patients, willing to talk to me on the phone and give me their insights. For other surgeons, i think they don't have quite the organized following of former patients who do this, but i would really talk to people who have similiar situation (ie starting size/weight/procedures done) and pick their brains. One thing that i only figured out after months of research and going to various consults that all surgeons have slightly different approaches and opinions, there are tradeoffs, plusses and minuses. At first it was frustrating (like shouldn't there be ONE right answer!?!) but then I realized that it gave me some hard choices to make. I am absolutely thrilled with the choice i made, love my results and love that I got it all over with at once - not for everyone though!

I lost over 160# - according to my surgeon far exceeding the typical for a high BMI sleever. Here is what happened - I started at 308 (BMI over 50) and like most people did pretty rapid weight loss initially. I was very compliant - exercise, tried to follow eating rules etc. Once I got under about 190#, my weight loss crawled to a halt. I had to do a serious "reset" to get to my goal of 158 - which took about 14 months from my surgery date. I had to do low carb, high intensity exercise - basically I "dieted" with the sleeve as my helper. Intially, the sleeve did more of the work, but as time goes on, it shifts to being alot more about YOU. I currently weigh in the 140s and have a "normal" BMI of around 23ish. I don't mean to be discouraging or negative, but with over 300# to lose, realize that it will require alot of focus and effort as your body will just sorta get comfy somewhere along the way and your losses will stop and you will need to really focus on diet and exercise... i mean get a bit hardcore, to make it to goal.

Thank you for the clarification Kindle. I really could not believe it since I am a member of his patient forums I am quite sure it would have been discussed there at length if it were the wonderful Plastic Surgeon Dr S...

Ok. .I had LBL, breast implant/ lift, arm lift and small thigh lift all at once. Recover kicked my ass, but it wasn't pain. It was tired, mild blues etc.

I dunno. My Dr Sauceda, who changed my life in such a good way...Is a mellow caring man. I have a hard time seeing him as a coke head. His wife is also very...reputable. can you provide a link to this article ...at least we can check if first and middle names match?