CowgirlJane

Well, I am happy whenever someone does things to improve health. I am guessing he is like many on this forum, hate the stigmatism and know once you have surgery you are setting yourself up for judgment. I didn't let that stop me... but.... I get it.

hypothetical question. If you lived in say Ohio and needed heart surgery. Your spouse changes jobs and you now find yourself living in New Mexico. Too bad, so sad that no one will see you on follow up and you must instead return to Ohio for follow up? What happens if your surgeon retires or goes out of business or moves? i don't think anybody would think that is reasonable. I do agree that physicians have a right to "protect" themselves. I also think patients should have the ability to access follow up. forget about Mexico for a minute - if a person went to Vegas for surgery - I suspect they may still have problems finding follow up because it is WLS. I had the band in Germany BECAUSE I LIVED THERE. It wasn't to save money, it was covered by my company provided insurance by a certified, experienced surgeon. I still had a hard time getting support once I moved back to the Seattle area. That just doesn't seem right.

I went to Dr Sauceda in Mexico. If you search for his name in this forum you will find tons of details. He has a patient forum on obesity help that is very informative. I am very very pleased with the experience and results. I had a boatload done at once... and he specializes in massive weight loss reconstruction. There are other good surgeons too, worth researching enough to get the pros and cons for the different choices. Just be sure you see alot of before and after photos of similiar patients. A mommy makeover for a 30 year old who gained a bit with pregancy is very different than someone who lost 150, 200 or more pounds. I lost over 150 myself.

I like Quest bars, and i don't think they need to be microwaved. Bottom line though, too many carbs... too tempting. I just try to stay away from Protein bars in general...

When I was in losing phase o wore alot of dresses...way more forgiving fit over slacks for professional clothes. I also like Nordstrom rack. Don't rule out junior section. I sometimes buy a piece from junior section and combine it with other items to get a less frumpy look. Too many women's clothes seem very blah to me and the mix works great. Example I bought some juniors high waisted trendy red skinny jeans. Paired with a nice top and a cool sweater from nordstroms. I wore that out on Friday night. The ladies all complimented me including saying "I wish I could dress like that, you've got the body" (they could too but the package was slimming). I recently bought a high waisted black pencil skirt from a discount store. At work I will wear something over it (long jacket) but for going out it will be VA-VOOM because those high waisted styles really show off and create a waist/butt on me. I still need to get to the Buckle for some great jeans!

The irony is that the "sex only" guys never get past my initial filter so I totally have NOT had that problem. Even Steven, my FWB guy for a really long time now....is very emotionally involved with me - but clearly in a way that is not complete or I wouldn't be open to replacing him. I sometimes wish (if wishes were fishes) that he could be THE GUY, but he isn't - I am a very pragmatic person and realize that emotional investment there has no payoff so I don't. It isn't for lack of caring it is that he has emotional issues that block him off from being a consistent reliable partner and he told me that up front and it is just plain the truth that won't be changing. No, the few that I have pursued getting to know in the past have definately NOT been interested in sex only relationships. Opposite problem in fact - I am not sure they even care much about it anymore. I think Kevin is just being honest about his intentions. He is concerned because he is 59, I am 50. He is from the southwest, new to this area - and while he likes it here in the summer, hates our winters (me too). He doesn't want to waste time with someone where there is NO possibility of a future. So yeah, talking about some things like what retirement might look like, snowbirding etc even though it is way too early from a relationship point of view. It is more like... should things develop, would our basic aspirations for our futures be close enough in alignment. This is someone who wants a serious relationship with a strong willed, independant woman (that is me in fact). He isn't into horses, but has owned them before and likes the nature of horse women (hard working, fit, busy, strong legs and core muscles don't hurt either...teehee). At first I felt a little pressured by some of the conversation but then I started to realize that he is doing what I do... he is just more open about it. I try to uncover someone's intentions and aspirations early on... because i don't even want a "fun only" relationship with an incompatible person. You know my live in EX of 15 years - we started out as a temporary/just for fun thing and fell in love even though we were wildly incompatible. Don't want to make that mistake AGAIN. But, in the meantime, it is fun to be seeing someone who is into me, I am into him, loves to dance and listen to live music, is just open and loving. Refreshing. It's a complete crush feeling right now - fun! I however have been very hungry lately. Lots of work stress is being translated to a drive to eat. I haven't gained weight, but it needs to STOP now. I did a horse thing last night with a friend I used to do alot with. She has really missed me so I agreed to go, but then I remembered why I separated myself, put distance between us. She gets frustrated so easily and blows her top. I just hate that. Horses are supposed to be fun! i have really been changing my life to reduce negativity and negative people and it was a sharp contrast spending a few hours with her.... she has many good traits too, don't get me wrong - but basically a bummer. Denise, I find surgery pretty scary. I bet you are a little stressed by it all. I am sure it will be fine, but I would look for ways to care for yourself, eat very nutritious food, do what you can comfortably as far as physical stuff. Make yourself a priority preparing for the surgery. I have never had back surgery but i am guessing recovery isn't more painful than what you have been going through... Kim, those are really good quotes from your "ex" - I am going to think on them some more. S

I think many good foreign options. Make sure they have experience with massive weight loss patients and see lots of pix. Be healthy too, recovery from plastics takes a lot out of you.

I lived in Germany in 2001 and was banded there. I went to a surgeon who was well known and respected globally and had more experience than ANY USA surgeon at the time. When I came home i had a heck of a time finding care and follow up and was treated as though I had done something crazy like having surery in Germany. Germany of all places. Anyway... I think you should make some calls. Try PSSC in Edmonds. Not sure they can help but maybe they have ideas of who can help. Also, i believe their cash price is less than what your daughter has been quoted in the USA... so worth checking out. They are my surgeons and i think they are wonderful

Well, I may not have expressed it right. Anyway, he is looking for a real relationship... with a real future. No guarantees of course as it is early days... but he wants to be sure that the possibility is there is all. It doesn't hurt that we have alot of chemistry and attraction already, but we are old enough to know that the "love and lust" stage doesn't make for a life together forever. It has been a 360 from guys like Theo who are so focused on finding the "right woman" but are afraid to even try to get to know a person. I think Kevin is actually just being open and honest about his motivations. He is a warm loving man who wants a woman in his life. How refreshing.

hmmm... i still think my nose looks big. Look on my before and afters in my profile photo. I lost over 160#. My feet, wrists, ring size etc definately got smaller

I have not had face work done and I am 50. I think i could use improvement but I get alot of compliments so for now..m just going with what I got. Friday night...went out to busy music bar with no seats. I was sent out to use my "pretty face" to find a table with open seats that they would share. Wow I never was appointed as the pretty girl before.

None of the above. i don't buy candy, I live out in the country/rural and nobody trick or treats here. I am going out to a big dance costume party and shake my booty all night!

Kim, sounds very interesting to hear of your ancestors. My family has little known history pre about turn of the century... At least one branch migrated from Ireland and England about that time... Had amazing date(s) with Kevin this weekend. He is seriously looking for a relationship which has sorta taken me aback. I am in truth open to that too, but I guess have learned to keep expectations low. He asks me questions that are definately probing if we might retire together... like at the same time as he is pursuing me pretty hard he is also "pre-qualifiying me". He is into my looks and personality which is a great start. Physically, totally my type, tall thin, full head of hair. He is really tall actually... over 6'4". He is outgoing, Passionate and affectionate... thank goodness... haven't met someone like that since Steven. I so much want a warm friendly, loving man. so many of them are cold fish... I hear many are needy, but I get the cold fish... My gut (and my counselor!) has told me that you need to let a man pursue and I surely have done that... but now he is wanting to be sure I am open to being "all in". I have known him less than a month so for me this is a balancing act a bit. I am not all in, but dream of being there someday. Fun shopping trip with my friend Mary yesterday. Dang wind storm spread branches and tree crap all around my beautifully clean (exterior) house. I am at times sick of the maintenance owning a home takes. It is good for me though, i suspect all that hard work is helping me maintain my weight.

I think most women do fine attracting men, it's attracting and keeping the right ones that are the challenge! For me, I switched to the mindset of living the life i want and looking for guys in that context. Just so happen that the very first one I managed to somehow not block of from talking to me is one that is "into me" and is looking for a great long term relationship. And, we get on well, have common interests and in a similar place in life... lots of good signs. Only time will tell, but we are off to a great start. Even the religion thing that originally put me off a bit we have talked about and are more on the same page than I realized on that subject too.

We have had several dates now. ..going really good!

I have an outstanding relationship with caffeine!

Rj I just can't wrap my head around a new leak at 18 months..I am not questioning you...I am just saying that is contrary to what I thought possible...so I keep forgetting. It is a reminder that bariatric surgery is no joke.

I have had many bad experiences with doctors and surgeons - in the context of sick and dying loved ones... so nothing shocks me anymore. i view most of them as high priced mecanics, not necessarily known for being warm, supportive human beings. Hopefully, they are good mecanics, don't expect too much more. (BTW, How the heck did you have an abcess that has been there forever? ) I am lucky to have found a couple of exceptions. My bariatric team (especially the surgeons!) repeatedly demonstrated deep caring and respect for the morbidly obese... i have never felt so "understood" and for the first time really listened to someone who told me to stop bashing myself over my obesity. He helped me understand obesity as a disease process, no as a moral or personality failure. My plastic surgeon, Dr Sauceda is also very warm, caring and a man who feels his calling is helping us feel better about our new healthier bodies. He does it because it brings him joy, not just because it brings him money.

It frankly worries me to try to find someone even more affordable than those two options. Dr S and Dr G have different pluses and minusses, but what they have in common is a goodly number of very satisfied patients, who had good outcomes and a safe experience. Even in Mexico, that costs money... Compared to USA options, Dr Sauceda is probably 30-40% of the cost of comparable procedures. For that $$ he provides a lot more aftercare too. so, again, I wonder what corners would be cut if you do find a "cheaper" alternative. I personally would do fewer procedures to save money versus going with an "unknown". Good luck!

Haha.. good genetics and youth are two keys you don't mention! In all seriousness, time helps too. My face for example does not have nearly the neck wattle that i noticed when I first hit goal. I really don't know the value of many of these items to be honest, but I exercised ALOT, including strength training, during the weight loss phase and it does not prevent lose skin. It does however make you look better because you are firmer under the skin. Of course, I lost alot (about 160#) , am middle aged and have lost and regained weight a few times in life so I guess I am pretty happy my extra skin wasn't worse than it was! It still required plastics to regain a normal shape. Before, when I did planks or pushups, there would be this huge hanging skin that really bothered me.

This is a very good post, but i want to make a small counter argument to one set of points... I was somewhat of an emotional wreck preop, I was very worried about failing again, I felt like death warmed over (physically and emotionally)... I went through some wild emotional rides over the last few years... and yet I somehow managed to perservere and am maintaining a 160# + loss so far. I have become something closer to the real me... I think for me the message is that even if you are a perfection puppy, a wounded adult, someone whose life is a mess, who lacks support at home - you can still be successful. I think the key is being open to change, learn from mistakes (and successes!) being resilent, taking personal responsbility, and realizing that you are fighting for your very life.... this is important. This is critical... treat it as though your very future depends on this! I also sort of had themes by year. My Sleeve was Dec 2011. It was a miserable year for me as i was very conflicted about the decision to revise from a failed band to a sleeve. 2012 was the year of focusing on weight loss - that meant limited going out, staying very very very focused on my goal. I hit my initial goal in Feb 2013. 2012 theme was "determination" 2013 was a little bit of a "crazy" year. I started facing some emotional issues, I had plastic surgery which was quite a lot to deal with, I made huge changes in my life (outside of weight loss). I had a 5# regain and then in the process of losing that, and getting even under goal - I learned new things too. I did not intentionally chose "crazy" as my theme..haha.. but in hindsight it kinda was... 2014 - my theme has been "stabilize" - not just weight, but other aspects of life. No more big changes, have fun, enjoy life, get at peace with myself. It has worked well - when i look back at my headspace compared to 1-2 years ago...wow, what a difference. 2015 - I haven't figured out my theme yet, but i expect it will be along the lines that "the world is my oyster" and really exploring exciting opportunities for the future... we shall see

My social life is killing me these days. It is really cool that I have developed a network of people who want to get out and do stuff!!! Flip side, I can barely keep up with the monster I have created. Its a good problem to have. Yesterday had dinner with a lady who was a dear friend years ago, but we have drifted apart. It was so fun to see her again and we have plans to do it again, but all this eating out, going out.. not the best for my skinny jeans! Good thing I am going to dance the night away tonight. 3 bands identified to hop from place to place to see! I have a date with Kevin, but i have also somehow invited other friends (I don't think I actually did that, more like i have been trying to get them to join me for weeks and NOW they finally decide to crash my party!) Anyway, it will be a good test of if Kevin has a chance of fitting my lifestyle how he adapts to my posse - my band of merry ladies (and a few guys). I have been fretting over booking a vacation to somewhere sunny and warm to use up my vacation days (we cant carry them over to next year). It hit me this morning that i need to follow my mantra for 2014 which is "stabilize". That is the theme for this year, so I will do a staycation instead and finish cleaning my office, dejunking my life even further. I have made progress on clearing the clutter of my EX of making my house more a home. I have corralled his crap enough that i can park in my garage again - that sort of thing. I will use my staycation to continue that theme of self improvement - of making my life match my desires. I have loved having a theme this year to make decisions by. I am thinking about possible themes for 2015...

Beni and RJ both nailed it. I too started at a BMI over 50 and that is no "little weight problem". Statistically very few people with such an advanced state of obesity are able to lose and maintain a significant weight loss. I know..I tried for decades. If you are on a laptop, click my profile to see my before and after. Look at my shape before....huge waistline. A heart attack waiting to happen. You can tell by looking at me..I simply was not well.

Well, I am lucky that my bariatric team educated me very well. I also read the boards. Well and I was a band revision, so not my first rodeo as the saying goes. I was quite well educated and realistic by the time I was sleeved. My"surprises" - I never dreamed I would turn out looking so good..I was truly transformed which never happened with the band. Also, I didn't struggle as much with the emotional issues around restricted eating during weight loss phase...however..the emotional adjustment post goal has been epic. I was warned but did not really understand how fundamentally my life would shift...many dimensions to this topic. Shifts needed to successfully maintain, getting used to people noticing me, finding my sense of style, figuring out how I fit in socially etc etc. Anyway I am nearly 3 years post op been at goal for awhile and feel I am finally on solid ground again.

I haven't felt judged at all. People either like me or they don't. The ones that do are pleased as punch that I have finally found my real body under all that fat (and excess skin). I was most worried about arm scars preop, but post op they don't bug me at all. My LBL scar probably bothers me more than any, but it is easily covered by clothing so just not a problem. Frankly, I think self confidence and knowing your own value and hotness simply overshadows all these little worries.