Happy 1 month Sleeve Anniversary to me! It's my 1 month Sleeve-versary and well, it's been a rough one! I just spent the last 4 days fighting the urge to smoke a cigarette because I'm struggling with my coping skills (and I haven't smoked in YEARS!!!). I drove 9 hours one way, just to see my grandmother who's terminally ill in Hospice in FL. My sleeve acted more as a shock collar because I kept eating terrible foods. Two bites in was throwing up. My sleeve is teaching me to change my behavior, but with so much emotional stuff going on in my life lately it's really been testing me to make the right decisions with food. This indeed is a journey, of learning and understanding. <3
Knowing my past habits, I know I would have derailed already and would have binged ate at certain emotional crossroads. At my family dinner on Saturday night, family I hadn't seen in years gathered to say their final goodbyes to my grandmother- and then came the food. Food I would have eaten and eaten and eaten and never stopped. But my sleeve didn't let me fail. I know this sleeve is the best decision I have ever made. Even when I had the urge to give up on myself, my sleeve wouldn't let me. It keeps me honest. It keeps me accountable. And for that I'm so very, very, very, grateful. I could only imagine how much my life will change in 6 months, just the progress in the last month has been such a welcomed relief and gives me hope of a better tomorrow. I might not be at goal weight right now, but I'm getting closer and closer everyday. And I see progress- which is much more than I can say for any diet I've ever been on before. And I don't feel deprived. Now that I'm 4 weeks out, I can eat anything I want- except I don't want the garbage, since I can only get a few bites in, I want to make them count with good delicious flavored food. Me, chicken, and steak, are now BFF's.
I was skipping around reading different posts on Facebook, and found an article by Dr. Laura Berman (you know, the sex therapist on Oprah), and she's talking about her challenge of fighting breast cancer and what it's like going bald during the chemo treatments. While reading that article, she said something that struck me SO deep, that I wanted to share in hopes that it hits someone else too. You see, I'm scared to death of who the "new me" will be. Will I still have my self-deprecating humor? Will I still enjoy what I do today when I'm thinner? Will people still like and love a thinner me even though I've been overweight all my life and this is how people identify me? I'm going to have to learn that my overweight self today isn't want defines me. That being a thinner me and having health and happiness is OK! Here is the quote:
"It is amazingly empowering to let go of something you think defines you, only to discover you are a truer version of yourself without it. It’s like letting go of an anchor that’s holding you down." ~Dr. Laura Berman
