PrettyLilButterfly

Indecision - im sure you do but probably don't realize it! I've noticed it, guys never said much before, now they flat out hit on me. Pisses my partner off.. haha.. And SHE notices women checking me out more. I don't. I really don't pay attention. I'm focused on learning to hold my head up high and smile at everyone because damn it, I AM BEAUTIFUL and will not hide head down anymore.

THAT IS AMAZING!! Keep up the good work

Wait, sex after surgery? haha.. I had my sleeve in December..and along with a huge portion of my stomach, went my sex drive. Hmm should I call the OR to find my damn sex drive?

I'm one month shy of 2 years post surgery. I want to say it "HIT" me just last month. I looked in the mirror and had that "OMG I'm thin" moment. It was beautiful. I will say, most days, I still feel like the fat person in the room. But someone will comment with "hey skinny" as i walk the halls..and i giggle knowing I AM!! I am healthy and happy and loving my life. And Pasquini, I'm with you as far as the food goes. To me, it just doesnt matter. When asked where I want to eat or what I'm craving.. I just give a blank stare. I don't crave, I don't want. Food is what I need to fuel my body, not what I need to make me feel better. Honestly, food is always the furthest thing from my mind. I just nibble now and then because my wittle tummy wants nutrition. I never in my entire life thought I'd feel that way.. NEVER. I'd be eating meal 1 thinking of meal 3. YIKES. Anyway, congrats to both of you! it's truly a proud moment..Life will never be the same...and for that I am grateful.

Ok....so this may seem like an insane question..but I really do need to know. So brief history, had band in 9/2011, lost 38 lbs. Too many issues, not enough weight lost after 1 year. Did band to sleeve revison Dec 2012 (also had hernia repair and spleen repair). I had Dr. Smith for my first sugery. And Dr. Tyner for my second. LOVE my second doc. He's very user friendly. While talking about the sleeve, he told me my meals would be limited to 5 bites (WHAT?) and I could eat up to 6 times. After mentally dealing with the 5 bites, I was excited to know I could eat more than 3 meals (sorry, but hated that about the lapband, was ALWAYS hungry). Well Tyner left my clinic and went to another. The new doc (whom I'm having issues liking) was appalled I was eating 6 times. I got a lecture and he told me to cut it down. I strongly disagree because I continue to lose weight AND maintain my loss. What are your rules in regards to eating?

JewelJ, i'm right there with you. I don't understand how weight can come BACK on. If I eat more than 5 bites, I'm suffereing for a good part of an hour. IT HURTS And i don't like feeling that way. It prevents me from attempting to over eat. I think it boils down to being in tune with our bodies and not FORCING (because we KNOW that's what we do) the next bite down.

Day 247... Excited for the upcoming long weekend. Biggest event this weekend, I'm FINALLY in a wedding! Deep down I'll always blame the weight for me not having been asked before. Yes, our friends love us as we are...but c'mon, they wan't they're wedding pictures to be perfect... There's always going to be subtle discrimation against weight. Some is outright obvoius, but some not so much. I feel so proud to not be afraid to be in 10,000 pictures this weekend. Of course the 'old' me is praying non end up on facebook, but it will happen. I felt so pretty trying on and buying my dress. Of course I'm in complete panick mode because it's a spaghetti strap dress...ummm how the hell do i hide my arms? Which sucks, I'm excited to show off my tattoos (something I DONT do often because of the extra skin, but omg the SKIN! I couldn't find an offordable wrap or shawl. Figure I will go without during the ceremony since there will be minimal movement. But afterwards, SOMETHING is going around these arms. There will be dancing...and wiggling... ok now i've just make myself nervous. Oh lord. After that fun day of wedding/dancing, sunday, not so fun. need to go pick out/purchase flooring for the house (UGH, DYI project). This is where things get fun. I am very much a DYI gal (thank you dad!), however, my partner, not so much. It's funny. By traditional standards, Im 'femme' shes...well not. (shh don't call her butch, she gets pissed, even though you can tell she's a lesbian from 10 miles away). she depends on me for the DYI or to repair things (here is where I grunt like tim the toolman taylor). But we're hoping to bring up the value of the home and get rid of the HIDEOUS carpet. Thank god we're not starting hte project this weekend (don't think i'm mentally prepared yet). so not sure if i've mentioned my new obsession with cleaning. (oh wait, i did). Kids got a kick out of me this AM. I finished getting ready, my daughter was still working on her hair. I looked down and saw hair on the floor. So in typical Dawnie style, I grabbed a clorox wipe and began to push my daughter all over the bathroom while I cleaned up the hair and wiped the floor. She just rolled her eyes and said "seriously mom?". Hey it was a mini 5 minute work out. I love this new energy! Though, this week I've been somewhat sluggish. I know it's the Vitamins (i forget to take them, my bad). All I want to do is sleep. I know I won't. I won't allow myself to. Though I pray I can sleep in Monday without guilt. Well I won't be able to log in this weekend Ms. Diary, but I will be back Tuesday.. until then..Dawnie over and out.

Once you heal, the energy is unreal. I scare myself sometimes at how clean my house is! I get home and clean all night. I don't sit down until about 8pm. It's great. And my yard is weed free.. haha.. SO just enjoy this healing time, get in tune with your body....

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!! and welcome to your new life!!

One thing we all need to remember, the scale does NOT rule our lives. We lose inches as well as pounds. We put too much emphasis on the scale, so do our doctors. For one of my appointments they were unhappy I hadn't lost in the 4 weeks since my previous appointment. I looked the RN in the eye and said "perhaps I haven't lost pounds, but I dropped a pant size and I can walk long distances without being winded". She smiled and realized there are non scale victories too. We all want the numbers for our books, for their books.. PFFT !! To hell with that i say! The first time I could tie my shoes withouth being winded, THAT was a victory. Fitting on the rides at 6 flags with my children for the first time EVER, THAT was a victory. Fitting on the seats in the plane, THAT was a victory. Please don't focus on the scale... look at all the small things going on. I bet your panties are rolling down right now because they're too big! Your belt is at it's last eyelet because it's too big! Keep up the good work and don't stress. Stress is an enemy in the fight for weight loss!

Please don't get discouraged. Remember, you went through a major surgery, most of your stomach was removed. Your body needs time to adjust. The first month is a rocky road. But remind yourself WHY you did this. The health benefits. And think outside the box with foods. Some can get boring. Try some malt-o-meal/cream of wheat. My favorite was mashed potatoes! I even made a stew and threw it in the blender (sounds nasty, but was the tastiest meal ever!). Also, low sodium egg drop soup! I stocked up on that. It'll be ok.. One Day At a Time darling...

Thank you so much for the feedback. It's one of those situations that's a double edged sword. She can be so loving and so good to me. But then she opens her mouth..and it just ruins it. I've expressed 10,000X's about the comments. She says I take it too pesonal. Last night she looked at me as we were cleaning the kitchen and said "you need to gain weight already".. umm ? really? I've tried talking and I do want therapy. However, she is very anti therapy (long history of family abuse from her end). However, I'm a strong believer. At this point the only reason I don't go, the cost. I am in 2 weddings this year (and my kids are in one with me). so money is ridiculously tight until January. Of course it didn't help that I just had to buy back to school clothes/supplies. And I had to go buy new clothes as well. Still getting used to the changes in my body. Though the scale remains between 137-139, my body is still changing. Pants that fit me last month, don't this month. I'm tired of shopping (wait, what did i just say? LOL, I am NOT a girly girl and do NOT like shopping). So I just buy belts now I have sponsored clothing drives at work. Very successful (remainder of clothing donated to the Human Society). But takes so much work. I do need to host another one, I need some shirts! LOL. As for you twins mama, your weight loss is wonderful! You have so much to be proud of! continue your beautiful journey.

You are very lucky hun! having a supportive partner is truly a blessing. My family was my rock. my mom, dad, kids & co-workers were my cheerleading squad. Good luck to you! you made a wonderful lifestyle change.

Day 246 post surgery. Emotions are running on an all time high. Due to health care exchange, will be laid off anytime between now and March. Need to get a jump on looking for work, but bored of the insurance world. Need new challenges. Kids are doing ok. Love how proud they are of me now. How excited they are to see their mom happy. Though...happy in what ways? My partner of 6 1/2 years is having issues recently with my weight loss. I was down from 239 to 171 last year. Band quit, I moved on. Had surgery in December. (during surgery had hernia repair, that night fell in hospital, tore spleen, almost died). Now I'm down to 139. It seemed so fast. I'm not complaining. I love it. But everyday I get different comments from her to "eat more", "gain weight" "your legs look like chopsticks" "you look pale" "you look sick". Really? Ok I get she has chosen not to have a surgery and lose much needed weight (her current weight is about 265). I love her as she is...but shouldn't she love ME as I AM? Don't think I care anymore. I don't regret anything I've done up to this point in my life. Biggest issue is how I feel about ME. It's funny how much you can hate your body when you're over weight. I spent each week trying to find something to love about my plus sized body. Ways to find myself attractive. And a few months before my band sugery (sept 2011), I had fallen in love with me. Everything about me. Then during a physical, I find out I'm prediabetic. Oh hell no! There is no way in hell I am living with diabetes. That is when I found out my employer was offering WLS. Didn't think, didn't blink, just signed up. The journey has been...fun? I struggled with the band, no doubt. Grew increasingly tired of dealing with vomitting & getting 'stuck'. Was so thankful for the sleeve. I have been 100% happy physically since. Now, I look at my body (with clothes/girdle on, thank you jesus for girdles!) and OMG. I'm tiny. I'm a size 8!!!! WHAT? Is this for real? Granted it took until last month to realize I AM HEALTHY. Before, I still saw me as 239. Now I see me..the new me.. No wait, the me i should've been 20 years ago. Then I take the clothes off...WHOA. YIKES. Eww. Can't stand it. Not as much skin as i expected , more so on my arms. Tummy is ok. Inner thighs, eh..saggy. Oh well. Hey look, i DO have ribs! Umm where did my booty go? i've lost my boot! damn. I liked my booty before. Now it no longer exists. Ok..fine, thank god for Booty Panties. Wait, where are my boobs? When I place my hands where they USED to be, I feel bone. Go down further Dawnie..oh there they are. who moved them? and they fit in my hands now? wow. DD to C. (well B 1/2). That's ok. Bras are cheaper now. Hmm...why don't my shoes fit. My feet weren't fat...but my size 8's are huge. Wow a size 7 now.. OK i can do that. But now I have to buy new shoes (shock! not something I want to do, I loved my current shoes). Let's keep it simple, just buy Tom's in a few colors. Done. My face is so different. Where are those infamous chubby cheeks? so gone. And what is this under my chin...what am i, a turkey? YIKES. That's fine, just smile alot. Keep your head straight so no one sees that turkey chin! It's almost as if I need to find the beauty again. The beauty I had just found, she's gone. She's been replaced. Though, I look in the mirror and can't believe I was ever 100 lbs bigge. It's as if I truly was this thin person trapped inside of a large shell of a person. OMG I ATE ME! So here begins yet another journey in my life. Not a bad one, no. But a journey nonetheless. It's ok. I'm strong, I love me, my kids/partner love me, I have great friends. I'm ok.

Who I am? Ha, the question of the day. I can say this, I am a mother of 3, a partner, a daughter, a best friend & a survivor. I can't say much more at this point. I recently turned 40 and life seems to be ever changing. I'm struggling with alot (not my weight for once!!). So it's time to redefine/rediscover who I am.. because I truly do not know.

well it's been a ride! I went ahead and decided to go with the sleeve. I had my procedure on Dec 26th. While removing the band the doc had to repair a hernia. Later that day I fell in the hospital and it was later discovered I was bleeding internally. The doc went back in and repaired a torn spleen; I ended up in ICU until the 30th. I've been home since. I will be home until the 25th. its been a long road of recovery. I am still on soft foods. It would n't be so bad if i had taste buds! due to b eing under anesthesia twice , it will take up to a month for all the side effects to wear off. . (taste buds being one) So here we go.............the start of my sleeve journey.

Oh I agree about the health reason! you can't do this for vanity unless you have $12K set aside for skin removal! I'm just afraid a year down the road, they'll be issues with the sleeve.. There's always a better product, more inovated, safer...etc....but I have a week before I see the doc for a consult. And may I ask how long you were out of work for it?

Hello all ... Brief history of me. Banded in 9/2011. Starting weight 239, current weight 173 (well teeter between 170-174). I'm proud to have almost lost 80 lbs in 14 months. However, the majority of that weight was lost prior to June of this year. I've pretty much been stuck since. I've had alot of issues with my band. Since September, I've thrown up almost daily. I don't bother attempting to eat before 1pm and 3-4 cups of hot liquids. I refuse to be like some banders and resort to pure liquids as a way of life. I am willing to sacrifice, but to me, that's just too much. I went to see my doctor yesterday to have 1/2 CC removed from my band. I was tired of not being able to eat, and gaining weight because I resort to liquids. During my visit she looks through my file and all the issues I've had. My issues are just based around the amount of mucus in my body and that is preventing me from being able to eat. We've tried allergy shots, allergy meds (including claritin); i sleep with a humidifier.. I really don't know what else to try and she felt my pain. Well she looks at me with her cute smile and says "I just don't think the band is for you, we should consider removing it and going with the gastric sleeve" Umm what? We won't even go into how i only have about 2 weeks to decide, as I have to have the surgery by 12.31.2012 (surgeon will no longer be covered by my insurance). Oh and there's the little matter of the $2500 copay... So I've been online nonstop since yesterday morning. My band website praises the band of course, this one focuses on the sleeve.. My whole issue with this (besides most of my stomach being tossed out of my body) is...what if researchers find issues with this in 2-3 years? The band was pushed and pushed rather than gastric. It's safe, it's effective..blah blah.. now it's an about face, get the sleeve it's more successful, better tool... blah blah. This is non reversible.. HUGE detail. I hate to be a skeptic, that's not how I live my life.. but damn it..another surgery? I'm a damn human pin cushion! 3 C-secitons, gall bladder removed, hysterectomy, lap band.. now sleeve? I'm happy with the goals I've accomplished, I"m a few lbs shy of 80. I'm ok with that. I don't need to be smaller..or really desire to. Howeve, I refuse to gain weight. I guess the point of this rant and rave is.. I really don't know what to do. I know I can't keep this damn band because it's causing too many issues (and I miss bananas and avocados !!). But is it wise to go with the sleeve? It's so new, not too many studies.. that caused me to lose sleep last night.. . Yes, the band was worth what I've lost.. I love me..and now, it's hindering more than helping... I've read some posts from here and read the positives of band to sleeve.. but please...are there negatives? HONESTLY do any of you regret it? What's the biggest challenge? Thank you!!