Alexandra

This thread has brought me to tears. I remember so clearly the end of my first marriage (to an emotionally abusive man whose control tactic of choice was the silent treatment), and fully believing that I'd blown my only chance at marriage. I was 30, and at pushing 280 lbs I was absolutely convinced I'd be single the rest of my life. Somehow I made my peace with that thought, and so I was able to move forward, never looking for a mate. I was OK with that, completely and deeply. Six months later I met a real man and married him 18 months after that. We've now been married almost 11 years. I weighed 340 on our wedding day. Leaving my first husband and finding my own self ranks up there with the best life-changing decisions I've ever made, hard and scary as it was. Jules, your husband has no right to hold it over your head that he makes the money and pays the bills. Together you made a decision about the family finances, and if he doesn't like it talk about that. You know all the reasons you want to lose weight, you don't need him to make threats and give you ultimatums. He's your husband, not your father. You've gotten great advice about assessing the health of your marriage, but it's going to be very hard to do if you are beating yourself down at the same time. Loving yourself is the first step. :hug:

Best of luck with your decision, and good wishes for your weight-loss journey!!

Oh, OUCH! That sounds like it could hurt, and definitely needs to be fixed. Good luck!!

What does "blown your port" mean?

My heart goes out to you. In my personal opinion, a significant other who can't see past weight issues isn't worth having. That's my view after a lifetime of excess weight and several unhappy and a few happy relationships. Sure, physical attraction is important and if one partner "repulses" the other there's likely no hope for the relationship. But if it's only excess weight causing that "repulsion" the relationship just wasn't on a strong enough foundation to start with. The same is true for big people who find their spouses turning away when weight is lost. Some people like their spouses large, and can't accept a thinner version. Can't? Or won't? What else is really going on? Personally, for my peace of mind the best decision I ever made was to simply ignore people who felt I was worth less because I was larger. It was hard to do, especially when I was in school, but I don't have time in my life for anyone who is that petty and demeaning. Including boyfriends. Including husbands. No marriage or relationship is worth letting someone else make me feel like crap all the time. If my partner can't look at me with love, well, that's my exit cue. Obviously this is just my experience and may or may not ring true for anyone else. I am much more than my size, and I don't have to buy in to other people's narrowmindedness about it. Life is too damned short. And when we fall in love with the RIGHT person, we find support in our weight struggles, not contempt.

Karen, I am only just catching up with this thread. My word, young lady, you have TOO much going on! Please accept some big, strong healing vibes to you and your DH and your mom. Take care of yourself; hard as that is most of the time, I know it's even harder when people you love are not well. :hug:

Well, since I waited for almost a year fighting with my insurer, my personal feeling would be wait. I don't know how much of a dent the cost of surgery will make in your budget, but it would have destroyed mine. So for me it was well worth the wait. There are people here who have had Medicare cover their surgery, so you'll probably get some feedback on that. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Bmarchi, does your specific plan have a written exclusion for weight loss surgery? If that's the case, you should find out if it was put there by your employer, and if appealing to your company can help. Large companies can write their own policies, and the good news about that is that they can call their own exceptions. United Healthcare nationally is pretty band-friendly, so if it's written out of your policy it's probably someone else making that determination. Finding out who will be your first step toward making an appeal for an exception.

Alex is the owner of the board. He doesn't post much anymore, but he is our founding father and person whose generosity makes this place possible. He's da bomb!! :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: :clap2:

Alex the board owner is the one to report board problems to, and I'm sure he's aware of things. Slowdowns are more likely to happen, in fact, when they are working in some way on the board. In my experience it's always temporary, and patience is the best medicine. I'd only report a problem if it's happening for more than 24 hours--otherwise it's probably something they're causing rather than something they don't know about.

But it's not the FILL that's causing your over-restriction, it's the SWELLING. And if you're not giving the swelling time to resolve, it will never get better and could even lead to a worse situation. So PLEASE listen to your body and let it calm down before you try any more egg burritos!!

You just had your fill a couple of days ago, right? It may still be sensitive after being poked at, and I guess it's also possible it was nudged into a slightly new position somehow. And weight loss will indeed change our perception of it sometimes, as well. It's definitely more noticeable now for me then it was 50 lbs ago! Keep an eye on it and if it keeps feeling weird you might want to call your doctor. But my guess is that you'll stop noticing it in a couple of days.

Cheri, every time you PB your stoma/esophagus might be getting a bit irritated, which means swelling. So each time it happens, it may be a little worse than it was before. If an unfill is out of the question, you have to let your system heal by going on liquids for SEVERAL day. Try a week if you can. Your body is sending you a message, and eating solid food is not helping for now. This is not your "sweet spot" if you can't eat any amount of anything solid. Don't worry about nutrition--it is possible to get enough with Protein shakes and other liquids for a time. Just take care and let yourself heal!

Goodd luck and good healing to you, pretty lady! You're going to be quite the bombshell when you're done. White light and good thoughts coming from NJ -- they have a ways to go but will not weaken, I promise. :eek:

I'm scared to throw my hat into the ring, because every single time I set any sort of challenge for myself I go precisely the other way. But I'll be a silent supporter and try to send good weight-loss vibes to everyone on the cusp. I have 11-and-change pounds to go, and I don't expect I could lose that in a month, but I'm rooting for the rest of you!!

This is a very common phenomenon, and often happens shortly after we come off the post-op liquid diet. DON'T WORRY!! You're still 12 lbs down since LAST WEEK!!! What on earth are you worried about? Believe it, this is NORMAL. You are not weird, your body is not stubborn, this is just normal rebound after the post-op dramatic loss. Relax. :hug:

This was certainly true in my case. I used to pop pain relievers without question for any little thing; whatever was to hand. Now I can't remember the last time I took something, except Tylenol Cold for a sinus headache. My menstrual cramps are almost not noticeable any more, which may be mind over matter more than anything else. Try going without pain medication for minor stuff, or using heat to relieve it (baths, compresses, tea). You may be very suprised at how much medication you DON'T need.

Seminole, this really isn't a big problem with the band because--in general--we don't lose weight "really fast." I think there were just a couple of points during my active weight-loss phase when I was in ketosis (which is what causes the bad breath) and breath mints were adequate to the task. I don't know--did lots of people out there experience this? Chime in!

Woo-hoooo!!! Congratulations, Jay. Hope you're saving a spot for me down there in Onederland!! By the end of this summer, I swear, I'm going to see 199.9 for the first time since...well...I can remember. You GO, girl!!

Hi Kelly, welcome to LBT!! How interesting to hear a doctor suggest banding so strongly over RNY. Did he give you information as to why he preferred the band for you? Pregnancy is indeed possible after RNY. I agree with his assessment, naturally, :eek: but I'd be interested to hear if he gave you reasons. Poke around, there's lots of information here. And feel free to ask whatever questions you need to!

Fingers crossed that it resolves itself! I'm so sorry; surgery is no picnic any way you look at it. I hope it all works out well for you!

I'm told it's physically about the size of a half of your hand, but of course it can stretch a little to accommodate food. The capacity is intended to be about 1/2 to 3/4 of a cup, but as food moves through the bottom opening it's very common for people to be able to eat more than that before they have good restriction. Is that what you meant?

I think we're all in for it with allergies this year. Ali, I hope you're feeling better! Try Sudafed or some other decongestant. I think that's what I did wrong this past time and I'll be more aggressive about treating congestion the next time it occurs. Glad to hear you're following through on the testing, Seppi! I hope they find something easily treatable.

I'd be up for this too if it weren't for MY little girls. Maybe we can get all the kids together and chase them down Route 46?

My heart goes out to your family, Randy, I'm so sorry! Life has a way of doing this to us sometimes, and it is so hard. Big hugs to all of you and I hope your mom feels much better very soon. Peace to you both.