Day Dreamer

You get this surgery because you want a better life for yourself and your family. But what happens when your spouse doesn't want a better life for anyone except themself? How much do you take before you just throw in the towel?
 
I had my VSG on Monday 6/6/11. Things were rough, I stayed in the hospital 5 days instead of 1. During my 5 days in the hospital I saw my spouse maybe 45 minutes total. He was too busy swimming at the hotel, shopping at the mall and eating out. He says he was keeping the kids busy. Ok. Getting liquids in is a real pain. But you know what, I am a fighter - so I am finding ways!! I sit here across from the one person that is supposed to be my biggest cheerleader and well, to be honest, he is my biggest critic. It is getting old. Many of my friends have said "once you lose weight, you will leave him". I blew it off as rubbish because I love my husband. But the more he curses at me, the more he yells for no freaking reason, the more he sits around complaing about everyone and everything - the more I have to wonder - how long can you kick an injured dog before she bites the $%*@ out of you!?!??!
 
I am so close. Right there on the verge of just saying, you know what, pack you %$ and leave. If we didn't have kids maybe it would be easier. The surgery seems to have added stress to this situation 10 fold. He asked me what time my appointment tomorrow is and I said I don't know but the slip is on the fridge. He then progressed to curse me out for not remembering and told me that I should drive my @)#($&% self to the appointment - which I am not supposed to do - because he has a "hot date". yeah the whole "hot date" thing came out of left field. I don't know what his issue is. But seriously, I am so over it. I am here trying to heal, trying to take care of my kids and he acts like the 3rd child.
 
He has not mentioned the 24 lbs I have lost already. He has not made any mention of any changes - and I can see it in my face. I mentioned how much I lost and he just blew me off. He continues to eat junk food right in front of me. Ok so what.... I am ok. I have been sucking it up. I will grab a SF pop or leave the room. I shouldn't put my families eating habits on hold because of me. I did say one night that I was so hungry and he looked at me said, "Too f)(**&^ bad, that was your decisions to have the surgery." OK WOW... blow me away. I knew he wasn't totally on board but he knew I had a mass inside my stomach that needed removal anyway. So the surgery was going to be bariatric or to remove the cancer mass. So why not both? Either way I would be losing weight because I wouldn't be able to eat normally for while.
 
Why write this? Well I have no where else to vent I suppose. This is my blog and I am not one on not saying what is going on. Maybe I will look back on this entry and think I over reacted or maybe I will be divorced and wonder why I didn't leave earlier. Maybe I will shake my head because the same thing will be happening and I will have done nothing. No big shocker there either. Hopefully, I will look back and see that he was having issues and didn't know how to communicate very well - or at all.
 
One good thing.. my VSG is totally preventing me from falling into a pile of alfredo pasta or pint of ice cream. Now I have to deal head on with my issues. If you think VSG will make your marriage better, think again. You will have to learn to deal with the issues in a new way, preferably with communication. I suppose this is one of many reasons post ops go into a deep depression. Who wants to bother your friends or family with this BS? Not me. So learn to process it and keep moving on.
 
Will I go to my appointment alone tomorrow? If I do, damn sure there will be hell to pay. If not, good for him. He is safe for one more day from the dog bite.
 
Cheers/

You get this surgery because you want a better life for yourself and your family. But what happens when your spouse doesn't want a better life for anyone except themself? How much do you take before you just throw in the towel?
 
I had my VSG on Monday 6/6/11. Things were rough, I stayed in the hospital 5 days instead of 1. During my 5 days in the hospital I saw my spouse maybe 45 minutes total. He was too busy swimming at the hotel, shopping at the mall and eating out. He says he was keeping the kids busy. Ok. Getting liquids in is a real pain. But you know what, I am a fighter - so I am finding ways!! I sit here across from the one person that is supposed to be my biggest cheerleader and well, to be honest, he is my biggest critic. It is getting old. Many of my friends have said "once you lose weight, you will leave him". I blew it off as rubbish because I love my husband. But the more he curses at me, the more he yells for no freaking reason, the more he sits around complaing about everyone and everything - the more I have to wonder - how long can you kick an injured dog before she bites the $%*@ out of you!?!??!
 
I am so close. Right there on the verge of just saying, you know what, pack you %$ and leave. If we didn't have kids maybe it would be easier. The surgery seems to have added stress to this situation 10 fold. He asked me what time my appointment tomorrow is and I said I don't know but the slip is on the fridge. He then progressed to curse me out for not remembering and told me that I should drive my @)#($&% self to the appointment - which I am not supposed to do - because he has a "hot date". yeah the whole "hot date" thing came out of left field. I don't know what his issue is. But seriously, I am so over it. I am here trying to heal, trying to take care of my kids and he acts like the 3rd child.
 
He has not mentioned the 24 lbs I have lost already. He has not made any mention of any changes - and I can see it in my face. I mentioned how much I lost and he just blew me off. He continues to eat junk food right in front of me. Ok so what.... I am ok. I have been sucking it up. I will grab a SF pop or leave the room. I shouldn't put my families eating habits on hold because of me. I did say one night that I was so hungry and he looked at me said, "Too f)(**&^ bad, that was your decisions to have the surgery." OK WOW... blow me away. I knew he wasn't totally on board but he knew I had a mass inside my stomach that needed removal anyway. So the surgery was going to be bariatric or to remove the cancer mass. So why not both? Either way I would be losing weight because I wouldn't be able to eat normally for while.
 
Why write this? Well I have no where else to vent I suppose. This is my blog and I am not one on not saying what is going on. Maybe I will look back on this entry and think I over reacted or maybe I will be divorced and wonder why I didn't leave earlier. Maybe I will shake my head because the same thing will be happening and I will have done nothing. No big shocker there either. Hopefully, I will look back and see that he was having issues and didn't know how to communicate very well - or at all.
 
One good thing.. my VSG is totally preventing me from falling into a pile of alfredo pasta or pint of ice cream. Now I have to deal head on with my issues. If you think VSG will make your marriage better, think again. You will have to learn to deal with the issues in a new way, preferably with communication. I suppose this is one of many reasons post ops go into a deep depression. Who wants to bother your friends or family with this BS? Not me. So learn to process it and keep moving on.
 
Will I go to my appointment alone tomorrow? If I do, damn sure there will be hell to pay. If not, good for him. He is safe for one more day from the dog bite.
 
Cheers/

Hi! Well...here I am...on Weight Loss Lane. AGAIN. What is different this time? Picture a path in the woods. You know how you can go in so far and still see where you started from? Well, I've turned the corner. I can't see my food past any more. I still have a ways to go before I see my through the woods, but I have so many awesome path markers....my beautiful daughter Emily who is on the journey too, my spitfire Abbey-Jeanne with whom I cannot wait to keep up, friends near and far, a great surgical team, and most of all a great inner motivation to be healthy and live a long happy life.
 
I'm on Day 5 of strict 30 carbs/day....I'm not going to lie....it is TOUGH. The first few days I felt sluggish, draggy, tired, cranky, irritable, anxious, etc. Not to mention incredibly stupid. Its like someone turned my brain on low. Last night I had enough energy to play with Abbey-Jeanne (5 1/2) for a little while, and I woke up well this morning. I will say that I am not feeling deprived of food. Why would I? I LOVE MEAT! High protein, low carb is good for carnivores! lol. The only thing I did that kinda sucked was using regular sugar in my coffee, but now I'm using Splenda so I can use my carbs on more fun things like broccoli. LOL. BUT. The whole point of this is two-fold- during the surgery itself, the surgeon has to manipulate the liver, which is brittle and full of blood- if I can shrink it enough it will lessen the chance of nicking it during surgery. Also, the more weight I lose before hand, the easier the surgery will be and the shorter the recovery time. I'm already facing potential complications from a hernia and old operations, so I have to give my surgeon *something*, right?
 
I've already been to the Seminar, the Nutrition Counseling, and the Psych Eval. On 5/31 I get to go to my first of 6 Physician Supervised Weight Loss sessions. After that, I will have a meeting with the surgeon, then all the paperwork will be submitted to Aetna and then the surgery will be scheduled. And then? The *real* journey will begin...a new way of life. The surgery will help me control my portion sizes, while this summer of low carb eating will get me in the habit of healthy eating.
 
Not looking forward so much to the liquids only portion of the regime, but its just a rock to climb over on the path, right? I can do it!!
 

Here is a list of guides for guidelines on food and vitamins after VSG surgery. I take no credit for these, and they are just for my own information and for me to keep up with as I travel on my VSG journey.
 
http://www.sleeveguide.com/uploads/1/7/9/4/1794785/dietguidevged42006feb.pdf
http://www.northwestobesitysurgery.com/pdf/sleeve-gastrectomy-diet.pdf
 
http://www.cornellweightlosssurgery.org/pdf/dietary_guidelines_sleeve_gastrectomy.pdf

Well actually, I had two ah-ha moments, one before surgery and one after. My wake up was our vacation in July of this year. We went to a beach and shared a condo with family. My husband and I slept on the pull out sofa for two nights. I just wanted to die! The pain I felt in my back, hip and legs was unbearable. On the last night, he went and bought an air mattress but the damage was done. I was in full- blown pain.
 
Hubby went and got me some pain meds but all he could find (that I wasn't allergic to) was a night time one that made me drowsy and loopy. So here I am, at the beach, under the umbrella, feeling like Shamu, watching my family members play with my kids. I felt so helpless, useless and fat! On that beach, in NJ, was the moment I promised myself that I was gonna get myself under control before I died and let my family without at wife and mommy.
 
When we got home, I called the Bariatric Center at my hospital and the rest was history. Everything just came together. God was directing my steps. From start to finish, my surgery process was 3 months. I started at 324 lbs on that beach and this weekend I reached my holiday goal of 255 lbs. That makes a 71 lb loss, and a gain of energy and best of all NO PAIN!!!!
 
But my second ah-ha moment was over this weekend also. I had a mini break down. My husband taped the kids Christmas program at church ( by the way, they were just the cutest and blessed my heart) but he put it after our 5 yr old's first day of kindergarten. He was real excited when I came home to show me. Something like," you got to see this, see how much weight you lost!!!!", excetra.
 
I was watching me on this tape, and I just wanted to weep. I think I am still shell-shocked. To think that was me on the tv just broke my heart. I was a dead woman walking. Even now, I can't believe how much I was fooling myself. Never in a million years did I see myself so big.
 
I thank God that I had this opportunity to change my life.

Going in tomorrow morning FINALLY! Nervous,excited,and HAPPY to get on with it.
Not looking forward to all that is uncomfortable and scarey but this chicka ain't scared o' nuthin' so bring it on Docs Lets roll!!! ( talkin' trash and laughin' hard and happy! )

So, my husband took me to Carrabbas for our anniversary dinner. It's a fairly decent Italian restaurant. I think it's a chain. . .but don't know for sure.
 
Anyway, I was very nervous about what to eat, or if it would be (emotionally) painful, given how much I love Italian (high carb) cooking!
 
Of course they brought that fabulous Italian bread (fresh baked, warm and soft!) and a plate of olive oil with seasonings in which to dip it.
 
I confess, I did scarf one tiny piece of the bread. But no oil.
 
Then I scanned the menu to see if there was anything in a high carb Italian restaurant that I could consume, liquid or otherwise!
 
To my surprise, yes there was! They have a tomato basil soup and a chicken broth/veggie soup.
 
I ordered a cup of the tomato basil, my husband the chicken.
 
I ate half my cup and he ate all the "good stuff" from the chicken soup, and then we switched! He's so sweet!
 
For my entree I ordered a dinner salad that had three very thin slices of grilled eggplant, red pepper slices and a quartered artichoke heart.
 
I had them leave off the vinaigrette and the goat cheese. My husband ate the eggplant.
 
He ordered a dinner salad as well! I was so proud of him! He would usually order the steak marsala and the ravioli on the side, but he ordered a chicken caesar salad instead!
 
He said to me, this dinner will be the beginning of our next 20 years, which will be healthier and even happier than our first 20 years!
 
I ended up with a very romantic anniversary dinner after all! :thumbup: