*Shouts to the world* I AM A FATTY, I ADMIT IT! Sadly, the world shouts back "We already knew that; what mirror were you looking in this whole time?"
I refused to let anyone take my picture. I know how to hold the camera at the right angle and use the right lighting to make my FaceBook pictures look ever so slim and sleek. I was only hiding it from myself. Everyone that knows me, knew how I looked in person. So between the ups and downs of body dismorphia, I have imagined myself to be a slvet size 12 to a size 6XL +++. My mind was playing tricks on me and the hardest part was admitting my real size (18 btw). I still had my skinny mind set, but I was living in my fat body - I just couldn't admit it.
So here I am. I am admitting to myself that I have a problem. I am fat. I let myself get this way from years of overeating and no exercise. Would you believe I was a Soldier? Would you believe that was 6 years ago? I won't tell people because I know their reaction. They look me up and down and say something along the lines of, "Oh, I wouldn't have pictured you as the soldier type". Dagger.
Yes, I beat myself up a lot. I can't help it. I was running 4 miles a day with 75 lb ruck. I was fit and happy. I lost myself. I lost the admiration of my hubby. My ex-Army buddies think I am a total loser. And now... my beautiful little girl sees mommy as a big fat wad. *tears*
/end pitty party for one
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