What Love Is Not
With Valentine's Day just behind us it is a good time to take stock of our relationships. What follows is a synopsis of "what love is not" from the documentary film LOVE with Gary Null, Ph.D. You may watch LOVE on Amazon.
Manifesting unconditional love requires two steps. First you must be aware of and step away from your conditioned negative response. Next you must proactively step into self actualizing love. Self actualization of love means you cannot say “I love you” and do something negative.
Have you been in a situation where someone says love and then they are hypercritical or judgmental of you, or in someway made you feel obligated? No matter how many times someone says the word love, this is not love. Anyone who does this is not sharing love. The person is trying to control you by making you feel bad. As in “I did this for you and now you owe me.” That is a condition placed around love.
You can’t owe someone love. It is not a commodity. You cannot barter it.
No heart breaks when a person is manifesting love. Hearts break when the needs that are conditional are not being met. Watch how many times you can do something wonderful to a human being, with a human being, for a human being, and things are great until you stop. Watch how quickly that person comes at you. How many times have you done something for someone out of love and when you stopped they threw it back at you?
Love is not one person demeaning another and expecting the other person to abdicate, so that person comes back and they share love. You are not sharing love when someone does something negative. When someone says something negative, when someone does something negative, it is not love that they are manifesting or sharing. It is a dark side conditional need in their own tortured and perverse way that they are making judgments against you so that you will surrender to them.
Never surrender to love because its not love you are surrendering to. Anyone who wants you to surrender your authentic self is manipulating you. This is what love is not. And when people do surrender to have the relationship, or what they think is important in the relationship, they are going to find one day they wake up and wonder “Geez, why in the world am I feeling this way?” “Why are you speaking this way?” “Why are you doing this?” That is because the relationship had nothing to do with love. We have lost our self in the relationship, in the other person. This is not an organic, mature relationship. It has taken over our life in some sense. And then we really don’t know who we are. It is about the reflection of the other. Its always important when we love someone else to have that reflection and understanding and see a mirror of ourselves through the other. But we should not merge into them.
Some of us have been mis-programmed and really cannot respond appropriately to the concept of love and harmony and beauty in the world we live in. These programs are downloaded into our subconscious and are like tapes that we play over and over. The conscious mind can override the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the creative mind, where our dreams, desires, wishes, and ambitions are made. Unfortunately the conscious mind operates about 5% of the time and most of us are going about our day unconsciously operating from programs that have been prerecorded in our minds, things like “not good enough” or “you don’t matter” or “I am a failure." For personal empowerment we need to emphasize our conscious mind so as to overcome the subconscious. Our biggest opportunity for growth is to correct the mis-programming of our youth and put into our lives much more loving, healthy, harmonizing programs. We can reprogram the subconscious mind using the conscious mind.
Suggested further reading is my opinion piece True Love on BariatricPal.
See all articles by My Bariatric Life.