Have I failed???

As I continue to struggle and muddle through my food issue I realized just how tied my food is to so many other issues in my life. I am an emotional eater and it started so long ago, which in turn created a very nasty habit.

But the question today for me is “Have I failed”? I asked that as someone responded to me and let me know that what I feel is not at all uncommon, but they mentioned failing. So I ask again if I struggle with the food and I don’t do what I am suppose to have I failed (have we failed)?

Well to answer, first I look back and I think of the years and years that I have abused food almost 30 years in total. But I think about when I started on this journey to have surgery it actually started six years ago. It started when I decided I wanted to have surgery but I thought I needed to get my head right first. Well I went to therapy and thought I will give it a year and then have surgery, well I decided against surgery and just stayed in therapy and six years later I decided I was ready. I decided I need a little help getting me over the hill as I had dug deep and “UN”- Earthed so many “un”truths in my life and I was now ready for the weight to go.

Well it’s only been a few months since I had surgery and I feel like what did I spend all that money on, I’m not getting it right. Hell I ate two stupid donuts the other day and cried all the way home. If that ain’t a food addict what is? I felt hopeless at that moment! I am failing! Or am I? You see I know almost the exact date that things started to get goofy with my food (this go around) and I know why. It’s been about two weeks since I really fell off, mmm!!! Well before therapy I would not have even know I fell off because I would have never been on. Since therapy I can identify my triggers and since surgery I don’t wait as long to deal with the issue and I will/am deal/ing with it.

So I’m not failing. When I look back over the last two weeks or few months it may seem that way but to truly answer that question for myself I have to look at the whole picture and I know I am better today than I was before surgery.

So I have to silence the negative chatter look back and see from which I have come and let the momentum compel me forward toward the next meal where I exercise control.

Well said! One meal at a time!

wow i can relate to this..... i was just asking myself how long should i beat myself up for gaining 20 LBS. back and having the "I don't care attitude" boy we can talk our selves into to alot of things. I hope you find the strength to move on as I did, and know that when we fail it will only make us stronger. so all we can do is take one day at a trime. wishing you success.