Facing My Deepest Fear

Good morning....

So happy I found this site and have the opportunity to share my weight loss journey. I had surgury last August and have lost close to 70 pounds. My story is not typical although I have struggled with weight all my life. At 20 I lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for 10 years. At 30 illness entered my life and I gained it all back plus.

I am so very grateful to have the opportunity to lose weight once again. But I have a fear of the success.... since I know nothing in life is guarenteed. I suffered for 8 years with my weight and my illness and now have the freedom to make the best of my health and I'm scared. For many reasons... but most of all, deep inside, I am indignant. Meaning that I know that the outside is only a shell for what's inside. I was forced to recognize this and accept that no matter how thin one is... it does not solve everything.

So this morning I faced this fear that I face everyday.... but today I am chosing to throw caution to the wind and begin to maximize my weight loss potential... taking on an exercise ROUTINE and hoping for the best. My motivations for weight loss are difficult to manage. I am not a vain person but appreciate physical beauty. Somewhere along the line in my struggles I gave up on my own.... as if I was not worthy to enjoy that.

I have an emotional and psychological illness that forced me to focus on my mental, emotional and spiritual health. I had to let the physical go... the medications played a huge role in the weight gain and my depression and anxiety kept me from trying to exercise to conteract what was happening to my body. I had to find self worth inside and let go of the rest.

As I am losing weight, these issues are surfacing and my fear of success and having it taken away again is huge. Also, having experienced this medical/spirtual transformation... I know in my heart that people will be drawn to me for vain reasons and that upsets me.

The advice I try to give myself is to stay in the moment and just do my best which is great... because I am maximum capacity person.

I was wondering if anyone out there has a similar challenge/fear going on. I would love to here from you.

I don't want to waste anymore time on waiting for the right motivation to come along.... This fire needs to be walked through and I welcome your support.

Peace, love and understanding,

Robin Marie Coley

Thank you for sharing this. I have similar feelings, in regards to emotional and pyschological issues. I too feel that they lead me to my top weight. They are demons to be slain, that is most definite.

Wow, powerful blog you wrote. I, like yourself, suffer from the same issues and have relied upon the same modes of healing; medication. I've often wondered once I start losing the weight (I'm pre-band) what will come... At some point we have to face our worst nightmare and come to terms with what is left behind.

Man I feel like I could have written that post. You put into words what I've been trying to explain to people why I've made the decision to do this. Good luck on your journey. I know you will succeed.

Wow... thank you guys. I'm glad I touched you all with my words. We all have our reasons for making change in life and it's nice when we meet people with similar reasons. Best of luck and many blessings to all.

Robin Marie, I understand how you feel. Something that I did that made me feel better overall was to recognize those great people in my life that "don't" treat me different, that were good to me when I was heavy and are good to me now. As for those that were not so nice, when they are nice now, I just smile my beautiful smile and hope in my heart that one day they can find enough peace in themselves to just love the world for what it is, flawed, messy and amazing!

You are on the right track!! Keep up the great work!