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Sad

By Pac-woman

· 974 views

Sad.

 

All my life, my mother complained about my weight. I was often critized, warned, put through the ringer about how I looked. It was a battle with mom all my life.

 

I went to see my mom at the nursing home first time yesterday since I had the surgery 20 days ago. She has dementia. I asked her slowly if she noticed I lost weight? She just stared straight ahead , had no clue what I was talking about. I don't know if she knew who I was. I hugged her and I so wish she could see me now 39lbs less. She would be so proud of me. So happy. Sooooo "i told you so".

 

God, I wish mom had a moment of clarity and would see me and be happy for me at least for a few seconds. That would mean so much to me.

 

But as she stared straight ahead, all I can do is hug her and shed tears looking the other way so she doesn't see it. Not that it mattered, she wouldn't know what tears are or why. -_-

 

Dementia sucks.

  •

    4 Comments

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    Bariatric Guru

    Keeper

    LAP-BAND Patients

    I am so sad for you. I can only imagine what this loss feels like, but I wanted to encourage you to grieve for this, but to also accept that sometimes you have to be proud for yourself when others can't (or won't). My husband's grandmother had dementia pretty bad at the end of her life so I do know what that is like. Hang in there and know that there are plenty of people who DO care and who ARE proud. Just remember to keep following your plan and not use old coping methods to soothe your hurt. You are amazing and 39 #'s is nothing to shake a stick at. ♥

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    • Bariatric Evangelist

    Pac-woman

    Gastric Sleeve Patients

    Thank you, it is good to read what you said. It has been hard. I think I finally realized all my eating issues revolved on my relationship with my mom.

    But no more. No more. It is my time.

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    • Bariatric Evangelist

    mykdzmom

    Gastric Sleeve Patients

    You are such a strong woman. With all of this going on in your life, you are still pressing on. I just feel in my heart that you are going to reach your goal and know a new love for yourself. I just wanted you to know that I read your post and it touched me. Keep pressing on ~

  • Quote
    • Bariatric Evangelist

    Pac-woman

    Gastric Sleeve Patients

    Thank you. Yes, I have been dealing with this for 7.5 years (the dementia part) and before then, the relationship between me and my mother has always been an emotional disturbing one. I was the escape goat for all her despair in life. Even for things that happened before I was born. I truly feel that due to my type of relationship with her, it led me down the wrong path. Which on top of everything else, I got blamed for.

    I love her, she is all I know. She taught me to be the strong woman I am today. However, she cannot hurt me anymore, just wish she could see that I finally lost some weight in hopes that she would find a way to be proud of me.

    Thank you for reading and commenting. It helps to hear from other people. xoxo

    You are such a strong woman. With all of this going on in your life, you are still pressing on. I just feel in my heart that you are going to reach your goal and know a new love for yourself. I just wanted you to know that I read your post and it touched me. Keep pressing on ~

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